Should a man confess his love first: pros and cons
Every person deserves to love and be loved .
Age, appearance, social status and nationality are not important - everyone wants to experience these feelings. But not everyone can express them; many simply remain silent and wait for the first step from their soulmate. According to generally accepted stereotypes, this step should be taken by a man. But is this right? Can't a girl be the first to admit her feelings? Statistics show that in 65% of cases men are the first to declare their love . 35% of women take the initiative, and this has its pros and cons. Should a girl confess her love first? The answer to the question is very ambiguous and will be different for everyone. Looking at such a situation, you can find positive and negative aspects. Some will say that a woman should remain a woman and follow a man, agree in everything and be mutual. Others will say that a woman is no different from a man in a relationship, and if she wants to confess her feelings, then she should not deny herself this.
Some do things differently
If someone says the words “I love you” to you too quickly, you have to be very careful, because it could be Don Juan who wants to drag the girl into an immoral sexual relationship and thus use her as clothing, and then leave her wounded and desperate. Depraved men who see women only as sex toys are very skilled in deception. They know that every woman wants to hear that she is loved and she will want to give herself to a man who truly loves her. Therefore, they do everything possible to make the girl believe that he loves her and thus get her into bed and nothing more.
Advantages of women's initiative
- Talking is very important . Relationships often fizzle out because people stop, or don't start, talking. Any hidden emotions, feelings and desires destroy a person. Love is not a feeling that needs to be hidden, and if a girl really wants to confess her love to her boyfriend, then there should be no barriers. There is nothing wrong if a girl takes the first step herself. In some cases, after recognition, the relationship becomes more open and sensual, so girls do not always need to be modest.
- Humble partner . When the relationship is so wonderful that people understand each other at a glance, words may be superfluous. Not all guys are brave, courageous and open as much as girls would like. They may be embarrassed to invite the girl they like on a date, to be the first to kiss, hug, not to mention declare their love. Therefore, if a girl has feelings for a shy guy, it’s worth helping him be a little bolder.
- Placed points . There are feelings that are not mutual, and most often girls suffer from them. They are very amorous and more open than guys. The relationship may come to the point where there will be dates, meetings, walks and sex, but she will never hear the cherished “I love you.” And the guy is not shy, and has been in a relationship for a long time, but there is no recognition. In this case, the girl must take the initiative into her own hands and figure out whether the feelings are mutual. After pronouncing the cherished words, the girl will clearly understand how her lover treats her.
- It's not scary to open up . All the best is attracted to simple, open and kind people. You shouldn’t squeeze yourself, curl up in a ball and hide from everyone around you. When a girl is open, cheerful, kind and treats herself with respect, and talks about what is interesting not only to her, but also to her partner, then he will be the first to talk about love. Of course, it is important to express all your experiences, emotions and feelings. Being yourself is very important, and if the love is sincere, there is no need to hide it - speak up and don’t be afraid to open up.
There are also disadvantages to a girl’s initiative. You need to be able to determine the situation in which a declaration of love to your man is appropriate. After all, not everyone likes it when someone is ahead of them.
- The main task is not to destroy a man . Men by nature are courageous, proud, stubborn, unwavering providers. It is important for them to be valuable to society and family. And in those cases when a girl takes the initiative in most situations, then after a while he becomes a woman, and she becomes a man. It is important to give him the choice so that he does men’s things, so that he feels like a man. A girl should remain a girl and follow a man only by supporting him if he is truly dear to her heart.
- Wait for your stop . In any relationship, haste does not always bring useful results. In a fit of passion and emotion, you can say so many different nice things about your partner, which may soon turn out to be untrue. It’s very easy to say the words “I love you,” but what a huge meaning lies in these words! You shouldn’t rush to say them, you need to wait a while, take a closer look and let the guy take the first step.
- It's too sweet . When a girl is too intrusive, caring, attentive and emotional, this is not to everyone's taste. There must be moderation in everything. Women who maintain distance (within reasonable measures), know how to present themselves, and allow a man to be so, are more valuable and desirable. And when a girl gives everything at once and offers even more, she becomes too available, uninteresting, and subsequently unnecessary. Therefore, you should not be the first to admit it - waiting is rewarded.
- Carefully! If he gets scared, he will run away! Society is afraid of determined, persistent, self-confident girls. A man can also be frightened by such determination of his chosen one and at the first suitable moment disappear forever. She’ll say that she loves her, but what if he doesn’t experience these feelings yet. And then he sits and thinks about what to do next and how to live with it. This is how situations arise when she already wants a wedding and children, and he thinks about how and where else to go for a walk. He doesn’t need these confessions; you can’t keep a person close to you just because you love him.
Are disadvantages a hindrance?
Many girls are very soft, gentle and friendly by nature. Because of these, sometimes exaggerated qualities, many are incapable of frank actions and words. It is much easier for girls to wait for the first step from their lover. And all because of innate modesty or acquired shyness.
Shyness should not affect future relationships with a guy. After all, sometimes a partner expects a whole range of feelings and sensations from his beloved. This is the only way he can understand whether you like him or not, what you prefer and what you would not allow. In fact, self-confidence will help more than excessive modesty. In addition, according to psychologists, optimism and a positive attitude are transferred to another person. So, it is likely that you will be able to fill your lover with confidence.
Another stumbling block on the path to overall happiness can be the negative experience of one of the partners. This is a significant factor, but it is important to understand that all people are different and if you met a bad person, this does not mean that everyone else is the same. Perhaps you need to reconsider your requirements for a partner or once again analyze the result of a negative relationship with a partner. In any case, you need to remember that both are to blame for the breakup, which means you only bear a share of the responsibility!
Be confident in your beauty, feminine strength and irresistibility! Only then will you be able to conquer a man’s heart. Often men worry and are afraid of exactly the same problems as women. Each of them is afraid of rejection, they have a fear of not liking it. Therefore, you should not think that in case of failure or the first attempt to attract attention, they will sharply refuse you or will not listen. There is always an elusive thread of understanding and support between a man and a woman. This often helps to avoid conflict situations and troubles. In fact, the main thing is to try! And what happens next is up to you and your friend. In any case, if you don’t try, you won’t know! It’s not for nothing that they say - it’s better to try and regret it than not to try and regret it doubly!
Should a woman confess her love first?
Every woman dreams of hearing a cherished declaration of love, but sometimes a man is in no hurry to pronounce them. Whether you should take the initiative into your own hands is up to you, but before doing so, you should weigh all the pros and cons.
“I love you” are not just cherished words that caress the ear, this is another important step in a relationship, meaning that you are not just a couple, you are two lovers. You are already sure that he is the one, the special one. You don’t just like him, you are head over heels in love and are ready to do anything for him. However, you are not yet sure of his feelings - he is silent and is in no hurry to be the first to admit that he loves you. The question arises whether it is worth taking the first step in order to build a truly strong and harmonious relationship.
If your man does not confess his love to you first even after your subtle hints, do not rush to think that your feelings are not mutual; this is not necessarily the case. There are several reasons why the coveted recognition has not yet arrived.
Why doesn't your man confess his love?
Your man is not yet one hundred percent sure of what he feels , and does not want to give you false hope. Especially if he has never loved before and does not know what is happening to him now. Who is in front of him: a beautiful, intelligent woman who certainly arouses sympathy, or a loved one, the one and only? Love is a complex thing, and understanding your feelings is sometimes very difficult.
He already had an unpleasant experience when he confessed his love to someone, and he was rejected. Men are very vulnerable, although they will never admit it. No matter how long ago it was, the resentment and pain still remained somewhere inside. He is afraid that now you can cause him the same pain by saying that you are not ready to reciprocate.
He loves you and is sure that you know it yourself . After all, he takes care of you, gives compliments, just being next to you - aren’t all these signs of love? “She already knows” is one of the most common mistakes men make in relationships, psychologists say. As a result, while you are going crazy from the uncertainty in the relationship, he is calm. Yes, even if you know that you are really loved, it is much more pleasant to hear the cherished phrase!
He is not emotional. In his family it was not customary to share emotions and experiences, so he does not imagine that feelings can be expressed out loud. This is how he was raised: sometimes injuries occur in the family, the consequences of which you have to deal with for the rest of your life. Be patient, do not demand constant emotional outbursts from your chosen one. In this case, he will really show his love more often than express it.
The saddest point: he really doesn't love you. There are men who are not looking for love in a relationship - only comfort, convenience. He may see you as a faithful friend, a reliable support, or a beautiful decoration nearby, but not as a beloved woman. Take a closer look at him: usually, if your man is not capable of love, it is not difficult to notice.
He is very shy and lacks self-confidence. If in your relationship you are undoubtedly the main one, and you are always the initiator in everything, then the man is still waiting for decisive action from you. He himself is not capable of them, no matter how much he loves you.
According to psychologists, the lack of a declaration of love does not always mean that you are not loved. Therefore, sometimes you can find out what is in your man’s soul only by declaring your love first.
Many women feel a state of shock at the mere thought of this - how can this be, since we were taught from childhood that a man should always be the initiator in everything, and that it is at least indecent for a woman to take the first step. A very convenient position of waiting for a miracle that should happen on its own.
In addition, the fear that the feelings are not mutual is also a strong obstacle. Fear is quite objective, however, by overcoming it, you will be able to find out what is in your man’s head and whether there is anything to hope for.
The advantages of declaring your love first
- If the feelings are mutual, your man will definitely appreciate your determination. He certainly understands how scary it is to be the first to confess, and the fact that you overcame your fears for him will elevate you in his eyes.
- In any case, this is a great way to bring your chosen one to a frank conversation, to find out more about his emotional barriers and the reasons why he is embarrassed or afraid of his feelings. Even if he is not yet sure that he is in love with you, you can find out which direction you should move in order to achieve the desired result.
- This is a great test of your own feelings and resolve, especially if you lack self-confidence in other aspects of your life. Overcome your fears, and you will have another reason to be proud of yourself.
- If it suddenly turns out that your chosen one does not reciprocate your feelings, you will “get over it” faster than if you continued to live in ignorance. There is no need to waste time in relationships that will not bring you happiness, hoping that things will change. You don't know what lies ahead, but the sooner you get rid of feelings for a person who is interested in the benefits that came with you, and not in you, the sooner you can become happy in other relationships.
Some people confuse love with sexual obsession
The Bible describes a case when Amnon, one of the sons of David, became sexually obsessed with his paternal sister Tamar. Since he had been taught evil by a cunning man, he feigned illness in order to lure Tamar into his room and, left alone with her, to carry out his dirty plan. Here's how the Bible describes the incident:
And Amnon said to Tamar, “Take the food into the inner room, and I will eat from your hand.” And Tamar took the cakes which she had prepared, and carried them to her brother Amnon into the inner room. And when she set it before him so that he could eat, he grabbed her and said to her: Come, lie with me, my sister. But she said: No, my brother, do not dishonor me, for this is not done in Israel; don't do this crazy thing. And I, where will I go with my dishonor? And you, you will be one of the madmen in Israel. You talk to the king; he will not refuse to give me to you. But he did not want to listen to her words, and overcame her, and raped her, and lay with her. Then Amnon hated her with the greatest hatred, so that the hatred with which he hated her was stronger than the love he had for her; and Amnon said to her, Get up and go away. And Tamar said to him: No, brother; driving me away is an evil greater than the first one you did to me. But he didn't want to listen to her. And he called his servant, who served him, and said, Drive her away from me, and lock the door behind her. (2 Samuel 13:10-17)
I want to draw the attention of readers to how the attitude of this obsessed man changed after he carried out his insidious plan. He hated Tamar more than he had loved her... Be careful not to fall prey to those who are sexually interested in you and say they love you in order to trap you in their net.
Should a woman confess her love to a man first?
According to generally accepted rules, it is customary for a man to be the first to confess his love. It is he who must lead the woman, take responsibility for the relationship, and make serious decisions. The key word, as you understand, is “should.” According to statistics, only about 60% of men are the first to admit their feelings. What about the rest? Do they not know how to love, are they too arrogant, childish in nature?
We don’t know the reasons why men hesitate to confess, but we know for sure that words of love are needed for relationships like air and it doesn’t matter which partner says them first. So should a woman rush things and declare her love? Some men are categorically against such a development: it scares them, irritates them, infringes on them, and repels them. However, there is another side to the coin.
It is permissible to be the first to talk about love when circumstances are already completely on the woman’s side. For example, you notice that a man has been showing interest in you for a long time, not just as a boyfriend, but as a potential spouse: he takes care of you, solves all your problems, makes you happy, tries to please. The character of the chosen one also plays a role. If she is proactive, self-confident, takes an active position in life, there are no barriers to being the first to confess her love to a man.
What can stop a woman from being the first to admit her crush? Fear or low self-esteem! They are the ones who block our desires and impulses of feelings. Girls are afraid of being rejected, ridiculed, humiliated. This is how representatives of the fair sex become hostages of the situation: they are afraid to open their souls, preferring uncertainty. Which, by the way, can last for years!
So if you are still wondering whether it is possible to be the first to confess your love to a man, psychologists answer: “It is possible.” The main thing is not to perceive recognition as the meaning of life or something out of the ordinary. Your position should be: “Words are very important for relationships - hidden emotions bring confusion and uncertainty, destroy a person, extinguish feelings.” “I’m not afraid to admit that I respect my partner, so I strive for an open relationship.” “I will be proud of myself if my words about love bring certainty. Whatever the outcome." If a couple has been marking time for a long time, the woman’s position may be: “I deserve clarity, and I think it’s fair to show all my cards.”
If a woman decides to be the first to admit her feelings, the main thing is to make it clear to her partner that she is not going to change gender roles with him and constantly take the initiative, suppressing him as a man. This is important, otherwise they will definitely run away from such companions!
If you are worried that you might offend the guy or put him in an awkward position with your confession, first express your sympathy. This way you will test the waters and let the man know that you care about him.
When, how and under what circumstances can you confess your love to a man?
Women are quite emotional, so some people are ready to scream about love already on the second date. Of course, you shouldn’t do this, otherwise the man will think that you are ready to grab onto the first person you meet, and therefore are not suitable for a serious relationship. Just as authoritarian, patriarchal individuals should not confess their feelings, otherwise their pride will be infringed to the limit.
