Are you a very attractive girl, but men run away after the first phone call? Are you worthy of the position of Speaker of the State Duma, but on a date you turn into a talking bird who is not smart and quick-witted? The next rendezvous ended with the phrase “I’ll call you back”? Then you have come to the right place.
Today we will discuss modern dating etiquette and what to eat it with. After all, as you know, you won’t be able to make a first impression a second time. And if there is a meeting with a prince on a white horse on the horizon, there is no way to lose face.
Now I’ll tell you 10 rules that will help you present yourself from the best side and not find yourself in an awkward situation.
Rule #4: Don't be a brawler
No matter where your first date takes place, do not forget that the ideal girl should always be modest and cultured. Watch your behavior and speech, do not allow pretentiousness and arrogance. Don't you know what I mean? Let's look at an example.
Recently, singer Yulianna Karaulova told how her meeting with an interesting young man in a restaurant went. The guy made noise non-stop, dropped dishes on the floor and loudly complained that the waiter would come to them faster. As a result, the couple was asked to leave the establishment. This really is a date with a twist. But would anyone really enjoy spending time with such a companion?
HOW TO DRESS?
It all depends on what you expect from a person and what you expect in the near future. If you wear an outfit that is too revealing, don’t be surprised that at the end of the date he asks: “To you or to me?” or will make a surprised face if you don’t invite him to “tea”.
Choose something tried and true, comfortable, but at the same time elegant.
Don't forget where you are going. After a twenty-minute walk in the park in high heels, you will hate yourself, your companion, this very park, and your shoes. And if you come to the opera in sneakers, you will feel out of place. In short, clothing should not distract your attention from the date, nor his attention from you.
Rule #5: Dress for the venue
“A woman who knows that she is well dressed finds peace of mind that she would seek in vain in science, philosophy and religion.” Yanina Ipohorskaya.
Agree, it will look stupid if a guy invited you to a picnic, and you came in a tight dress and sexy stilettos. Ask the man in advance about his plans for the upcoming meeting and choose the appropriate outfit. But try to avoid bright, provocative colors and vulgar decorations. Fatal dames often scare off the stronger sex.
First date. Rules of conduct for girls
Are you nervous because this really nice guy asked you out? It used to be easier, the guys from your company with whom you spend time together were perceived more as friends than potential life partners, and even when it came to kissing and sex, everything was somehow ordinary and relaxed.
But now, everything has become different. You almost don’t know who he is, but as soon as you saw him, your heart skipped a beat and the blood rushed to your head. You tried to catch his eye or just look in his direction once again, not understanding why you were doing it. He seemed so distant and inaccessible... And so, he HIMSELF came up to you, introduced himself, you gave him your contacts and he promised to contact you.
From this moment on, painful minutes, hours and days of waiting begin. Maybe he tried to call you, but there was no connection? Or maybe he left a message on a social network? Or sent by email...? Everything is possible! And finally he calls...!!! And now what i can do? Your thoughts cannot be organized, your nerves are on edge... How to go on a first date in such a state? But this is already a real date with a man, and not just a joint hangout with guys from your yard or company.
Well, don’t worry, here are a few basic first rules of behavior for a woman (just for the first date), which will never let you down and will not allow you to lose face in the dirt.
But first, let's agree on this: These rules will only apply if this particular guy is important to you in the long run. If the man is not so important to you, then the ball is still in your half of the field, and before it’s too late you can kick him to hell.
How to behave on a first date with a guy
In order to charm your ideal man, you need to prepare in advance and go on a date “all guns blazing.” Confident women know exactly what they want and do what they like. This is an axiom, whether men agree with it or not. So, 10 basic rules of behavior on the first date that will allow you to keep a man and make him meet with you again and again:
Be confident. There are no special methods to “radiate” confidence. All you have to do is be yourself. Remember when he first approached you, decided to get acquainted and offered to date... After all, before that you behaved naturally. This is exactly how he liked you, so this is exactly the kind of girl he wants to see on the first date. But if your behavior is different and you decide to pretend to be someone else, he will be disappointed in you or realize that you are very nervous. Neither one nor the other suits us.
Let your speech be calm and your shoulders straightened. Don't hunch over or constantly fiddle with your hair. Be lively, attentive, do not speak loudly and be able to carry on a conversation. Let the guy know that you are smart and you have your own opinion, which you know how to express.
Dress appropriately for the situation. Your clothes define your personality, so you can't ignore it. If you meet him in an ordinary and not very prestigious place - a cafe, a summer restaurant, just on the street, etc., wear something simple: a short dress, shoes with comfortable heels, sandals or boots (according to the season), you can wear jeans or shorts. For more formal places, you need to choose appropriate clothing - a long evening dress or a cocktail dress.
Most importantly, you should not wear clothes that will create a false impression of you. There is no point in chasing fashion trends and putting on clothes that will make you feel naked or simply uncomfortable in them. You should wear only what suits your appearance, character and lifestyle. Any attempts to wear something inappropriate will only lead to unnecessary hassle and a spoiled impression.
Try to smell good and right. I have no doubt that you always smell good, but this time you will have to make special efforts to keep your scent subtle. Not all men like sharp and strong smells. Whatever scent you choose, it should be like a breeze - fresh and cool in the summer and deeper warm and sensual in the winter, but in any case, your scent should not dominate the entire space around you, but be curious and interesting.
Immediately decide for yourself - “is this a worthwhile guy or not?” Notice how punctual and well-mannered he is. This is very important because friction will inevitably arise in the near future if you decide to continue your meetings. Is he a “knight” and does he treat women with respect? Is it easy to be distracted by other women who pass by? Is he smart enough? What does he want to achieve in life, does he have a dream? If he no longer suits you on some issues, then think about dating such a guy? And if your answer is no, let this be your last date.
Choose “light topics” for conversation. We all want to be with those who make us feel at ease. Therefore, in a conversation, reveal your bright sides, talk about funny and funny incidents from life. Get the guy to talk, ask questions. Ask about his favorite activities and hobbies. Look for common ground and common interests, share your impressions. Don’t talk about your difficulties and illnesses, it depresses you and instantly makes you a boring and uninteresting person.
Be observant. It doesn’t matter how handsome the guy is, so don’t be tempted to fantasize by replaying scenes with him and you in your mind. By listening to him carefully, you can receive very important information. As if by chance, phrases thrown at him, for example: “I don’t believe in marriage,” or “I like to spend time with children,” can shed light on the characteristics of his personality, as well as reveal his true intentions.
Choose what suits you and rely on your sixth sense. There is another reason to carefully watch a guy - he needs to feel that you are sincerely interested in him. Therefore, try not only to speak, but also to listen. It's even better if you listen more than you talk.
What you should absolutely not do! Some women, in order to “increase their worth” or “so that he doesn’t think that I liked him so much,” hint to a man that they seem to be dating him only because at the moment they simply have nothing to do. This was the first forbidden action. The second forbidden action is to talk about your ex (usually just ended) unhappy love.
These were the two biggest mistakes that women of all age groups make. Therefore, do not talk about your past troubles and mental traumas, especially on the first date. A man does not yet know you well enough to show care and concern, so he is completely uninterested in hearing about your problems.
Don't talk about your "past serious relationships." You can start talking about this no earlier than on the 10-15th date, and only if he asks you. Although, a well-mannered man is unlikely to ask such questions in the foreseeable future.
Let him pay for you. A normal man, without any questions, should pay the bill at a cafe (a theater ticket, a movie ticket) on the first date. After that, starting from the second date, you can move on to the “German bill”, when everyone pays for themselves. Attention! You must make the offer to pay for yourself. If such an offer comes from a guy (he will offer you to pay for yourself), don’t waste any more time on him and continue looking for someone who is right for you.
Don't settle for "intimacy." Even if you really want to, don’t agree to have sex after the first date. If he thinks that having paid the bill at a cafe, he has the right to have sex, you are not on the same page with him. But the initiative shouldn’t come from you either. Because at first everything may be fine, but after a while he will remember how easily you agreed to sleep with him.
Believe me, it won’t even occur to him that this happened to you “for the first and last time in your life,” and only because you liked him madly. Inevitably, doubts about your moral stability will plague him, which will make building a long-term relationship almost impossible, and ultimately, you will break up. Postpone sex until later, when you are both ready for it.
Let him call first! Never call a guy after the first date. He himself should call you and thank you for the wonderful time spent. If the guy doesn’t do this (doesn’t call the next day or the day after), it means he’s not interested in you. Don't be upset, you still have everything ahead of you, move on.
But another problem may happen - a man may start calling you too often. In this case, think about it, is he normal? And do you need such a guy?
That's all the basic rules of conduct on a first date. But in any case, you must make your choice yourself. Maybe some of the behavior patterns that I indicated as negative will seem attractive to you. I won't argue about this. Everything depends only on you. Good luck!
AUTHOR'S NOTE: My answers in the comments are the opinion of a private individual and not the recommendation of a specialist. I’m trying to answer everyone without exception, but unfortunately I don’t physically have time to study long stories, analyze them, ask questions about them and then answer in detail, and I also don’t have the opportunity to accompany your situations, because this requires a huge amount of free time, and I have very little of it.
In this regard, I kindly ask you to ask specific questions on the topic of the article, and do not expect that I will advise in the comments or accompany your situation.
Of course, you can ignore my request (which many people do), but in this case, be prepared for the fact that I may not answer you. This is not a matter of principle, but solely of time and my physical capabilities. Don't be offended.
If you want to receive qualified help, please seek advice, and I will devote my time and knowledge to you with full dedication.
With respect and hope for understanding, Frederica
Rule #7: Don't brag
A person who praises himself uncontrollably does not inspire sympathy. Imagine for a second that you and the man have switched places. And now your companion tells you that she cooks better than any chef, and knows how to knit, and cross-stitch, and in sports she has achieved results worthy of a gold medal. What opinion do you have about such a woman? I’ll give you a hint: she wants to get married so much that she advertises herself like a stale product on the market.
SEX AND KISS
Read above - we are not some kind of moralizers. Lots of great love stories started with sex on the first date. But the roughly equivalent pile never started. And many forums are replete with stories about how “I fell for the tricks of a pickup artist.” Therefore, when agreeing to have sex on the first date, be sure that you not only want it, but are also ready to face certain consequences of your decision. For example, that the guy got his and doesn’t call anymore or talked about it to the entire department in which you work together...
Rule #10: Don't follow other people's principles
How many dates should it take before the first kiss? At what meeting would it be “correct” to switch to sex? Of course, there is no definite answer to the most piquant question; everything is individual. But! Our time has given us freedom in relationship etiquette. In other words, do what you want, and not what “ someone thinks is right . ” In pursuit of established traditions, you risk being left with nothing.
And in conclusion, remember the main rule - to remain yourself in any situation. Listen to your heart: it will tell you what to do better than anyone else.
What is your approach to first dates? Do you prepare in advance or allow yourself to improvise?
WHERE TO GO?
You can safely choose the place for the first date yourself, but in this case, be sure to take into account the interests of both. If you drag him to a Van Gogh exhibition, which he is absolutely not interested in, then either he will pretend that he likes everything in order to impress, or he will be bored and wonder when it will all end. In both the first and second cases, a person will experience nervous tension and there can be no talk of any enjoyment of the process. If you want to demonstrate to him your enlightenment and intelligence, leave it for later.
Also, cinemas and bars are not the best options for a first date. In such establishments you simply will not be able to talk calmly. Therefore, it is best to take a walk with a cup of coffee or sit in a restaurant.
