How to make relationships bright?
You love each other, live together and believe that your fairy tale will never end. Of course, you are special, not like everyone else. It is others who make scandals and get divorced, and you will live in peace and harmony until the end of your days. But in reality it is very difficult to preserve all the bright colors of first dates for a long time. But it’s possible if you try really hard.
Despite the fact that each couple is special, in general we are all the same. Of course, everyone believes that no one in their life has ever loved so much before, and that he will carry his happiness through all the troubles. Young couples standing on the threshold of the Civil Registry Office believe this especially strongly. But a month, a year, another year passes, and the relationship loses its former beauty. Plus, mutual claims, grievances, and regular scandals are added to them. More and more often the thought comes to mind that love has passed and it’s time to part.
There are no eternal holidays in life. Yes, and eternal relationships too. Love is basically irrational. It cannot be modeled in the image and likeness, it cannot be artificially created. But our biggest misconception is that we identify love and relationships. In fact, a relationship does not end when love leaves. They end when mutual respect disappears.
A truly vibrant relationship is not about 24/7 romance or all-consuming intimacy. This is a real and valuable relationship between a man and a woman. With some effort, any couple can make it so.
Common goals
Some couples live together not because of ulterior motives or deep feelings, but simply because it is customary. The lack of a common goal within a couple can destroy a relationship faster than constant domestic scandals. Even if everyone has their own goal, why they want to be in this relationship, if there are feelings, then you can always agree and come to a golden mean. Compromise and the desire to hear your partner work wonders.
Preserving individuality
Living as a couple changes us. We lose part of our individuality, dissolve in our partner, and adapt to other people’s interests and views.
When working with couples, psychologists conduct an interesting test. What does your relationship look like? Demonstrate the answer to this question in the form of two intersecting circles, symbolizing you and your partner. How much do they intersect, what area do they occupy? In the following picture, answer the question: “What would you like your relationship to be like?” Women will depict two circles almost merging together. This is an indicator that women need attention and total possession of their man. But it is precisely in this desire that lies the dangerous enemy of any relationship - the loss of one’s own individuality. Personal space, hobbies, and emotional independence help us develop and remain interesting to our partner. Absolute dissolution in another will end very badly. The person will lose both himself and the partner he loves.
By the way, at the end of the test, the psychologist shows the correct diagram of a long and strong relationship - these are two circles that intersect only a quarter.
Negotiate the rules
Every couple has their own rules and routines. Who cooks dinner, who buys groceries or who washes the car. These rules have been established a long time ago, they are well-established and no one will change them. Nobody is even going to discuss them. But it may be that someone in the couple is tired of his established role. At first you didn’t want to hurt your partner and kept silent, but now you’re accumulating discomfort in your soul. This is everyday nonsense, but it leaves a huge shadow on the relationship. Therefore, even such things need to be discussed. Sit down and have an honest conversation. Delicately and with a sense of respect for your loved one. Set rules that work for both and discuss what will happen if someone breaks the rules. The topic can be anything: potential betrayal, or who will walk the dog. If two people do not talk, then in case of any further conflict, each will continue to remain silent, hoping that the other will do or say something.
Thank each other
The surest way to break up the routine is to introduce small surprises and holidays into everyday life. But most couples live in the future, devaluing the present: “Let’s build a house...” or “As soon as we go on vacation,” believing that just a little more and here it is, happiness. But what we have now is temporary. Therefore, what happens every day is not appreciated. For some reason, it becomes incredibly difficult to simply say: “Thank you!” For a small surprise, for unexpected flowers, for a cooked dinner. If our partner guessed right with our desire, brought our whim to life, why not just thank him from the bottom of our hearts? But most often this gratitude is accompanied by a couple more phrases: “Oh, are these flowers for me? Great. Why didn’t you think of giving it as a gift earlier?” What man would still want to please his woman with flowers after such “gratitude”?
Tenderness and attention help make relationships bright. But the partner's response must be sincere. Otherwise, these signs of attention may not be repeated.
Express emotions
Every couple has conflict. Some people cannot keep their emotions to themselves, preferring to break dishes and make a scandal, but most often we accumulate resentment within ourselves, believing that an extra scandal will only worsen the relationship. Yes, a scandal is, of course, not the best type of communication between two people, but if you accumulate resentment and anger within yourself, sooner or later the mental “dam” will break and all this will spill out.
Each of us has the right to experience the emotions that rage inside. The advantage of a scandal is that in times of emotion a person calls a spade a spade. Words spoken at such a moment can seriously hurt your partner, so the main thing here is not to get personal. If you don’t like your partner’s behavior, say so, and don’t go on to his character traits, shortcomings in upbringing or heredity.
Usually after a thunderstorm, the sun comes out. The air is becoming cleaner. So after a good scandal, a renewal of relations occurs.
How to renew your relationship with your husband
Marriage can be called a mutually beneficial transaction, from which both parties gain benefits and certain benefits. Therefore, as long as a man feels needed, he will hold on to family relationships, but if he is offered a better option or he finds it himself, family relationships will end. To prevent negative consequences, a woman needs to try and play on the hidden needs of her loved one:
— Men are hunters who have already received their prize, but the need for the process itself remains, and therefore it is desirable to more often create situations that the couple liked before marriage. This way you can arrange a couple of dates outside the home, where there are no children, TV and responsibilities that can distract you. In this case, both a joint outing into nature, a hotel room in a neighboring city, or just a trip to a cafe for a romantic dinner are suitable.
— Over the course of several years of marriage, intimate relationships simply turn into sex, but you want love, which can be revived through role-playing games, even the most modest ones at the initial stage. Naturally, sexy lingerie will help add newness, and it is also possible to visit a sex shop together. After all, you don’t have to buy anything, but what you see will definitely spark your imagination.
— Married men, of course, can be somewhat jealous, but nevertheless, envy on the part of their friends, in view of the fact that his wife is beautiful and smart, will also greatly amuse and raise the level of pride to the skies. Therefore, when a spouse gets married, she should not immediately jump into slippers and a dressing gown, but still take care of her appearance and remain attractive. At the same time, it is not necessary to flirt with others; it is enough to show your love to your own husband.
We recommend reading: How to stop being jealous of your husband
— Even calm men who prefer consistency love pleasant surprises, so to renew your relationship, it is advisable to surprise your man more often. So you can just give him a bouquet of dried fish or a car scent, or arrange a sudden candlelight dinner with the promise of an intimate prize later.
— Men, as a rule, love to be close to the object of their desire, but they prefer to marry a woman who shares his interests. Therefore, in order to renew your relationship with your husband in marriage, it is advisable to take part in his hobbies. So the husband will definitely appreciate his wife’s interest in football or fishing, especially if she asks several leading questions and asks her to enlighten her in one aspect or another.
— Any conflict or misunderstanding is best resolved through conversation, so if a couple is experiencing difficulties and feels distanced from each other, the best way would be a frank heart-to-heart conversation. After all, by expressing all your desires and expectations, you can understand what your partner expects in the future and avoid many difficulties.
