How to behave if your husband does not work?
Valeria Chumakova |
08/25/2015 | 1922 Valeria Chumakova 08/25/2015 1922
If the husband does not work temporarily or does not want to work at all, the wife’s task is to react to this correctly.
What to do if the husband cannot take the reins of the family budget? Let's consider the basic behavioral strategies.
If the husband does not work temporarily
Give me time to find a good job?
One possible strategy is to give your husband time to sort through all the job offers and choose the most worthy one. But what to do if he is stuck in “waiting mode” or if there are no good offers on the horizon?
First of all, remember that you and your husband are a family, you are one whole. And in a sense, his problems become your problems too. Therefore, your task is to support your man and help him in every possible way during this difficult period, and not to humiliate or ridicule him.
Help him find vacancies, discuss together what you need to increase your chances of getting a prestigious position (perhaps improve your qualifications, get additional education, a license or driving license, learn a foreign language).
The main thing you can do to help your man is to be a good support and support for him. If you agree to temporarily take on the functions of the main breadwinner in the family in order to give your husband the opportunity to find a truly worthwhile job, there is no need to “nag” him and start scandals. On the contrary, surround him with softness, warmth and care. Believe that he will certainly find the best way out of the situation and will not let his family down. Even if you don’t believe it, convince him otherwise!
Believe me, if your husband is a serious, responsible person, this will be enough for him: a favorable atmosphere at home plus an understanding wife will definitely become good motivators.
Which couple is this strategy suitable for?
- You are a calm and balanced woman, ready to completely rely on your man, no matter what happens.
- Your husband is responsible for your family, and you feel it.
- The husband is not inclined to constantly borrow money and does not sit on his parents’ neck.
- The husband is active and interested in his position in the family and society.
If your husband prefers to work from home
Leave your husband to "do the housework"?
Not a bad strategy either. You work, and your husband completely takes care of the house: cooks, cleans, pays bills, picks up the children from school, takes them to training. Everything would be fine, but there is one “but”. This family structure and the roles you play
- or it must initially suit both of you,
- or they should be a temporary measure.
Otherwise, discord may begin in the family. In our society, it is accepted that a man is obliged to support his family, and a woman’s job is children and home comfort. Therefore, an unexpected family “revolution” can lead to serious conflicts with the husband and relatives, as well as dissatisfaction and excessive criticism towards oneself (“I’m a bad housewife, my husband cooks borscht for me”).
And one more important nuance. If you have agreed that your husband runs the household (temporarily or permanently), there is no need to nag him about it. This is your mutual decision, so do not reproach your spouse for doing something that is not “manly” work.
Which couple is this strategy suitable for?
This strategy is ideal if the financial issue is “not a problem”: you earn enough or have savings, but at the same time, your husband does not want to feel like a slacker.
- If you are a self-sufficient, strong woman, and your husband is not against you being “at the helm.”
- If your husband is satisfied with the position of a man as the keeper of the home and housework gives him pleasure.
If the husband doesn't want to work
Demand immediate return to any job?
You work hard at two jobs, but your husband doesn’t give a damn? We urgently need to do something about this!
You have the right to demand from your spouse that he start any job as soon as possible, even if it is not a job in his profile and with a low salary.
Split the budget?
If the husband refuses “dirty” work, considering doing it beneath his dignity, and is not at all interested in where the food in the refrigerator comes from and how money is earned to pay for utilities and “equip” the children for school, it’s time to take decisive action.
Give an ultimatum: the husband will temporarily move out of the apartment until he is able to provide for himself and his family. If it is impossible to separate for a while, keep a separate budget. For example, cook dinner strictly for yourself and your children and do not invite your husband to the table. Perhaps this will be a good shake-up for him.
The main thing is to be consistent and unyielding. After all, if you don’t “remove” the parasite from your neck in time, you risk working for two for the rest of your life, denying yourself and your children new clothes and rest.
Which couple is this strategy suitable for?
If the husband is obviously not worried about losing his job and does not plan to look for a new one. The wife does not feel any support from her husband and has no desire to “carry out” the entire life on herself.
Whatever the cause of financial difficulties in your family, we hope that they are temporary and that you and your husband will find the strength to cope with them!
Man and womanCareerFinance
My husband doesn't want to work
I’m sitting at work and I feel so bad, I had a fight with my husband again this morning. My husband has not worked for many years. Previously, we lived with my parents because we did not have our own apartment. When I gave birth to my daughter, he began to go out, sometimes he came home or not. When my daughter was one year old, I got a job as a waitress, then I became an administrator , wherever I worked to earn money. And my husband appeared and disappeared. I filed for divorce. My parents looked after my daughter, then I put her in kindergarten. She had everything, I gave her nothing refused. When my daughter was 4 years old, I now think I was probably just lucky. My mother’s friend said that some company needed a girl, and I went. It was hard for three months to understand these documents, I was an intern then. Then I learned, I worked and saved money, bought a car since work was far from home. Became a specialist, saved for an apartment in the bank. I worked day and night, why at night, I took work home from other companies. My mother looked after my daughter, I only dropped off and picked up from the children . garden, in the evening I ate, changed clothes and went to work and finished my business. At night I came home, the security guard, Uncle Volodya, may he rest in heaven, he felt sorry for me. My husband appeared and made a scene, the fact that I was up late meant I was out walking. I sent him three letters, I had no time for him at all. And he began to come often, he took my daughter for a walk, he appeared when my daughter was 5-6 years old, my daughter asked me who he was. A letter came from the bank, they called me to the bank Well, I finally got a mortgage for an apartment, a two-room apartment with an improved layout, in a new microdistrict. I had to run around with documents, but I took the keys to my apartment. My husband didn’t leave us for as long as I kicked him out and my parents let him into the house, my mother was against it, but father, like the daughter should live with her father. And he kind of changed and became silk. Well, okay, I got together for the sake of my daughter, gave birth to a son, we live separately. Six months later I went to work, since my salary was good, I was already a certified specialist, and I had to pay the loan. My husband looked after the child, in the evening when I came home from work, he left to drive taxi. My daughter doesn’t live with us, she comes to us on weekends, she’s now 11 years old, she lives with my mother, she doesn’t want to come to us, and the school is next to her grandmother’s house. She can’t live without her grandmother because she raised her. And about my husband, I tell him to go work, but he doesn’t want to work, he’s looking for excuses, like there’s no work, or the salary is small, or something else. then. I got my son into kindergarten. Every day I tell him to find a job because of this we fight. I dress the children, pay off the loan, pay utility bills, buy groceries. And he drives around in the evening, he doesn’t bring that kind of money. He ruined my car. Sometimes when we argue, he throws me the car keys, and says that he has nothing in this house, it’s all yours, he leaves and comes back again. When I invited guests to the party, he didn’t invite his own, and he didn’t either was present. When we have an event at home, he’s not there, my family doesn’t even ask where he is. But I somehow feel uneasy. My son loves him very much, he’s looking for his father, my daughter says mom don’t scold him. I honestly live for my children .For eight years, I took one vacation, and then in the winter. I was tired, I became nervous, irritable, I cry constantly, but not in front of him. Sometimes I think why I got together with him, why I ruined my life. But when I see my son, it’s a miracle , I’m calming down. This morning I took the car and said look for a job. To be honest, I’m tired of work, my brain will probably explode soon, I want to work with my children. Take them to clubs. My daughter is eleven now and all this time, he hasn’t been working, how can this be, he’s a man. In my concept, a man should provide for his family. My mother can’t stand my husband, but she can’t say anything either. My father says don’t let him work, but you’re not alone, maybe this is your destiny. In the future, I I want expansion, I will strive for this, I want to go forward and he is pulling me back. I just wanted to speak out.
