The first days of grief... A doctor's view

In what situations is it necessary to restrain yourself?

Women are often called crybabies. Yes, our mobile psyche reacts to any emotional shock. We cry from overwhelming feelings. Tears are necessary. They help cope with stress and extinguish negative emotions. Tears of sympathy are especially useful for us, as they heal not only our body, but also our soul.

But there are situations when you can’t cry.

Here are some of them:

• On the exam. It seems to you that the teacher is being too picky and has decided to give you a bad grade at any cost. But you were tired and studied all night. Tears of resentment well up in my eyes. These tears cannot be held back. In such a situation, you absolutely cannot cry. Why? A small child with tears evokes pity and attracts attention. Having cried, he gives a signal: I am weak, have pity on me. During an exam, crying will most likely cause a backlash. She’s crying, which means she doesn’t know anything, didn’t teach her, and is trying to make her feel sorry for her. To be on equal terms with the teacher, you need to show that you are an adult and know how to restrain yourself.

• At an interview. During the interview, you are asked a lot of questions that you think are incorrect, forcing you to show emotions and get nervous. The fact is that the employer has his own idea of ​​what kind of employee he needs. In order to check whether the applicant is resistant to stress and unforeseen situations, a so-called stress interview is conducted. Shedding tears is the worst way out in this situation. This means showing your weakness and unsuitability for the job you are applying for. If you need this job, you must be sure to hold back your tears when talking to the employer;
• On the street with a large crowd of people. It happens that an unexpected trouble takes you by surprise. A misfortune happened, a loved one left. The natural way out in this case is sobbing and bitter tears. No need to cry in the street. This will cause unnecessary attention from strangers. Passers-by are unlikely to be able to help you. But swindlers who take advantage of a person’s vulnerable state will not pass by.

There is no doubt that there are a lot of situations in which you need to restrain yourself. You have encountered them many times. How can you hold back the tears that come at the wrong time and control your emotions?

How to learn to hold back tears: advice from psychologists

2. Switching attention. If tears are already welling up in your eyes and you definitely need to hold them back, you can mentally ask yourself one of the following questions: “Did I turn off the iron?”, “Did my neighbors flood me?” Psychologists call these questions “adrenaline questions.” A sharp release of adrenaline into the blood will change your emotions, and you will not cry.
3. Turning on the imagination. Imagine your offender in a funny and absurd way.

1. Or try the “replacement method” - you are the boss, and the boss is you. How many kind words would you say to him? The main thing here is not to overdo it. Loud laughter in such a situation is also inappropriate.

What to do if I cry: 7 effective ways to help hold back tears

Tears are a natural reaction of the body to various stresses.
Most psychologists believe that crying is healthy. But it happens that tears are simply inappropriate or ordinary crying begins to turn into hysterics - this is no longer considered normal. Why does a person cry and how to learn to control your tears so as not to develop neurosis on this basis?

Reasons for tears

There are different ways to cry, for example:

1. The man was very happy about what was happening and burst into tears - tears of joy.
2. Tears of sadness are empathy for loved ones, failures in love, defeat, etc.

Showing emotions is normal, but everything should be in moderation.

If normal crying turns into hysterics, this is no longer a healthy reaction. To learn to control your tears and stop crying over trifles, you first need to determine the exact cause.

Why are we crying?

Tears of jealousy

When a person experiences jealousy, he often begins to cry, usually girls. They suspect their partner in the relationship to be unfaithful.

Good and bad tears of jealousy:

• If jealousy really exists, then there is nothing wrong with an outburst of emotions, the main thing is not to drive yourself into hysterics and be able to assess the situation.
• It happens that a person did not give reasons for jealousy, but his partner still begins to cry and claim the opposite. In fact, such people simply shift the blame onto someone else and thereby feel sorry for themselves. You can’t do this; crying for no reason can have a negative impact on your mental health.

Tears from resentment

Tears from resentment can also be appropriate to the situation or not:

• When you really offended, said nasty things, betrayed, let down, it is permissible to show weakness and cry from insult.
• If the offense is not significant, for example, an inappropriate joke or a couple of caustic words, then it will look more like mental imbalance and it is better not to let such emotions come out.

Even in very offensive situations, you need to learn to control yourself.

For example, at work there was a quarrel with the boss, the manager’s words hurt, it would be completely inappropriate to cry here.

Cry from fears

Fear is a mental state, it arises as an instinct of conservation and a reaction to danger. At a moment of fear, a person often loses control and begins to cry, which is completely unacceptable, since control over the situation is lost.

If the fear is justified, then first of all you need to concentrate in order to be able to help yourself or someone else. You definitely need to learn to hold back such tears.

Fear can also be caused by various phobias, that is, fear of something specific. More often they arise from childhood, childhood nightmares. For example, a child witnessed an accident, after which he developed a phobia of cars. In such cases, be sure to consult a psychologist.

If a person has experienced psychological trauma against the background of any situation, then psychologists recommend not holding back emotions within oneself and giving free rein to tears. The main thing is not to bring yourself to depression.

Are tears good or bad?

Psychologists note that expressing your feelings in the form of crying is normal and even beneficial. By keeping everything to yourself, you can “explode” from an excess of emotions.

Tears can be beneficial:

1. When watching a movie. It’s normal for girls to start crying during a dramatic moment in a movie.
2. After a hard day. The day was mentally or physically difficult; when you come home, it’s not forbidden to cry a little. Everyone needs to love themselves and feel sorry for themselves.
3. During the period of separation, parting. Sometimes crying about it will be useful.
4. Happy moments of life. There is something to be happy about, something to cry a little. This is just a manifestation of your emotions and feelings.
5. Laugh until you cry. If it involves funny moments, then there is nothing wrong with it.

This is how people free themselves from negative emotions or, on the contrary, show joy. If the process is uncontrolled and occurs frequently, then we can already talk about psychological problems of the individual. Crying uncontrollably can cause harm.

Children's tears: how to deal with them?

Children's tears cause stress for parents. Adults do not know how to behave when their baby cries and very often behave incorrectly. This negatively affects the child’s mental health in the future.

We need to understand the reason for a child's crying. Parents often claim that this is how the child manipulates them.

In some cases, manipulation is indeed possible.

A child can manipulate his parents by crying if he knows:

• that they will take him in their arms;
• he will be allowed to do what was previously prohibited;
• that they will provide him with what he wants (they will buy a toy, give him some thing).

This is how spoiled children behave. A child needs to be raised and taught.

You shouldn’t overreact to the usual whims of your children, but turning away and leaving is also not an option. Tears can be a protective reaction of the child's body. Perhaps the baby is in pain or is experiencing fear or tension.

It is very important to understand the reasons for children’s tears and not make mistakes in your own behavior.

What to do if your baby cries?

1. Determine the cause. Try to ask the child, have a heart-to-heart talk with him.
2. Be near. When a baby cries, he needs adults. He needs to know that he is loved. Perhaps, after a couple of kind words and hugs, the child himself will share with mom or dad.
3. Maintain composure. There is an expression: “Children are a reflection of their parents.” If adults begin to panic at the slightest problem, then the child can adopt such emotions.
4. Don't punish.
   The baby began to cry, and in response they shouted at him or, even worse, “spanked him.” The child will begin to be afraid to express his emotions and stop trusting his parents.
5. Don't be intimidated. Parents should not develop phobias in their child.
6. Calm. Before they can begin to calm their child, parents must be calm themselves.
7. Joint problem solving.
   Offer to think about the current situation together. When calming your baby, you can try to switch his attention to something positive.

The main thing that can help parents in the fight against children's crying is their shared experience, support, and understanding.

The child should feel supported by adults and know that tears are a natural reaction.

Are sedatives needed to control tears?

When a person experiences stress or some minor mental disorder, he may use sedatives. This will really distract him and help in some way. But it is not recommended to abuse them, and here's why:

1. Sedatives have side effects such as drowsiness, slow reaction, and distracted attention.
2. While using sedatives, you should not drive or operate complex machinery.
3. Pills do not bring peace of mind, they only dull emotions and put you into a state of lethargy. People who have used such drugs note that the condition is similar to moderate alcohol intoxication.
4. Sedatives can be addictive.

You should not use sedatives all the time. It is better to deal with stress and crying with the help of a specialist.

7 effective ways to help hold back tears

You need to be able to hold back tears, or at least learn to do so. Moderate control of your emotions will only benefit the individual.

To calm down, you can use several methods, such as:

1. Positive thoughts. Think about what makes you laugh or feel happy. Remember the happy moments of your life.
2. Attention management. To hold back your tears, you should try to distract your attention. Ask yourself an “adrenaline” question. For example: did I turn off the iron? Or something similar. A sharp surge of adrenaline will help you calm down.
3. Relaxation and recovery. You can try to lie down and completely relax, think about something else. This may help restore your moral fatigue.
4. Breath. The person begins to feel that he is about to cry. In this case, it is necessary to do a little breathing exercises, which helps to restore thoughts and calm down. Take a deep breath through your nose, exhale a long way through your mouth, and so on several times.
5. Working with muscles. When the moment comes to start crying, you can try tensing your muscles. There is a “redirection” of voltage.
6. Thinking. The best thing to do is try to get your thinking in the right frame of mind. For example, think about what this could lead to now? Try to think logically - thoughts abstracted from the situation will help you switch gears and calm down.
7. Talk. Have a heart-to-heart talk with someone. With a psychologist or just a friend who knows how to listen. Express your concerns and grievances. Throwing out emotions in conversation is a fairly effective way to “cleanse” yourself and calm down.
8. Feeling of freedom. If a person realizes that he can no longer hold back his tears, it is recommended to let all his emotions out. Cry, break a plate or just tell someone everything, feel freedom.

Learning not to cry most likely will not work, because people are not robots. Tears are normal. A person feels the need to express his emotions through tears, regardless of whether they are negative or positive.

Keeping everything to yourself is wrong. However, an uncontrolled process may turn out to be a mental illness. There must be moderation in everything. If you are often haunted by crying out loud for no reason and for any reason, and you cannot control this process, be sure to consult a psychologist.

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