What is time out for a couple?
What is a timeout
As a rule, in the second year of marriage there is a glut of each other. This is especially true for couples who spend all their time together: at work, at home, on vacation. If you constantly observe a person from the outside, you increasingly notice a bunch of negative traits. And such observation in a couple is usually two-way. Taking time out will help you sort through your feelings and figure out what to do next.
To do this, you need to separate for a while. You can go to your parents or offer your husband to rent a house for a while. You need to abstract yourself a little from each other. The duration of such a time-out depends on the couple itself, but it is better if this period lasts from two weeks to two months.
Let's take a time out: the basic rules for taking a break in a relationship
Sometimes the last chance to save a relationship is to break up for a while. A pause can result in a final breakup or take you to the next level of trust and understanding. It all depends on how the partners negotiate the terms of the time-out. Here are the ground rules for taking a break from a relationship. They will help you understand yourself and make the right decision.
Find out why you need a break
Do some self-analysis to figure out what you want to take a break from. Do you feel like your relationship lacks passion? A new stage has come in your life - moving, another job - and you’re not sure if you’re ready to move on with this guy? It is important to report whether your problem is solvable. If he is categorically against children, and you dream of motherhood, there is no need for a break - it's time to break up.
Don't take a break just to postpone the breakup and spare your partner's feelings. I decided to take a break - do it for yourself, not for him. If you feel overwhelmed, confused, and unable to think clearly, perhaps you really need time to evaluate the situation.
Discuss the break in person
Since the breakup affects both of you, it is better to discuss it in person. Messaging or talking on the phone makes it difficult to read nonverbal cues. Face to face it will be easier for you to catch his reaction and make sure that you understand each other.
Negotiate the terms of the breakup
Be very clear and frank when doing this. Tell us why you need a break. Agree whether you will stay in touch or cut off communication completely. And the most important thing is whether you will communicate with other guys and girls during this period and whether loyalty remains an important condition.
Another serious issue worth discussing is how to handle a break if you live together. Shared belongings or a pet will prevent you from truly taking a break from your relationship. Try to eliminate all interdependencies during the timeout. The more complete the gap, the easier it is for you to abstract yourself from the situation and free yourself from its influence.
Don't set deadlines
This can be difficult, because it is not clear how long the separation will last and when it will become final. But you don’t know in advance how soon you will understand your feelings and what difficulties you will face. Time restrictions will only lead to disappointment. The guy will reproach you for not being ready to make a decision yet. You will begin to feel pressure and guilt for your own uncertainty.
The only thing worth agreeing on is that each of you will let you know if anything changes. You will say everything when you make your final decision. When he realizes that he is not ready to wait any longer and wants to break up.
Use your break time to get to know yourself
Do everything that you missed when you were in a couple. Spend more time with family and friends, find a new hobby. Just be alone, because in a relationship this is not always possible.
There is a difference in feeling uncomfortable without a specific person or just without a date. A break in a relationship is a good time to feel it. Ask yourself if fear of loneliness is a good reason to be with someone.
If taking a break from a relationship felt like a breath of freedom for you, it's time to think about whether it's worth being with someone right now. Since you're happier alone than with a guy, it's time to break up.
Communication during a pause
Taking a break in your relationship doesn't mean you have to forget about each other. Agree that you will call each other every week to discuss what you have learned during this time. If you value each other, just start dating like you did at the beginning of your relationship. Try to do without sex, take a break, and spend each night at your own place.
Try to avoid sex
If you have cooled off towards each other and doubt your feelings, arrange a date in a cafe. Or remake the first date. This will help refresh your senses. The main rule of such meetings is to establish a taboo on blaming each other. There are always two sides to blame for family problems, and without understanding this fact, you will not be able to revive love.
Goals of time-out in family relationships
- Prevention. This break in a relationship is suitable for couples who are simply tired of everyday life. They understand that they love each other and will never get divorced, and a short time without each other will simply help refresh the relationship and take a fresh look at their partner. During this break, the couple may decide to change jobs or lifestyle.
- Examination. The purpose of such a time-out is to check your feelings. Often you can evaluate your partner or understand your attitude towards him only from a distance. Psychologists recommend making all important decisions related not only to divorce, but also to weddings this way. This way, the bride or groom will be able to feel whether they really need this person or if this is just a momentary infatuation.
- Healing. Often the love of one of the spouses is not entirely healthy. No matter how strange it may sound, in marriage you should not only love your partner, but also respect yourself. Often, domestic tyrants take advantage of a woman’s weakness and dependence, and the life of such a loving wife turns into a complete nightmare. A short break in the relationship will allow both spouses to understand the mistakes of their behavior and start all over again according to new rules.
If the husband suggested a time out
If you hear from your loved one that he wants to separate for a while, you shouldn’t make a tragedy out of it. Spend this time thinking, and then you will understand what needs to be changed in order to regain your former intimacy. Pay attention to the article Organizing a wedding on New Year's Eve: what to consider
When the goal is achieved
For the attention of girls in love, it is worth explaining what a pause in a relationship after a stormy period of passion means. For example, a young man courted a representative of the fair sex for a month. Moreover, with all the passion and desire. And when they reach mutual delight, he disappears from the horizon, simply disappears somewhere. Everything was so wonderful though.
Naturally, everything was fine for the girl, because she felt needed, desired, sometimes even too much. Questions instantly pop up in my head: “What did I do wrong?”, “Maybe he has something else?” Or maybe there are good reasons.
But for some reason, no obstacles had previously prevented him from rushing to her across the entire city, even if not for intimacy, then at least for a regular meeting. But my partner only likes the beginning. Women in general in this regard are not as quick to kill as men. They may look closely for a long time, but become so attached to their hearts that the sudden disappearance of a young man plunges them into the deepest moral disorder.
Self-examination
Many people go to extremes of self-examination when there is a pause in the relationship. How to behave is half the battle. It’s a completely different story to realize with your mind that the problem is not you. Thanks to sad thoughts about lost love, not a single beautiful poem or melody was born, but for the soul they are extremely painful, especially when a person is tormented by ignorance and feels sorry for himself. After all, they underestimated him, turned away, and it is unclear why.
It often happens that a pause in a relationship causes even greater feelings for the object of adoration. After all, if a person leaves, he is better than us. And in this case, you should strive for it, hold on to it. Although, most likely, you are not very suitable for each other, your positive qualities were not seen or not considered such, adoration was used only as fertilizer for the growth of your own ego, they did not want to recognize your feelings and share their own.
If you have doubts about commitment, try taking a break.
Often people find themselves in relationships in which they are not entirely sure. While you are just realizing this, your partner has already come up with a wedding script and names for future children. This often happens when relationships drag on and do not develop according to the usual scenario. Let's say the couple has been dating for a year or two. It seems that the candy-bouquet period is over, and it’s time to move on to the stage of creating a family and planning children. But some circumstances prevent this. Or more precisely, the doubts of one of the partners, who still cannot understand whether the person next to him is the right one.
In this case, it is worth taking a short break to understand whether you need to continue this relationship and start a family. It's difficult to decide to take this step. After all, there are constant doubts. There is that same worm that says that maybe in the future you will meet a more worthy partner, a dizzying career awaits you and you definitely don’t need your current relationship. This is where you need a break, which will allow you to weigh the pros and cons.
How to deal with a break?
A breakup is an equally difficult time for both the party who made this decision and the one who was confronted with a fact. To make it easier to get through a difficult period, you need to:
- Control your emotions. Asking for conversation, following, making a scene means aggravating the situation. The best thing you can do is mind your own business and not disturb your partner until the end of the agreed period or until he himself gets in touch.
- Don't manipulate. This is often the fault of the injured party. Such behavior will repel and cause negativity. Remember that the other person does not belong to you, this is not your property, he can do whatever he sees fit.
- Clarify how to behave during a pause in a relationship, whether communication is possible. If yes, then conversations should be unobtrusive, easy, and friendly. You can’t get caught up in claims and finding out who is right and who is wrong.
- Have a heart-to-heart talk. If this is not possible, you need to wait a while and discuss everything later, when the emotions have subsided and you are able to have a calm dialogue.
There is no need to rush to prove your love and devotion to your partner, but you also shouldn’t completely shut up and withdraw into yourself. Maintain neutral communication, do not perceive what happened as the end of the world. For you, a pause in a relationship is a possible reboot and a road to a new stage.
Sources
- https://psikhologia.com/pereryv-v-otnosheniyah.html
- https://tutknow.ru/psihologia/7378-pauza-v-otnosheniyah.html
- https://womaninsight.club/blog/pauza-v-otnoshenijah-chto-znachit-i-kak-sebja-vesti
- https://signorina.ru/3189-muzhchina-hochet-vzjat-pauzu-v-otnoshenijah.html
- https://psycholic.ru/otnosheniya-polov/pauza.html
- https://motivacii-net.ru/pauza-v-otnoshenijah-ik-chemu-ona-privodit/
- https://LoveTrue.ru/sovety/k-chemu-privodit-pereryv-v-lyubovnyh-otnosheniyah-i-kak-vyyti-iz-nego-bez-poter.html
