If there are no obvious and serious reasons for a breakup, then psychologists talk about “relationship fatigue.” Moreover, this fatigue, which many consider one of the first signs of a deterioration in relations, actually indicates that the cooling process has already gone quite far. And this state itself, oddly enough, is not the result of conflicts between lovers, but their root cause. A feeling of fatigue in a relationship can manifest itself in couples in love, when the romance has dragged on and began to stall, and in spouses (especially often in a civil marriage). The love program inherent in us by nature cannot withstand the overload, does not want to “stretch out” for that long time that separates the moment of acquaintance from the wedding ceremony. You can compare a love union to a living being that was born as a result of the closeness of two people. He goes through the same stages - from infancy to old age. But it can also fade in the prime of life from illness and poor care. Relationships must develop, grow, bear some fruit, otherwise they are doomed to fade.
The best way to protect
Fatigue in relationships usually appears in those couples who have clearly “become friends”, have passed the peak of the relationship and have not been able to create a full-fledged family union.
Few people dare to honestly admit to their once loved one that they are openly throwing them away as unnecessary, so they try to shift the blame for their disappointed hopes onto him. To fall out of love and leave, you first need to blame and be disappointed. This is where the notorious “fatigue” kicks in - a kind of psychological tranquilizer, a means that helps drown out the pangs of conscience and memories of everything good and bright that united and connected you. In fact, one person internally moves away from another not at all because he is tired, but because he has already reoriented himself and made a subconscious decision to break up. In order to put this into practice, he now needs to ensure the necessary psychological and emotional state - this is where that very state of “fatigue” arises... That is why he readily gets involved in all sorts of conflicts, fuels old quarrels and provokes new ones.
How to overcome fatigue in a relationship?
“Sometimes I feel wildly tired from my relationship with my husband. We've only been together for 4 years, but everything is already disgusting! We began to quarrel often, but even quarrels do not help throw out the accumulated negativity. Devastation just sets in. At the same time, I love my husband very much, and he loves me too. Some kind of vicious circle. Julia"
Many couples face this problem. After several years of living together , it seems that the relationship has already outlived its usefulness . There is no movement forward, everything has turned into a routine.
Why is this happening? And how to overcome fatigue in a relationship? Today, the women's website sympaty.net is dealing with this problem.
Fatigue in relationships: 6 signs
If you put a plus sign next to these signs, it means that fatigue in the relationship has really accumulated. And something needs to be done about this if you want to save the family. What are these signs?
- Relationships do not provide emotional uplift . You can easily predict what you will do today, tomorrow, for the week and month ahead. Relationships seem dull and completely devoid of joyful emotions.
- You feel like you made a mistake in choosing a partner . Over the years of living together, your rose-colored glasses broke and you suddenly saw the light: he is not a match for you.
- You have outgrown this relationship . And worse, you have outgrown your partner. You are smarter, more successful, younger and more interesting than him. For you, it’s like a suitcase without a handle; you don’t want to drag it, but it’s a shame to throw it away.
- You wasted your best years next to him . We were waiting for something big and bright, but it never happened. You have been cruelly deceived in your expectations, and precious time has been lost.
- Constant quarrels and multi-day grievances with a game of “silence” . Even if there was a painful heart-to-heart conversation on Friday, on Monday everything repeats again.
- There is no strength or desire to fight for relationships . Rivalry and pulling of the blanket begins. No one wants to apologize first, no one wants to give in.
Did you see any familiar items on this list? You're probably sitting there feeling sorry for yourself right now. But in vain! It’s too early to give up on a relationship, especially if most of your life together has been joyful and cloudless.
Family life and relationships are hard everyday work. And we all get tired of any work sooner or later.
The main tool you need to fix your relationship is the desire to maintain love and faith in your strength! Even if your partner turned out to be weaker and gave up, you should not give up!
What is the essence of relationship fatigue?
In one of our articles (Why women fall in love), we already wrote about the “chemistry” of love. It is in our nature to gradually lose the feeling of love euphoria.
But relationship fatigue is not a biochemical process in our body. This is a gradual revaluation of values .
Let's say that first our partner offended us. Or something unpleasantly surprised you. Or he didn’t behave the way we would like. Day after day, such situations accumulate in our minds.
And then we begin to label: “he’s not my match,” “the relationship is futile,” “I deserve better.” Like a snowball, this dissatisfaction begins to acquire new claims.
Relationship fatigue is a consequence of your unfulfilled expectations.
How to overcome relationship fatigue?
People tend to change throughout their lives. But it’s unlikely that your partner suddenly became stupid and ugly. If it seems to you that this is so, then it is better to break up - you have stopped loving him.
And if you are sure of your love for him, but are simply tired of the relationship itself, not all is lost! It is possible to return the previous interest in each other! Our tips:
1. Bring back everything that the two of you did before. How are you doing now? We came home from work, had dinner, stared at our laptops, and went to bed because we had to go to work tomorrow.
And before? They kissed in front of passers-by, bowled, went to the cinema, restaurants, wandered in the park, holding hands! Remember everything you liked to do together and start again!
2. The more joint activities, the better! Moreover, this is not only joint entertainment, but also joint useful chores around the house!
3. Don't sit at home! The sofa, TV and laziness are the main enemies of family life. Get out of the house not only together, but also separately, so that you have something to discuss and share with your partner. Expand your circle of acquaintances.
4. Be spontaneous! Bringing surprises into your relationship isn't that hard:
- give gifts for no reason and give compliments
- stop making “ritual” calls and text messages at the same time
- create your own holidays
- change your appearance
- go on a cultural trek not only on weekends, but also on weekdays
- sometimes do together what you are used to doing separately
5. Forgive insults. Love is when you don’t have to say “I’m sorry.” Mentally forgive your partner for past grievances and do not return to the bad. Try not to criticize your partner (or do it affectionately).
6. Have sex. Sometimes it’s tempting to punish him with sexual hunger! This should not be done under any circumstances, because such pauses in intimate life can drag on for months. Bed is not the place to sort things out! Variety and regularity of sex is what you need!
7. Be interesting for your partner and for others ! How to do this, you can read in more detail here : How not to be boring for a man?
8. Go on vacation together. But you need to do this when you feel a warming in the relationship and do not risk quarreling at a fashionable resort over a trifle!
But the main thing in resuscitating relationships is patience and delicacy ! Believe in your love, and it will sparkle with bright colors again!
