Relationship. After giving birth, I don’t want intimacy with my husband, but he gets angry. What to do?

Causes

If during pregnancy women experience sexual cravings, then after childbirth some realize that the attraction to their husband has disappeared. This leads to problems in relationships and couples struggle to cope with the situation.

Why you don't want sex after giving birth

1. hormonal disbalance;
2. women's problems;
3. psychological factor;
4. fatigue;
5. fear of getting pregnant.

The main reason why a girl doesn’t want sex is the whole absorption of the baby. The newborn is the main object of her attention, and the partner automatically fades into the background. Some men are satisfied with this, others begin to be jealous of their wife and child.

Not all husbands place some of their everyday problems on their shoulders. Mothers get tired of the busy schedule because they have to take care not only of the baby, but also of their spouse (and, possibly, of the older children in the family). All this is exhausting, fatigue is followed by irritability, then disgust towards the partner appears.

The tension in the relationship is also increased by the man himself, who constantly demands something from his wife. The inability to understand the situation leads to the woman losing desire. The situation is aggravated by a psychological factor - the awareness of isolation from the outside world.

If the emerging complexes are added here, then everything will end in depression. Mom is worried about her changed figure and is ashamed of stretch marks and a sagging “apron” on her stomach. For this reason, sometimes you don’t want to have sex after giving birth, so as not to make your husband disgusted with his body.

Libido is provoked by enzymes, and after childbirth, a hormonal imbalance is most often observed, which causes reluctance to have sex. Postpartum complications (ruptures, bleeding, pain) also deter intimacy. Added to this is the fear of another pregnancy if the first one was difficult.

The opposite situation occurs when the husband does not want sex after childbirth. The reason for this may be the unkempt appearance of an eternally tired wife or the smell of breast milk. Some men participating in the partnership process and observing the birth of a baby develop a feeling of disgust towards the intimate parts of the female body. They are disgusted to have sex with the mother of their child.

Why is it important for husband and wife to sleep together?

Childbirth is a test of a couple's strength. It often happens that it is important for a woman to have a man nearby, but not as a spouse. And “just warm up.” And the man, in turn, has accumulated sexual hunger, he is uncomfortable, he cannot sleep peacefully, he cannot get release and give the warm tactility expected from him.

During this period, a joint marital bed is a marker of the quality of the relationship. By the end of the first, beginning of the second year, very often a man and a woman stop sleeping together. Mom and child sleep in the matrimonial bed, and dad can lie anywhere. And then, when the second one is born, sometimes everything only gets worse.

Separate sleep destroys tactile contact, breathing stops synchronizing, people forget how to fall asleep next to each other. There is a serious imbalance in relations. Violation of sexual life is accompanied by resentment and unfulfilled expectations. The sexual imbalance is then projected into other areas of life. Let's say a man stops giving money or gives less. He helps less because he is limited in sex. And he may not realize it.

Not to mention extreme cases when a man, in search of release, begins to walk to the left. Or, let’s say, he doesn’t want to go home after work, because he still won’t get the relaxation he wants there. He is not mature enough personally to be only the father of a baby for some time.

But for men who are emotionally mature, personally stable, and who do not have an excess of testosterone, this period of adaptation passes without significant stress. Problems of sleeping separately are discussed and worked out.

The speed of rapprochement between a man and a woman depends on how “difficult” the child is, how difficult the birth was, and what the woman’s threshold of sensitivity is. Normally, restoration of intimacy occurs six months after childbirth. It is important to reach a certain level where at least no one suffers - neither man nor woman. And then the second half of the year will be spent on finding new harmony.

Periods and deadlines

There is not always a lack of desire for sex after childbirth. Doctors have even determined the timing of the decline in interest caused by certain factors. With their elimination, if there is no deviation from the norm, the craving for the husband will return.

When does libido recover after childbirth? It depends on the reason why the woman is avoiding sex. They are different in each physiological period. If you do not ignore these factors, libido recovery after childbirth will occur quickly. A couple will succeed if they overcome obstacles together.

The fear of sex after childbirth is completely justified in the first month. The uterus is still in a painful state and is gradually returning to its normal position. The process is accompanied by discharge, which is why the woman does not allow her partner to approach her.

During the feeding period, the first six months, sex does not work out due to the mother’s constant busyness with the baby. Lactation reduces the craving for intimate pleasures, but as soon as complementary foods are introduced and the level of milk production begins to decline, the woman’s desire will gradually return.

If there is no sex for a year, it means that the spouses have not yet fully adapted to the status of parents and new relationships. During this period, the baby’s daily routine changes several times, to which adults learn to adapt. With patience, it will not be difficult to restore libido in women after childbirth.

When there is no craving for sex even after a year and a half, you can blame depression, hormonal imbalances and the inattentive attitude of your partner. If we take physiology into account, then in the second year sexual desires flare up with renewed vigor. It depends on a loving husband, who is always nearby, to increase the partner’s libido.

When a wife does not give birth for 2 years after childbirth, the spouse must be blamed, because for a woman this is a period of complete recovery. But there is another reason - perhaps the desire to have sex after the second birth has disappeared, due to the fear of getting pregnant again. Some believe that they have fulfilled their mission to procreate, others are afraid of abortion, and some are disappointed in their partner.

Baby's crying turns off sexual desire

The Searses' book, Everything You Need to Know About Your Baby from Birth to Two, contains wonderful pages written by the father. It says the most important thing that a man needs to know during this period.

Namely: after childbirth, for a normal woman, any sound or signal that the child makes will turn off attraction. A woman does not immediately understand this physiological mechanism; it is also related to hormones. The signal from the child turns out to be stronger and more powerful than the signal of sexual desire. For a man this looks tragic.

Men have their own specific fears, for example, they fear for their potency. If their arousal is interrupted at an unnecessary moment, firstly, it is physiologically unpleasant, and secondly, it is not a fact that they will be able to experience attraction again.

For example, a woman was distracted by a child, fed him, changed him, and all her desire for intimacy died out. But the woman doesn’t know such fear that it won’t work out anymore. But men have this fear, and it’s strong.

And, again, this can be discussed. You can try to disassemble and debunk this physiological male fear.

Usually there is nothing wrong with such “switches”, although it is not very pleasant for both, but this is the price of parenthood. And at some point, if there is no mutual repulsion, the man realizes that he is lucky and that his child has a good mother. It is psychologically important that at these moments he does not feel that he has been abandoned, that he has lost his partner, that he is completely alone.

Ways to increase desires

If your wife has lost interest in sex, but her husband wants it, you should not punish your partner with physiological “starvation.” This will have a negative impact on personal relationships and will push a man to go “to the left,” which will lead to scandals and family breakup. A loving wife will try to take the situation into her own hands.

How to increase libido in a woman after childbirth:

• get rid of fatigue;
• introduce aphrodisiacs into the diet;
• use folk remedies;
• provide an intimate environment;
• choose suitable poses.

Women often do not enjoy sex after childbirth due to constant fatigue. Having learned to rearrange the daily routine so that there is time for rest, the mother will feel more comfortable, and her desires will gradually return. It is worth involving close people in everyday problems, distributing responsibilities between them.

Selected nutrition will restore the health of the genital organs and return hormonal levels to normal. The menu includes foods with a large amount of proteins, tocopherol and vitamin A, manganese, magnesium, and zinc. Most of these components are found in fresh fruits and vegetables. Nuts, eggs, cheeses, bananas, and figs are considered excellent stimulants.

Aphrodisiacs - seafood, spiced coffee, chocolate - will help increase women's libido after childbirth. But this method cannot be used while the mother is breastfeeding. Alcohol does not stimulate desire (as many believe), but, on the contrary, suppresses cravings.

A candlelit dinner with beautiful music can excite both partners. Scented oils soaked in candles will help increase libido. It is recommended to use esters (ylang-ylang, tuberose, patchouli) for sexual massage.

If the wife does not want intimacy after childbirth because of painful sensations, partners should think about choosing acceptable positions until the mother’s body has fully recovered. Lubricants will come in handy here, providing soft, painless penetration.

Folk remedies will speed up regeneration - teas from chamomile and verbena, raspberry and mint leaves, adding basil to food. If this does not work, it is better to consult a doctor for recommendations on choosing Viagra for women.

Very intimate plastic surgery: how to restore sensitivity after childbirth

The widespread opinion that sex after childbirth becomes simply fantastic, and even those women who were unaware of it before experience orgasm, unfortunately, is not always true. More often, just the opposite happens: due to weakening of the vaginal walls, a temporary weakening of sensitivity and, accordingly, a decrease in arousal may occur.

Read also: Sex after childbirth: unexpected surprises

But if the body copes with this problem quite successfully on its own, it is enough to simply give it time to recover, then unsuccessful sutures after childbirth and some other problems that we will consider below are unlikely to be solved without the help of a surgeon. Yes, even in such an intimate area today plastic surgery is performed, and all so that after giving birth you do not deny yourself (and your husband) anything, but continue to enjoy your sex life.

But let's take things in order. So, here are the main factors on which the condition of the vagina and pelvic floor muscles, and, accordingly, sensitivity after childbirth depends:

• preparing a woman for childbirth;
• the size of the fetus, especially the baby’s head;
• weakness of labor;
• rapid labor;
• the quality of episiotomy (surgical dissection of the perineum and posterior wall of the woman’s vagina in order to avoid arbitrary ruptures during childbirth and birth traumatic brain injuries of the child during difficult childbirth (usually in cases where the size of the fetal head significantly exceeds the size of the vaginal opening);
• quality of suturing ruptures.

Read also: Maximum program: what to do a month before giving birth

IN WHAT CASES IS VAGINOPLASTY PERFORMED?

Vaginoplasty is performed on women who have had a traumatic birth to reduce the size, narrowing or widening of the vaginal muscles. Let's look at the main cases in which vaginoplasty will help correct the situation.

During childbirth, ruptures not only of the vaginal walls, but also of the muscles are possible. For deep tears, the obstetrician delivering the baby puts stitches, but his priority at this moment is to eliminate the threat to the mother’s life associated with bleeding, and not the aesthetic or functional consequences. Over time, rough connective tissue may form at the site of the sutures and the muscles in this anatomical area begin to work less effectively, resulting in:

• the width of the vagina increases;
• gaping of the genital slit may occur;
• in some cases, postpartum anorgasmia (lack of orgasm) occurs.

Read also: Preparing the perineum for childbirth

Narrowing of the vaginal opening. Consequence of childbirth with perineal rupture. The scars that form after this narrow the entrance to the vagina, which leads to pain during sexual intercourse. In this case, during the operation, scar tissue is removed at the site of ruptures and cuts in the vagina that occurred during childbirth, and vaginal patency is restored through plastic surgery.

Enlargement of the vaginal opening. As a result of the fact that the vaginal opening becomes wider than before childbirth, a woman may stop experiencing pleasure from sexual intercourse.

When the vagina is enlarged, plastic surgery of the posterior wall is performed in combination with surgery on the pelvic floor muscles. For moderately stretched vaginal walls, along with excision of excess walls, narrowing is carried out using biomaterials, which turn into their own tissue within 1–1.5 years. Most often, this operation is indicated for women who no longer plan to have children. In other cases, a different version of the operation is used.

Vaginal stretching. After significant stretching of the vaginal walls during childbirth, the tissues cannot always shrink to their original size, as a result of which the quality of sexual life of both women and men deteriorates. In this case, they resort to an operation that reduces the size of the vaginal opening, as well as the size of the vagina itself.

Read also: Sex before and after childbirth: is there a difference?

Prolapse of the vaginal walls , up to uterine prolapse, incontinence of gases and urine, pain during sexual intercourse - in cases where the muscle damage is very deep, more unpleasant consequences may occur - prolapse of the vaginal body from the genital slit, especially when straining; The normal blood supply to the vaginal walls is also disrupted, which leads to dry mucosa, the appearance of erosions and ulcers.

If the degree of vaginal prolapse is mild, a positive effect is possible after a course of gynecological massage or intimate muscle training, however, with severe pathology, surgical treatment (colporrhaphy) is necessary.

Read also: Optimal positions for sex after childbirth

VAGINOPLASTY METHODS

There are several surgical techniques for vaginal plastic surgery that can be used to reduce its volume and size:

• Anterior colporrhaphy;
• Posterior colporrhaphy;
• Reduction of the vaginal opening.

Before choosing a vaginal plastic surgery method to reduce its size, it is necessary to undergo a vaginal examination, and only based on its results, an intimate surgeon will be able to assess the condition of the vaginal walls and develop individual tactics for surgical treatment.

The vaginal plastic surgery itself lasts no more than 1.5 hours and is performed under general anesthesia. The recovery period lasts about three weeks. To avoid complications, after vaginal plastic surgery it is not recommended to sit, lift weights and ride a bicycle (especially riding a horse).

Please note: the decision about the need for vaginal plastic surgery can only be made by a specialist in this field. To avoid possible negative consequences of childbirth, contact a professional plastic surgeon-gynecologist one year after the birth of the child.

Read also: Postpartum period: how a woman’s body recovers

Read also: Optimal positions for sex after childbirth

Read also: 5 exercises for fantastic sex after childbirth

Psychological therapy

Sometimes there is no desire to sleep with your husband after childbirth due to psychological mood. It is caused by quarrels, a partner’s inattention to problems, lack of communication, cultural “hunger,” complexes regarding appearance, as well as fears.

How to regain the desire for sex after childbirth

1. conduct confidential conversations more often;
2. take care of your appearance;
3. find time to communicate with friends;
4. attend cultural events;
5. master auto-training.

Instead of starting quarrels because partners fail to fulfill their responsibilities, it is recommended to switch to emotional communication. In a calm, trusting atmosphere, it is easier to hear each other and delve into problems related to intimate life.

If the wife has become fat after childbirth and there is no sex, then the partner who neglected herself is largely to blame. To avoid depression for this reason, you should find time to practice your appearance. During lactation, diets are excluded, but a balanced diet will help cope with the problem.

Despite being tired, a woman can look attractive even in a dressing gown, and it doesn’t require much effort. Auto-training will get rid of the inferiority complex. You need to realize that if your husband truly loves, then he doesn’t care if there are stretch marks on his stomach or stitches after a cesarean section, as well as extra pounds that will soon come off.

Periodic going out will also increase self-esteem (a child is not a hindrance to this). Grandmothers will happily sit with their grandchildren while parents chat with friends, go to the theater or other events. In some situations, you can take the baby with you, which will further strengthen family relationships.

If a woman doesn’t want sex at all, a good way to relieve psychological stress is to visit a fitness club, swimming pool, dance club, do aerobics and walk more often. A great option in the summer to get rid of depression is to jog barefoot in a park or near a pond.