Working with your husband - advantages
For some, working together with a loved one is a dream. No worries about where he stays, you can admire him all day from your desk, lunch breaks together, home together. Another will shudder in horror - “With your husband? Work? Never!". Are there really positives to working with your spouse?
- Mutual assistance.
Having problems at work? Argued with your boss? Don't have time to finish your order? Confused about the report? So here he is, the savior - nearby. Will always help and support. - Self confidence.
When there is a person behind your back, not theoretically (somewhere there, at home), but in fact, it allows you to feel more confident. - At work, a husband and wife are perceived as a single whole.
Therefore, it is unlikely that anyone will dare to seriously “encroach” on their beloved half - that is, affairs are practically excluded. As, in fact, from the female side: flirting with colleagues while under the gaze of your spouse will not work. - Understanding.
When working together, the wife is always aware of events. And the husband doesn’t have to squeeze out of himself: “We’re in a rush situation, the boss is angry, we’re in no mood,” because the wife already knows about it. - Saving the family budget
on transportation costs. - A more serious attitude towards work.
For management, a married couple with “experience” at work is a huge plus. - You can come to corporate parties with your spouse
, relax quietly, dance and drink champagne - your husband will protect you if you drink too much, make sure you don’t blurt out too much, and take you home safe and sound. - Staying late after work is normal for working spouses
. No one will be agonizingly waiting for anyone at home, heating up dinner for the nth time - spouses can return from work even after midnight, and they will have no reason to be suspicious.
Regular touching is the key to a strong relationship
When a relationship is on the verge of divorce, most spouses stop talking to each other altogether. Very often in this case, the husband and wife ignore each other while being at home together. You can correct the situation if you try to restore tactile contact. Try to hug and kiss your spouse more often. Many happy couples have a sweet habit of walking and greeting each other to/from work. Don't be shy about showing your feelings in public places. Hug your spouse on the street, hold hands in the company of friends, offer your hand to help you get out of the car.
Try to make all these simple gestures your habits, and positive changes will not keep you waiting. Most likely, very soon you will be able to boast to everyone that you have an ideal wife. The issue of intimate relationships in marriage deserves special consideration. Sexologists say that regular sex is the key to a strong marriage. But at the same time, it is important to listen to the desires of your other half. You cannot insist on sex or, worse, force your wife if she refuses. In the bedroom, everything should happen only according to mutual desire. If you lack passion, you can try something new. It is only advisable to first discuss everything with your spouse and, after sharing your erotic fantasies, decide which of them should be translated into reality in the very near future.
So, the disadvantages of working together:
- The higher the authority of the spouse, the higher (on a subconscious level) the attraction to him. Each other’s successes and failures at work are clearly visible to both, and any crisis or simply bad period lowers the husband’s authority in the eyes of his wife. As a result, there is a decrease in sexual desire for him
. - If both spouses work for a company, rivalry on the career ladder is also possible
. They are unlikely to push each other off the “steps” and push each other with their elbows, but feelings of annoyance, dissatisfaction and resentment will be guaranteed. - At work, it is almost impossible to hide your emotions.
If spouses are in a quarrel, it will be visible to everyone. But this is not the main problem. After a domestic quarrel, spouses working separately usually calm down during the working day, if the quarrel was trivial. When working together, spouses who have had a fight are forced to stay together. As a result, irritation increases, productivity drops, a showdown begins - the quarrel develops into a serious conflict. - We usually try not to talk about personal relationships at work. But in this case, both the spouse himself and your relationship are in full view
. Which often becomes a reason for gossip and sarcastic jokes. - Considering that the team perceives the spouses as one whole, there is a risk that the husband’s mistakes will be transferred to the wife
(and vice versa). - If women predominate in the team, there will be jealousy
. It’s one thing when a husband goes to work and his wife doesn’t see with whom and how he communicates, and quite another when the wife is forced to watch how his wife is “bewitched” by unmarried colleagues. - Constantly being together is a serious test
even for the strongest couples. Working “separately” is an opportunity to take a break from each other and have time to get bored. When working together, the idea often arises of changing jobs or living separately temporarily. - Newlyweds working together have the hardest time of all.
It’s quite difficult to restrain yourself when your loved one is so close, and the candy-bouquet period with his passions is in full swing. And your bosses and colleagues are unlikely to like it. - If the wife’s job involves close communication with clients
, with whom you need to be charming, the husband will not be able to withstand such stress for long. She smiled at this one the wrong way, she shook this one’s hand for too long - it’s not far from a quarrel. - A husband who is a boss or a spouse who is a boss is the hardest option
. After all, the manager must ask questions from his other half, just like from other employees. Of course, a public “flogging” for late delivery of an order will doubly humiliate your beloved half. And indulgences from your spouse-boss will not do any good - your colleagues will begin to grind their teeth and will perceive you as the “eyes and ears” of the leader. - Working together will be no less difficult for a couple who have separated or are on the road to divorce
. Not falling flat on your face in front of your colleagues who are almost watching your relationship with popcorn in their hands is a talent. As a rule, someone has to give up work. - All communication after work, one way or another, comes down to problems at work
. Rare couples manage to leave work moments outside the threshold of their apartment. - In a situation where one spouse is the boss of the other, a problem arises in career advancement
. If the promotion is not even deserved, this will lead to serious grievances that will come back to haunt family life. If a promotion occurs, it will be perceived by colleagues with bias - that is, as a consequence of close relationships.
Whole life for two: how a joint business affects the relationship between spouses
Typically, family life is structured in such a way that spouses run off to work in the morning and spend time together in the evenings and on weekends. However, some couples manage to be near each other almost always - the whole point is that they work together. Some run a joint business, while others work in the same office. How relationships are affected by constant contact with a partner - in the material NEWS.ru.
At the beginning of their joint work, spouses are usually pleased with the fact that they can finally spend a lot of time together. However, later the couple faces more problems due to excess communication. This opinion was expressed in a conversation with NEWS.ru by clinical psychologist and sexologist Valentin Denisov-Melnikov.
It is difficult for a couple to be in constant contact. Usually people go to work, and they have the opportunity to switch attention to colleagues, discuss home problems, chat with friends, and also relax mentally. After this, they can return home to their partner “with a new look” and continue to build relationships: resolve conflicts and make plans for the future.
If spouses work in the same office, after some time they begin to feel a lack of communication with other people, explains the clinical psychologist. This is due to the fact that most often you only have contact during the working day with your partner. After all, increased attention to colleagues can cause jealousy on his part, says the specialist.
In addition, in this case the person will not have enough attention from the opposite sex. The thing is that even unobtrusive compliments raise self-esteem and mood. And confident and happy people have fewer reasons for conflicts within the family, notes Denisov-Melnikov.
In addition, being apart during the day gives spouses the opportunity to miss each other and understand that they can expect much more understanding from their partner than from their colleagues. A long separation contributes to the fact that a person will be extremely happy to see his loved one.
Running a business together, in turn, can bring a couple together because they have to solve common problems. However, the problem in this case is still the lack of personal space, explains the clinical psychologist.
Doing business together works well for people who know how to build and discuss their relationships, as well as negotiate with each other. In this case, they will not attack each other with claims. For example, if someone feels like they have too many responsibilities. If a couple has a wonderful relationship, then they can survive both working in the same office and running a joint business, but this will be an additional test.
Valentin Denisov-Melnikov
clinical psychologist and sexologist
Nevertheless, working together has its advantages, says social psychologist Nailya Birarova. Spouses already know how to communicate well with each other, conduct common affairs and negotiate. The main thing is not to start dominating your partner while working, because such behavior often develops into suppressing a person already at home.
The big advantage of working together is that if a couple quarrels, it is much easier for them to make up in the office. When a man sees that his wife communicates with other people, in particular with men, he begins to look at her in a new way and appreciate her even more.
Nailya Birarova
social psychologist
At the same time, the specialist noted that if a couple is worried about the lack of personal space due to working together, they should pay attention to this. In particular, for a certain time you can try to have less contact with each other and communicate only on important issues. It’s worth doing this to avoid divorce in the future. Rosstat statistics show that 27% of families collapse after 5–9 years of marriage.
The most common age for divorce in Russia is 30–34 years. The second most “popular” age among spouses divorcing is from 35 to 39 years for men and from 25 to 29 years for women. It is noteworthy that the majority of divorcees in Russia never have time to have children. 48% of those who divorce have no offspring, another 34% separate with one child in common, and 16.5% have two. Rural residents get divorced four times less often than urban residents.
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How to preserve your relationship while working with your spouse?
- Try, if possible, to return home separately from time to time.
For example, you can drop by a friend’s place after work or go shopping. You should take a break from each other for at least a couple of hours a day. - Avoid talking about work outside of its walls
- there should be no discussion of work issues either at home or on the way home. Of course, there is nothing fatal about discussing work over dinner. But one day it may turn out that besides work, you have no common topics for conversation. - On weekends, be sure to go somewhere to relax and take your mind off work
, plan purchases and trips for the future, and delight your children with family outings. - Clearly separate your roles at home and at work.
It is in your apartment that he is the beloved man who will kiss you as he passes by, make coffee, feel sorry for you and hug you. At work, he is your colleague (or boss). By trying to remind him that you are also a wife, you risk ruining your relationship with your husband and putting him in an unsightly light in front of his colleagues. Try to restrain your emotions, even if you want to slam the door. - You should not wait for him at the door
if he said that the meeting will be until the evening. Pack up and leave alone. And then there’s no need to ask your colleagues what time he left the meeting and who was still at work. If you are unable to control your jealousy, look for another job. So that later you don’t have to change your husband. - Do not isolate yourself from the team
, trying to stick only to your husband. Be equal to everyone, at work you are all colleagues. - Your husband was promoted, but you weren’t? Rejoice in his success
. - Don't interfere if your other half is called to the carpet
and reprimanded for a job poorly done. After a reprimand, you can come up and support, but conflicting with your general manager as “his wife” is absurd. As a result, both of you will be fired.
And remember that working together can cause the collapse of a family boat only if this boat is already bursting at the seams.
Our expert is a practicing psychologist, personal growth coach, head of the Residence of Happiness club Elena Shinkova
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Valera
Valera is 22 years old. He has been going intermittently since 2020. Since March of this year he has been living near St. Petersburg at the dacha with his parents. At first I went to the plant growing workshop. There I first started reading - books about plants, and then everything else. “It turned out that Valera had an excellent memory: he might not understand something, but he remembered everything very well,” says Dina. — He is also interested in politics and remembers all the details about some summits, meetings, their exact dates and all the participants. Then his mother sent him to a landscape design course, and he designed the family plot.
Problem
We started for health, ended for peace
When a business is just starting to build, family relationships at work can serve a good purpose. Who, if not a close person, is capable of working for a long time with full dedication, understanding the need to spend evenings and sometimes weekends at work and not demanding a salary increase?
However, after success is achieved, work disagreements often develop into family quarrels. There may be several reasons. Perhaps one of the spouses ceases to value the partner’s contribution or, conversely, the husband or wife begins to demand too much.
However, couples who come to work in an already established team are not immune from such quarrels. At first, at the stage of adaptation to the new environment, the spouses act as a well-coordinated team - they are, as it were, “friends among strangers.” But, after the positions at the new job are firmly won, the couple can start “internecine wars”, and conflict will appear within the family. However, in families where relationships are harmonious and time-tested, this problem, as a rule, can be avoided.
Couples whose relationship is not yet established should not start a common business or get a job in the same enterprise. If you have intra-family problems, you don’t need to add work problems to them.
Don't get personal. Close people know each other's strengths and weaknesses better than others. You don't need to use your knowledge to solve work issues.
Digital science
Gazprom Neft and launched the Digital Science project. The guys work in the Competence Center for Advanced Analytics. Valera, Sasha and Misha receive five thousand images every week from outdoor surveillance cameras at gas stations in the Gazprom Neft network. Within a week, they all need to be marked in a special program. Highlight where the gas station is and where the visitor is. Determine what the gas station attendant is doing: just standing, refueling the car, wiping the windows and license plates, or pouring windshield washer fluid. Indicate in a special frame what kind of vehicle it is - a passenger car or a truck.
They are working on the same batch of images. At the end of the week, the results are collected in a special program and compared. If all three have marked the photo in the same way, it is sent to the program for training the neural network. If the same photo has different tags, this is called a conflict, and it is considered anew, this time with the participation of their curator Denis from Gazprom Neft. Every Monday, Denis, three guys and Dina, their tutor from the foundation, call on Zoom and discuss these conflicts, the results of the past week and the next task for the coming week.
These marked cards are used to train the neural network so that it can then identify the desired objects in photographs and videos. The more different images and tags for them the neural network studies, the more accurately it will work in the future. The company will use the data obtained for various purposes: to track the flow of cars at gas stations, to evaluate the performance of gas stations, and much more. This will be the basis for quality control of gas station workers and evaluation of their work: how many times an employee refuels a car or just stands nearby, or is not nearby at all.
“The reviews from Gazprom Neft are very good,” says Dina Shalgueva, a tutor at the Anton Is Near Center. — This is not just work for show - the guys are engaged in marking data for machine learning, this is a very important and fashionable topic. The pilot project was designed for six months, but judging by the success of the project, I think it has a future.”
“Anton is right here” is Russia’s first center for systemic support for children, adolescents and adults with autism. The center was founded in 2013 in St. Petersburg by director and publisher Lyubov Arkus. There are currently 273 families participating in the programs, with another 330 families on the waiting list. Every Monday, Dina, who supervises the work of the guys in the project, is present with Valera, Misha and Sasha at zoom meetings, makes sure that the guys are comfortable, and provides emotional support. He makes sure that they distribute the load correctly: they are not overloaded, but they are not lazy either. Answers questions if they have them. Sometimes he works with them, encourages them - this motivates them, and the work process goes better.
“We selected from several computer workshop students those who could handle this project,” says Dina. — For this job, you need not only good computer skills, but also the ability to communicate at a basic level in order to understand tasks and perceive feedback from people from the company. Over the four months of the project, all three of them had a great increase in self-esteem and a feeling of success, which had a very positive effect on their lives in general. Their communication with the outside world has improved and they have become more confident. Despite the fact that the work is remote, the very fact of its availability is a huge plus. And the money they earn is a good incentive for them.”
Problem
We are together all the time...
Being with your spouse twenty-four hours a day is a daunting prospect for some. But this fear is not always justified. In many families, this model of relationship suits both spouses, moreover, it even strengthens their marriage.
If you feel like you need a break from your significant other, don't hesitate to give yourself a break every now and then. This doesn't mean you need to separate. Just spend your leisure time separately from your husband or wife from time to time. If spouses trust each other, this will not cause discontent.
Learn to care for your own wife
Think back to the very beginning of your romantic relationship with your spouse. Surely you wanted to be a hero in her eyes, surprise her every day and carry her in your arms in the literal sense of the word. So why not try to at least partially return that magical time? Of course, it will never be the same as it already was. But this is even better. Having lived all these years together, you know exactly all the preferences of your spouse. You no longer have to guess how to surprise her. Just buy a bouquet of flowers or a cute souvenir. Still wondering how to improve your relationship with your wife? Arrange a real surprise for her. Let it be dinner at a restaurant on a weekday or a walk outside the city on the weekend.
Problem
The boundaries are erased
There are situations when grievances inflicted during the workday or criticism on production issues become the cause of family quarrels. If your boss reprimands you, you will try to distract yourself at home. If your spouse criticized you because of an unsubmitted report, this may become a reason for revenge on the family front. “You scolded me at work - you cook dinner yourself!” - this type of relationship should be avoided
Try to approach family conflicts more consciously. Ask yourself, what is really causing your dissatisfaction? Maybe your resentment has nothing to do with family life? Then why conflict at home? Maybe it would be better to discuss this during a work meeting?
Don't be shy about talking about your feelings. After all, it happens that the spouse sincerely does not understand the reasons for the quarrel. You are offended by an inappropriate remark at work, and your husband is perplexed why he is accused of being callous at home.
Every woman needs care
Even if your wife is a stern businesswoman, deep down she dreams of coming home to a man, next to whom she can feel like a little girl. Surround your beloved with care, and you will never have to think about how to improve your relationship with your wife. A man should not refuse to do men's housework. Regularly help your spouse carry heavy bags, try to take on some household responsibilities. Don't know what exactly needs to be done? Come up and ask: “How can I help?”
Next to a real man, a woman blossoms, becomes kind, soft and incredibly beautiful. Create all the conditions so that your spouse feels that you can be relied upon in any situation.
Problem
Jealousy for success
As a rule, this is typical for couples whose activities are related to publicity - journalists, artists, artists. Then the fame and glory that befalls one of the spouses may become a reason for the jealousy of the other.
If success at work is more important than family values, the marriage is doomed. Therefore, decide on your priorities. If family is the main thing for you, finding a compromise will not be difficult. As a rule, in this situation, the woman makes concessions. It’s easier for her to give up her career in order to “provide support” for her successful spouse.
– There’s nothing wrong with getting a job through an acquaintance. The worst thing is that in the 90s our education was dealt a severe blow. Suddenly it became possible not to study, but to buy diplomas. I paid the money and passed the exam. Everything is for money. And so in all areas.
Problem
Who is the boss at work is the boss at home
It is believed that if one of the spouses managed to win a position of authority, then at home he will command those who are in the role of a subordinate at work. Fortunately, this does not always happen. Often at home, the “ordinary employee” is excellent at putting the “boss” in his place. But it happens that bosses actually begin to abuse their position by making excessive demands on a loved one at work. Who will stay on after-hours duty? It's easier to ask your wife than someone else. And many bosses try to avoid unnecessary praise towards a loved one, fearing sidelong glances from other subordinates.
If fate has given you a leadership position, try to objectively evaluate the efforts expended by your spouse and adequately evaluate them. Even if the business situation requires additional labor costs, you should not think that all of them should fall on the shoulders of your significant other.
If you act as a subordinate, do not hesitate to ask for an increase. You need to do this as if the boss is not your loved one. That is, don’t just whine about the fact that you don’t have enough money, but get a list of your production successes. You should only ask for a promotion after you have established relationships with the team. After all, if things don’t work out with your colleagues, gossip that you received an undeserved increase cannot be avoided.
Fine
A husband and wife work together in the same company. Common causes, common problems unite. And you can have lunch together. And my husband is always under supervision. Rarely does anyone decide to have an affair with a man when his wife is nearby. For example, our famous figure skating athletes are Irina Rodnina and Alexander Zaitsev, Lyudmila Pakhomova and Alexander Gorshkov, Lyudmila Belousova and Oleg Protopopov. By the way, the last couple still lives together. The head of the ice theater Igor Bobrin and his wife Natalya Bestemyanova work together in one team. Creative unions - Alexandra Pakhmutova and Nikolai Dobronravov, Lydia Kozlova and Mikhail Tanich. Together all our lives, both at home and at work.
Now, with the development of private business, many married couples are successfully engaged in it. For example, he is a director, she is an accountant. Together at work and at home, they help each other, support, inspire, setting an excellent example for their children. And slowly but surely, this family business ship is moving towards success and prosperity.
You can also work when the enterprise is large, in different departments, workshops or structural units or, for example, on the same collective farm. In Soviet times, people with their entire families worked at the same factory, and even several generations, replacing each other. This was called the “labor dynasty.” Remember, there was a wonderful feature film “Big Family”. There, the large Zhurbin family worked at a shipyard, building ships.
Is there life after marriage?
The first months of marriage are the happiest for any couple. The spouses enjoy spending time together and never tire of pleasing each other with pleasant surprises. Over time, everyday problems become more and more common. Minor disagreements appear. Small bad habits of the second half, which touched and amused before the wedding, begin to cause irritation after the wedding. If you are wondering how to improve your relationship with your wife, most likely the situation is already unfavorable. It’s definitely worth fighting for feelings if you still have them. But what to do if your beloved spouse is increasingly dissatisfied, starts scandals out of nowhere and openly “nags”? The main thing is not to panic and not to enter into open conflicts.
