Syrnikov lived in two houses.
Legally married... and in love.
In his fate, these two concepts were separated in time and space.
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Relationships in a new way: is it necessary to “remain friends” after a breakup?
And he didn’t know what he was suffering from more: the fact that Olya, his beloved, lives three hours away in the sunny south, while he lives with Zina, his legal wife, in the cold capital of our homeland. Or because you can only get out into the sun once a month or two. And always under the guise of business trips: an alibi was provided by his faithful friend Vovka, who picked Syrnikov from home and took him to the airport. This story has been going on for 20 years already - as long as the son Slava, born in a legal marriage, was. But Syrnikov was drawn to the south more and more, ever since Olya’s daughter was born in Crimea...
At 45! How much Olya begged her, how much she asked her to forgive her sins for her secret life with Syrnikov. They met at a Syrnikov wedding and since then they have been tormented by the thought: but everything could have been different... God, it seemed, turned away and left her only light in the window: once a month to go to the airport, run into a fragrant beard, drag her home to a covered table with South Russian borscht, then not getting out of bed for two days... For 20 years she wanted a child from this man, for 20 years she waited, if not for him, then at least for his little blood - and last winter God heard Olya. Syrnikov has a daughter - and an additional incentive to fly more often on “business trips.”
His conscience, it seemed, did not torment him: at least his faithful friend Vovka, an exemplary family man, was always perplexed with what calm demeanor he carried out his monthly route. And one day he even specially arranged it so that he could be present when Syrnikov returned home: cabbage soup was waiting for him there, as well as unfinished tests for the blockhead Slavka and Zina, who silently hugged him and pulled his hat off his head. No one seemed to notice her tears or facial expression. And Syrnikov was impenetrable - as if it wasn’t he who, three hours ago, had inhaled the smell of his daughter’s diaper, trying to remember it for a long time, and then kissed Olya’s hair, and then, stuck at the threshold and risking being late for the plane, kissed her all...
What kept him at home? Son, probably. And in general he was decent - he once promised Zina to love her and take care of her. And the fact that I couldn’t stuff my love for Olya into a suitcase and put it away on the mezzanine—well, there’s only one life...
So Syrnikov would have lived in two houses, if not for... Olya, who set an ultimatum: either my daughter and I, or Zina and her son. Syrnikov did not want to make such a choice: in this case, either one or the other family would have to be lost. And he dreamed of persuading Olya so that everything would be as before. Zina is patient. So why can’t Olya?
By the way
■ The whole world learned governor of the Altai Territory Mikhail Evdokimov A dark-skinned young woman, Inna Belova, even took part in the funeral procession.
■ The actor had to tell about journalist Tatyana Sekridova , the mother of Yevgeny Zharikov’s two sons, in the press after Tatyana herself publicly announced this secret. legal wife, Natalya Gvozdikova, bravely accepted this blow and did not file for divorce.
■ The entire Internet was full of stories that Oksana Lavrentieva , a businesswoman, model and TV presenter, gave birth to the head of VTB, Andrei Kostin, a son. She herself never publicly confirmed this information. The rumors ended when Oksana married another man, and A. Kostin began to go out with his wife Natalya.
■ Singer Slava never hid her relationship with Anatoly Danilitsky , ex-head of the National Reserve Corporation. Photos of them together often appeared in the press; Slava gave birth to a daughter from her loved one. He himself did not hide the fact that he was married and fully provides for his wife Lyudmila and two daughters.
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Your situation is not the worst option yet
Of course, after everything that the woman has learned, she will be tormented by jealousy and resentment. But, as you know, everything is learned by comparison, so you can console yourself with the thought that your situation is not the worst option. To at least somehow brighten up your reality, think about how difficult it is for his second family now. After all, it was she, and not you, who ended up in second place.
Even though you hate this woman, try to feel sorry for her. After all, it is true, she is much more unhappy than you. You had no idea about her existence, but, for sure, she knew very well about your existence. Moreover, since such a situation has already occurred, they don’t wave their fists after a fight.
If the news about the presence of a second family is shocking to you, then you didn’t even know about it, therefore, your husband carefully hid this information and saw his second wife only occasionally, devoting the rest of his time only to you.
It was with you that he fell asleep and woke up, spent his vacation with you and greeted you from work. And he left for her, telling you that we were leaving on a business trip or on business. So what conclusion can we draw? Despite your pain and resentment, try to find at least some positive aspects in this situation.
I found out about my husband’s second family only 5 years later.
We met Andrey in a cafe. He and his friend sat at the next table and looked at me for a long time. Towards the end of the evening, plucking up the courage, he came up and introduced himself. Gradually we began to get closer, at first there were calls and correspondence.
Romance and walks under the moonlight did their job. After 4 months of communication, we began to live together. Later, Andrei said that he was born in Uzbekistan and, upon reaching 22 years old, went to Russia to earn money. He periodically returned to his parents for several months and then left to work again. He partially sent the money to his mother and lived on the rest. He didn’t give any more details, but I wasn’t interested. At the time we met, he had already lived in Russia for about 5 years and was waiting for documents for Russian citizenship. And a year later, already a citizen of the Russian Federation, he proposed to me. We got married and began to live in my apartment on the outskirts of Moscow. A couple of times I asked why he never tells me about his parents and I practically never saw them call him, but Andrei always brushed it off with the fact that besides him there are five other children and his parents don’t care what happens to him. Nevertheless, once every six months he went to his parents for a month. It just so happened that at the time of his trips, my vacation was already ending and it was not possible to go together.
So we lived in marriage for 4 years, and perhaps it would have continued further if not for one incident.
Andrey went on a business trip for 3 days. While my husband is away, I decided to do some spring cleaning. I was distracted from washing the windows by the doorbell.
“Who could it be...” I asked myself and went to open the door.
A woman with oriental appearance stood on the threshold. I could easily call her a girl if it weren’t for two small children hiding in fear behind their mother.
- How can I help? – I asked in surprise.
The girl clearly hesitated, doubting whether to start a conversation or leave.
-Are you Irina? – she asked very quietly.
“Yes,” I answered in surprise.
“I would like to talk to you...” the girl hesitated for a second, searching for words, “about OUR husband.”
- I'm sorry, what? – I couldn’t believe my ears.
At that moment, the old woman who lived above us came up the stairs and looked at my guest with interest.
“First, come in,” I said and let the girl into the apartment.
Madina, that was the girl’s name, stood in my corridor, not daring to pass. The girl was my age, and seeing her young children, she apparently gave birth to an older one when she just turned 18. She said that she came from Uzbekistan to pick up her husband.
“Andrey hasn’t come for over a year now...” the girl looked at me like a rabbit at a boa constrictor, “his mother is very sick, and we couldn’t contact him...”
From Madina’s story, I learned that she was married off when the girl turned 17 years old. My husband almost immediately left for Russia to work, but he regularly came once every six months and sent money, but in the last year the connection was broken. She suspected that Andrei had a second family here, but did not ask her husband.
I am not a conflict person by nature, I always look at the situation sensibly. I would never have believed this story if Madina had not shown the marriage documents and photographs from the wedding.
The situation was, to put it mildly, unpleasant. At the same time, I turned out to be her mistress. Trying not to show my emotions, that same evening I collected all my husband’s things. I left the girl and the children with me until Andrei arrived. Seeing his first wife with children, Andrei was speechless. After looking at me, he didn’t even bother to explain anything, but simply took his things and left with his wife and children.
I divorced him a month later. All this month I cried into my pillow at night, mourning 5 years of my life. Time has passed, the wounds have healed, but I am still very cautious with men and cannot bring myself to start a new relationship.
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How can a man love two women?
If you look from the point of view of psychiatry, there is absolutely nothing pathological in this.
Such double and even triple relationships are often very similar to true love. But such love is immature. In such a relationship, a person can only take, but give absolutely nothing in return.
A morally mature man will never build two families at the same time. The presence of a second family for a man speaks of the immaturity of his soul. It is the relationship in a couple that gives a person his integrity. And relationships with two women at the same time are very mentally exhausting for a man. It is unlikely that a man will also be proud of the number of parallel relationships, such as the number of children. As a rule, they prefer to remain silent about this.
But, probably, the worst thing in such relationships is that the children of these people will definitely find out that their father has another family. And this will be too much of a blow for them. Unfortunately, many of them experience great difficulties in the future when trying to build their own happy, strong family. And the reason for this is internal childhood trauma.
Remember my client, whom we talked about above: a similar situation occurred in her childhood - her father had a child on the side. She would have found out about this already as a teenager, having read her father’s secret letters. This was an incredible shock for her. And so, years later, the same fate overtook her - she fell in love and gave birth to a child to a man who led a double life.
Or is this quite natural?
Is it possible to be happy knowing that you are not the only one?
It is worth noting that there are women who live quite happily with their husbands, who are often not at home. What can we say, this also has advantages - you have more time for yourself, friends, visits to a cosmetologist or to the gym, in addition, the number of chores around the house is reduced - cleaning and cooking are reduced. But this imaginary well-being can literally collapse in an instant as soon as a woman finds out about the second woman in her husband’s life. Everyone's reaction is different, but most often it is a shock, and although some guessed something in their hearts, they still preferred to drive away bad thoughts from themselves.
And here a reasonable question arises - what to do?
Second family: life apart
The love triangle is, alas, not a rare figure. As a rule, it somehow strives to get rid of one of the vertices. But when your heart is torn in half, living with two families sometimes seems like the only way out.
In the 1930s and 40s of the last century, Lydia Smirnova was already a real movie star. And I tried to match this image - an elegant raincoat, pumps, a small hat, eyes - under a dark veil. By that time, “Jolly Fellows”, “Children of Captain Grant”, “Circus”, “Volga-Volga” had appeared on the screens and thundered throughout the country. Songs from these films sounded from every loudspeaker. And they were written by Isaac Osipovich Dunaevsky - the recognized king and god of the musical Olympus, a living classic...
Lydia Smirnova, even in her most beautiful dream, could not imagine that such an outstanding person would pay attention to her. But Isaac Osipovich gave the young actress an original copy of the score of the song “My Love.” And then letters and telegrams came. Every day. “I love you holy and passionately, purely and sinfully, tenderly and demandingly, jealously and trustingly.” They started dating secretly. Smirnova came to Dunaevsky’s hotel and knocked with a conventional sign. Isaac Osipovich opened the door and exclaimed with delight: “The sun has come!”
Months passed, Lydia was happy. And so: “Marry me.” Smirnova was literally dumbfounded. And then she silently turned around and rushed to the doors. Only at the threshold, having come to her senses a little, she said, almost shouted back: “Let everything remain as it is.”
What happened? Why didn’t the role of the famous composer’s wife attract the young actress? The answer is simple: Lydia Smirnova was married and sincerely loved her husband! She bought him gifts from every fee and tried to be an ideal housewife only for him. And Dunaevsky is a beautiful fairy tale, nothing more.
This love triangle finally fell apart in the summer of 1941. Smirnova’s husband Sergei Dobrushin volunteered for the militia. He warned his wife: “If they don’t kill me, I will return only in one case - if I am not mutilated.” Lydia could only wait...
How did several loving men appear in the actress’s life at the same time? Who did she prefer? What dramas played out when sorting out the relationships of people close to her?
Isaac Dunaevsky died suddenly. Heart attack. He was only 55. His wives had a hard time with his sudden departure. After the death of her husband, Zinaida fell ill - for more than 20 years, until her death, she remained paralyzed. Common-law wife Zoya Pashkova, mother of Maxim Dunaevsky, died in a car accident on January 30, 1991 - the composer’s birthday.
Why was the illegitimate son Maxim Dunaevsky unable to bear his father’s surname for many years? How did the most popular Soviet comedian Mikhail Evdokimov rush between three love fires? What made Tamara, the wife of Valery Zolotukhin, endure her husband’s infidelities for 40 years? What battles in the struggle for inheritance took place between the official and common-law wives of famous people?
Life for two families: difficult, painful, painful. A love triangle is an unthinkable figure for most of us, say the authors of the documentary. But for some, it turns out to be the only possible form of existence. However, who would claim to have fully understood this tricky geometry?
Dmitry Tolkachev
How to prove treason?
Yulka didn’t want to believe all this. She thought it was a hoax. But for some reason I didn’t dare call my husband. And when a couple of days later he dialed her number, she said she was sick. At this time, she sent the children to their grandmother, and she locked herself at home to think about what was happening.
Her call took me by surprise; she remembered that I had a psychologist friend and decided to seek advice. In tears, she told what happened. And I understood that the happiest family, from the outside looking in, turned out to be one of the most difficult.
She asked me two things:
- How to survive this? How to deal with this pain?
- And what to do next?
She, like a hunted animal, was waiting for a kind word and help. But what to recommend in such a situation?
