Text of the book “Why men want sex and women want love”
Commitment - why a man should give a woman an expensive ring
When a man wants to win a woman's heart for a long time, he gives her a ring.
And the larger and more expensive this ring is, the more it will tell her - and all other women. It will immediately become clear to everyone that the man is ready to share his funds with this woman. Simply put, the more expensive the ring, the more determined a man’s willingness to commit and the more all women understand this. Even if a man is short on funds, he should borrow money and buy an expensive ring, rather than give a woman a small and inconspicuous ring. And this is what most men don’t understand. A woman constantly looks at her rings, and they remind her of a man's love. Girlfriends look at each other's rings, assessing the strength of the love of other people's partners. Even if the family lives in a modest house and has an old car, a ring purchased especially for a woman is regarded as a public declaration of male love. Kevin understood the importance of this criterion of love for women, so he bought his wife several expensive jewelry. He himself wore only a simple wedding ring and the occasional expensive watch. He saw no point in wearing expensive jewelry and did not feel the need for it.
Kevin's brother, Glen, treated gifts for his wife Lianna in this way. He rarely gave her jewelry, and when he did, he chose small, modest things bought in Thailand or at a garage sale. Glen did not understand that such an attitude weakened Lianna's faith in his love. The wife knew very well that her husband could afford to buy much more expensive things. In addition, Glen believed that giving flowers to women was a waste of money because the flowers withered after a few days. In his male opinion, it was much better to give flowers in pots, which would live in the house much longer. So he bought Lianna a flower in a pot - a rose. “This is a flower of love,” he said. In addition, Lianna could take cuttings from roses - and sell them for money! She could start a whole flower business! But a woman treats a withered bouquet completely differently: the flowers have withered, which means the man gets the opportunity to buy a new bouquet and demonstrate his love again.
Yesterday Glen's proctologist removed the rose from his bottom and in a few days he will be back on his feet.
From a logical point of view, a rose in a pot is much better than a bouquet of roses.
A man who shares this point of view is doomed to sleep alone.
Because loving acts indicate a willingness to share resources, women all over the world value them extremely highly. Almost all studies show that love is a prerequisite for a long-lasting relationship. Globally, 80-90% of women say that love is necessary for marriage or a committed relationship. Sue Sprecher, co-author of A Guide to Sexuality in Close Relationships, and her colleagues conducted a study in which 89% of American women surveyed said they would never marry without love, and 11% said they would agree to it. Interestingly, in Russia, 41% of women surveyed agreed to marry an unloved man. This is explained very simply. There are fewer men than women in Russia. Having a wide choice, Russian men are in no hurry to make commitments. A similar situation has developed in Ukraine: we found that the average life expectancy of men in 2009 in Kyiv was only 56 years. For every 20-year-old man in this country, there were four women of the same age. Gentlemen, tickets to Kyiv will be sold to you at any travel agency!
So, our advice to men: you can save on a lot of things, but you should never skimp on the jewelry you give to women. If at the beginning of the relationship you gave a woman a modest ring because you were strapped for money, try to give her something more expensive as soon as possible. Whether you like it or not, such an act will affect your love life because other women will judge your attitude towards your partner based on this gift. We found that the only women who disagreed with this statement were those whose men gave cheap or tiny rings and categorically refused to give something more impressive.
Ten phrases that you are unlikely to expect from a woman
1. Is it possible to transfer our relationship to the physical level? I'm tired of being just your friend.
2. Don't lower the toilet seat. I really like sitting on cold, wet earthenware.
3. A hairy ass is so sexy.
4. Bay! How great is this! Do it again!
5. Don't throw away that old T-shirt! The holes under the arms look so cool!
6. This diamond is too big! And I have more than enough shoes!
7. Throw away that chocolate bar!
8. It doesn't matter if it's a sale: £300 for a dress from a famous designer is too expensive!
9. Are my hips too narrow in this dress?
10. I'm going to go shopping. Why don't you call your ex?
Seven simple masculine qualities that women like so much
Here are seven qualities that women find very attractive and which, in their opinion, indicate a man's ability to earn money. The order of listing is not an indicator of importance, but one thing is absolutely sure: women are attracted to men who possess these qualities.
1. Women like men with whom they can laugh.
A man with a sense of humor is always the center of women's attention. Having a sense of humor is regularly mentioned in women's marriage advertisements. When a woman laughs, her brain gives the body a command to produce endorphins - substances similar in structure to morphine. The release of endorphins gives a woman a warm, pleasant feeling. Endorphins are natural analgesics. They strengthen the immune system and protect against diseases. Laughter reduces levels of stress hormones such as cortisol. Laughter lowers blood pressure, which reduces the risk of heart disease. Increasing cortisol levels suppress the immune system, so lowering cortisol levels has many health benefits.
Women subconsciously understand that a man who is able to see the good side in everything will have a beneficial effect on their health and well-being. Such a man contributes to long-term survival. Women also subconsciously avoid men who are constantly in a bad mood, gloomy and grumpy grumblers. Men themselves understand the power of humor - it’s not for nothing that they constantly compete to see who can tell the best joke. They know very well that the one who makes everyone laugh will increase his status - both in the eyes of his friends and in the eyes of women.
2. Women value men who can communicate.
Women highly value men who are willing to listen to their monologues about problems and feelings without interrupting or offering their own solutions. If you are a man, then tell her about yourself in the same way that she talks about herself. This “mirroring” creates a feeling of mutual understanding and quickly leads to real intimacy. This does not mean that a man should behave like a woman, he just needs to be able to listen.
There are two ways to argue with women. But none of them work.
3. Women love men who can cook.
For about a million years, men hunted, obtained food and brought it to women. Even in the 21st century, a man who can cook a woman's food awakens primal feelings in her. This is why an invitation to dinner is so tempting, even if your lady isn't hungry. This is the act of a man who is ready to provide a woman with food, which is a very powerful stimulus for the female brain. If you are a man, sign up for a cooking class today.
4. Women are attracted to men who can dance.
The main purpose of dancing is to attract attention. When partners dance, they often hug and mirror each other's movements. Other animals do the same thing during “mating dances.” Only one in eight men has an innate sense of rhythm, which allows him to catch impulses and snap his fingers to the rhythm of music, while for most women this is completely natural. Most women dance to attract the attention of potential partners, and for nothing else. Any man who is ready to participate in this process rises to incredible heights. He will never lack girlfriends. If you are a man, after completing your culinary courses, immediately sign up for dance courses.
“Dancing is the vertical expression of horizontal desire.”
George Bernard Shaw
5. Women adore those who make them feel safe.
Women constantly feel insecure about three things: their own appearance, finances and whether they are loved or not. Any woman wants to be told that she looks good, that she wears good perfume, that she is good in every way. If you didn't notice that she got a new hairstyle or bought new shoes, you were showing her that she doesn't deserve attention. Hearing compliments addressed to her, a woman feels sexy and may want real sex. When a man comes home late and does not tell where he has been, he thereby arouses suspicion and anxiety about his own safety in a woman. It is enough to call and say where you are, when you will return and that you miss her - and you will free your woman from fear forever.
“Does this dress make me look fat?” – she asked.
“No,” he replied. “The chocolate you constantly eat makes you look fat.”
6. Women are attracted to men who love children.
A woman enters into a personal relationship because she wants to be part of a union in which she can feel calm, confident and comfortable. The ability to create a new life is the trump card of any woman. A man who makes it clear that he loves children, who enjoys playing with them, having fun or telling fairy tales, with such behavior significantly increases his attractiveness in the eyes of a woman.
7. Women always pay attention to men who look healthy.
A woman always highly values a man's good health. This is one of the most desirable qualities in a man. And there are two explanations for this. Firstly, a man in poor health may die early or become disabled, and therefore will not be able to provide the woman with funds. Secondly, he can pass the disease to her or her children through physical contact or through genes. A healthy man promises a woman healthy offspring and a long-term supply of funds. Women typically evaluate a variety of signs of poor health, from poor physical fitness and open sores on the body to bad breath and unkempt hands.
Good health manifests itself through good physical fitness, clear skin, an energetic gait, mobility and a good mood (all of which also characterize people with high status). Lethargic, slow men may live longer, but they clearly lack motivation and ambition, which significantly reduces their value in the long term. If you're a man, check out the gym before you cook dinner for the woman you love and ask her to dance.
Why women don't want losers
Research shows that men who lack ambition appear very unattractive to women. Women often break off relationships with lazy men, those who have lost their jobs and who lack ambition. Men who work hard and build a career are much more attractive to most women. But these same qualities in women are usually not attractive to most men because, as we will discuss in the next chapter, men perceive women primarily as healthy repositories of their genes.
After reading this, some women may consider men to be cold and calculating. But by understanding this, women gain a huge advantage in the love game.
“Perhaps we can change our position tonight?” - the husband suggests.
"Great idea! - the wife answers. “You will stand at the ironing board, and I will finally lie on the sofa in front of the TV!”
Women always need funds
All wars are started by men. Any war is waged with only one goal - to seize the enemy's funds. Funds are divided into two types: material – land, oil, cities – and reproductive – that is, women. Throughout history, warriors have invaded enemy territory, seized his property, killed him and his sons, and raped or kidnapped his women. Women were rarely killed because they provided an excellent opportunity for conquerors to spread their genes.
Modern men still have the need to seize and control other people's funds, because women still prefer wealthy men. Women constantly scold men for spending more time and attention on work than on family. Women complain that men are more interested in “outperforming” their colleagues and achieving better results at work than in spending time at home with their children. But if women were not subconsciously attracted to such men, then modern men would not strive to earn money at all. Men do it because they know women want it.
New international symbol of marriage
Summary
In the past, women scrutinized the qualities of a potential long-term partner because the wrong choice could lead to starvation, suffering and even death. It is not surprising that in the 21st century, women are guided by the same basic criteria when choosing a partner.
Modern women also do not want to be abandoned or offended.
We do not want to say that all women think only about how much money a man has. But first of all,
they choose men who have qualities that indicate the availability or ability to obtain funds. Women are attracted to intelligence, status and ambition. Not every woman gets a man who has these qualities. But if she has a choice, she will prefer just such a man. If a man does not have the means or ambitions, then most women will not be interested in him - unless it seems to them that he has the ability to obtain these means. A penniless 22-year-old student studying to become a neurosurgeon, lawyer or doctor would seem like a desirable prey to any woman.
The American Psychiatric Association has just published the results of a new, very revealing study.
Women were asked how they felt about their butts:
1. Only 5% of women think their butt is too fat.
2. About 12% of women think their butt is too skinny.
3. The remaining 83% of women said that it didn’t matter, that they loved him, that he was a good person and that they would marry him anyway.
Women look for the same things in men as their primitive ancestors. They need good hunting skills and equipment. Society develops, but women's needs remain the same.
What women dislike most is laziness and lack of motivation, because a man with such qualities will not be able to provide for his family.
Women need men who can provide for them, who love children and who give a woman a sense of security.
Chapter 4 What men really want
Ideal woman
For most men, personal relationships have nothing to do with the desire to be together until death and are based primarily on what services a woman can provide to him. She needs funds, he needs services, so the basis of any personal relationship is simply an exchange of goods and services. When a man is asked to talk about his woman, he always starts talking about services,
which she provides to him: she is a good housewife, cooks well, cleans the house perfectly, raises children wonderfully, is a good friend, very sexy, has beautiful hips, etc. In other words, there is a list of services for which it is quite possible to introduce an hourly payment . When a woman talks about her man, she immediately says that he earns well, is smart, is fun to be with, has a good job, has his own home, etc. In other words, the man provides her with funds. Society calls such an exchange of goods and because such a term sounds quite decent and politically correct. However, changing the name does not change the essence of the phenomenon. A man is simply interested in the services that a woman can provide him and in her visual attractiveness.
If you're a woman, you might think that we think of men as shallow and selfish. This is wrong. We just want to show that men's needs and priorities are very simple. If you can satisfy them at the right time, then you are lucky. If you prefer to condemn male “values” and extol female “values,” then you will inevitably find yourself in a situation of constant internal conflict and a feeling of unhappiness.
Men have only two emotions - hunger and passion. If you see that a man does not have an erection, make him a sandwich.
Many people, especially feminists, get extremely angry when the conversation turns to the criteria by which men judge the attractiveness of women. These criteria are called superficial and stupid. Sometimes there are even proposals to ban research on male preferences because it is offensive to women. But in fact, these preferences have been formed over hundreds of thousands of years. They are firmly rooted in the male brain, and it is very difficult to change them. Men's preferences are based on physical beauty and youth - that is, on what is necessary for the successful genetic development of humanity. Yes, of course, society and the lifestyle of modern man have changed dramatically, but the basic male preferences have remained the same, despite the fact that they are associated with a primitive society that no longer exists. Denying the existence of such preferences is like being angry that it rains, or condemning carnivores for not being vegetarians.
Trying to change men's preferences is like stopping hair from growing on a man's face because it's no longer fashionable.
By understanding and accepting the fact that men's biology is a powerful driving force that determines their mating preferences, you will be able to develop the right strategy for communicating with men. Fish have loved the taste of worms and grubs for thousands of years. When you go fishing, you stock up on worms and maggots for bait because you know the fish love them. There is no point in luring fish to a product that is attractive to you. Fish love worms and larvae. Don't expect fish to jump into your boat because you want them to. To catch a fish, you must understand its behavior and play by its rules. Likewise, to catch a man and control him effectively, you must understand how his brain works. Only then can you develop a strategy that will bring results.
How the media shapes men's views
The media, especially women's magazines, are constantly criticized for promoting a standard of female beauty that all women should aspire to. Yes, for women's magazines this is true. But men's magazines are a completely different matter. Women's magazines publish photographs of celebrities, and these celebrities are slender women with ideal figures. The image of a skinny woman came to us from the catwalks of fashion shows. There, professional models act as hangers for new outfits, and fashion designers want all attention to be focused on their creations. But research shows that thin women are quite unattractive to most men. This is because the slimmer a woman is, the further she is from the classic hip-to-waist ratio of 70% (we'll talk more about this in Chapter 8), and therefore the more difficult it will be for her to bear children. The male brain is designed to recognize reliable biological cues to female reproductive potential. Therefore, women with an hourglass figure are most attractive to men. And the editors of men's magazines understand this very well. Look through magazines that advertise cars and motorcycles and you will see busty women blatantly sending these biological signals. That's why you never see a girl with a coat hanger figure in a Harley-Davidson advertisement. More than 80% of the audience at the Miss Universe competition are men, but at fashion shows less than 5% of the audience is men.
My wife and I were in bed watching Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?
I turned to her and asked, “Do you want to have sex?”
She replied: “No.”
I asked, “Is this your final answer?”
She nodded: “Yes.”
I replied, “Then I’d like to call a friend...”
Professor Douglas Kenrick and his colleagues at Arizona State University studied the media's portrayal of the biologically ideal woman and came to striking results. They found that men who were shown photographs of sexually attractive women later rated their real-life wives and girlfriends as less attractive than those who were shown photographs of ordinary women. Worse, those who looked at the pictures of the beauties described themselves as less serious and less satisfied with their partners. Even men whose partners looked fabulous were less satisfied after viewing photos of sexually attractive women. These results are alarming because men's magazines and the Internet publish ideal images that are chosen from hundreds of photos taken to capture the desired image or pose. In other words, these photographs do not reflect the real world in which we all live. In earlier times, men had to choose their partners from a real pool of available women. They did not look at the distorted and carefully retouched images of fictional beauties. It is quite possible to assume that our ancestors were much more satisfied with their own women than men of the 21st century: what they saw was what they had.
The male brain still evaluates potential partners in this way, but it is fooled by modern technologies that artificially stimulate male responses to primal fertility signals. In the same way, fast food uses advances in modern chemistry to trick the human brain into believing that it is consuming something beneficial to the body. This diet results in diabetes, obesity and poor health.
Images of ideal women disseminated by the media greatly influence men and their reluctance to enter into strong and long-term relationships. These images exploit women's natural desire to compete in order to attract men. Women rush to plastic surgeons and buy huge amounts of clothing and cosmetics because they want to attract male attention.
Beauty will fade, but implants are forever
Type of men in relationships
Different men act differently in relationships. Some strive with all their might to demonstrate support and protection to a woman, while others skillfully avoid responsibility. It is necessary to distinguish between a person’s needs and remain confident that in the future you will not have to regret anything along the way with this person.
Family man
The most ideal option for a woman who wants to provide herself with a reliable rear. If you want a person to be around all the time and you can rely on him in difficult situations, then you should choose him. This kind of person will not stick his nose where it is not needed, but will delicately remain silent. A family man strives to be useful: he earns money, gives gifts, and is attentive to his statements. As a rule, he loves children and is ready to be responsible for every word spoken.
This person sees special meaning in trying for people who are dear to his heart, and will spare nothing in order to see happy smiles on the faces of those he loves.
Bachelor
The life of a typical bachelor is filled with bright impressions and joy. He is driven by a thirst for adventure: he wants to do everything in time, to conquer many women’s hearts. Most of all he is afraid of being bound by external obligations: a child, loans, promissory notes. Makes promises easily and does not strive to keep them. Many women were deceived in this way and gained negative experiences.
A straight bachelor prefers to be proactive and not regret the steps he has taken. He really skillfully courtes and seduces. Women are delighted and crazy about him. The only problem is that it is not possible to build a long-term relationship with such a person. He has a Scandinavian body type and generally attractive appearance. His physique is attractive, and that’s what makes him fall in love with him.
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How to build a relationship with a man: the right tactics, secrets and recommendations of a psychologist
Collector
It’s worth making a reservation right away: we are not talking about a collector of rare copies of paintings or gift editions of books. The collector starts affairs with several representatives of the fairer sex at once. He is encouraged by the thought that women like him and are always in great demand.
For him, a girl is comparable to a work of art. He highly values a slender figure, prominent body parts, the ability to dress beautifully and generally rise to the occasion. A lady's desire is the law. He pleases her to convince himself that he deserves the best. He considers the ability to conquer a companion to be a necessary element for building a relationship.
Don Juan
In other words, it's a ladies' man. He behaves gallantly and is constantly showered with compliments. Don Juan sincerely loves women and is ready to give them endless joy and pleasure. At the same time, he himself is not ready to take responsibility for a long-term relationship. Inside himself, he is afraid of disappointment, of becoming attached to his chosen one, of feeling the need to need her.
This type of man prefers to live easily, without obligations. It’s easier this way: you don’t have to stress, get hung up on what’s happening, worry about everyday events and spoken phrases. Women often fall for the tricks of Don Juans due to the fact that they have an unsurpassed ability to look after beautifully. I want to have conversations with him and devote my time to him. Sometimes romances can last for years and not lead to anything serious.
Tyrant
He strives to subjugate those around him to his will, imposes his own vision of life. The tyrant doesn't look attractive. Such men come across girls with low self-esteem who do not know how to value themselves. The tyrant is confident that he knows everything and wants to control what is happening in everything. He needs submission. Awareness of the prospect of mastering the situation adds strength to him.
Infantile
Places the solution to problems on women's shoulders. Next to such a person, a girl will never feel protected. There will be no satisfaction from the relationship either: you will involuntarily have to constantly expect a catch, prepare for the worst.
An infantile guy lives only for himself: he is not ready to take responsibility for what is happening, to act thoughtfully, with complete dedication. He plays computer games, spends a lot of time in front of the monitor and endlessly complains about life that no one understands him.
Owner
He wants to control everything, to subjugate the needs of his other half. You will have to constantly report to such a companion for every step and, in addition, constantly be afraid of not pleasing him. Being angry, a guy can say unnecessary things, offend or insult.
The owner does not tolerate being refused or being acted behind his back. If you don’t try to get away from him, you can forever remain in a disadvantageous and extremely unpleasant position. This type of man never asks for forgiveness, even if he admits his guilt inside.
Victim
A male victim evokes maternal feelings in a woman. He unwittingly manipulates her unsatisfied need to have a child. That is why it is often found among girls who, for some reason, are not ready to have a real baby.
