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Never come to visit without calling. If you are visited without warning, you can afford to wear a robe and curlers. One British lady said that when uninvited guests appear, she always puts on shoes, a hat and takes an umbrella. If she likes the person, she will exclaim: “Oh, how lucky, I just came!” If it’s unpleasant: “Oh, what a pity, I have to leave.” The umbrella is never left to dry open - neither in the office nor at a party. It needs to be folded and placed on a special stand or hung.
The bag should not be placed on your lap or on your chair. A small elegant clutch bag can be placed on the table, a large bag can be hung on the back of a chair or placed on the floor if there is no special chair (these are often offered in restaurants). The briefcase is placed on the floor.
Cellophane bags are only acceptable when returning from the supermarket, as are paper branded bags from boutiques. Carrying them with you later as a bag is redneck.
A man never carries a woman's bag. And he takes a woman’s coat only to carry it to the locker room.
Loungewear consists of trousers and a sweater, comfortable but decent looking. The robe and pajamas are designed to go to the bathroom in the morning, and from the bathroom to the bedroom in the evening.
From the moment your child settles in a separate room, learn to knock when entering his room. Then he will do the same before entering your bedroom.
A woman may wear her hat and gloves indoors, but not her cap and mittens.
According to the international protocol, the total number of jewelry should not exceed 13 items, and this includes jewelry buttons. A ring is not worn over gloves, but a bracelet is allowed. The darker it is outside, the more expensive the jewelry. Diamonds used to be considered an evening adornment for married ladies, but recently it has become permissible to wear diamonds during the day. On a young girl, stud earrings with a diamond of about 0.25 carats are quite appropriate. Rules for paying for an order in a restaurant: if you say the phrase “I invite you,” this means you pay. If a woman invites a business partner to a restaurant, she pays. Another formulation - “Let's go to a restaurant” - suggests that everyone pays for themselves, and only if the man himself offers to pay for the woman, can she agree.
The man always enters the elevator first, but the one closest to the door exits first.
In a car, the most prestigious place is considered to be behind the driver, a woman occupies it, a man sits next to her, and when he gets out of the car, he holds the door and gives the lady his hand. If a man is driving, it is also preferable for a woman to take a seat behind him. However, no matter where the woman sits, the man must open the door for her and help her out. In business etiquette, men have recently been increasingly violating this norm, using the feminist motto “There are no women and men in business.” Talking publicly about the fact that you are on a diet is bad form. Moreover, under this pretext one cannot refuse dishes offered by a hospitable hostess. Be sure to praise her culinary talents, while you don't have to eat anything. The same should be done with alcohol. Don't tell everyone why you can't drink. Ask for dry white wine and sip lightly.
Taboo topics for small talk: politics, religion, health, money. Inappropriate question: “God, what a dress! How much did you pay? How to react? Smile sweetly: “It’s a gift!” Change the conversation to another topic. If the other person insists, say softly: “I wouldn’t like to talk about it.”
Every person over 12 years of age must be addressed as “you.” It’s disgusting to hear people say “you” to waiters or drivers. Even to those people with whom you know well, it is better to address them as “you” in the office, but only as “you” in private. The exception is if you are peers or close friends. How to react if your interlocutor persistently “pokes” you? First, ask again: “Excuse me, are you addressing me?” Otherwise, a neutral shrug of the shoulders: “Sorry, but we didn’t switch to ‘you’.”
Discussing those who are absent, that is, simply gossiping, is unacceptable. It is impermissible to speak badly about loved ones, in particular to discuss husbands, as is customary in our country. If your husband is bad, why don’t you divorce him? And in the same way it is impermissible to speak about one’s native country with contempt and a grimace. “In this country, everyone is a redneck...” - in this case, you also belong to this category of people.
In the cinema, theater, concert hall, you should only go to your seats facing those sitting. The man goes first.
Nine things should be kept secret: age, wealth, a gap in the house, prayer, the composition of a medicine, a love affair, a gift, honor and dishonor.
Distinctive characteristics of a female leader
1. Emotionality
In relationships with subordinates, female managers behave more emotionally than men, but at the same time women are more cautious: they tend to make only informed decisions and are not willing to take risks. For subordinates, a leader's emotionality can have both a positive and negative side. In the case of a positive assessment of the employee’s work, the female manager will express strong approval, but in case of dissatisfaction with the subordinate, the woman may have emotional outbursts, even anger. Then, having calmed down, the female manager will understand that she reacted to the situation too emotionally, but for the offending employee such a reaction can be offensive and unfair. Such cases are especially noticeable in small teams (up to 25 people) - pharmacies, private clinics.
2. Speech communication
Women have a better developed speech center, so they are more talkative, perceive information better by ear, easily switch from one task to another and can work simultaneously with a large amount of information. Women are more successful in everyday tasks that require something to be done carefully and systematically.
3. Intuition
Women have well-developed intuition. Thanks to this, they better read and analyze sensory information: the intonation and facial expressions of the interlocutor, the emotional background of communication, the psychological climate in the team. This can happen consciously or unconsciously, but it always affects the leader-subordinate relationship. As a rule, women are characterized by a more diplomatic style of leadership and communication with employees, and a more flexible approach to subordinates. For a woman leader, it is very important to create a favorable psychological climate in the team.
4. Employee motivation
A female manager is more focused on increasing the motivation and self-esteem of employees. Often, she uses not only incentives for this, but also personal conversations - in this case, “excesses” in the direction of instructions and teachings are possible, which can cause a negative reaction from subordinates.
It is important to understand that the main goal of a woman leader is always the joint work and cooperation of all members of the work team. At the same time, in difficult or crisis situations, a woman, as a rule, tries to highly motivate her subordinates and thereby provide a way out of the current situation. Women are less likely to use large one-time bonuses to reward employees - they prefer to reward them little by little, but regularly or upon achieving a certain result.
5. Constant control
Women managers are characterized by fairly strict control when performing certain tasks. Women are more careful, they tend to play it safe, so they try to control the activities of their subordinates at every stage, without waiting for the final result. If it is necessary to punish an employee, a female manager is more flexible than a male manager. Initially, this could just be a personal conversation: she can listen to the subordinate, get into the situation and give him a chance to correct the situation, and not fire him immediately.
6. Caution
Women leaders are more careful in making decisions, and in situations of acute stress they act step by step, do not want to take risks and carefully consider all the possible consequences of their actions.
A woman reads the reactions of employees well, therefore, in a stressful situation, a team led by a woman is psychologically easier to cope with emerging problems. In situations of risk, a woman also behaves very carefully, so she never makes drastic changes. This has a positive effect on the life of the team during a period of reorganization or in conditions of uncertainty, because employees feel security and confidence in the future.
7. Get creative
In the process of work, a woman shows a creative approach: she strives to use certain qualities of employees in different ways and due to this achieves excellent results in solving assigned tasks. A woman’s strength is in communication, so in professions that involve communicating with people (for example, in medicine), female leaders are especially successful.
8. Conflict management
If in a team led by a woman, a protracted conflict arises between employees that negatively affects the work process, the female manager never ignores this. She will definitely listen to all conflicting parties, find out the cause of the conflict and carefully analyze the current situation. On the one hand, such an approach can give the conflicting parties a message for reconciliation and thereby help resolve the conflict situation. But, on the other hand, if the conflict requires clear and sharp steps from the leader that will block the conflict situation and prevent it from flaring up further, the woman is not always ready to make such a clear decision. Moreover, unlike a man, a woman can safely use the help of outside specialists to resolve a conflict situation.
9. Ability to solve several problems simultaneously
A woman is more dynamic, she can solve several problems at the same time and easily switches from one social role to another: in the morning she is a wife and mother, in the afternoon she is a director, in the evening she is again a housewife. But this feature also has disadvantages: if a woman leader is not doing well in her personal life, this can negatively affect her relationships with subordinates, because, unlike a man, a woman will not be able to distract herself from her personal problems at work and will constantly be in nervous excitement.
How to communicate with your boss
A good person is not a profession, but a qualified specialist is a valuable personnel. The only thing that connects you with management is work, which means you need to prove yourself as a professional. By working conscientiously, you will certainly attract the attention of your superiors and earn many advantages in their eyes.
No toadying! You must respect your leader. But excessive sycophancy will only spoil his attitude towards you. You shouldn’t be familiar, compliment your boss’s appearance, or smile with all your 32 teeth as soon as you see your boss in the office corridors. It’s enough just not to discuss it over a cup of coffee with colleagues and complete all assignments on time.
It's better not to argue . Sometimes the boss is wrong, and you really want to challenge this or that decision! Before you get too emotional, think about why your company is still thriving under such misguided management. Maybe it's not so bad?
In any situation, follow the rules of subordination; if you communicate via email or Skype/ICQ, then do not forget about the rules of business correspondence .
When receiving another order, do not immediately try to talk about the possible failure of the case. Try to complete the task, and only then draw your boss’s attention to the hopelessness of the project.
Often bosses don't know what their employees are doing. They are only interested in the result, and they ignore the “cuisine”. In order not to seem like an extra link to management, keep them informed of your affairs, for example, send them a weekly report on the work done by email. Then, if the project fails, you can always show how your work progressed.
If your immediate boss is a single man, and you are a young beautiful woman, then there is a great temptation to start more than just a working relationship. Set boundaries right away, first of all for yourself. And remember, if you nevertheless risk a personal relationship with your manager, and it does not work out, then you will definitely lose your job. To build harmonious business relationships with your superiors and advance your career, it is better not to start office romances.
Managers love active employees. Show initiative, submit new ideas, but be prepared that you may be entrusted with their implementation.
In addition to all the above options, there is one more option in case the relationship with your superiors does not work out: quit. And the sooner the better, until they do it for you.
Image of a leader: how to behave with subordinates
In the relationship between a manager and a subordinate, there can be two extremes. In the first case, the boss gives orders, and the employee carries them out, moreover, any initiative on the part of the staff is excluded, and the employees, in fact, have no rights. In the second case, the leader behaves with subordinates as if they were equals, thereby violating subordination. The task of a wise boss is to be able to find a middle ground and stick to it.
We recommend reading: application for amendments to the act record
- Some useful tips, or How to protect yourself from a careerist
- If I invented you...
- What if he is much younger?
MALE SUBJECT
I bet that as soon as you read the title of this chapter, one of the most beloved films in our country, “Office Romance,” immediately came to mind. I'm right? Do you like its main characters? Have you ever considered Mr. Novoseltsev a careerist? Funny? Funny. But this is not always the case. Let's talk about pitfalls?
Yes, on the path to finding or conquering a man there are many dangers and difficulties. I think it’s worth talking about them in this chapter, because if a man does not pursue mercantile or career interests, and his goal is actually you, then a male subordinate, in general, is no different from a colleague, and just men, as such. But it’s worth talking in more detail about careerists and sycophants who can take advantage of a woman’s eternal desire to find a man.
So, he is your subordinate. And you like him.
The first danger. He wants to advance in his career.
Alice was a practical and intelligent woman. At 36 years old, the unmarried and well-groomed beauty held the post of vice president of a large cosmetics holding company. She loved and knew her job. One of those rare cases when a person loves what he does and does what he loves. A few months ago, a new manager appeared in the sales department. The female part of the team immediately, as they say, laid their eyes on him. He was really good. Alice also immediately noted the newcomer’s athletic figure and charming smile. The newcomer's name was Sergei. He was not a star in terms of sales, but he served well in the service, he was 37 years old, and he was not married. After some time, Alice realized that she was thinking about Sergei more often than she should have, if he was only a subordinate for her. Several times she caught his long gaze on her, and it was so pleasant! For a long time they only looked at each other at meetings, until one day Alice stayed late at work until late in the evening. Another emergency happened, and she habitually stayed at work as long as necessary. Work is work, nothing can be done about it! Sergei saw the light in the vice president's office and looked in with a cup of aromatic coffee. It was sweet, unexpected and very touching. Accustomed to the fact that she had to take care of herself, Alice was literally overwhelmed by his care. They started talking. Sergei turned out to be a pleasant conversationalist and a gallant gentleman. He walked her home and... as it turned out, he also turned out to be a great lover. From that moment on, their romance developed rapidly. Sergei was gentle, affectionate and passionate. Alice came to life and perked up. No one in the office suspected their relationship at first; everyone only noted that she had become surprisingly prettier. Her high position did not allow her to tell her about it directly, but from the way the women and the surprised and joyful men examined her carefully, even meticulously, she understood that she looked truly stunning.
Everything went as usual, and Alice already began to think about marriage (why not?). But Sergei gradually began to feel more confident, allowing himself imperfections and minor errors in his work. However, Alice saw that he felt completely protected, covered from misfortunes by her thin shoulders. One day, when management’s patience ran out and the head of Sergei’s department began to reproach him for not fulfilling the sales plan, Sergei became rude to him. A conflict arose, inevitable as life itself - the question was about Sergei’s professional incompetence. And he rushed for help to the vice president, that is, to his mistress, that is, to Alice.
As a result of long and painful showdowns with the direct participation of Alisa, Sergei’s boss, a competent and honored specialist, was forced to resign. Alisa understood perfectly well that Sergei was not the most desirable employee for the company, that her lover should have been fired instead of Anatoly, but she could not help herself. Feelings completely turned off the mind. Sergei took the place of head of the department.
Within three months, sales turnover fell sharply. And when Alisa invited Sergei for a serious conversation, he absolutely calmly told her that in fact it was she who showed incompetence by contacting a subordinate and following his lead. And that for a long time neither sex nor love have any meaning for him, and certainly do not bring him any joy - only his career is important to him. And she, Alice, was a good “cargo” ship on the way to the desired promised land. It was a blow from which it was very difficult to recover. But Alisa came to her senses and fired Sergei. At the cost of incredible efforts, she increased the level of sales. It took six months. It took much longer to recover from such mental trauma.
The second danger. He wants to hook you up.
Natalya Petrovna has been the financial director of the company for ten years. Employee attitudes toward the CFO were mixed, to say the least. The forty-year-old lady, with a loud voice and unquestionable authority, did not arouse much sympathy among the team. Victor, despite the fact that he had recently received an MBA degree, had been working in the company for three years and was a favorite not only of women, but also of the highest management, never rose above the position of chief specialist in the financial planning department. He didn’t know very well what the boss did, but he expected that sooner or later the young management of the company would pay attention to the well-educated and ambitious manager. Moreover, not only ordinary employees, but also management did not like Natalya Petrovna in the company. But, despite the fact that the general director greatly favored Victor, he was in no hurry to fire Natalya Petrovna. We must give her credit, and Victor could not help but note this, she was a good specialist. Yes, apparently, many years of work had done its job, and Natalya Petrovna knew those nuances that were still a sealed secret for Victor.
He decided that it was necessary to gain the trust of his boss, and one day he asked to go on a business trip with her to another city. Hard work during the day, cognac, chocolate and a relaxing atmosphere in the hotel bar in the evening did their job - they returned back as very close people. Since then, Natalya Petrovna began praising Victor to his superiors, giving interesting tasks and important assignments, taking him with her to meetings and conferences, and assigning important reports.
Six months later, the general director realized that a large part of Natalya Petrovna’s work was already being done by Victor. She herself created such an opinion about her lover. When a conflict with the financial director once again arose in the organization, the General invited Victor to his place. Natalya Viktorovna never found out what they were talking about.
The day after the conversation, the general called Natalya Petrovna to his place and placed a blank sheet of paper in front of her. She understood everything without words.
The third danger. He will perceive an affair with you as carte blanche.
Olga started an affair with Anton by accident. At a corporate party. The company where Olya and Anton worked was tiny, almost family-owned. Twenty people worked there, and everyone knew each other well, so no one was surprised when the warehouse manager and one of the storekeepers began an affair.
The relationship developed rapidly.
Olga and Anton seemed to be the perfect couple... until inventory began at the warehouse. The documents for the goods were not in order. Olga discovered that Anton did not carry out even half of her orders, although earlier, before their affair, there were no problems with this. In addition, Olga suddenly remembered that recently Anton showed up for work at 12 or even 14 o’clock. Just as often, he began to ask for time off, and she let him go almost automatically. She could not even imagine that he would use their close relationship for personal gain.
A scandal broke out between Anton and Olga. Anton behaved completely unacceptable: arrogantly and unceremoniously. Olga, who could no longer have a constructive conversation with Anton as a subordinate, began to cry. The director stood up for Olga. Anton yelled at them both, quit and left, finally slamming the door so hard that the plaster fell down.
The fourth danger. Alas, he was sent by competitors.
Svetlana, like any leader, encouraged service zeal among the employees of her department. The most “sweet pies and crumpets” were received by those employees of her department who constantly stayed late after work. She could not even imagine that it was from this little thing that the situation would grow, which she still cannot forget to this day, although two years have passed.
Recently, a new employee of the department, Anatoly, began to stay in the office in the evenings. At first, Svetlana did not attach much importance to this, especially since she coped superbly on her own and, let’s be honest, loved these “gatherings” of hers. But Anatoly was always there to make coffee at ten in the evening, remove jammed paper from the printer and help print the report. As if this young and attractive man had no other business than to help Svetlana in her lonely night rushes. The emergency workers were lonely, because even the most stubborn workaholics left the office after nine in the evening. But whenever Svetlana went home, she always saw the enthusiastic blue eyes of her subordinate, and when she came in the morning, she again found him at his workplace. This could not help but touch the leader’s stern and distrustful heart. Gradually, Svetlana began to trust Anatoly so much that he ceased to be just a subordinate for her. Their intimate relationship became a logical, as it seemed to Svetlana, continuation of such close communication. It seemed to her that everything was just wonderful, and Anatoly treated her more and more reverently. Svetlana herself didn’t notice how she stopped hiding her client lists from Anatoly and began sharing plans for the future, sometimes receiving very practical advice from him. To top it all off, she showed exactly where her client base was located on the network server.
When getting ready to go on vacation, Svetlana invited Anatoly to spend it together, and he happily agreed. But at the last moment something didn’t work out for him, and she went on vacation alone. It was the longest vacation of her life. She could barely wait for it to end and happily, literally ran to work.
However, on the spot, Svetlana found her computer with the information erased, and the three best employees of the department had quit and had already started working in another, competing company. The top manager at a competing company was a young and very knowledgeable specialist who, according to rumors, came with his own client base. I think his name was Anatoly...
Some useful tips, or How to protect yourself from a careerist
1. FIRST, you must firmly decide that under no circumstances will you act as patronage to your lover. Even if the initiative for such patronage initially comes not from you, but from other managers. If your beloved wants to make a career and is worthy of it, let him make it somewhere else. True, capable and knowledgeable people, competent specialists are needed everywhere. Ask him to quit and see his reaction.
2. If, in a conflict situation that arose at work, he begins to resort to your help and your authority, this is already a reason to think about it. Judge for yourself, will a truly loving man hide behind his beloved? Of course, there are exceptions, but we are talking about the majority of cases.
3. If you notice that your affair, carefully hidden by you, has become public knowledge, as a result of which the team’s attitude towards both you and him has changed, ring the bells! We will not consider the version of the film “Office Romance” here. It may, of course, happen in life exactly as it did with the touching Novoseltsev, but... Such Novoseltsevs are immediately visible and, unfortunately, they are not often encountered.
4. You should not open up completely to the object of passion. In fact, why all the frankness about trade secrets, of which you, as a leader, know a lot. Is he a contender for your heart or position? There should be no offense in this case. But if these grievances do arise, then you, dear, will have to seriously think about the desired goal of your lover.
5. In no case do I urge you to start following him with passion. But you will still have to keep an eye on his performance of his official duties, especially after your romance has gained momentum.
If I invented you...
What prevents us from being happy and living the way we would like? Firstly, the notorious public opinion. Discussion and condemnation of friends and “people in your circle.” If you are a businesswoman, then the man next to you should be, if not cooler, then at least a match for you. For some reason, inequality such as “count – maid” is somehow still accepted by society (although can you imagine what epithets this poorest “maid” will hear enough?), but if a woman is higher in position or wealthier than a man, then... Alphonse - the mildest of statements about him, and it’s better not to quote what they say about her! Throw away all prejudices, anything can happen in life. The only thing that matters is how he treats you and how you treat him. Everything else is trifles. They will talk and talk and stop.
Marina was very successful in business. For all her seemingly super-feminine and somehow homely appearance, there was something about Marina that made men shyly hide their eyes and stealthily step aside, like hares who had been fined for eating government cabbage. At thirty-five years old, Marina owned a large chain of restaurants and did not have a single free minute of time.
Marina had big problems with her personal life. Because the men around her were either bandits, impotent, or womanizers. Left behind was a student marriage with a young man who did not appreciate Marina’s desire to work and earn money, as well as her masculine acumen and the inevitably coarsened character of a large businesswoman. Unfortunately (fortunately?), they did not have children.
Two years ago, when she turned thirty-three, Marina acutely felt that the biological clock, which had been silent all these years and therefore looked like an electronic one, had turned into an ancient chiming clock - so clearly she felt its progress. She realized that something in her life would have to change.
Marina had previously paid attention to Sergei - an attractive, calm man, single and not burdened with the burden of previous children and marriages. He worked as an administrator in one of the restaurants owned by Marina. She did not know about any of Sergei’s hobbies - he was timid and quiet with women, modest, but conscientious in his work. With some inner feeling inherent in every woman, she felt that he really liked him, but she was also sure that Sergei would never dare to admit it to her, or even just to approach her. Then she decided to act on her own. One evening, Marina called him over for a frank conversation and asked directly how he felt about her? Sergei embarrassedly admitted that he really liked her. However, he was very burdened by the fact that his income could not be compared with the income of his potential wife. In addition, he was afraid of Marina - his reputation as a business bitch was making itself felt. They spent an unforgettable romantic evening together, and Sergei suddenly saw in Marina not a businesslike, self-confident businesswoman, but a lonely, confused one, waiting and looking for love, tenderness and care!
woman. How he wanted to help her, calm her down and do everything to make her happy! They decided to try it. Everything really worked out well. At first they had to listen to a lot of mocking comments. But both Marina and Sergei were so confident in each other, in their feelings, and Marina put the “commentators” in their place so harshly that they were soon left alone. Now Sergei takes care of the house and children, he is a foreman building a country house, a gardener, a housekeeper and a nanny. A real man and owner finally appeared in the house.
He and Marina have three children. And they are happy!
What if he is much younger?
What, really much younger? Wonderful! There is nothing scary or strange about this. Every year, according to experts, the number of couples where the wife is older than the husband increases by about five percent. But public opinion?! So, for some time now you have been hiding your age. Not because your years have passed... but because your lover is much younger than you (oh, and also a subordinate!). So far this is not very noticeable, but what will happen then... You are really in love, he is too, but thoughts about your maturity do not allow you to relax, and it becomes completely impossible to encourage you to have sex during daylight hours. Believe me, this is absolutely unnecessary worry. There are no fewer men who prefer mature women than those who prefer young women. Experienced women have many advantages over girls. Firstly, intelligence and, no matter how trite it may sound, life experience. Yes, yes, you know how to react correctly in difficult situations and are well versed in relationships with men. There is no need to teach you anything, it’s interesting to be with you. You are more reliable and constant than a young man, and men value reliability no less than women.
If you think that a young suitor must be entertained in some special way, then you are deeply mistaken. Men who prefer mature women mature very early. They do not need discos and constant changes of impressions. They are stable, serious, purposeful. There are many house builders among them. So wait, maybe you still have to feel like a little girl next to a confident, smart man. As for your body, perhaps all your charm is hidden in it. However, if you think that it wouldn’t hurt to remove a few things and strengthen them here and there, then don’t deny yourself anything, as long as it’s a joy. Within reasonable limits, of course.
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