This book is dedicated to women who strive to get married so that the years spent with their husband will not be excruciatingly painful. In it you will find something that you may have never thought about: it turns out that in a love marriage there must be some calculation, otherwise it will lead to divorce.
And this calculation is not monetary. We don’t marry for money, but for a person.
Is your chosen one right for you? And you to him? What difficulties may arise in your future family? What laws do you need to know in order to live happily ever after with your husband, have money and raise good children? You will learn the answers to these and other family-related questions from the book written by the first matchmaker of our country.
Why do they marry others? After all, I'm more desirable
Let's turn to System-Vector Psychology by Yuri Burlan to understand who is asking the question: “Why do they marry others?” – and where does this woman’s life scenario come from?
According to the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan, each person is naturally endowed with a certain set of properties and desires that form his value system, behavior in society and in couples. Groups of innate desires and properties are called vectors.
Women who are always of interest to men, desired by them, with whom they want to go out “into society”, are representatives of the cutaneous-visual bundle of vectors. For skin-visual women, love is a value system, a life priority. They most often seek love in connection with men. It is unrealistic to tie these women down with a home and children. They strive to realize themselves in society. Kitchen, children, church - not for them.
Comparison with mother
No matter what anyone says, a man will always look for a wife who will be as much like his mother as possible. And it's not just about appearance. The determining factor here is how a man will feel on an emotional level.
No matter how beautiful, smart and well-read a woman is, a man will never be seriously interested in her if she does not give him a feeling of, so to speak, “a cozy home.”
Why do some people love and others marry?
Just one problem. A man wants to leave an imprint of himself in subsequent generations. And the owner of the cutaneous-visual ligament of vectors is potentially a woman who does not give birth.
Now modern medicine has entered a new stage of development, and such a woman can give birth, albeit with great problems even at the level of conception. But unconsciously she does not want to have children, she does not have a maternal instinct. A man feels that such a woman will not be able to leave an imprint of himself at the genetic level. That is why some are loved and others are married.
It turns out to be such a vicious circle. A man loves a skin-visual woman madly. Not only on a physical level does he receive pleasure with her, but also on an emotional level he gains delight from the relationship. And nature knows its business. It is necessary to continue the family line. That's why a man marries someone else. Moreover, he will remember a skin-visual woman all his life.
Why do they marry others? I love you so much that I’m not afraid to die
Having felt an emotional connection at this level at least once, a man will unconsciously strive to feel it again. And only a woman with a cutaneous-visual connection of vectors is capable of creating such vivid emotional connections. It is she who has the greatest emotional amplitude, at the peak of which is “unearthly love” - “I love so much that I’m not afraid to die.”
The skin-visual woman, according to the definition of system-vector psychology Yuri Burlan, is the only woman who has her own role in society. She is a trendsetter, a participant in charitable foundations, an actress, a singer, and a company leader. Women envy her and strive to be like her. Men dream about her, but marry others.
At the same time, the owner of the visual-cutaneous ligament of vectors is able to create a relationship with any man, since she is desired by everyone. And with every man who has certain vectors, she has a predictable relationship scenario. A skin-visual beauty, if she has a desire to start a family, is capable of getting married. You just need to first figure out whether she wants a family relationship.
Is she ready to sacrifice her freedom? This is a big sacrifice for her - to be not a star in society, but simply a beloved woman, wife and mother. Under the influence of society or for other reasons, a skin-visual woman may want marriage, but subconsciously will choose men who, in the end, will definitely marry others.
He didn’t marry me: how it happened and what to do now
When everything is fine in a relationship, we boldly make plans for a future together; we can already hear the wedding march and the laughter of future children in our ears. We are so carried away by our dreams and plans that we sometimes miss the very moment when something starts to go wrong. Our feelings are more important to us, so the coldness of the chosen one or the absence of us in his plans for life often becomes a real surprise.
Your castle has collapsed. Or you destroyed it yourself, it’s not so important. The point is that your once loved one is now your “ex”! You, like all girls, keep him in your field of vision to make sure that “you are the best thing that happened in his life,” and instead of dying from grief and separation from you, he takes and marries another ! You don't understand what you feel, what it means, and what to do now. Let's try to figure it out and listen to girls who experienced something similar.
Sadness is a completely normal, adequate reaction to the current situation. Months (and perhaps years) of life, bright emotions and good hopes were invested in your relationship. And even after breaking up, this man continued to remain a part of your soul. It's sad, but you shouldn't drown in this feeling. Try to find respect for your past and for him, then you can sincerely be happy for him and wish him happiness.
“We had wild love, we dated for 8 whole years. I loved him, but our relationship reached a dead end. It was difficult to break up, but I didn’t see any other way out. 2 years have passed since that moment, and recently I found out that he has been married for six months. I realized that only now I fully realized that we would never be together again. I’m quite happy with my life now, but nostalgia is a delicate matter.”
Marina, 30
Conclusion:
sadness does not mean that your feelings have not yet cooled down. You have long realized that he is not your destiny.
You have mixed feelings because you are hopeful. You convince yourself again and again that this is all some kind of mistake, and that he will definitely return to you. Even his marriage to another woman is not a compelling argument for you. Most likely, your relationship has not reached an end, and perhaps your loved one is constantly making himself known and fueling your hope.
“I separated from my loved one 4 months ago. He said that he fell in love, I let him go without hysterics and sobs. The girl he left for deliberately worked for a year to ensure that we broke up, I didn’t notice anything. Everything happened in one day, the person changed dramatically, said “I love someone else,” packed his things and left. I stopped all communication, and a month later he started looking for me, calling friends and relatives. We began to slowly communicate, he said, I love you very much, I love her too. He called every day and came to visit constantly. Then I found out that this girl was pregnant. Now I find out that he got married without telling any of his friends, although he always wanted a beautiful, fun wedding, but he got married on the fly. I don’t communicate with him, but he regularly calls me at home, asks how I am, when he can find me at home. In general, he is interested in my life.”
Katya, 24
Conclusion:
the person you still seem to love is not worthy of your attention. He wants to sit on two chairs and behaves like a real coward. Cut off all contacts and get on with your life.
The ex got married. Now it is quite obvious that while you were licking your wounds, your ex was living life to the fullest and breathing deeply. Shock, anger, hatred, despair - the brighter the emotions, the more obvious it is that your feelings towards your ex have not yet passed.
“My ex got married a month and a half after I left. We were together for 5 years. It turns out that the wedding was scheduled before we separated. And I still doubted whether I was doing the right thing. It was a big blow for me, and I didn’t know if I could pull through. Now I understand what a fool I was and I’m practically proud of my ex’s ability to secrecy.”
Alina, 26
Conclusion:
the only wise decision is to forgive, let go and forget. The suffering of an abandoned woman is the most unproductive thing in the world. Managing your emotions and accepting that you can't bring back the past is something you have to work on.
You're just wondering what unfortunate woman was so unlucky in life. “Poor girl!” – you exclaim when you learn about your ex’s wedding. Schadenfreude has never graced a person, leave your caustic remarks to yourself.
“My ex-boyfriend recently married the girl he cheated on me with. At first I was angry, but now I just feel sorry for her. His friends tell me about how he walks away from her. He even tried to hit on me several times. This man cannot be changed, and his wife is just a stupid little girl that he took advantage of.”
Ira, 23
Conclusion:
You have no feelings left, not even respect. Your relationship was a mistake from the very beginning.
You feel that an immense mountain that you have been carrying all this time has fallen from your shoulders. You probably blamed yourself for everything after your breakup. You felt humanly sorry for the person with whom nothing worked out for you, and you were worried about his future. And now that he's in good hands, you're finally at peace.
“I couldn’t shake the feeling that my ex still loved me, even though we had broken up a long time ago. I was often interested in his life because I was worried about how he was doing. I knew that our breakup had hit him hard, so I took every bad news about him personally. Even when he was fired from his job, I couldn’t find a place for myself for a whole month and thought about how I could help him. Now that he's married, I'm really happy for him. I can finally remember our story with a smile.”
Tanya, 25
Conclusion:
your feelings are akin to maternal care, and now you can finally let go of this situation.
Why does a man marry another? After all, I am the ideal wife!
It is important to understand that in addition to the visual-cutaneous ligament, a woman may have other vectors that define her desires. Then the scenario becomes significantly more complicated.
On the one hand, there is a skin-visual desire to shine in society and have many fans. On the other hand, I want to get married, be the mistress of my own home, and dream about children. It is in this case that most questions arise like: why does a man marry another?
Such a woman is truly capable of being an ideal wife. Unfortunately, not realizing all her desires, she often realizes only part of her capabilities. She may want to be a wife, to belong to one and only man... But the man he loves marries another because he does not find all the necessary qualities in her.
When men marry others, the answer must be sought in the mental state of the woman. In her hidden desires. System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan allows us to deal with such issues. Understand yourself and realize your full natural potential. Including in family relationships.
To find out in more detail why some people love and others marry, we invite you to free online lectures on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan. Register using the link.
Author: Yulia Tarkhova
The article was written using training materials on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan
What if your loved one marries someone else?
What if your loved one marries someone else?
You were always considered an ideal couple, your friends envied you, and you mentally imagined yourself as a wife, tried on your man’s surname to your name, and dreamed of a happy family life. And now the solemn day has come, your man came home early and uttered the sacramental phrase: “Darling, I’m getting married!” Happiness filled your chest, a smile spread on your face, and you were ready to shout to the whole apartment: “Darling, I agree!”, but you didn’t have time. Your man decided to add to his first phrase: “Her name is Lena, she is a great match for me. But don’t worry, I will only love you. Nothing will change for us, it’s just that, due to my status, it’s high time for me to have a wife.” Anyone can figure out what happened after the conversation; a rich imagination is capable of drawing in the imagination the drama of life. But a series of questions will appear in your head: why do men love some people and marry others? How to survive this tragedy? Should we hope for a happy ending in this story? Let's try to find answers to all these questions.
Unfortunately, this situation is far from uncommon. Men, unlike the opposite sex, approach the choice of a spouse very responsibly. This is a woman, under the pressure of the brightest feelings, she is ready to run to the registry office, without thinking about the future. Representatives of the stronger half of humanity initially form a huge list of criteria by which a wife will be selected. By the way, the older the man, the longer the list of desirable qualities. If guys can follow the impulses of love and marry in defiance of everyone, then mature men will be guided more by reason than by feelings. In addition, there are representatives of the stronger sex who marry not out of love, but out of subtle calculation, hoping to benefit from the family union.
There are many reasons why men marry unloved women. Motivation can be very different, but the quality of such relationships is quite low. It’s good when a spouse respects his other half and is sexually attracted to her. But if these qualities are absent in the family, then this union can safely be called a marriage, and in the literal sense of the word.
Now let's talk about what should be done in such a difficult situation; should we hope for a happy ending to this story? In simple terms, the act that your loved one committed can be safely called betrayal. He not only ignored your feelings, presenting you with the fact of his marriage, but also deceived you. Would you be able to forgive a so-called doctor who, without anesthesia, would cut out your kidney because he needed it? Don't think that you are in a better situation. Your man not only broke your heart, but also did not make sure that the operation was painless. Should we expect a happy ending? Only if you want to waste time and live in hope, periodically satisfying the needs of your loved one. How soon you come to the conclusion that this activity is futile is up to you to decide.
The best thing you can do if a man marries someone else is to wish him happiness and remove him from your life. You should thank your fate for taking you away from this person. A man who can easily put the feelings of a loved one on the line is an egoist of the highest degree. Moreover, he is not capable of such feelings as: pity, love, understanding, empathy. If you became a bargaining chip at the beginning of his journey, then there is no guarantee that he will not abandon you in the future, choosing a younger, more beautiful, successful woman.
If your loved one chose to marry another woman, then you should not be sad for him. To harbor resentment or anger towards him is a pointless undertaking. This way you will only make things worse for yourself. Therefore, just forget it. His life is his workshop, but something tells me that he is not much of a builder. What he is building now and calling a family will, at best, turn out to be a house of cards that can collapse with any blow of wind. Your task is not to become limp under a flood of tears, but to pull yourself together, put yourself in order and live a new, happy life.
Author: Olga Romashevskaya for the website therapy.by
