Why is my wife flirting with her work colleague?

Flirting at work

15 February 2020, 00:00 |
Katya Kozhevnikova 7 chosen

Is flirting acceptable in an office environment? There is no consensus on this matter. Someone will say that any communication between a man and a woman always involves at least a slight touch of flirtation. Others will argue that there is no place for such frivolity in the professional field. And someone sincerely believes that without flirting, everyday work turns into mortal boredom. And everyone is right in their own way. After all, flirting at work has its pros and cons. And everyone decides for themselves what is more important to them.

Pros of office flirting

Flirting, by its very definition, is a game, so you shouldn't take it seriously. Moreover, often this game does not pursue any goals, but serves only to entertain the participants. It’s simply impossible not to flirt with some people – for them it’s a natural way of communicating. But this does not mean that they are flighty or frivolous, it’s just more pleasant for them to communicate.

So, the advantages of office flirting are that...

Raises self-esteem . I think every girl has had a situation when, running out of the house in the morning, she was extremely dissatisfied with her appearance. But a smile from a nice guy on the subway, a wink from a colleague, or an unexpected compliment dramatically changed this mood to the opposite. Light flirting increases our self-confidence and makes us feel irresistible. Men also “bloom” when pretty girls flirt with them. So why not resort to such a mutually beneficial exchange of compliments?
Improves mood . Along with self-esteem, our mood confidently creeps up. Psychologists are sure that flirting at work relieves tension and helps to overcome inevitable stress.
Keeps you in shape . Flirting helps us stay fit and look great (even if we only slept for three hours last night). A girl who flirts with her colleagues is unlikely to come to the office in casual clothes or without makeup.
Inspiring . A little flirtation at work inspires many people to achieve creative feats. Thanks to him, we want to show our colleagues the best side, both personally and professionally. The main thing is that it does not take up all the working time and does not distract from work.
Strengthens relationships in the office . Of course, we are not talking about cases when flirting at work develops into falling in love. But he evokes mutual sympathy between colleagues. And she, in turn, helps solve some work problems. After all, people are more happy to help those they like.

Cons of office flirting

Still, many people will think a hundred times before using such an informal manner of communication in the office. The thing is, flirting in the workplace has its downsides.

Reputation . For some women, it is very important at work to be perceived primarily as professionals, and not as nice girls. Flirting does not contribute to such a reputation. If you make eyes and flirt with your colleagues, keep in mind that they will treat you accordingly. Some people are happy with this, but others are not.
Gossip . Since you’ve decided to flirt at work, try to communicate evenly with everyone, without choosing “favorites” among your colleagues. Although in reality it is quite difficult, at least because some employees happily support this game, while others do not accept it at all. But if you flirt with just one person, rumors about your relationship will definitely spread around the office.
Jealousy . If you are in a relationship, then your flirtatious manner of communicating with colleagues may offend your loved one. Remember that flirting is a game and it's not worth risking a real relationship.
Novel . Flirting at work is dangerous because it is a game on the edge. Maybe your colleague perceives it as something more. Or one day at a corporate party, under the influence of an informal atmosphere and alcohol, you will go a little further in your advances than you planned. And in some cases it can develop into an office romance. This isn't necessarily a bad thing. But an office romance is a completely different story with its own difficulties and pitfalls.

Do you think there is a place for flirting at work? Is this style of communication accepted in your office? What do you think about it?

By the way…

Flirting helps us feel more attractive, and decorative cosmetics makes us look better.

Ooh la Lift Express eye gloss, Benefit

Palette Runway Palette for face and eye makeup, Giorgio Armani

La Petite Robe Noire Lipstick, Guerlain

Katya Kozhevnikova , iledebeaute.ru

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Today, many single or unhappily married women spend more than half of their time in the office. Flirting with colleagues is a protection against loneliness for them. With frequent daily communication at work, modern men and women are even forced to flirt. Today this is an acceptable manner of communication between a man and a woman. Flirting facilitates communication between office workers of both sexes. It is almost inevitable, since an independent, confident woman already stands out among others. And this is already the initial stage of flirting. I would like to dwell in more detail on such a fairly common phenomenon today as flirting with a boss. A woman has the right to flirt with any office employee. It is important that she distinguishes flirting from banal advances. Especially if she is flirting with her boss. Often this ends in failure due to the fact that the subordinate regards the boss’s attention as the beginning of something pure and bright. And here, after all, different options for the development of events are likely. From the happiest to the most trivial. That’s why it’s important to remember the main rules of flirting with your boss. I will discuss them in more detail below. So, the main rules of flirting with your boss are: First. To attract the attention of your boss, you need to be a strong, energetic, self-sufficient woman, flirting with whom will give him pleasure. And at the same time, do not pretend to be the only one with whom he will be interested and happy, do not try to tie him to yourself and infringe on his freedom. Second. It is necessary to maintain the necessary distance between the boss and the subordinate. Not allowing any closeness. Be prepared to resist his advances. Your flirting should be light and non-binding and not implying any continuation in the future. No man will tolerate an attack on his freedom by a woman who is stranger to him. Remember: you are work colleagues. No more. Third. You must be patient, self-possessed, not be offended by your boss over trifles, be angry with him, be in a bad mood, and avoid his company. Remember, he is first and foremost your leader and only then a man. Be sincerely interested in his opinion, be a good listener, do not interrupt him. Fourth. You can’t be too serious, stubborn, in production issues and not insist on your opinion, proving that it is the only correct one. You must remember that besides you there are other subordinates who may have opinions different from your point of view. And the boss can listen to them or draw his own conclusions from the situation. Fifth. You cannot allow yourself to be caught off guard under any circumstances. For your boss, you should always have a smile and a joke in stock, even if you have made a fine. Sixth. You must value your manager's trust. And don’t forget that flirting with your boss is not a reason to brag to your colleagues about your secret knowledge, entrusted to you either out of operational necessity or in moments of weakness. It is unacceptable to forget or neglect the rules of flirting. You need to remember that flirting with your boss is just a game. A game that doesn't oblige you to anything. A game that helps the production process and relieves the atmosphere within the team. A game that, if you don’t overplay it, will bring you such tangible results as respect and acceptance from your boss. On the contrary, loss of control over the situation when flirting threatens loss of your job in extreme cases, and at the very least gossip and the collapse of your reputation. More…

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Flirting. Office romance with or without rules

“Office flirting seems to have no age. If behind the office door you are already a girl of 30+, then in the office a woman over 30 is perceived as the ideal combination of youth and self-confidence.” Do you agree?

It's spring outside. You have already read the joke in the blogosphere “Spring. I really want to start a romance. But your husband is against it”? The largest number of romances actually happen in spring. And office romances are no exception. The office seems to be filled with sunshine and women's smiles. Well, and miniskirts, if the dress code allows.

Alas, office romance is not only a pleasant adventure, but also often a dangerous trap. What happens if management finds out about the affair? How will your colleagues react? What to do in case of separation, because your tables are opposite each other?...

So, you have already admitted to yourself that you are increasingly looking not at the report, but at your handsome colleague. And he finds a reason to be near your desk several times a day. Either he needed a folder, or his hole punch was lost somewhere... What to do? Give up women's happiness and strictly follow the norm “At work - only about work!”? What if this is love?

First, let's take a look at the book “Flirting. Love affair at work".

“When starting to write a script, let's figure out the characters and roles. So, there are three people involved in an office romance: a man, a woman and corporate rules. Corporate rules can be represented by colleagues, management, or a strict corporate code. Corporate rules are a meeting place and regulations for employee behavior, relationships within the team and between colleagues.

Your novel will a priori have an audience. Over time, sympathizers and observers will appear. For some, the development of your relationship will become a soap opera that can be discussed during a lunch break, but there will also be those who want to share their impressions with partners or management. You and the man are the main characters, but among the extras involved in the events there may be others who want to take your place on the set.

Now let’s make a list of undeniable advantages of office relationships. Exactly the advantages. There are a lot of them. And they will definitely lift your mood in the gray office everyday life.

An undoubted advantage of an office romance is the prospect of marrying a developing, wealthy man. And often - very profitable! He has a job, a career, a salary, a car, ambitions. He stays late at the office and has no time for outside meetings.

Marriage to a manager, business partner, or business owner may be even more attractive. You can fall in love and marry for love. You can marry for convenience. Office acquaintance can be useful not only in your personal life, but also within the office.

The gentleman will help you cope with your job responsibilities, you work in a common space and on the same wavelength, you have something to talk about, you have a colleague who will calm you down after the boss’s bullying, remind you about the coffee break and will not let your colleagues offend you.

A chosen one who occupies a higher status position can contribute to career advancement. Another advantage is the background of the acquaintance. By looking closely at your colleagues, you will recognize in advance the special character traits of a man, his manner of behavior, episodes of his past and personal life. It will be easier for you to find the first reason for communication and a topic for conversation.

An office romance is a great reason to come to work in high spirits. Of course, because not just a working day awaits you, but a whole adventure. There is a reason to always look stylish, add femininity to a strict dress code, this will not go unnoticed by clients and colleagues, and therefore will increase your personal and business attractiveness.

It is known that emotional shock and good mood lead to increased ability to work and productivity. There is a desire to act, to stand out among colleagues.

Falling in love stimulates creative processes. This means your creativity and approach to business will acquire new shades. Especially in joint projects. You will be able to stay late at work without disappointment, because you don’t need to rush to the date, it has already begun. You will have additional time to communicate with your lover, for example, during a lunch break or a joint business trip.

The work will not turn into routine and monotony, because not only a dry report awaits you, but also pleasant winks. When choosing a profession, you may have already thought that, as a secretary, you could successfully marry your boss.

It is known that the richest man on the planet, who, according to Forbes magazine, has held the financial palm for several years (of course, as you already guessed, this is Bill Gates) - married his employee. Where else could he meet his future wife with such a busy schedule, as at a press briefing of his company.

There are not just a few such examples, but many. The expression “married to a colleague” or “I’m having an affair with my boss” adds confidence and increases the rating in the eyes of friends. However, there are much more office failures and broken hearts. Therefore, you should not treat office romance as a frivolous pastime.

You can use a novel as a tool to improve your personal life and create relationships, but with reservations and really, essentially.”

Agree, there are many advantages to an office romance. They did not expect?

So here it is. No matter how strict the corporate code may be, do not rush to limit potential opportunities to improve your personal life. Let spring in. Consider the dangers and... act! And the book “Flirting. Office Romance" will reveal all the rules and secrets of a successful office romance https://lady-maxi.ru/lp/book-flirt-roman/

Are you ready for an office romance, but want to protect yourself? Do you have doubts and want to weigh everything again? Is your dream to marry your colleague?

You can get the electronic version of the book here https://lady-maxi.ru/lp/book-flirt-roman/

Fall in love and put the tips into practice today!

Office taboos

Typically the errors we are talking about are associated with:

self-confidence or, on the contrary, lack of self-confidence;
talkativeness;
insufficient literacy;
inability to distinguish between “business time” and “fun time”.

Here are the mistakes you need to avoid.

Familiarity and dominance

Remember that you can address peers or elders on a first-name basis only when they are clearly ready for more intimate communication.

You should not invade the personal space of your colleagues - some withdrawn people react very painfully to touch or someone else’s smell. You should be more careful when handling other people’s things and problems. If you took the pen, return it. If you found out that a colleague recently divorced her husband, refrain from asking questions.

Don't take unnecessary liberties. You can't put your feet on the desk in the office.

Patronizing intonations

Young people often establish themselves through familiarity, while older people like to patronize. A very common mistake of mature office workers is the desire to teach. Sometimes these people actually have valuable experience that should be shared with newcomers, but it needs to be conveyed in an unobtrusive manner.

No one likes to be the object of targeted upbringing - it hurts one’s self-esteem and forces one to look for the mentor’s shortcomings.

Showing indifference to work

Office employees often like to suffer in public - to scold their tedious work, complain about the overwhelming burden of responsibilities, put the kettle on three times an hour, discuss with a friend on a mobile phone all the details of yesterday's match... Expecting brotherly understanding, some smart people openly sit on social networks and send funny pictures to their colleagues. .

Usually such actions are greeted in a friendly manner, but in reality they are often perceived as an irritation.

If something doesn't interest you, it doesn't mean that others don't care either. Some employees may perceive your disregard for common tasks as a personal insult.

To a foreign temple with its own charter

When you start a new job, don’t be too obstinate. Any team has long-established unwritten laws of communication, and they cannot be violated, even if they are inconvenient to some extent.

We talked in detail about how a beginner should behave on a separate page.

Hysterics and tears

If you have a tendency towards energy vampirism, nip it in the bud. Don’t create circumstances in which others will feel sorry for you. By sympathizing with your problems, screams and tears, colleagues sacrifice their own good mood.

Once or twice such sympathy will not be a burden to your colleagues, but over time they will begin to shun you and secretly laugh at you.

Servility

To earn respect, you must always maintain self-esteem. An authoritarian boss may encourage subservience, but deep down he will expect a certain amount of healthy opposition from you.

A little conflict is sometimes better than years of escalating tension.

Keep in mind that you can also resist tyranny with cunning (see specific recommendations).

Discussing colleagues behind the scenes

Spiritual closeness with colleagues is most often an illusion. We are not all the same at work as we are at home; everyone wears their own mask.

Jokes about your boss or discussions about mutual friends behind your back very easily go beyond the sidelines. The better the joke, the sharper the remark, the faster the whole team will repeat it.

What is more important to you: playing the role of a buffoon or saving your reputation?

Frankness about personal things

If you think that your personal life is a good topic for conversation, you are very mistaken. Stories about a spouse, lover, or children will, at best, cause boredom in your interlocutor, and at worst, provoke him to start gossiping.

There is a wonderful Russian proverb: “You shouldn’t wash your dirty laundry in public.”

Passion for flirting

Flirting at work can be useful to some extent - it makes colleagues show off in front of each other, helps set one up for success and fills them with optimism. However, constantly emphasizing gender differences is not good. This is a scientifically proven fact.

In 2014, the American company CTI conducted a survey, the purpose of which was to find out the main obstacles to career growth in offices. The respondents were heads of companies at various levels. Believe it or not, 72% of respondents said that the biggest mistake in business communication is sexist remarks and advances at work.

A person who exhibits sexual interests demonstrates frivolity, narrow-mindedness, and an inability to concentrate on the main thing.

An affair with a colleague: pros and cons

Uncultured speech

Competent, even speech is the most important sign of intellectual maturity. The ability to clearly express thoughts indicates a decent level of education, erudition, and erudition.

Learn to watch your tongue. Especially important:

avoid parasitic words (obsessive “like”, “just”, “as if”, etc.);
do not try to be clever for show (if the meaning of a word is roughly familiar to you, do not use this word);
do not pile up too long and complex sentences - short phrases are easier to keep under control;
avoid overtly everyday and reduced vocabulary - diminutives and rude words.

Swearing at work is absolutely inappropriate.

If you found your flaws while reading the article, that’s great. A familiar error is not scary, because it is quite possible to get rid of it.

Good luck to you and unhindered professional growth!

Source: www.rabota-naiti.ru

Flirting type predicts relationship success

Incredible facts

The future of your relationship may depend on how you flirt, either by making advances or by opting for more traditional methods, according to a new study. Plus, the type of flirting you use can say a lot about you as a person.

The study found that there are five main flirting styles that people use in romantic interactions - playful, traditional, physical, sincere and polite. Each style leads to gaining one or another experience in the “world of flirting.” For example, women who practice polite flirting say they don't get the returns they want and men pay little attention to them.

“People often talk about being frustrated or dissatisfied with their lack of ability to convince another person to notice them, understand how interesting they really are and how interested they are in a long-term romance.

not in a friendship or a weekly conversation,” says expert Jeffrey Hall, assistant professor of communication studies at the University of Arkansas.

“If we knew more about the consequences of our actions, as well as the results that each style of flirting can lead to, then we could look inside the issue and understand what we are doing and why. It will also help people follow the types of flirting that will contribute to changing the person's approach to a particular romance.

“,” Jeffrey explained, adding that most people can use several flirting styles at the same time in their practice, but, nevertheless, one is still dominant.

Style preferences deciphered

To conduct the study, Hall and his colleagues recruited 5,000 participants registered on a dating website who answered questions related to flirting style, personality and relationship experience. Participants, whose average age was 40 years old but ranged from 18 to 96, were asked to answer questions with multiple options ranging from “strongly agree” to “strongly disagree.” This was done in order to determine their flirting style.

For example, people who completely agree with the statement that “a man should make the first move, and not vice versa”

most likely adhere to the traditional style of flirting.
Someone for whom flirting is a game will most likely agree with statements such as “flirting is simple fun, a person should not be too serious” or “flirting is harmless fun.”
Advocates of polite flirting will probably agree with the statement that “people should be careful when they see interest in themselves from the opposite sex” or “there are certain rules about how a man and a woman should behave.”

Personality tests show that playful and physical flirting is in most cases the prerogative of extroverts,

while the traditional style of flirting tends towards neuroticism. The sincere style has two sides: the positive side is associated with openness, and the negative side is associated with neuroticism.

Statements like “I am good at showing sexual interest” or “I am good at using body language when flirting” are likely to describe physical flirting. Those who like to create emotional connections and express genuine interest in another person are sincere flirts. They are most likely to agree with statements such as “I really enjoy understanding other people’s interests.”

or “an emotional connection with another person can be really exciting.”

Relationship and flirting experience

As you might expect, women who scored high on traditional flirting were much less likely to say that they would be the first to approach a potential partner and much more likely to be mistaken in believing that someone was flirting with them. They also have more problems when it comes to expressing their romantic desires and getting the attention of men.

Among men who prefer traditional flirting, as researchers write, long-term relationships with a partner are most often observed. These men are unlikely to flirt with another woman during the relationship.

Opposite properties are assigned to those who are supporters of physical flirting. Such people are unlikely to be stopped by the fact that they are already in a couple if they are interested in a person of the opposite sex. Such people are also more likely than others to say that they are flirted with everywhere, literally not giving them a pass. Playful flirting has much the same characteristics. But, while lovers of playful flirting noted that they have no problems being noticed, often other people believe that supporters of this type of flirting are being too flirtatious, although in fact, this was not even in their thoughts .

Those who enjoy genuine flirting reported the need for emotional connections and sexual chemistry in the relationship. Polite flirting focuses on proper presentation as well as non-sexual communication. Although they noted that they were unlikely to be the first to approach a potential partner, they were generally committed to serious relationships, the researchers said.

The point, Hill concluded, is that knowing something like this about flirting can greatly help us build relationships. “Knowing how we express our romantic interest gives us an accurate look at what consequences this type of flirting can provoke. We must attract people who respond to our flirting style appropriately.

Each person is a mixture of all styles, but one should strive to implement the style that is aimed at building relationships. It is certainly easier to emphasize or minimize a certain aspect of our behavior than to change it completely.”