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Absolutely everyone gossips, despite the fact that we were all taught from childhood that it is impossible to talk about someone behind their back. Despite this, nothing stops us from the temptation to tell all our friends at a party about how your mutual friend spent a lot of money on a ticket that she successfully lost, or about a friend who fell into a puddle. Of course, harmless conversations will not bring anything bad. However, gossip and deliberate negative rumors can be a real problem.
Why do we gossip
Reason one: pathological, innate interest in someone else's life. It's in our blood, so it's almost impossible to get away from it. We are simply interested in how others will react to what you know or do not know about a person. This also applies to show business stars, who receive all the attention of the media for precisely this reason.
Reason two : the desire to humiliate a person. Everyone has enemies, against whom all methods are good. Rumors that are spread about you almost always come from an ill-wisher. Even whispers about your successes can spell trouble. For example, general envy.
Reason three: the dullness of the surrounding world. Sometimes we get bored - that's when gossip flows like a river. When the topics for conversation end, the time for gossip begins, which can kill fatigue and boredom for a while.
Reason four: the desire to impress. Perhaps this is the most common reason for gossip and talking about someone behind his back. Let's say you are in a noisy company or on a date with someone you like. Interesting rumors can make you a good conversationalist, because a funny story about how one of your mutual friends lost an apartment in a casino is always interesting to anyone. Sometimes, for the sake of such a purpose, rumors can be deliberately spread by the person himself. But in this case they will, of course, embellish the reality.
Reason five: increasing self-esteem. By spreading rumors about someone's misfortune, we can see from the outside our life, which is not as bad as that of someone who lost his entire fortune, family, or fell ill with a rare disease.
How to deal with gossip
It doesn't matter what they say about you. If they talk about you, it means you are interesting to others. You shouldn’t have a negative attitude when someone discusses you, because everyone is different. Gossip invented by third parties may be the result of your enmity, or it may turn out to be just someone’s idle speculation. You need to fight talking behind your back only if a loved one has been turned against you.
And even in this case, remember that no unconfirmed information can kill love or sincere respect, so just ignore the gossip. The best lesson for gossipers is that your life has not become worse because of their empty words. Everyone can spend their time more usefully. We shared one such method in this article.
No amount of talking behind your back will make you better or worse. Only you yourself are capable of this, so treat rumors and gossip about yourself as indifferently as possible.
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19.04.2016 00:20
Psychology of gossip
Gossip is considered one of the types of rumors. It is no coincidence that S.I. Ozhegov defined gossip as “a rumor about someone or something based on inaccurate or deliberately incorrect information.” And he gave examples of word usage: “Start a gossip. Philistine gossip" (Ozhegov, 1986).
As a rule, outwardly gossip is condemned by everyone as a manifestation of superficial interests, the pursuit of sensations, the manifestation of intriguing methods, etc. Nevertheless, gossip always retains its vitality and a certain place in social relations, which is determined primarily by the diversity of its social and psychological functions. The main one, as in the case of rumors, is the information saturation of the psychology of the masses through its own, unofficial and unformalized channels
, in accordance with the laws of this psychology. Like rumor, gossip is one of the special mechanisms for the formation and maintenance of mass psychology.
Unlike rumor, which is always unreliable, gossip is understood as false or true, verified or unverifiable (and in this case usually unlikely), incomplete, biased but plausible information about matters that are considered personal, but may have wide social implications. resonance, and about circumstances relating to rather closed aspects of the life of relatively closed, elite social groups. It is difficult to imagine the widespread spread of gossip from the life of the factory floor. On the contrary, gossip from the life of “higher spheres” - politicians, famous artists, people who are “in plain sight” - is highly popular. In this case, the very fact of the popularity of a certain circle of figures is a condition for the occurrence and a factor in the spread of gossip.
Let's pay attention to some significant differences between rumor and gossip. Rumors usually concern everyone - this is the key to their mass character and their massive circulation. Gossip concerns a few, but it is those few that interest many. The mechanism is slightly different, but the result is similar.
Like rumors, gossip satisfies a specific information need. However, this is not a need for vital information. This is a need for additional information about the life of popular people and communities that are closed to most. Accordingly, gossip is more informative, usually specific and much more detailed than rumors, but it is always much less emotional.
As a rule, gossip is usually of a more local and “intimate” nature, has a tinge of obscenity and concerns, as it were, forbidden, hidden, due to its
“indecency”, that is. Gossip is information that cannot be written about; it obviously falls into the category of “unprintable” information. As a rule, gossip is transmitted secretly, with a sense of mutual belonging of the gossipers to a certain social circle, and often concerns those issues, the open, public and open discussion of which is usually some kind of taboo.
In the specialized literature, six specific socio-psychological functions of gossip , satisfying the corresponding needs of the audience.
The first function is informational and cognitive. Gossip is always a special, special addition to other, official, institutionalized, normative and ostentatiously public information. In contrast to such clearly “varnished” information, gossip usually represents a kind of “underside of events.”
Psychologically, the point is that the need for objective information at the very moment when a person is faced with specific gossip is instantly transformed into its opposite. In reality, it turns out that we do not really need this very “objective information” - there is already more than enough of it in the means of official communication - in newspapers, on radio and television. Modern people more often experience a kind of emotional hunger for biased, subjective information, especially with a “strawberry” flavor.
“An emotional, interested attitude to events, the very method of communication, during which misinformation of the transmitters and those receiving are superimposed on each other, even if not intentionally, leads to the fact that the information becomes implausible. Gossip does not eliminate the lack of information, but it can arouse or maintain certain moods” (Jendrzejewski, 1975). This is the main charm of gossip: the camouflage of information content contributes to its spread, although the result turns out to be, on the contrary, completely misinformation.
The second socio-psychological function of gossip is affiliative-integrative. The exchange of gossip always indicates a very definite similarity both in the characters of the people exchanging gossip and in the hierarchies of their values. Gossip is not a rumor that can be shared on the fly, with almost any interlocutor. Gossip requires a certain, peculiar, sometimes even perverted taste for this activity. Gossipers are very special people. As a rule, they usually form their own, and quite specific company, creating a kind of information “circle”. The affiliative power of gossip, as a rule, increases due to its integrative properties. Gossip is one of the important tools for the formation of a specific “we-consciousness”, the psychological emergence of “one’s own” community. It has long been well known to everyone that “those with whom we engage in gossip are always, as it were, “our own people.” In this way, the internal cohesion and separate character of the group (cliques, coteries, or even masses) is revealed and strengthened. Gossip becomes a plane of opposition between “us and them”” (Jendrzejewski, 1975). This kind of rallying effect is where the suggestive mechanism of gossip manifests itself. The one who tells you gossip becomes like a primitive leader who conveyed important information about the enemy, or a shaman, a priest, as if explaining, interpreting the special behavior of certain “celestials.”
The third socio-psychological function of gossip is entertainment and play. Ultimately, unlike rumors, which are usually taken and transmitted quite seriously and with interest, gossip is spread much more easily, as if playfully, with a joke and a certain amount of irony. This is usually facilitated by some frivolity of the content of gossip, and its sometimes quite humorous nature. It was rightly noted: “In gossip you can find various forms of comedy - prosaic scenes of what is universally respected, the greatness and ordinariness of the same people, funny conflicts of social roles, etc.” (Jendrzejewski, 1975). In this sense, gossip sometimes comes close to anecdotes, although they are obviously more specific and believable in nature. Like telling a joke, gossip is a way to entertain another person. Therefore, unlike rumors, the transmission of gossip is not at all obligatory. It is not as exciting for the transmitter and is not vital for the recipient.
The fourth function is projection-compensatory. Ultimately, almost any gossip, even if it is based on completely reliable facts, is “invented” information - not a message from a news agency, but almost an artistic creation in the genre of oral history. The genre dictates its own laws. Naturally, the repressed properties and inclinations of the gossipers are usually projected onto the object of gossip, and characteristics of people close to themselves, their own likes and dislikes, are attributed. Due to its relative “artistry,” gossip often contributes to the generation and preservation of various legends and myths, supplying supposedly confirming facts, even justifications and specific illustrations. Some gossip, especially from the lives of “great” or simply fairly famous and popular people, often find their place on the pages of entertainment publications (such as the popular column “Gossip Chronicles”). Thus, gossip can change its genre - from the category of unofficial information transmitted “in secret”, “from mouth to mouth”, it immediately turns into printed, i.e. public, institutionalized information. Naturally, it is subject to completely different criteria of reliability - what is printed in a newspaper or said on a television screen is usually perceived as an almost indisputable fact.
The fifth function of gossip is the function of social control. Gossip is an integral part of public opinion, and therefore an element of a hidden, but still always existing, special mechanism of informal control of the masses over the elite. Fears of gossip, fears associated with the very possibility of their occurrence, are often (especially for conformist or simply cautiously oriented individuals, as well as for a number of small and insufficiently socio-psychologically mobile groups) one of the important factors determining the very behavior of such people and groups. In fact, this function reflects the formation of the already mentioned “we-consciousness,” only in an inverted, inverted form. From the point of view of social control, the “we” group is the controlled ones, i.e. the elite, who are afraid of negative opinions and negative assessments of the masses. Accordingly, the “they” group for the elite turns out to be the masses.
Finally, the last, sixth socio-psychological function of gossip is a purely specific, tactical function. Gossip can often be used as a kind of weapon in the struggle between individuals, groups or even mass communities. Gossip can be purposefully spread in anticipation of its sharply negative impact on the reputation and image of opponents. This influence is usually carried out in a number of ways: through weakening the level of trust in them; through the spread of outright misinformation; through arousal of negative emotions, negative attitudes, etc.
And the janitor can be a prostitute
Everyone is familiar with this joke: a granny near the entrance, due to the absence of young people in the house, called the janitor a prostitute. Gossip can be simply disgusting, and sometimes it can ruin not only your mood, but also your life in general.
There is a belief that people gossip if they have nothing better to do. There is a lot of truth in this. For example, elderly ladies who have lost interest in life, and their grandchildren and children have stopped paying them due attention, willingly spread new rumors. It is not surprising that their victims most often are neighbors or work colleagues. For this category of people, gossip is the only bright spot in life, which gives them excitement and a certain spirit of adventurism.
Gossip is not for men?
The gatherings turned out to be extremely pleasant. Even too much considering the fact that among those gathered there were too many characters stuffed with education, spoiled by tourist experiences and not burdened with children. They made some noise about the news (gloomy), outlined humanitarian prospects (even gloomier) and moved on to discussing the personal lives of those whom they had not seen for a long time. Education, spoiledness and unencumberedness immediately gave way, and the conversation went in a more relaxed direction. "And he?" - "And she?" - "Come on!"
When the bones of all close and barely familiar people were thoroughly washed, celebrities came to the rescue. Ladies with a university education, it turns out, are aware of the tricks of Olga Buzova, and men who know how to look at others with a very intelligent expression on their faces know what is happening to Andrei Malakhov. There were, of course, joyful moments. One girl asked to enlighten her about the person of Prokhor Chaliapin and after a short educational program she came into a state of shock and awe. This probably happens to people who discover a new world. However, the verdict with which the lady left the party had already plunged me into shock and awe. “Oh, how fun,” she giggled. “It turns out that men are such gossips!”
Horrible! Is she serious? Is it unmanly to gossip? This is pure sexism! And, by the way, I, like some of my friends, am trying to fight it. Recently I was sitting in the company of media colleagues, and one employee of a large printing house told me how in the modern world we need to choose pictures of star girls for covers. Based on the requirements of large international authorities, a person should look at you from a glossy page, and not a sexual object. And we agreed with this. What can we do, let’s take a walk and that’s enough, there’s nothing wrong with feminism, and in general it’s time for us to have a woman president. And suddenly men are gossipers! So it may seem that I am also gossiping in my column, and this is too much.
Just before the start of the season of miniskirts, holiday romances and other nonsense that sometimes interfere with perceiving a woman as a person, I want to set the accents. We also have the right to gossip, if everyone is fighting for equality. However, women gossip, and men simply exchange information. It should also be added that gossip itself is of interest only to women. Men are interested in people's lives. And with such a theoretical basis, I can rant here with incredible dignity on the most unworthy topics.
How to deal with gossip at work - rules of conduct for an intelligent person and precautions
- If gossip does not concern you, then it is better not to listen to it or transmit it at all. Finding themselves in this cycle of volumes of information, even the most responsible employees gradually forget about their direct responsibilities and begin to take an active or passive part in weaving intrigues.
- You can deal with gossip about your own candidacy in different ways. If it does not harm your career, it is better to ignore them, then interest in them will quickly disappear. As a last resort, you can have a serious conversation with the source. Depending on the core of this person, any methods of influence are acceptable - from clarification of relationships and reconciliation to the promise of active action in response. The second option is less effective, because takes a lot of effort and time, preventing you from effectively performing your official duties.
- It is very difficult to fight gossip; it is better to prevent its occurrence. A certain manner of behavior will help with this. Colleagues should not be told their secrets, no matter how close the relationship. When you find yourself in an ambiguous situation, it is better to independently convey its meaning to others, giving it a humorous twist. If gossip does arise and reaches your ears, spread it further, brightening it up with comments and details. Then it will no longer be compromising information, but advertising.
