5 principles of an ideal family

An ideal family... What is it like, who can say? What is included in this concept and at what point can an ordinary post-wedding or civil cohabitation be called a family, and not just any family, but an ideal one? Some people have to write an essay on the topic: “How do you imagine an ideal family.” What comes out in the end? But it turns out that each text written by different people contains completely different formulas for a happy family life. That's it.

Here it is worth noting that for each person the model of an ideal family is different, there is nothing definite and specific. What one may think is the best life together, another will not like at all. However, there are some certain standards, which are listed below. For convenience, they are divided into groups according to different family members. We remind you once again that each person has his own image of an ideal family; below are only generally accepted norms. So, let's go.

Female look

What should an ideal family be like according to representatives of the fair half of humanity: 10 components.

Healthy and obedient children. The number and gender depend on individual wishes, but one way or another, in 85% of cases, women consider children to be the main component of an ideal family. A magnificent and memorable wedding that you can show off to your friends. Signs of attention and courtship from a man even after the wedding. Unemployed life (for career women it’s the other way around: the absence of regular phrases/requests/demands that it’s time to take care of family and home instead of work). Attention that the husband continues to pay even after the wedding. Trips to the cinema, theaters, restaurants, etc. Financial stability throughout life. Mutual understanding, absence of quarrels and especially fights. An adequate mother-in-law who is not constantly trying to teach her daughter-in-law wisdom. Lack of “household” gifts like frying pans, pots, dishwashers, etc. from the husband.

Male gaze

What should an ideal family be like, according to representatives of the stronger half of humanity: 10 components.

Delicious and daily breakfasts, lunches, dinners. Regular sex, no “headaches” for the wife. A cozy, tidy home and, as a result, an economic spouse who does not shy away from housework. The wife’s loyal attitude to friends; adequate response to friendly get-togethers. Her loyal attitude to her husband’s hobbies and hobbies (going fishing, hunting or going to the sauna without a quarrel, no scandals after purchasing a useful thing like a fishing rod, car radio or naturalist’s encyclopedia). Love for one sport and/or genre movies/music (or at least the absence of disputes due to differences in tastes). The absence of daily hysterics and scandals out of nowhere. A beautiful wife who does not neglect herself after the wedding. A good mother-in-law who does not interfere in the personal life of the spouses. The absence of “everyday” gifts like hammer, drill, razor, etc. from the wife.

Animal look

Some people consider their pets to be full members of the family. Dogs and cats, by the way, also have their own view of the ideal family model, so their opinion should also be taken into account. So, if pets could talk, they would most likely express the following wishes.

Ideal feeding: the more often the better. Owners should forget about cheap dry food and start cooking for their pets (fish, meat, sausage, etc.). Cooking involves bringing the pieces into sliced form. Sleeping anywhere. A ban on jumping on beds, tables and clothes promises controversy. Petting at any time. March supply of cute females/males on demand. Permission to use the toilet in public places such as the sofa, corners and shoes. Breeding mice (personal desire of representatives of the cat family) .Walks for dogs, no washing for cats. Daily games of “hunting” - for a laser, a piece of paper, a fake mouse, etc. Prohibition on touching or seeing other people’s pets. Communication in one language (of course, the animal).

Why?

Why doesn’t happiness and peace reign in the house? Why can’t people achieve mutual understanding? Why does life together sometimes turn into a real hell? Why is there everything that seems to be needed for happiness, but the family still cannot be called ideal? Why can’t it be transformed a family from an ordinary one to an ideal one in a day or two? Why did a person seem one way before the wedding, and then became another? Why do thoughts of divorce periodically arise? Why does everything happen like this?

Unfortunately, there is no answer to these questions, but they all relate to the topic under discussion, and the main - not the only correct, just the main - reason for all troubles is misunderstanding and the lack of some kind of connection between close people. Without these components, real, sincere family happiness cannot be achieved.

Mutual trust

The natural basis for building a family. Close relationships, be it friendship or love, will not take place if they are not built on mutual trust. Once I read in a magazine about the terms of a marriage contract between two famous foreign actors and was perplexed. The number of sexual relationships per week, the cost of gifts for significant dates, the division of property in the event of divorce - nothing escaped the attention of prudent stars and their experienced lawyers. Probably, marriage contracts have their advantages, but to this day I cannot answer the question why people start a family if they do not trust each other.

How to create an ideal family

The answer is obvious: take into account all the wishes of each party. Of course, it is clear that not all the points described above can be accomplished, some are almost impossible, but you can find or try to find a compromise.

Another, simpler and actually effective option is this: gather all family members and talk frankly; ask what the very concept of “ideal family” means for each specific person, and then decide how it can be created. For it to work, everyone must want it. You won’t be able to create an ideal family secretly and on your own; you’ll only ruin your nerves and end up with nothing.

My ideal family - examples

My ideal family is people who are close in spirit, with whom there is a platonic fusion, and with whom I feel comfortable. My ideal family can exist when all members of this family have equal rights. An example of the family I am talking about is the relationship between Simone de Beauvoir and Jean Paul Sartre, who did not owe each other anything and built their relationship on intellect, love and polygamy. But let’s get back to how my ideal family cannot fit into the “traditional” concept. I don’t like the stamp in the passport, because even the very word “married” for a girl sends her back to Ostrovsky’s drama “The Thunderstorm,” where Catherine’s mother-in-law considers her to be an appendage of a man. This already contradicts my ideas about equality. And now many adhere to this model of family life, because they cannot even imagine that it is possible to live differently or they do not want to allow it, because it is convenient and “everyone does it.” So, now, perhaps, not everyone thinks the same way as in Ostrovsky’s tragedy, but a word that a priori discriminates will always be striking. Especially now, when the fight for gender equality is so relevant. If you remember the words again, then again it is clear that “wife” and “man” are often not the same as a loved one. Otherwise, “mistress” and “lover”, which are derived from the word “love,” would not have appeared. They left according to calculation, as they still do now.

What is commonly called family happiness?

What is commonly called family happiness, in fact, is not it, but is only an imitation of something like that in front of other inquisitive people who are looking for someone else’s happiness in others, because there is no one of their own. The institution of family has long exhausted itself, but they are carefully trying to cover it up with Holy values and fashion. Family Day is based on the story of Peter and Fevronia in order to cover the hole in the very idea of family with fanfare. And people who say that I am distorting the idea of a family will deny and say that their family is impeccable if I say that this is not so, and point at fifty similar families that are not happy.

Why should a family exist if there is no happiness within it, just as there are no people in an abandoned house?

Also, the ideal in the minds of many is not even the fact that the family is happy, but rather the presence of children and two parents in it. And nothing more is needed for others, except for the fact that the family is complete and performs a reproductive function. As if orphanages are empty, but every year there is not less space on Earth and more and more unemployed and homeless people? For what? Where else will there be children if there is nowhere to put those born now? Let us remember Dostoevsky’s “Crime and Punishment,” which tells about the Marmeladov family, where one of the daughters went to exchange her passport for a yellow ticket in order to feed her sisters and brothers. And Raskolnikov’s sister “sells herself”, starts a family in order to benefit and help her brother. Or the madness of girls who play with pregnancy in order to “attach” a person to themselves and start a family. Playing on decency and the pressure of society, they are forcibly pulled down the aisle or pierced with condoms in order to perform a holy act: marriage by accident! That's happiness.

And my humble idea of family includes only trying to be happy with another person. Without all sorts of pitfalls, double actions and ambiguous hints. Of course, you can build your family according to the standard scheme that is presented by time, but it is not for me. My family is not yet able to even rightfully be called a family. Some will call it a connection, others a relationship, and others will simply say that I’m a whore. And good. But I will be happy.

Bottom line

An ideal family is an abstract concept that means peace and happiness in the relationship between spouses and harmony in their lives. For some, a family is considered ideal if it has a small but cozy apartment on the periphery and two charming children, while for others it will be difficult to live even in a huge, luxurious cottage on the seashore. To each his own.

So, decide what an ideal family means for you, write everything down point by point for better perception, understand what you lack for happiness, and create your own perfect world together with your husband/wife.

Beauty and HealthLove and Relationships

Everyone’s idea of what a family should be is completely different, which is not surprising, because men mean by this something of their own, something that is close to them, and the fair sex means their own. We are all too different, with our own preferences and desires, thoughts and opinions of what is right and what is wrong, and this clearly does not contribute to uniting in an attempt to understand what an ideal family is for everyone. But still, despite these difficulties, there is always something that is its integral features for everyone. And it’s definitely worth finding out about this.

Photo: perfect family

What should an ideal family be like?

Everyone is happy in it: both adults and children. Parents have the opportunity to realize themselves, and children grow up in love and care, encouragement and support. In such a family there is no place for shouting and complaints. Any problems are resolved peacefully, without blackmail or threats. No one calls children bad words, does not compare them with other children, does not constantly try to teach life and does not discourage them from exploring the world around them. Parents love children simply for being their children, and not for good grades, behavior or unquestioning obedience.
They have the right to choose their own friends, to dream about what they like, and not adults, to try themselves where it is interesting and find a new hobby, and are not afraid to talk about their mistakes and mistakes. They do not need to be beaten or humiliated, they hear perfectly well what they are told and perceive their parents’ words when they are filled with love and respect for them, and not with hatred, contempt, or worse, envy.
In such a family, a woman does not turn into a housekeeper, teacher, nanny and a man who earns money, does repairs and provides the household with food that he carries on his own. Her husband accepts her choice and does not forbid her to communicate with friends, parents, have a career, study, play sports, find herself and earn more than him.

He does not use his power to humiliate, manipulate, threaten or control his wife. He will not cheat because he knows how to satisfy his wife and helps her to open up and talk about what gives her pleasure and what does not. He is not an egoist, and she does not deny him intimacy and does not blackmail him with it.
When she needs something, she boldly speaks about it, without fear of causing anger or hearing ridicule, and he gladly gives her what he can. They have no problems communicating with parents or friends. Even if their parents are unfriendly to their daughter-in-law or son-in-law, none of them allows them to interfere in their affairs. Because they both understand how easy it is to disrupt peace and tranquility in the family if you allow, even such important people as parents, to intervene and set their own rules.
They exclusively make decisions themselves, take responsibility and bear it, and do not shift it onto each other’s shoulders.

The husband has no need to constantly prove that he is the head of the family. It’s not difficult for him to help around the house, because he knows it’s a shame to do nothing after work and wait for his tired wife, who returns from work, to cook food and do the laundry. He knows that he, as a man, is stronger and more resilient and his self-confidence will not decrease if he cooks lunch, dinner or sits with a child. And he is grateful to her for everything she does for the family, for him and the children, so that they feel comfortable and good, just as she does for him.
He always has time to explain to the child what he asks, go with him to the hospital, take a walk and help him take care of the dog that he so asked to buy or adopt from a shelter or the street.
Kindness and compassion, mercy and empathy, the desire to help are not empty words for members of such a family. They may have little money, but they will always share a little to help those in need. Someone else's pain is not an empty phrase for them. Their mutual assistance and friendship, respect and love for each other can only be admired and taken as an example.

They do not have important family members and unimportant ones; each family member is the best. And he will always find support, no matter how he makes a mistake or stumbles. They understand that there are no bad or ideal people. Everyone has breakdowns and internal problems. They know that they should not give advice when they are not asked for it, and especially not get into people’s souls. They do not condemn or criticize, and if they discuss someone, it is only to use them as an example or, conversely, as a warning that doing so is dangerous.

Once you understand what an ideal family is for another person, it is much easier to understand what you mean by this. Sometimes it is very difficult to look into your soul and find the answer to a difficult question. But without this, you won’t be able to figure out what needs to be done and what depends on you and what doesn’t, so that your family life can rightfully be called ideal. And she was like that for you, and not for others.

By following the advice of other people, we impoverish our lives and put it at risk. Remember this and don’t let anyone fill your head with different patterns. The ideal family is different for everyone. And there is nothing more beautiful when all family members breathe in unison and find a common language in most situations, rather than pulling the blanket over themselves or allowing everyone except themselves to decide what their family should be like.

Having looked through the families of my friends and colleagues in my memory, I began to think - are there even ideal families? And what kind of family can be called, if not ideal, then at least approaching such a standard?

It seems to me that this standard depends on the people themselves - on the man and woman who want to start a family, because, having made such a serious decision, they somehow already imagine how they will live together, solve complex issues, spend time, organize their life etc.

Often, parents’ families and their relationships are chosen as a model, and this is understandable, because this is the way of life that people see from birth. But what to do if the newlyweds grew up in very different families - this can lead directly to conflicts? In this case, the ability of both parties to find a compromise becomes of great importance.

You can create a happy, and therefore ideal, family by selecting what suits you from the models of other people’s marital relationships. Or you can create your own, unique family model, in which everyone will be warm and comfortable, in which peace, love, and respect will reign.

In addition, an ideal family contains:

Confidence.
Understanding.
Mutual assistance.
Mutual respect.
Having common interests.

This concept of happy family relationships is typical for most people. At the same time, pictures of a smiling large family against the backdrop of nature or a cozy home environment appear in a person’s imagination.

Since only happy people smile, an ideal family is a relationship in which all relatives feel happy. But people imagine happiness differently, so you shouldn’t look for universal traits in every stable family and try to instill them in yourself.

Do conflicts and quarrels happen in heaven too?

In our view, ideal relationships completely exclude conflicts and misunderstandings, but each person has his own, even small, shortcomings, therefore, with regular and close communication between several people, irritation, misunderstanding or conflict of interests arise from time to time.

This does not mean that creating an ideal family is impossible. It is important to understand that a family is a dynamic entity, so there simply cannot be standard relationships in it.

That is why even perfect families have their own problems, but unlike dysfunctional families, they know how to solve them. To understand how an ideal family differs from others, you should think about why people create a family.

There are several main reasons for marriage:

Love
(ideal), that is, the desire to be close to your loved one all the time, to create one whole from two separate parts.
Calculation
(this includes money, social status, and registration - depending on the interests and capabilities of the partners).
Fear of loneliness
(your friend is already married, time passes, but there is no prince, or there was one, but you absolutely do not know how to live without a partner. And even if in the end there will not even be an ideal family, this is better than loneliness);
Pregnancy
. For some reason, the relationship did not initially develop into a marital relationship, but both partners approach the birth of a child responsibly.

For whatever reason, marriage is concluded, in which people try to satisfy their everyday, personal and psychological needs. That is, they strive to find coziness, comfort and a feeling of spiritual closeness.

Since the needs and expectations from a partner of an individual man and woman may not coincide, one must not copy those around them, but know how to create a happy family.

What do you need to consider to create your ideal social unit?

Very often, young spouses look at other families, and not always their parents’ (for example, “Masha’s husband is golden, he repairs everything himself”). At the same time, they forget that this is not the only difference between your couples.

Her husband does the repairs himself, and yours can pay for any repairs, but he doesn’t like to work with his hands, because he is a talented programmer. Since all people are unique, someone else's family model will not help you build your family.

In order for people to say about your family (and you think so) that it is ideal, you need to create your own unique model. And it should be based on your life principles.

This is especially important in the context of raising children - our children copy our behavior, so the principles declared during the upbringing process must correspond to your everyday behavior.

What will you pass on to your children?

It is on the basis of the parental family model of behavior that children then create their own family. Therefore, before getting married, it is advisable to:

Align your principles and outlook on life
. Often in a young family, partners have different ideas about things that are not fundamental - here you can always find a compromise and thus avoid conflicts in the future. People whose principles generally coincide are able to create an ideal family.

Understand that the family is not a structure frozen once and for all
; it also needs constant development. Each family member constantly has to learn to understand the others (we change as we grow up, go through all stages of our child’s development, experience age-related crises, etc.). Over time, we have to learn to trust not only each other, but also the child. In addition, you must learn to give everyone freedom - the child will someday leave the parental home, so he must become independent, and your partner must have freedom of choice.

It's okay to quarrel

The main quality that an ideal family possesses is the ability to resolve conflicts in a constructive manner. Many people believe that in an ideal home, children do not compete for the title of favorite, and problems are discussed in a calm atmosphere without unnecessary emotions.

But reality usually demonstrates the opposite - this one flared up, this one could not restrain himself, and now the evening is hopelessly ruined by the scandal.

In such cases, people try in every possible way to avoid conflicts, but psychologists recommend not hushing up complaints and grievances. Unexpressed negative emotions tend to accumulate and erupt over trifles at the most inopportune moment.

Conflict in a normal family is not a tragedy or an anomaly. In most cases, this is the result of misunderstanding and a natural process of getting used to different people. If you are wondering how to create a happy family, learn:

Discuss the problem that has arisen.
Speak out and discuss controversial issues.
Listen patiently to your opponent.
Wait aloofly for the situation to develop (this is necessary when communicating on painful topics with children and adolescents).

Common interests

Every person understands that real deep relationships are possible only if there are common interests. At the same time, conflicts in the family often flare up precisely on the basis of different interests.

Most women, by the concept of “being together,” mean complete sharing of all hobbies by their spouses, and only welcome vacations together. But the interests of two different people cannot completely coincide.

An ideal family allows you to find moments that unite all family members. But at the same time it leaves everyone their personal space and the opportunity to do something that does not interest others.

Family traditions

Almost every happy family, in the process of its development, acquires or inherits its own family traditions and rituals from grandparents.

For some, this is grandma’s signature pie for the holiday (not only the grandmother, but also the rest of the family’s women have been baking it for a long time), while for others, it is the custom to spend a birthday in a certain cafe, to pass on by inheritance significant objects familiar from childhood (grandfather’s watch, cookbook, etc.).

There may be many family rituals to which you usually do not attach importance, and it is unlikely that you have wondered why they are needed at all. At the same time, it is these unique traditions that make up a significant part of your bright childhood memories of comfort and connections with your parental home. And this is what your grown child will remember later.

Rules for a happy family!

An ideal family is always the result of the joint efforts of all its members. In order to create a happy atmosphere, coziness and spiritual comfort in your home, you and your household need:

Have heart-to-heart conversations as often as possible - without sincere communication and the trust that arises from this, a family cannot be ideal.
Pay more attention to your loved ones and be sincerely interested in their lives.
Celebrate important events and holidays with your family - a positive atmosphere of memories sets you up for strengthening family ties.
Despite the daily workload and the fatigue accumulated after the work week, everyone should spend at least one day together. To do this, it’s a good idea to come up with fun entertainment for everyone.

Do not let people into your family circle who create discomfort (neighbors, acquaintances, distant relatives).
Involve the whole family in important family matters (preparing for a celebration, etc.).
When making decisions, take into account the opinions of all family members, even the smallest ones.
Try to say kind words to your loved ones as often as possible and do not forget to hug them - not only children, but also adults need such communication.
Do not avoid conflicts, but learn to translate them into a positive plane.

If an offense nevertheless arises, learn not to wait until they ask you for forgiveness, but find ways of reconciliation. Why accumulate negativity and aggravate the confrontation if in the process of discussing the situation you can better understand and accept each other.

It is important to remember that the ideal family is a process of continuous family development, and not just a title. Every day you influence the degree of intimacy and trust between loved ones. Give them love, care for each other and be interested. That’s the whole recipe for a happy home, where it’s always cozy and warm!

The concept “My ideal family” is not such in its original essence. If a couple of decades ago a civil marriage was quite a bold act, now people have become accustomed to it.

Social frameworks are dynamic, and one must try to move them if they interfere with someone’s happiness, which in turn does not bring any harm to anyone. When a person is born, he acquires certain kinds of stereotypes along with knowledge, experience and social skills. For example: get a higher education, find a well-paid job, have a family and children.

And most people cannot even imagine that it could be otherwise, because critical thinking on these issues is greatly blunted.

People who reject these stereotypes, because this model of behavior is not close to them, are shunned and treated with surprise. One need only remember about Childfree (people whose life position is characterized by a conscious reluctance to have children), who have to unite in groups so as not to be “black sheep” and not receive unflattering comments in their environment. But this essay is not so much about a lifestyle without children, but about the evolution of family relationships that do not fit into the old concept.

How to understand what an ideal family is

When representatives of the fair sex think about starting a family and looking for a future spouse, if they have not yet met their loved one, they are unlikely to think about what an ideal relationship is. They want to have them, but this desire is hidden deep in the subconscious and understanding how it should look after fulfillment is quite difficult, especially when you don’t try to think about it.

In fact, the ideal is what makes us happy, brings us joy. It doesn't matter what others think about it, the main thing is that we like it. Only for some reason, people are increasingly trying to create an ideal that is based not on their own ideas of what it should be, but on the opinions of other people, especially parents. And then they cannot understand what caused their dissatisfaction and irritability, increased levels of anxiety and desire to change their lives.

You can't be happy when you do what others want from you, not you. True, few people think about this, believing that others definitely know better. Because they have not yet realized that if you do not live your own life, it is impossible to enjoy it. This is just an attempt not to break out of the general order, not to disappoint or offend others. And people continue to suffer in silence, clinging to the standards held by their parents or imposed by them, instead of thinking about themselves and their own desires.

To change such a sad situation, it is important to determine for yourself what an ideal family is for you. What it should be like, what you want to do, how to communicate with your loved one, what your views should coincide with and what is not necessary, what will bring joy and what will cause rejection. Because it is impossible to create such a family when you don’t understand what you want it to be. It is important to really understand which family is ideal in your understanding. Having decided what you really want, you will be able to notice the signs of an approaching storm in time and will do everything in your power to ensure that the family is and remains ideal for you, and not for relatives, friends or others.

True, unfortunately, when some difficulties arise, few people remember their deepest desire to have an ideal family, and certainly do not look for the answer to how to make it such at least at a given moment in time, so that as few situations as possible arise that could disrupt peace and tranquility in the soul.

For those who do not want to make serious mistakes when choosing a future spouse, to reduce the risks of misunderstandings (they cannot be avoided at all, no matter how hard you try), it is very important to also think about what kind of person you want to see not only your family, but also your future life. And if you are ready for marriage and want to get married, before you agree, begin to evaluate the man in accordance with your understanding of the “ideal family”. Your views on this should coincide, and this can only be verified by knowing what we are talking about. And if he doesn’t have these qualities, it’s hardly worth taking the risk and trying to change him so that the family is what you want. You can't change anyone, no matter how hard you try. Only a person himself can do this.

An ideal family, what is it like?

It is unlikely that in the modern world anyone believes that it is possible to create an ideal family. But no one stops fantasizing about this topic, which is why people wait for their ideal person, try to raise an ideal child and strive for ideality in everything.

Where does the concept of an ideal family come from?

Each person creates it in his own head, collecting images from childhood, from the world around him, from society. Stories from psychologists and happy couples. This may be an image of a family that is the exact opposite of the family in which the person grew up. Or even the other side of the family that a person builds on his own.

Each person has his own idea of an ideal family, and psychologists believe that this is normal, but only if this ideal can be achieved. That is, if the bar is set at a normal level and in order to achieve what you want you just need to move forward - this is not just normal, it is very good, because then partners can achieve success. But if the bar is too high or has almost unrealistic outlines, there is nothing good about it. In such cases, a person does not know what to demand from himself or what to demand from his partner. And, as you know, movement in an unknown direction leads to chaos.

What idealization should we refrain from?

World Harbor - Constant Love

Undoubtedly, everyone wants love and mutual understanding to always reign in the family. It is desirable that both close and distant relatives love each other. And, it seems, there is nothing wrong with such idealization, but it seems so only at first glance.

If the family is real, normal and successful, then such feelings as periodic irritation, competition, selfishness, expression of negative emotions are the second side of love that takes place. But people don’t often think about this, wanting to live in constant harmony.

The picture of perfection may continue for some time, but as soon as the partner experiences other emotions that go beyond the ideal image, he is perceived negatively and this ruins the relationship. But in fact, in a happy family, partners know how to accept their loved one in different ways, thereby confirming that they will be there for you, no matter what.

In every person there are always two essences fighting. One entity wants freedom and independence. The other entity wants to be happy in the relationship. A certain beacon is created, when it oscillates, good, and most importantly, correct relationships are built that do not destroy anyone.

Absence of conflicts as such

A person, in principle, by himself, does not always like conflicts, which is why he tries to negotiate in any area of life in order to avoid unnecessary negative emotions. That is why it is completely normal that he wants his family to always have peace and quiet.

It’s just that conflicts, if they do not occur very often, can solve many family problems. Yes, it is during quarrels that people allow themselves to defend their opinions, take a certain position and listen to each other.

If a family does not quarrel or raise their voice, this does not indicate the ideality of the relationship, but its absence in general. People in a couple stopped proving anything to each other out of despair, out of acceptance that they would not be heard. And this, as we know, is a quiet collapse.

We need to learn to strive for the ideal together, understanding that sometimes being ideal is not as good as it seems in our dreams!

Elena,