The husband and wife went to the dacha, worked and plowed, and at that time the wife took a neighbor’s lover. One day the husband is going to the city for a week, and his wife and her lover are having a blast. At the end of the week, the wife says to the neighbor: “Now how are we going to fuck?” And the neighbor says: “Our barns are nearby, we’ll make a hole in the wall and we’ll continue the business.” That's what we decided on. One day, when the husband was supposed to return, the wife had sex with a neighbor through a hole. The husband arrived, came home - there was no wife, went to the barn, saw - the wife had her butt against the wall and her balls were bulging at him. Her husband: “What are you doing?” And the wife says: “Yes, a chirp popped up on my ass, so I let the neighbor’s bull lick it.” And the husband says: “I also have a chirp on my ass, let me give him a lick too.” At this time, the husband noticed his wife’s white ass, walked up to the hole and stuck her ass in, but the neighbor didn’t know and fucked him. The husband jumped back and said to his wife: “What a bull, he’s licking your white ass, but as soon as he saw my hairy one, he immediately started butting him with his horns.”
The topic of female commercialism, dowrylessness and kept women is constantly being discussed on the Internet. In reality, I see women earning equal to or more than men.
“One man will begin to compete with his wife and climb to the top, another will accept the situation and calmly spend her money, the third will fall into neurosis from the feeling of his own uselessness and drink, the fourth will find a “poorer” mistress, the fifth will demand to leave work... But what now, women not earning money and refusing promotions?”
Probably, deep in the subcortex sit thoughts such as “if you are a real man, then you should earn more than me” or “if you could provide for me, I would be a good wife for you.” This “must earn” often leads to conflict.
I saw my friends in a cafe for the weekend. The conversation touched on a topic such as the influence of income level on relationships in a couple. A friend expressed the idea that the higher the wife’s income in the family, the worse things are with her husband. A man stops feeling like a man. In all senses.
The topic of female commercialism, dowrylessness and kept women is constantly being discussed on the Internet. In reality, I see women earning equal to or more than men. It is interesting to observe the relationship between spouses as the wife’s income increases. Relationships are changing and not in favor of the family. Thoughts appear in your head about an equal contribution to the family pot, but unequal responsibilities around the house. Therefore, the wife is slowly starting to take off her household responsibilities: dinners are bought ready-made in the culinary departments, cleaning can be entrusted to professionals (especially since it is now relatively inexpensive), in some families the husband does the housework.
The wife no longer listens so much to her husband’s words; commanding notes may appear in her voice. She feels more confident with every salary jump and step up the career ladder. Her self-confidence cannot but be reflected in her appearance. Eyes sparkle, gait is confident, clothes are more expensive, self-care is better. Accordingly, she begins to attract men more strongly than during periods of lack of money, flirting and admirers appear, and therefore the demands on the man nearby grow.
The husband avoids fulfilling his marital duty, the woman feels like a breadwinner and a parent to her husband, and what kind of intimate relationship can there be between mother and son? A woman may start looking around. If everything is traditional with moral principles, then fantasies will remain just fantasies; if not, then adultery will happen.
When children appear at this moment, the situation improves: the wife again earns little, because she is on maternity leave, the husband is again the breadwinner, which is sure to have a good effect on his self-esteem. When there are no children, everything turns out differently. I see one such family. They don't know about my blog, but I'll change the names just in case.
Christina married a guy from a wealthy family with an apartment. She started as a simple food purchasing manager, and he organized parties, promoted glossy magazines, and then got a job as a trader in a financial company. A couple of years after the wedding, Artem decided to try to make big money trading securities and simply stopped working. I traded at home, it turned out badly...
For two years now he has not worked, because he does not want to work for his uncle, and there is no money to open his own business. Kristina was promoted to department head of a large retail chain in the Russian Federation. Artem still doesn’t work, but doesn’t advertise it under the guise of “working from home.” Kristina periodically causes scandals because Artem pays with her card for all his online purchases, but each time the scandal ends with the fact that “There is absolutely nowhere to work, Artem cannot find himself. He is so competent, contradictory, it will be difficult for him to get along with an ordinary boss.” They don’t have children, but from the outside, Artem is Christina’s child... She doesn’t consider him a man, rather an unintelligent child... Her friends don’t comment on the situation, but deep down, we, of course, condemn Artem for inactivity and Kristina for connivance. It’s someone else’s family, it’s their business, they’ll sort it out themselves...
One of the cornerstones of marriage is mutual respect. And here lies the problem, often due to stereotypes, one’s own attitudes and other important things, respect for a man is formed on the basis of his financial situation and financial capabilities. It is believed that if a woman earns a lot and her husband earns little, then he is a loser, a parasite, and a quitter.
It’s strange, but true – from online conferences, psychological seminars and trainings, one gets the impression that the only criterion for evaluating a man is money.
So, first of all, for comfortable coexistence in such a situation, it is necessary to change the coordinate system. Surely, you have a lot of things for which you can respect your husband - he is ready to look after the children, he is a great cook, he loves his job, he does what he loves, he saves the planet... You should not use outdated clichés. And under no circumstances should you nag your husband if he is trying to change the situation or is simply proud of you and does his best to support you in your work.
More salary means more problems?
But if the husband reacts negatively to his wife’s salary in every possible way, experiences complexes and is tormented, something needs to be done about it.
Otherwise, the current situation may gradually undermine the marriage and lead to divorce. If your husband is annoyed by the current situation, he should think about looking for a new job and new sources of income. If he does everything possible for this, be calm and patient, the situation will change, and everything will work out in the family.
Do not share information with your acquaintances and work buddies that you earn more than your husband. This may lead to misunderstandings.
Well, if your husband does nothing, but constantly criticizes you (complains about the lack of attention to his beloved and children, grumbles about the mess, thinks that you cook too rarely), you need to understand the real reasons for the current situation. It is possible that your man is happy with the current state of affairs. Firstly, he does not have any financial problems, and secondly, he can endlessly blame his wife for all his dissatisfaction. Psychologists believe that such problems arise when male pride is wounded.
Unfortunately, all recommendations in this situation are addressed to women: 1. Be sure to discuss the current situation with your husband. 2. Don’t take your husband’s help with housework for granted. Praise and thank your man when he washes the dishes, vacuums, or does laundry. Ideally, women's work in the household should also be rewarded with praise, but women are more easily reconciled with its absence. 3. Agree that the money (or part of it) is kept in a special place where both you and your husband can take it. 4. Never compare your husband with successful friends or relatives. This hurts your pride a lot.
When women began to earn as much or more than their husbands, gender stereotypes changed. Women began to feel more confident in traditionally male roles. But men who are close to such women find it much more difficult to cope with these changes. They no longer feel so needed, in demand, and cannot always find a niche for self-realization.
And then the men smoothly “leave the stage” - to the TV, computer games, garage, friends, other women, or simply lie down on the sofa. Or they create the illusion of being busy in a vague business that does not bring profit. But if a wife works from morning to evening, and her husband spends all day on the Internet, watching movies or playing games, her respect for him melts before her eyes. And nothing can be done about this with the help of volitional efforts or logical arguments. This is a bodily, animal reaction of a female who wants to raise her offspring next to a reliable male. Therefore, in such a marriage, conflicts quickly flare up for a variety of reasons. But this is only the visible tip of the iceberg - and at the core of these complaints are disappointment, disrespect, a feeling of being used and insecurity.
But family is a couples game! Any living creature tries to find a “warm place” for itself, with an abundance of resources, where you don’t have to put in a lot of work, and everything can be obtained without much effort. And if you yourself, one way or another, provided such a warm place for a man and allowed him to think that here he is completely safe and does not owe anything to anyone - alas, you have turned into a mommy. And they took on not only the usual women’s responsibilities, but also taking care of the family income.
How to behave if you earn more than your husband
- Firstly, you should not exaggerate the importance of your role as the “main breadwinner”. Such pathos in such a situation is inappropriate and offensive for a man. On the contrary, try to emphasize from time to time that such a balance of power is random and temporary.
- Secondly, never make categorical statements like: “I decided so, and your opinion does not concern me, I don’t owe anyone anything.” This is wrong because you must take into account the interests of all family members. In conflict situations, it is better to consult a psychologist.
- Thirdly, even during quarrels, one should under no circumstances touch upon the weak points concerning the husband’s personality, his physical, psychological and social characteristics, appearance and social status. Even if you are too annoyed by his slowness, temper, untidiness or relationships with colleagues, friends and relatives, try to refrain from criticism. Especially in those conversations that are related to a completely different topic - your income and the establishment of new rules in family life. Any criticism on a personal level definitely leads to blocking any ability for dialogue in a man. He becomes unable to soberly comprehend the situation.
All by myself
How does a man push away all unwanted responsibilities? Very simple. It is enough for him to elegantly screw up some assigned task several times for it to become obvious to you that he cannot cope. “Yes, I can wash the dishes, but it will take me an hour and a half, and it will take you 15 minutes, dear, and the dishes will look much cleaner.” He will sit with the child until late at night doing homework, and then say: “That’s it, I give up. Tomorrow ask the teacher how you should have done it.” Then both the child and you understand that it is better not to turn to dad with lessons. He seemed to be trying, but... the result is either bad, or slow, or painfully difficult. Do you think he really can't?
understand or learn?
No, more often a man simply doesn’t want to
. And he does everything possible to make sure everyone leaves him behind.
What does a woman do who doesn’t know how to operate a computer or other “complex equipment”? She calls her husband or son. What does she do if something happens to the car on the road? She opens the hood and looks inside thoughtfully. And not at all because she might actually see something there, but simply in the hope that some man will stop and come to her aid. This is not just a game of helplessness - it is an unwillingness to understand “unwomanly matters.”
Many modern women say: “I’m so tired of reminding, begging, motivating - and listening to his dissatisfaction every time, that it’s easier for me not to ask for anything, but to really figure it out and do everything myself.”
Dear ladies! If you don't want to become a female terminator, stop doing it! I understand that it’s not easy for you to make friends with a computer, to come to an agreement with a car mechanic, to fix a faucet, or to hire a housekeeper if you don’t have time to stand at the stove yourself. But this path is wrong and a dead end. This path does not make anyone happy - neither you nor your husband.
If a husband receives a pension less than his wife, is he entitled to an additional payment up to the level of his wife’s pension?
According to the law “On State Social Assistance” - a social supplement to a pension - providing a citizen (pensioner) with a sum of money towards a pension, taking into account cash payments and certain measures of social support provided in kind, which are provided for by this Federal Law, other federal laws, laws and other regulatory legal acts of the constituent entities of the Russian Federation, up to the minimum subsistence level of a pensioner, established in accordance with paragraph 4 of Article 4 of the Federal Law of October 24, 1997 N 134-FZ “On the subsistence level in the Russian Federation” (hereinafter referred to as the Federal Law “On the subsistence level in the Russian Federation") in the constituent entities of the Russian Federation at the place of his residence or place of stay, at the expense of the corresponding budgets of the budget system of the Russian Federation. The social pension supplement consists of the federal social pension supplement or the regional social pension supplement;
Here is an excerpt from the article. 12.1
1. The total amount of material support for a pensioner living on the territory of the Russian Federation, not carrying out work and (or) other activities, during which he is subject to compulsory pension insurance in accordance with Federal Law of December 15, 2001 N 167-FZ “On compulsory pension insurance in the Russian Federation" (hereinafter referred to as the Federal Law "On Compulsory Pension Insurance in the Russian Federation"), the pension (pensions) for which is established in accordance with the legislation of the Russian Federation cannot be less than the minimum subsistence level of a pensioner established in accordance with paragraph 4 of Article 4 of the Federal Law “On the subsistence minimum in the Russian Federation” in the constituent entity of the Russian Federation.
4. The federal social supplement to the pension is established for the pensioner by the territorial bodies of the Pension Fund of the Russian Federation in the event that the total amount of his material support, determined in accordance with parts 2 and 3 of this article, does not reach the pensioner’s subsistence level established in accordance with paragraph 4 of the article 4 of the Federal Law “On the cost of living in the Russian Federation” in the subject of the Russian Federation at the place of his residence or place of stay, not exceeding the cost of living of a pensioner in the Russian Federation as a whole. The federal social supplement to the pension is established in such an amount that the specified total amount of his material support, taking into account this supplement, reaches the minimum subsistence level for a pensioner established in the constituent entity of the Russian Federation.
5. A regional social supplement to a pension is established for a pensioner by the authorized executive body of a constituent entity of the Russian Federation if the total amount of his material support, determined in accordance with parts 2 and 3 of this article, does not reach the pensioner’s subsistence level established in accordance with paragraph 4 Article 4 of the Federal Law “On the subsistence level in the Russian Federation” in the constituent entity of the Russian Federation at the place of his residence or at the place of his stay, exceeding the subsistence level of a pensioner as a whole for the Russian Federation. The regional social supplement to the pension is established in such an amount that the specified total amount of his material support, taking into account this supplement, reaches the minimum subsistence level for a pensioner established in a given subject of the Russian Federation.
6. The social supplement to the pension provided for by this article is established from the 1st day of the month following the month of applying for it with the appropriate application and all the necessary documents (except for the cases provided for in part 7 of this article), but in all cases not earlier than from the date the right to the specified social supplement arises for the period for which the corresponding pension is established. At the same time, in order to determine the monetary equivalents of social support measures and monetary compensation listed in Part 3 of this article, in order to calculate the total amount of financial support for a pensioner, the submission of documents is not required.
7. Social supplement to pensions for disabled children and children under the age of 18 who are provided with an insurance pension in the event of the loss of a breadwinner in accordance with Federal Law of December 28, 2013 N 400-FZ “On Insurance Pensions” or a pension in the event of loss breadwinner in accordance with Federal Law of December 15, 2001 N 166-FZ “On State Pension Provision in the Russian Federation”, is established in accordance with this article without a declaration from the day from which the corresponding pension was assigned, but in all cases not earlier than from the date of emergence of the right to the specified social supplement.
(as amended by Federal Law dated July 21, 2014 N 216-FZ)
8. The amounts of social supplements to pensions established in accordance with this article are revised when the cost of living of a pensioner changes in the entire Russian Federation and (or) in the corresponding constituent entity of the Russian Federation, established in accordance with paragraphs 3 and 4 of Article 4 of the Federal Law " On the subsistence level in the Russian Federation", when changing (indexing) the amounts of cash payments listed in Part 2 of this article, as well as when changing the cash equivalents of social support measures and monetary compensation listed in Part 3 of this article. Revision of the amount of social supplements to pensions when the value of the subsistence level changes (the size of the corresponding payments, cash equivalents of social support measures), entailing an increase in the amount of social supplements to pensions, is carried out from the 1st day of the month following the month in which the specified change. A review of the amount of the federal social supplement to the pension when the cost of living in a constituent entity of the Russian Federation changes (the size of the corresponding payments, cash equivalents of social support measures established by the legislation of the constituent entities of the Russian Federation), entailing a decrease in the amount of the federal social supplement to the pension, is carried out from the 1st day of the month , in which the territorial body of the Pension Fund of the Russian Federation received a notice in accordance with Part 13 of this article. The revision of the amount of the regional social supplement to the pension is carried out in accordance with this article in the manner determined by law or other regulations of the constituent entity of the Russian Federation.
10. The social supplement to the pension provided for by this article is not paid during the period of work and (or) other activities during which the relevant citizens are subject to compulsory pension insurance in accordance with the Federal Law “On Compulsory Pension Insurance in the Russian Federation”.
12. The pensioner is obliged to immediately notify the body providing pension provision and the authorized executive body of the constituent entity of the Russian Federation about entering work and (or) performing other activities during the period of which citizens are subject to compulsory pension insurance, about the occurrence of other circumstances entailing a change in the amount social supplement to pension or termination of its payment. Withholding of overpaid amounts of social supplement to pension is carried out in the manner prescribed by Federal Law of December 28, 2013 N 400-FZ “On Insurance Pensions”.
(as amended by Federal Law dated July 21, 2014 N 216-FZ)
Contact your local Pension Fund with a corresponding application.
Fair exchange
In every man's life there must be a woman who accepts and loves him for who he is, and does everything for him... Her name is mom. Only parental love is unconditional and sacrificial. All other types of love are based on gratitude, the similarity of the criteria of happiness, on the fact that this person gives me exactly what I need and happily accepts what I want to give him. If he only takes (and when I don’t give, he starts screaming and stamping his foot) - no, he is not my husband, but my young son. And it is understood that I, like any loving mother, must endure and resign myself to this. All the best goes to children. Even if it means breaking into pieces. Just then, don’t be surprised if you start having problems with sex - it’s not good to sleep with your mother!
How do couples overcome this situation to find a balance of fair exchange? Some are simply trying to switch roles. Among my clients and acquaintances there are already quite a few men who take care of children or even grandchildren (while mom works), happily prepare home-cooked dinners, and take care of the house. However, such a scheme has its own specifics. Firstly, it takes root well in those families where the husband had previously provided for the family for many years, and then - due to illness or some other objective reasons - was forced to shift this responsibility to the woman. Secondly, the exchange of roles works when the family has some common serious tasks. For example, a husband receives the education necessary for his future job, or his physical strength is required to care for an elderly relative or a sick child. And - most importantly - this scheme is only good if the wife really enjoys
with his job, and my husband really doesn’t mind doing responsibilities around the house and with the children. In addition, it is very important here to put the situation in the frame of “this is temporary”, so that each of the spouses understands that this will not continue forever.
Another important warning: if housekeeping is not a very familiar thing for your husband, do not expect him to be able to do it perfectly right away. This applies not only to specific skills, but also to management tasks. At first, your husband may be a good performer, but you will still have to remain the manager of the entire process. It is you who should prepare him a shopping list and a sequence of tasks. There is no need to be offended by this - men in a new business first collect information and accumulate competence. And then don’t miss the moment when you can and should stop grazing him, warn him and control him. Then he can handle it himself, and you can work in peace.
