Taught me bad things
I have two hobbies - body modification and stalking. After the wedding, the husband tried to persuade him to give up both, his mother-in-law echoed him in duet: they say that it is not appropriate for a woman, especially a married one, to wear piercings and run through ruins. I ended up telling my husband that he didn’t even know what he was talking about because he hadn’t tried it himself. He started trying and... He now has four earrings in each ear and several new tattoos, he goes with me to objects (and this is great, because it’s both safer and not annoying, as if I were going with a stranger), and The mother-in-law just groans: “this brat” taught the boy bad things. The boy is thirty-two years old.
What could be more important than sex, only desired sex and something else3
Mutual respect leads to the fact that two people are able to give in and compromise, listening to the opinions of others.
Desires are sure to coincide even among completely different people, because the range of interests is not so wide: to go on a visit, to a cafe, to the beach, to a concert, to an outing - basically everything or something similar.
Open communication without hiding or pitfalls brings people together, revelations are captivating and create friendly relations. You can’t talk about the meaning of life with everyone, only with a loved one.
Compliments are most likely the foundation of any relationship; you don’t mind them for your loved ones. It’s nice to hear that you are a beauty, a craftswoman, and that the dinner was a great success. His pride will rise to the skies if he hears that he is the most intelligent, skillful, courageous and desirable person in the whole world.
By admiring we give the most powerful energy.
House
I had a hobby, I made a dollhouse almost a meter high and furnished it, made tiny chairs, curtains, sideboards, sewed curtains and tablecloths. One day I got carried away with making a dressing table - I made mirrors from foil, it was difficult and important not to wrinkle it when sticking it on - and my daughter pulled it out, stained and partially tore her husband’s shirts. My husband yelled at me and threw the house out the window with everything that was on my table. My daughter is now two and a half, I am waiting until she is three years old so that she can be sent to kindergarten, go to work and get a divorce. I don’t tell my husband anything in advance. I really want to make another house, but I’m not doing it yet, I’m putting up with it, although at night I dream about how I select wallpaper, knit a rug... It’s not that the house is more valuable to me than my husband or that I’m mischievous and proud. It's hard to explain, it's like I lost trust in this person. And I began to notice more often that he had constant outbursts of rage and irritation. Previously, I quickly forgot unpleasant scenes thanks to my hobby, now they are all with me, my mood is worse day by day.
What goals are considered a guarantee of a happy family?
The concept that the goal of a family should be the birth and upbringing of good and healthy children is considered widespread. This, of course, is also important. But what will happen to this marriage when the children grow up and leave to build their own path? That's it, the goal of your whole life will be achieved, and there will be nothing left in common. Therefore, spouses simply need to have other common interests and family affairs, in addition to children.
It is believed that a marriage between two people is a kind of school of love. And if a family truly values and respects each other, then the relationship only becomes stronger over the years. Thus, the real purpose of married life is to achieve perfect love.
The main goal of each spouse should be constant care for their other half and the task of making each other’s lives easier. If you follow all these rules and instructions and do not forget about them, then it is possible to achieve trust, harmony and happiness between them.
Divorced
Ten years ago, a combination of a very large number of factors appeared that negatively affected my married life. Including, it was then that I became interested in polygon role-playing games. I became interested in everything at once, playing in the forest, going to role-playing concerts, and themed parties... And, to tell the truth, the decisive factor was my husband’s attempt to categorically prohibit camping trips with people “in a foolish way,” as well as the refusal to somehow then accept the existence in my life of all this fairy-tale-Celtic-minstrel-tent-role-playing scamp. We divorced. On my initiative.
A stingy husband means happiness in the family
I sew. When I was young, it was very infuriating that my husband perceived this as entertainment and not business. It happened that they fought because of this attitude. He considered my activities a whim, which only in vain distracted me on the weekend from preparing a three-course dinner. I managed to shut up the fountain of his eloquence with an offer to buy the same things in the store, since he was sorry that I was wasting my time. He is very stingy, earns little, we lived very poorly at first, and this argument really made him shut up. After five years of married life, he even began to realize that his wife sews. There was a time when I sewed him a couple of beautiful shirts from good fabrics, which I got on occasion for ridiculous money. She still wears the motley silk one, 17 years have passed and nothing has been done to her. A black one made of artificial silk hangs “for going out” - sometimes she wears it. True, we divorced anyway, although not because of our hobby.
Border on duct tape
I'm drawing. My husband is supportive, ready to clean up and cook food out of turn so that I have the opportunity to draw every day. There was one problem - we have one desk. Huge, but alone. The husband, unnoticed even to himself, occupies the entire space of the countertop; he cannot control it. I had to use a strip of electrical tape to divide the table exactly in half. You cannot cross the border even an inch; touching something that is on someone else’s half is prohibited unless it is on fire. Now we have the right half of the table littered with printed circuit boards, wires and soldering accessories, and the left half with brushes, sponges and watercolors. The cat lies exactly in the middle. Everyone is happy.
The main thing is not to run into a bear
My husband and I have a common hobby: we are hikers. My husband (then future) took me on my first trip; I was sixteen years old. The forest was the perfect sex ground, empty and free. On our first trip, we managed to leave with a raincoat for two, and most importantly, without a bowler hat! But my beloved was not at a loss and cooked dinner in two iron bowls on some rusty sheet of iron. Wow, I said to myself, how inventive!
Now we have a son in school. He also goes on hikes with us.
Hiking brings us together very much, and most importantly, in the forest we are incredibly good and blissful, the memory of this does not allow us to kill each other the rest of the time.
My husband and I have different interests
Anna, the point, apparently, is not so much in different interests, but in the fact that there is no common field in the family, and it consists not only of hobbies. And above all - out of ATTENTION to a loved one.
Anna
I miss his attention in the form of pleasant surprises, spending time together, etc.
After all, spending time together can be organized by finding out who and what would be closer in this regard. But this requires dialogue and everyone’s interest in it. Is your husband interested in him? Maybe we can ask the question more radically: are you really a family? And is the husband happy with this? How does he see your and his role in the family? Is he really happy with just living in the same apartment with occasional sex? Doesn't he need any attention? Or does he get this attention from you, but only you don’t?
Anna
For some reason, as I grew older, the emotional state before intimate relationships became important.
This is quite normal; with age, emotions play a greater role, and not hormones, which by definition become smaller. But, again, in order to do anything in this regard, your husband must be interested in maintaining the relationship...
Anna
I told him about this, he nods understandingly: Yes, yes, yes.
But nothing changes. You continue to behave as before. What incentive then will he have to change something if you talked and talked, but nothing has changed? And he apparently thinks in such a way that you just need to listen to you, but this is just a conversation. Nothing will change anyway. “I’ll listen, it’s okay - I’ll survive, and then you can go about your business.”
Anna
I do not know what to do
There is, alas, no specific recipe for everyone. You need to explore why everything turned out this way in your family, what each of you really needs and why, what measures everyone chooses to realize their needs, what each of you invests in family relationships, what ideas each of you currently have... In principle, even if you start working with a psychologist alone, a lot will become clearer, perhaps specific behavior strategies will be found, but they cannot be imposed on you - you must choose them yourself, understanding that this particular method of action is optimal for you. And a psychologist can help you find this strategy.
In the meantime, you are weighing the options for yourself - you can listen to this webinar about the main family crises, it will at least clarify for you the main points on which most couples “stumble”: https://psyhelp24.org/krizis-semejnyh-otnoshenij/
My husband and I have different ideas about raising our son.
Sincerely, Nesvitsky A., consultations, psychotherapy in St. Petersburg and on skype
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Secret admirer
My ex-husband was terribly jealous of my writing, which at that time was just a hobby, and not a source of income, as it is now. The very poor guy was traumatized by the fact that there was something in my life that he couldn’t access. Where he cannot influence me in any way. By the way, he tried: they say, I will read what you write and allow (or not allow) you to publish it. And I only started publishing then, and for me it was a joy and almost a miracle... So, when he told me this, I was indignant and said that somehow I’ll figure it out myself. It's none of his business. Scandal, tears, screams. I almost didn't crash my computer.
In general, we did not find a compromise. That is, I continued to write and publish without telling him anything. He, discovering by chance that again I had come out somewhere with a column or a short story, created a scandal. They got divorced later. Not because of this, but it also played a role, of course.
So, it became clear later that he carefully cut out and put ALL my publications in a folder. That he was proud of them and me, boasted on occasion and, in general, considered having a writer wife to be inexpressibly cool.
Favorable climate in the family
When a child grows up in a family, it is very important what kind of family climate reigns in it. From the parents the child receives preparation for future life in society. Therefore, it cannot be denied that the role of the family plays an important function in the formation of his personality.
A child, like a sponge, absorbs what happens within the walls of his home, and then transfers all these foundations and rules into his adult life. If it is customary for parents to have common interests and family affairs, then in the future their child will do the same in their marriage, having learned this from early childhood. When children grow up in a place where it is customary to communicate in a friendly and gentle manner, then over time they will certainly build the same style of communication with the people around them.
Only one conclusion can be drawn from this - in order to raise a good and successful child, it is necessary for the family to have a healthy moral and emotional microclimate.
