How to improve relationships with your husband on the verge of a family relationship crisis
In fact, in any conflict situation, in any relationship in general, there are always two sides involved. And if the relationship falls apart, a conflict arises, then responsibility lies equally on one and the other side. Both you and your opponent can make concessions, somehow change your behavior, and accordingly, somehow find mutual understanding and improve your relationship.
How to achieve mutual understanding in a relationship
August 15, 2020 at 01:38 pm
This is a question as old as the world, because not only women, but also men strive to preserve their love. Stability alone in a marriage or in a relationship and a well-functioning way of living together is always not enough if there is no most important thing - mutual understanding in the relationship and trust. How to achieve them?
In young years, the so-called “grinding in of character” always goes faster, but with age it is always more difficult. Therefore, partners should study each other’s habits, principles, priorities and desires more deeply.
Trust must be earned, and mutual understanding must be achieved through one’s own efforts—through compromises and negotiations. Therefore, throughout your entire life together, you will not have to sit idly by, no matter how strong your love may be at the beginning!
Practical 5-step technique
There is an exercise that allows you to look at a conflict situation and at relationships in general from different angles, feel and understand the interests of your opponent, look at yourself from the outside, and change your behavior for the better. This exercise can be performed either sitting or standing. But the best option is to take three chairs and place them in such a way that two of them stand opposite each other, and the third, as if from the side.
- The first place will be yours
- Second - your opponent,
- And the third is an outside observer.
The position of an outside observer
First of all, imagine the situation that is happening between you, and look at it from the outside, sitting in the observer’s place. If you can’t perceive the situation unemotionally, you can imagine that everything is happening on a cinema or TV screen. That is, it's just some kind of movie.
Look at how you react and act in a given situation, look at what your opponent does. Then think about how you can change your behavior, what you can improve, and write down your thoughts on paper.
Own position.
Then go to your place and imagine your opponent in front of you, remember the situation, and look at it with your own eyes. You remember all your feelings, emotions, look at your opponent’s behavior from your side, and think about how this situation can be improved. Write down your thoughts.
After this, sit back in the observer’s seat and look at the situation from the outside, like a movie. Notice what you notice after looking at the situation with your own eyes. Think about what you could improve and write it down.
Opponent's position
Then sit on your opponent’s chair and try to associate yourself with his interests, his feelings, sensations. Now you look at this whole situation, and at yourself in particular, through his eyes. Pay attention to how your actions look from his point of view, why he also supports this conflict. Think, on his part, how you can change your behavior, what he can do to improve the situation, and write down these answers on paper.
Then sit back in the observer's chair and observe your situation from the outside. See what has changed in this situation and how it can be improved. Analyze everything that the participants in the conflict wrote and create your own recommendations.
Mutual understanding in the family: What it should be...
March 09, 2013
Mutual understanding in the family is one of the most important factors in a happy relationship. Mutual understanding means the willingness of two loving people to listen and hear each other, to meet each other, the ability to make a decision that will suit both, however, it is very difficult to come to mutual understanding.
Often spouses do not even try to understand each other. After some time, they begin to see only bad qualities in each other. The wife begins to be annoyed by her husband’s constant sitting at the computer, the lack of money, and the husband also begins to pay attention to every misdeed of his wife. It is impossible for such an attitude towards each other to become a habit, because you are simply engaged in self-destruction of your family happiness. A very common, but no less erroneous opinion is that this, as they say, was simply sucked in by everyday life, since many families have shown by their example that everyday life can be happy and varied.
The well-known proverb: “live and learn” accurately reflects the main way to create a happy family. Remember that you need to work on relationships, because maintaining a warm relationship for a long time is painstaking work and a real art.
Interest drives us. Having lost interest, we lose the desire to act, therefore, first of all, you must become interesting again for your chosen one. You can try to change something in your appearance, wardrobe, behavior. Show that you are still the same beautiful and interesting woman as when you met.
Take a closer look at each other, remember why you fell in love with your soulmate. Do not focus on its shortcomings, but rather pay as much attention as possible to its advantages.
Try to find common interests, do as many things as possible together. Even just a pizza cooked as a couple can be the beginning of your unity and mutual understanding. Share all your pressing problems and experiences with your significant other; joint resolution of important issues also brings you together.
Of course, we should not forget that in a relationship where one of the spouses pulls the entire blanket on himself, there can be no talk of mutual understanding. In such relationships there is insult, disrespect and humiliation of one of the spouses. These relationships are doomed to failure and very often, a person who has lost his soulmate because of his selfishness and narcissism, only then understands that with the loss of his loved one, he has lost himself, and therefore, he must be able to make concessions, not bend his line , but to reach consensus, that is, make decisions together that will suit both.
Respect and appreciate each other. Before you say or do anything, imagine how you would react to it if you were in your significant other's place. Try to listen to your loving heart, it will tell you what to do correctly in a given situation.
Take care of each other and the warmth of your family relationships, because family is what is most important in the life of every person.
Conclusions - optimal behavior
This can be done 2-3 times, having been in the role of each of the parties. After this, you will be able to get a good feel for your opponent, his interests, his feelings, emotions. You can apply different behavior options to the situation each time. That is, you ask the question what would happen if it were this way, perform the technique and check the result of such a development of events. And in this way, you can literally in 20-30 minutes better understand a loved one , find the optimal behavior for a given situation, and then implement it in life.
How to improve relationships with your husband on the verge of a family relationship crisis:
- Learn to listen and hear your partner;
- Repeat the confidential conversation regularly, once every one or two weeks;
Misunderstanding with wife.
Question for a psychologist:
Good afternoon My situation is as follows. My wife and I have been married for 4 years. We have two children, a 2.5 year old boy and a half year old daughter. My wife is currently on maternity leave. I work as usual from 9 am to 6 pm. The problem began incomprehensibly, misunderstandings began in part that she began to create conflict situations for no reason (maybe it seems to me). For example:
1. It started when she began to doubt my love for her. She says that recently I don’t think about her at all during the day, I don’t call. I rarely say the word love. Although previously he always called regularly, wrote, confessed love, but did not receive reciprocity in return. Didn't answer calls or call back. We talked about this topic, to which I received the answer “I’m just not that kind of person.” I understand the child is small, but it would be possible to write (well, God bless him). Nowadays I’ve already gotten used to it and started calling and writing to her less often during the day. I also began to say the word “love” less often, but I say it periodically (deep down I still love).
2. We recently purchased an apartment. They made repairs, but during the repairs they got caught by unscrupulous workers and in some places they ruined it. To which I heard from her that all these flaws were because of me. Also unpleasant, but tolerable...))).
3. I started to feel offended that I don’t spend enough time with my family, although I seem to go straight home after work and try to be together on weekends. Only when necessary do we walk supposedly together, i.e. means that on weekends only for groceries, clothes, children to entertainment centers and that’s it. I tell her that this is a temporary phenomenon, because... the children are still small. You can’t go to the movies, restaurants together, you can’t climb mountains, etc., because the children are still small. I understand that it’s not easy for her with 2 children. They hired an assistant, but after a month she was sent away. After which she said that she would look after the children herself. Fine…
4. I regularly freaked out that I disappeared 2 times a week for 2-3 hours at football (training). My most unpleasant hobby is for her, although I love this sport.
5. Also, sometimes once or twice a month we got together with friends to watch significant football matches. Sometimes I’ll be late (maximum until 3-4 o’clock in the morning). I can’t get up and leave when all the married people are sitting quietly.
6. Some of them refuse to go home to my parents outside the city. He doesn’t say it directly, but everything is visible to the naked eye. After which I also, on principle, did not go to my mother-in-law. Before this we traveled periodically.
I know, of course, this cannot be done without the help of the mother-in-law. With his formed individual advice, he interferes with his daughter’s life. Of course, I tried to avoid these conflicts, because... I couldn’t talk calmly, and besides, I really don’t want to swear in front of the children for them to see, but it doesn’t work. Patience is at its limit. Assault is not for me; I consider it an unmanly act towards the weaker sex. Here's the story. I would like some advice. Preferably from women, because... A man will always understand a man. Thank you in advance!
Question author: Erzhan Age: 30
How to return love and understanding to the family?
Hello! My husband and I have been married for 24 years. I am 45 years old, my husband is 46 years old. The first daughter is 22 years old, and the second is 6 months old. Considering that we have been living together for a long time, our feelings had already dulled and before I became pregnant with my second child, they were in the “good neighbors” stage. I only went to the cinema with my daughter (thank you very much to her), my husband motivated his reluctance by the fact that he could download any new film via the Internet and calmly, lying on the sofa with food, watch it at home. Sex on holidays. General topics were condemned, but somehow they became fewer and fewer. After one of these holidays, I became pregnant. At first I panicked, I’m not a girl anymore, I’m literate, but then there was this “puncture”. Before talking with my husband, I decided to consult with my daughter about an abortion. And my daughter was delighted and clearly explained to me how happy we would be if a baby was born. They brought this issue to the family council. The fact is that my husband and I have a Rhesus conflict. I have negative Rh blood, my husband is positive. After the birth of her daughter 20 years ago, the risk of having an unhealthy second child increased. So they were afraid. Considering that medicine has advanced a lot in 20 years, having read various positive articles, I was ready for family advice. At first my husband was in shock, then panic and disbelief, from whom. My daughter and I persuaded him to think about it. Then he agreed and we decided to give birth. I spent the entire pregnancy flying as if on wings, my performance improved, and I didn’t feel any discomfort at work. I work as a department head in a state-owned enterprise. And the relationship became different, mutual understanding, tenderness and care appeared. But there’s one problem: my husband started drinking in the evenings at dinner. A daughter was born, all our attention and love focused on her. After giving birth, given my age, I left after 2 months. We all love our youngest very much. I went on maternity leave, I receive birth benefits, I rejoice at every achievement of my little one. The relationship with my husband has changed again. There are no sexual contacts at all, the husband does not even strive for this. He seems to be jokingly saying that we are sitting on his neck. And he continues to drink, now even at lunch. Don't get me wrong. My husband works as a bodyguard for a day or three. He constantly helps me, he loves his daughters when he drinks - he doesn’t create any precedent. But, is this alcohol a way to relax? After giving birth, I gained a little weight; now I don’t play sports intensively, because... Lactation worsens, but not to the point of disgrace. Sometimes I jokingly hint to my husband that it’s time to resume my marital duties. But, most likely, he doesn’t want to, he treats me as a piece of furniture and as a cash cow for a child. Very often hangs up on porn sites. I try not to get nervous so that the milk doesn’t go to waste, but every time I calmly reprimand him that he can’t drink like that, that we need to restore our intimate life, that we need him sober and healthy. In response to my eldest daughter’s and my requests, my husband keeps repeating “how did you get me, do I really drink.” I want to return love, mutual understanding and sobriety to the family. I really appreciate and respect my husband. And I always tell him about this. But it seems to me that he is frozen in one place - not developing at all, but I, on the contrary, have a lot of plans. Help with advice.
How to restore peace and understanding to the family?
