You have the same life values
You both know that you want to have children and are willing to share the burden of responsibility equally. Your boyfriend will not hesitate to take parental leave if your job is better paid. You give each other time to take care of yourself: go to the gym or to the beauty salon. And you both dream of purchasing a joint home.
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I married a man with a child!
He has a child... Often women and young girls who are arranging their personal lives are faced with this problem: they seem to like the man, and everything seems to be going well, but... He is a single father, raising a child from his first marriage. This scares many; the Internet is full of tragic stories about how relationships with the husband’s children from his first marriage did not work out. Psychologists and priests also warn: a husband’s child is not a mitten, you can’t tuck it into your belt. Marriage with a single father is fraught with many pitfalls... And like rays of hope - rare, but such pleasant stories about how dad's new wife became a real mother for the child. The ABC of Parenting offers you an amazing story that will give hope and confidence to many.
Nika is a young and very beautiful woman with noble, simply royal features. It so happened in her life that she could not find her happiness until she was thirty-three. But, despite this circumstance, which could plunge many into panic, Nika greeted each new day with dignity, confident that the Lord had prepared a better life for her.
“Spiritually and psychologically, everything was fine,” she says. “I didn’t have the feeling that I needed to jump into the last car of the departing train. I thought that my train had not yet arrived. We have to wait.
As they say now, Nika was in search. And one day she decided to register on the ABC of Fidelity website.
One of the young people who responded to her ad on ABC was Vitaly. Word for word, we exchanged Skypes and often chatted in the evenings about this and that. Almost immediately, sympathy arose between them, and Nika was already waiting for the evening to see Vitaly, albeit virtually for now.
On one of these evenings, about two weeks after the conversation, Nika saw a shaggy blond man of about ten years old behind her interlocutor. “And this is my son Dima,” said Vitaly.
“To say that I was shocked is to say nothing,” Nika recalls with a smile. - It was a complete surprise. And at the first moment I was scared. Honestly. Really scared. I thought a lot, like “smart Elsa”: “what if”, “but how” and a million other questions. After all, our family already had experience of relationships with a man’s children from his first marriage, and, unfortunately, it was negative: when I was fifteen years old, my mother also married a man with children, and the relationship between all of us absolutely did not work out. I often thought: “I will never marry a man with children.” And there was even a moment when I decided that I couldn’t, and the relationship with Vitaly would have to end. But the saying “never say never” worked for me.
Help came from an unexpected direction. Nika’s mother, who herself had negative experience with children from her husband’s first marriage, unexpectedly supported her daughter. Her friends also helped a lot, with whom the girl shared her experiences, and the main support came from her believing friends, but the non-believers shook their heads and advised her to think again. And Nika relied on the will of God. She decided that she should first meet the boy and then make a decision.
“When I went to meet my future husband’s family, I was no longer afraid, I went with the firm confidence that if it was “mine,” then I would see it, and that meant it was the right thing to do. And if it’s not “mine”... I will see it too. I prayed and completely relied on the will of the Lord.
After a month of virtual communication, Vitaly came to visit Nika. And for the winter holidays she went to see him in Rostov. By that time, Nika already knew that during the eight years of widowhood, Vitaly had already made more than one attempt to create a new family, but the child candidates were scared away. He disturbed some, some were afraid of responsibility and ran away, some were not accepted by Dima... But upon arrival, everything was so natural, somehow everything worked out by itself, and Nika and Vitaly immediately understood that this was a meeting of kindred spirits. They had the feeling that they had known each other for a very long time.
Nika spent the winter holidays with them, they all walked together, went down the slide, cooked together and made crafts for Christmas together. And all this time Nika and Dima looked closely at each other. It was immediately obvious that the boy urgently needed his mother. Yes, he had a wonderful, loving father, a wonderful grandmother, but he didn’t have a mother.
— We can say that there were no special problems between us. He almost immediately warmed up to me, and one day Dimka ran into the room and hugged me...
On the other hand, Dima’s father perfectly understood his responsibility to the boy for his choice, and it was important for him to know his son’s opinion. When Nika and Vitaly began to communicate more often, Vitaly asked him: “Well, how do you like it?” And Dimka replied: “Get married, dad.” And two months after the wedding, Dima called Nika mom. So Nika, having no children of her own at that time, became a mother.
At the very end of 2013, Nika became a mother for the second time - the family had a second son, the common child of Nika and Vitaly. But Nika herself does not like this division: his, ours... They all have children in common!
- What is he like? Funny. Affectionate. He loves the computer, football, bicycle, swimming pool, chips, candy and ice cream - an ordinary modern child,” she says about Dima. “I am grateful to the Lord for sending me this boy.” We didn’t have a fight for Vitaly’s attention, he somehow immediately accepted me, and I accepted him, and our relationship developed by itself, as if someone somewhere up there had planned and foreseen everything in advance. A lot of different things are happening here now and will happen in the future, but the main thing is that I perceive Dima as my son. This is my child, my eldest son.
To those girls and women who are faced with the question of marrying a man with children, I would like to say that if you love a man, then you will love his children, he is no longer alone, and you need to perceive them all together. There will be difficulties, but they happen with their children too. Well, of course, you need to think.
As one old man said well about marriage in general, and it applies well to this issue: “Before marriage, look with all your eyes, and after squinting your eyes.” And one more thing: “There are no other people’s children.”
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Anna Sedokova marries a young boyfriend whom she stole from her family
Basketball player Janis Timma and singer Anna Sedokova
Photo: Instagram.com
Anna Sedokova not long ago flew with her young boyfriend Janis Timma to the USA. The lovers have a great time enjoying each other's company. And a few hours ago, the singer and basketball player simultaneously informed the whole world on their blogs that they had decided to get married.
Anna Sedokova received a marriage proposal from 28-year-old Janisa Timma . The 36-year-old star showed a photo in which she was captured on a snow-white yacht in the arms of her groom. Nearby lies a bouquet of red roses to match her dress.
“It seems to me that there was no “before you.” You showed up and changed my life, showing me what true love means. Now, I know exactly what it means to “love more than life.” Love no matter what. We have been through a lot, our experience and our mistakes every day give us the opportunity to appreciate even a second with each other, every little thing, every touch,” Anna turned to Janis.
She does not hide her happiness: “ I promise you to become the best wife for you and only you, the best friend and partner, the best mother to our children. I thank God for every second with you and miss every second without you. You are my eternity. I told you yes. Yes, I will marry you, the best man in the whole Universe.”
In turn, Janis is ready to give “his heart for the rest of his life” for his mother of many children. “Love is just a word until someone comes along and gives it meaning, and you have done that. The greatest thing you will ever learn is to simply love and be loved in return, and I have that every single day. You are my best gift and I want to call you my wife. I love you to the moon and back,” the athlete emphasized.
Let us remind you that marriage with Timma will be Anna’s third. Sedokova’s first husband was the late football player Valentin Belkevich, with whom she gave birth to a daughter, Alina. The second chosen one was businessman Maxim Chernyavsky. The couple has a daughter, Monica, whom the millionaire took from the singer and is raising himself. The court ruled that Anna could visit the child and take her on vacation. The star gave birth to a son, Hector, from entrepreneur Artem Komarov. The singer did not sign with him, breaking up in the last stages of pregnancy.
As for Janis, his star took him away from his family. This became known after the revelations of the basketball player’s wife. She stated that the man left her with her little son in her arms for the sake of Anna . Sana Timma reported that six months ago her husband began to cheat on her and blamed Sedokova for the collapse of the family. Anna responded to the accusations of her lover's wife. The artist stated that, according to Janis, he left the family even before the start of his relationship with her.
How to improve relationships with your husband's children from his first marriage
When choosing a man and marrying him, a woman does not worry too much about his past. The fact that he already has children does not seem to be a problem for her. But then comes the moment of the first meeting and acquaintance with the child, who clearly demonstrates dissatisfaction and perceives her as a personal enemy. The woman is confused and does not know how to behave. Having decided to marry a man with a child, you need to know that even in the most conflicting situation there is a way out and an opportunity to establish excellent relationships in the family.
- Organize the first meeting on neutral territory
For the first meeting with your husband’s child, it is better to organize a joint visit to a park, museum, or zoo. The main thing is that the child finds it interesting there. This will allow him not to focus on getting to know you, but to associate the event with something pleasant.
- Behave properly
You should not show your child your special relationship with his father. He will be embarrassed seeing your tenderness. Kisses and hugs from dad to someone else's aunt will be very unpleasant for him.
- Subtly show you care
Try to always welcome your husband's child well if he comes to visit you. Help your husband, remind him of holidays or any significant events in the lives of his children. Create a cozy atmosphere in the house so that children feel comfortable communicating with their father. Experiencing positive emotions, children can more easily cope with the divorce of their parents and the appearance of other families.
Give them a chance to be alone. If the father takes the child with him for the whole weekend, then the first day you can be together, and the next day you can leave them alone and visit your mother, friend, visit a store or salon, etc.
- Don't force things
If you see that you don’t like your husband’s child, you shouldn’t be upset, rush things and try at all costs to make friends with him faster. There is no need to impose your society, you must interest it. At first, let them walk together more often, go to football or the circus together. The child will feel that you are not interfering with their communication, that he can, as before, discuss issues of interest to him with his father without strangers. He won't be annoyed by your constant presence.
- Don't "buy" a child
If you married a man with a child, then you should not pamper him immensely with sweets, allow him everything, fulfill all his whims, etc. You will never achieve the desired result. Such permissiveness has a bad effect on children and leads to the fact that they “sit on their heads.” This is all understandable: seeing that a person is trying to buy their location, they simply sell it at a higher price. Don’t curry favor with your child; he will sense the falseness right away. This may push him further away from you. Once he loses respect, he will never take you seriously. The best way out in such a situation is to communicate as equals.
- Don't read moral lectures
When you marry a man with a child, try not to make comments to him, even if it seems to you that he is behaving poorly or speaking rudely. You need time to understand what explains this behavior of the child, to find out how his mother raises him. You will be able to read moral teachings only after you have established a normal relationship and are sure that he will perceive your words correctly. You should not interfere in the process of raising a child, because he already has parents - a father and a mother.
- Don't complain to your husband
You have to understand that this is a child. Do not rush to complain to your husband if he behaved aggressively or disobeyed you.
There is no need for him to consider you a sneak and see your irritation or anger. React to his antics as calmly as possible. Very little time will pass and the child will understand that his negative attitude towards you is not justified.
