How to open up to a new relationship with a man

From foundation to roof

Let's imagine figuratively, comparing the process of relationships with building a house. If you need a visual representation, then you can take a pencil, paper and an eraser, and draw a house from the very beginning - from the foundation to the roof. This is how proper relationships between a man and a woman are built. And why this image is needed - you will read in the article a little later.

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Foundation

Cement, sand, crushed stone, water are mixed - the result is a concrete mixture from which the foundation is made. Initially, this mixture is liquid-viscous, not at all durable - just for pouring formwork. In a relationship, this is falling in love. Or at least sympathy.

In order for the foundation to strengthen and settle as it needs, time and patience are required. The longer, the stronger the foundation. And this, accordingly, is love. Without a solid foundation of love, nothing further can be built.

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Walls

Both external and internal interior walls are built brick by brick. Only from different materials. On the facade these bricks are made of mutual understanding, respect, support, tenderness, friendship. But the internal ones are from what should be hidden from prying eyes: from the personal secrets of two lovers, affection, sex.

Smooth and neat laying of bricks on a solid foundation is the key to future strong relationships. The more such bricks, the higher the house, and accordingly your feelings. It is also customary to insulate the walls - this is every brick you lay.

Another interesting article: How to prepare for the first time

Windows and doors

One immovable picture is always visible from the windows: the street, the forest, the garden. An important aspect in a relationship with a man is to look at life the same way, both up close and in the long term. If, figuratively speaking, he sees a beautiful landscape outside the window, but you don’t notice the beauty, because cows are grazing in the meadow and everyone is crap, then in the future it will be difficult for you to be together.

Doors are the entrance to your personal relationships. They must be closed to those who are trying to destroy your walls, painstakingly built brick by brick, from the inside. But these doors can be opened to those who come to you with goodness. And also through the doors you can give a kick to traitors from your own home.

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Roof

The roof is built last, when the foundation and walls are firmly in place. Which means these are future children. After many years, with proper upbringing, they will “protect” you and your husband, that is, protect you from all adversity, illness and other misfortunes.

It is precisely the strength of the roof that is your upbringing. Loving you mutually, they will protect your relationship from the elements, keeping the foundation and walls intact. And if you do not pay due attention to the construction of the roof (that is, to raising children), then the roof will blow off - and the children will not care about you in old age.

The house has been built, but inside it can only be the microclimate that you create together with the man. Petty quarrels are like old trash - it’s better to burn it than to wash dirty linen in public or throw it in the attic or basement. It’s better not to bring it into the house at all in the first place. The main thing is that the house turned out to be chic and reliable.

It will also be useful: Are quarrels useful in relationships and is it possible to do without them?

Tools

You will need:

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roulette;
square;
pencil;
hammer;
protective glasses;
drill-driver;
Miter saw;
building level;
drill.

Why relationships fail

But now that you have drawn a picture of the house, you will need an eraser. Well, at least imagine figuratively what will happen if you start to destroy this home-relationship. Even if you remove some detail, change its places, or build relationships initially incorrectly, you may end up with a “house upside down.”

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"Roof on a damp foundation"

The biggest mistake many women make is deciding to have a child at the stage of still frivolous meetings with a man. The child is unwanted by anyone. She needs him as a means to get married and thereby “get” a man. Yes, there are casual relationships in which it is advisable to protect yourself. But some women resort to cunning, even if there was protection. There are many tricks.

But now imagine a house where there are no walls, no doors, no windows, and the roof has collapsed onto the damp concrete of the formwork. There is no relationship with a man yet, just slight sympathy. There is no reliability, no affection, no mutual understanding, no respect. A loose brick of sex was laid and that’s it. It will be impossible to live in such a house with a man, and the child will suffer. And all because of my mother’s stupidity - to marry a guy at all costs, even by “flying up.”

Having children, especially at an early age, is truly unwise. You still have to enjoy your free life and still learn a lot. Here, read an article on this topic: 10 things to do before having children.

Another interesting article: How to understand that it’s time to break up

"Walls Inside Out"

Do you remember which “building blocks” of relationships should be on the facade of the “house”, and which ones inside it? That is, some good relationships between spouses can be visible to people - for example, respect, tenderness towards each other, but some intimate things and family secrets should be hidden from others.

A fool is the wife who babbles secret things to everyone that her husband told her. He trusted her with secrets, and she wags her tongue. There is no more trust and there never will be. And it’s even worse when she blurts out very intimate problems. For example, the husband has a problem with his erection - and all his wife’s girlfriends begin to discuss this. Are they sexologists to help, or just gossips?

So, if you mix up the places of the “bricks”, both on the inside and on the outside, then soon those around you will create such legends about you that you will not be able to wash them off.

Another interesting article: How to bring back passion in a relationship with your husband

"Open Days"

But this is the case when the spouses destroy the house they built not with their own hands, but with the help of strangers. There is no need to involve even those you care about in your conflicts. Of course, if these conflicts are not of a criminal nature: for example, a husband beats and physically humiliates his wife. And so, the little things in life - misunderstandings, quarrels.

Here's an example. This morning you had a fight with your husband because he spilled coffee on the tablecloth. Word for word, he insulted you, and you responded to him. As a result, these little things in life turned into bitter resentment. He left for work, slamming the door, and you grabbed the phone to complain to your mom. The mother-in-law, saving the honor of her daughter, was right there in the evening: on the threshold of the house, when her husband had already arrived home.

Here comes the angry mother-in-law, and let’s “knock out bricks,” and so loudly that her son-in-law is sure to hear:

“I told you, daughter, that his hands grow from the wrong place” - and bam on the “brick” of respect.
“Yes, he’s stupid, he doesn’t even hear you when you tell him reasonable things” - bam, the “building block” of mutual understanding.
“He can’t even make me grandchildren. Obviously for the reason that you told me in confidence - you froze your entire household in childhood, that now you won’t even have children” - then all the internal interior walls collapsed at once.

This is just one example. In general, anyone can get into your relationship with a man: curious people, spiteful critics, envious people (we even have a separate article about envious people). And your doors are wide open. The house will first crack, then tilt, and then simply collapse. Same with relationships. If you let everyone who is not too lazy into that house that you have been building for so long and painstakingly, soon everything will go to hell.

Features of a marriage in which the man is younger

Despite all the updates in the views of modern man, such unions can still cause real surprise among acquaintances. But, naturally, only as a first impression, and then people tend to quickly get used to it. The key features of this union include the following:

a man enthusiastically submits not only to the appearance of his chosen one, but also to her worldly wisdom, the peaks achieved in terms of career, and hobbies. In a word, unlike his peers, whom he could perceive as “princesses,” a mature wife becomes his “queen”;
the ambitions, dreams and stubbornness of a man’s youth support a woman in many endeavors, the young husband brings into the marriage the feeling that “the best is yet to come”;
a woman, not always explicitly, but often subconsciously, increases her self-esteem due to the fact that a young man is next to her, which means that the fading beauty has not yet affected her personally, old age has been “drived away.”

In such a marriage, it is important for the wife not to be jealous of her husband for younger people, and also not to constantly focus his attention on her own age-related shortcomings. It is undesirable and desperate to try to catch up with him - through plastic surgery, wearing clothes that are inappropriate for his age, or aggressively bright makeup.

Even if sometimes the young spouse’s energy seems tiresome, he doesn’t need to know about it. On the contrary, it is advisable for a woman to more often unobtrusively emphasize that with his appearance a magical period began in her life. And if one day a couple, for example, goes on a tour and climbs a high mountain with a dizzying view, it won’t hurt to hug the husband and say that thanks to him the world appears in a new light.

“Insulate the walls and decorate the facade”

If you have managed to build a strong relationship with your beloved man, and you have already started a family, now the main thing is to preserve it for a long time. You don’t let unnecessary people into your family, you keep secrets secret, you have the same worldview, and your children are long-awaited and desired. Now, the main thing is not to let the walls shake, no matter what happens, and this largely depends on you.

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Avoid conflicts

Spilled coffee on the tablecloth is not a reason to make a fuss. It only takes 5 minutes and a few movements, as in the advertisement: you cover the stain with a special cleaning powder, throw it in the washing machine and press the button. This is an example, and how many other solutions can be found when there would be no scandal for other reasons if you showed restraint in trifles.

Distribute finances correctly

“All women love shopping” is a slogan that makes women spend every last penny in fashion boutiques. And I don’t care that there’s nothing to eat at home, that your husband can’t buy a part for the car he uses to transport your body wherever you want. It's fashionable! If you learn to be a family accountant, then you yourself can be dressed tastefully and your family will not suffer.

If you have such a problem, then read how to avoid unnecessary purchases.

Respect your man's interests

Yes, he loves “Tanks”, fishing, football. Yes, he sits for hours at the monitor or with a fishing rod by the lake. But you yourself littered the whole house with some ridiculous little things, with the hope that someday you will have a desire to do needlework, and therefore you are a queen, because your interests are something on the verge of genius, and his are some kind of nonsense... That. No, honey, you need to look out the window at the same landscape with your man. Therefore, if you are not interested in your husband’s hobbies, try to at least come to terms with them and not criticize them.

Be optimistic in public

With this you “decorate the facade of the house.” Everything is fine with you, even if there are omissions with your husband. They will still be resolved quickly. But how many positive things in your life you can tell others! How you learned to cook a new dish according to a recipe you found on the Internet, and really pleased your husband with the deliciousness. I didn’t sleep all night, worried about why the child was crying, and in the morning it turned out that he had his first tooth. Positivity happens every day, the main thing is to notice it in time. But in a warm and strong relationship, the house will never collapse.