How do you imagine life after marriage? Do you think the honeymoon will last a lifetime? Nothing like this. Think of any Disney cartoon. It shows the life of the princesses until they get married. What will happen to them next, history is silent. There is no need to be upset about your future, but it is simply necessary to mentally prepare for difficulties.
Everyday problems
What do people have to face after marriage? Life presents them with many everyday surprises. Just yesterday, the man he loved and adored was perfect, but today he just can’t remember that dirty dishes should be taken to the sink and not left on the table. Different household habits become reasons for various disputes. Newlyweds do not always understand that they grew up in different families, in different social conditions and are accustomed to looking at life differently. You need to learn to come to a compromise. And there is no point in waiting time to study human habits. Don't be afraid to show what you don't like right away. Otherwise, your partner will be bewildered by your reaction. For a month everything was fine, and now you decided to tell them that what really annoys you is the uncovered toothpaste or the socks scattered around the apartment. To prevent such incidents from occurring, solve problems as soon as they arise. In any case, both partners will have to make concessions. You will need to adapt to your soulmate and change your own behavior. But always look at things objectively and structure your life in such a way as to take the best habits that you and your spouse have.
Those people who lived together before the formalization of the relationship do not wonder whether there is life after the wedding. Spouses already know their partner's habits, and they are not frightened by them. People do not have a sense of novelty in living together, and it is easier for them to live a full life with their legal spouse.
Manifestations of the crisis
So, what are the harbingers of an impending crisis in the first year of family life?
- Increasing quarrels and conflicts for minor reasons. Everyday little things come to the fore in the relationship between spouses.
- Resentment and unwillingness to forgive the partner’s mistakes. The growing wave of claims against the spouse causes retaliatory claims and grievances.
- Inability to accept the characteristics of another person. All his virtues shown before marriage have become habitual and are no longer admired or appreciated, and new sides of a partner are often perceived negatively.
- Lack of mutual understanding caused by the inability to communicate constructively. What is not allowed in communication with other people becomes commonplace in the family. The appearance of selfishness towards a loved one.
- Reluctance to communicate with a person with whom just recently you did not want to part with even for a minute. And the more often it manifests itself, the faster the desire for divorce.
Lack of sex
Life after marriage no longer seems like a fairy tale. Why? Partners get used to each other and gain confidence that their significant other will not go anywhere now. This means you can calmly go about your business and pay less attention to your partner. The appearance of good relations remains. People still kiss when they meet, hug each other tenderly and say kind words. But there is less sex. A girl may say that she is tired doing household chores, and a man may prefer TV to his young wife. The logic of this behavior is simple. A person always wants to receive something that is inaccessible to him or something forbidden. When the possession of a beloved body had to be earned, one had to try. And now you don’t need to do anything, your loved one is always available. What is given to a person for free, he rarely appreciates.
Is it really that bad that people will eventually stop having sex completely? No. It's just that over time, quality becomes much more important than quantity. People approach sex more consciously, they take more breaks in order to enjoy the process.
The birth of a child and overcoming the first crisis
The birth of a child for a young family in the first year of married life becomes a serious test. Will the appearance of a baby be able to strengthen the relationship between the young spouses or, conversely, will its birth only intensify the manifestation of disagreements and crisis? It all depends on the psychological readiness of young people to become parents. If the birth of a child was planned and looked forward to, then difficulties will be experienced more easily. But often young people (not yet spouses) do not plan to have a child. The only thing they want for now is to enjoy sex. An unplanned pregnancy forces you to register a relationship. An unborn child dramatically changes the hopes and plans of young people. They, as a rule, are not yet psychologically ready to start a family. In this case, the family union is of a forced nature. The peculiarities of the first year of family life are superimposed on the difficulties associated with pregnancy and the birth of a baby. The test is quite difficult, since spouses are often emotionally unprepared for the appearance of a third family member. They may be afraid of the responsibility that falls on them. Thus, hoping that the birth of a child can unite relationships that have not yet strengthened in a young family is a very big misconception. If spouses do not have mutual understanding, then all contradictions in stressful situations intensify. And even in those families where there is mutual understanding, there are no quarrels.
What difficulties arise in the life of a young family due to the birth of a baby? In women, the maternal instinct is pronounced; in many men, the paternal instinct does not appear immediately. Very often, a small and helpless child simply frightens his father. And the young mother plunges headlong into caring for her child. The husband is relegated to secondary roles. Grandmothers and aunties circle around the baby, and he begins to feel superfluous and completely unnecessary in the family. He may develop jealousy and resentment. Thus, family relationships undergo major changes. They, of course, get more complicated. Parental relationships (mother-father, mother-child, father-child) are added to the marital relationship. Young spouses will have to master new social roles of father and mother while building relationships with the child. New problems and reasons for quarrels appear in the lives of young parents.
So, a relationship crisis in the first year of family life is an aggravation of all contradictions and disagreements, a search for ways to overcome them, adaptation of newlyweds to each other, a transition to a new level of relationships. Romantic feelings undergo changes. Time changes not only everything around us, but also ourselves. Love is not so bright and reverent, but stronger and more reliable. Those who managed to overcome the first crisis lay the foundation for future family relationships. The war of characters ends, a favorable family climate is established, the basis of which is the psychological compatibility of the spouses.
The magnificent wedding ended, the joy-filled honeymoon flew by, and the days of family life began. Couples who have lived together for a long time usually remember this period with ironic warmth. After all, it was the first months of marriage that were the most interesting: a new world opened up before the young people, which is so exciting to explore together! And it seems like you can do this forever. However, the still very fragile family boat may well break into the pitfalls of surprises or run aground in everyday life. And the new world will disappear without ever appearing. So how can you avoid becoming victims of the crisis of the first year of life? More on this below in the article!
Relatives
Do you think about whether life changes after marriage? Yes, it is changing. You become part of your significant other's family, and their relatives begin to treat you differently. If before people were always kind and friendly to you, now the situation is changing. They won't be afraid to hide their displeasure and tell you what they think. For example, a guy’s mother will openly condemn a girl for not dusting the apartment well. The woman’s argument for this would be that her son has allergies, and she doesn’t want the “boy” to feel bad.
Newlyweds will be very lucky if they live not with their parents, but separately from their relatives. But even in this case, you will have to go visit them, and quite often. You will need to spend long hours talking about how your business is going and listening to the moral teachings of the older generation. In this case, you cannot interrupt people; they may be offended. And they may not care at all that they are telling you the story for the fourth time. If you pay attention to this fact, relatives will say that repetition is the mother of learning.
After your wedding, did you move to another city? You still won't be able to get rid of your relatives. They will come to visit you. Such invasions will have to be endured for all holidays. You won't have the opportunity to go out with friends or be alone with your significant other. Relatives will insist that you know the name of the wedding after a year of marriage, as well as all other memorable dates, and do not forget to invite them to such celebrations.
Causes of the crisis in the first year of family life
How so? Why does a man whom he knew, it would seem, better than himself, appear as a stranger. The fact is that falling in love and sexual attraction turn off a person’s mind. He is like someone who is painfully and sweetly sick with love. He wants to love and be loved. He sees and hears what he wants to hear and see and fills in the missing qualities. And in this not entirely adequate state, people rush down the aisle and families are created.
Days and weeks pass, and the scales fall from our eyes. Real acquaintance with your partner begins. It can last the first year of family life and the rest of your life. The differences between young spouses come to the fore. After all, people differ from each other not only physically, but also in character traits and temperament, level of education and abilities. Different hobbies, desires, tastes and habits of one spouse can cause anxiety and dissatisfaction in the other. Different ideas about the family, about the role of husband or wife, learned in early childhood, are catalysts for conflicts in the family. All these differences are perceived with resentment. How so? He (the partner) is not at all what he seemed before. He is different. She is not like that. Endless quarrels and conflicts and showdowns begin. And no one wants to give in. Everyone feels like a person deceived in their best feelings and disappointed. Indeed, how difficult it is to accept another person with all his characteristics. We accept strangers as they are with all their advantages and disadvantages, but we don’t want to understand and forgive our closest and dearest for their uniqueness.
Another area of tension that arises in the first year of marriage is the struggle for power. Modern young families are turning into arenas of real battles for leadership in the family, laying the foundations for a relationship crisis. There are never winners here, because these wars kill all good feelings and leave behind only hatred. Love in such families leaves only bitter memories.
Lack of time for yourself
Previously, a girl could soak in the bath for a long time, do various masks for her face and hair, and go to a spa and beauty salon. A happy life after marriage deprives a woman of such opportunities. There is a catastrophic lack of time for oneself. You need to pay attention to your significant other, take care of the house, work, and when children appear, raise them. In this chaos, how can you find at least an hour a week to be alone with yourself? You need to win time from your family. You should immediately notify your partner of your desire to spend time alone. For example, on weekends in the morning you can leave the house and do whatever your heart desires until lunch. Such small forays should occur on an ongoing basis. Don't be afraid that your significant other will be offended by such behavior. The desire to take care of yourself and be alone with your thoughts is quite natural.
After getting your passport stamped, you will need to know what the wedding is called after a year of marriage. Calico wedding, paper wedding, leather wedding and so on will become official holidays. You will need to start family traditions and pay more attention to your significant other. But you shouldn’t give up your habits and forget about your hobbies. You can instill your interests in a loved one. Do you learn English through TV series? Watch them with your significant other and explain difficult words to her. There is no need to change your interests, otherwise after some time you will realize your degradation.
Binge eating
How does a person change after 10 years of marriage? A wedding becomes a turning point in the life of any person. If before this solemn event a person held on, went to the gym and went on a diet, then after the formalization of the relationship, willpower disappears somewhere. The person understands that now there is no need to take care of himself, and he can relax. This means that a person stops denying himself something. He starts eating at night, snacking on buns and instead of vegetables and fruits, snacking on sandwiches with mayonnaise. It is not surprising that after 10 years of marriage people gain a lot of weight. Even girls who were very thin before marriage gain extra pounds during pregnancy and then don’t even try to get rid of them. It seems that body shape and size should have no effect on personal happiness? A beautiful figure directly affects not only a person’s self-esteem, but also his health. As they say, a healthy mind in a healthy body.
You shouldn't let yourself go. You need to train your willpower. Are you thinking about the question of whether there is life after marriage? There definitely is, and a happy one. If you formulate your diet correctly, balance the intake of proteins, fats and carbohydrates, then you will not gain weight. At the same time, girls do not have to switch to eating separately from their husbands. You should normalize your young man’s diet, just slightly increase his portion of food relative to your own.
Financial difficulties
Amazing things happen to spouses' incomes. When people live separately, their salaries are enough for them. But when they start living together, the money is spent faster and there is never enough of it. After the wedding this becomes especially noticeable. Why is this happening? The fact that as income increases, demands also increase is known to everyone. Since each person perceives the family budget as his own funds, he manages them as he sees fit. And since both partners act in this way, at the end of the month they do not always have funds left to pay utilities and repay all loans.
How to build family happiness? Life after marriage can be happy if people approach it more consciously. For example, both partners will understand that they need to consult with their significant other about spending and plan purchases in advance. This way people will know exactly how much they can spend and where exactly their savings will go. When a person has no surprises regarding his finances, life gets better. If you can’t keep all your expenses in mind, you can create a mobile phone application in which each spouse will enter their expenses. Having made a purchase, a notification about it should be left in the application, and then the other half will know that the money has been debited from the account. This is a convenient system for self-control and saving your own funds.
Problems in the first year of marriage
The first step towards this crisis is often a decrease in the severity of feelings and some emotional decline that occurs after the wedding and honeymoon. This condition can give rise to doubts about the correct choice of a life partner. After all, before marriage, it was always unusually good to be around him, but now it suddenly became a little boring... The young people, not understanding what happened to them, begin to panic more and more, convincing themselves of the wrong choice and gradually moving away from each other. And it happens that they even file for divorce a month after the wedding.
In fact, the relative internal inertia of husband and wife at the very beginning of family life is completely normal. Any exciting event is inevitably followed by a state of prostration and anticipation of new exciting events. You need to take this calmly, without attaching much importance to the lack of former delight from communicating with your soulmate. The relationship between the newlyweds moves into a new stage, acquiring a shade of stability and relatedness. In order to avoid negative consequences, this period can be brightened up with some kind of acquisition or celebration. Sharing the joy of shopping or preparing for the holiday will help reduce the anxiety that accompanies the stage of adaptation and adjustment. And then a significant crisis in the first year of family life will not arise. Accustomation and adaptation must also take place in accordance with certain rules.
Adaptation and habituation
Each person always has his own individual habits and even oddities, which are sometimes not so easy to come to terms with. In family life, husband and wife will certainly have to face each other’s distinctive characteristics. If these features create significant problems in a young family, we must try to get rid of them. The position: “Love me with all my shortcomings” may be good, but it does not contribute to family happiness. If neither the husband nor the wife wants to give in to each other in anything, divorce is inevitable. Therefore, in order to create a strong marriage, both need to not only learn to make compromises, but also reconsider their own habits. After all, in fact, no one is obliged to love us as we are.
This applies not only to personal relationships, but also to behavior in society. Before the wedding, each of the young people had boyfriends and girlfriends, who in family life should form a common circle of acquaintances. And it’s good if all the young husband’s friends like his wife and vice versa. If not, then you will have to meet with them as little as possible. Otherwise, scandals in the family will become regular.
Distribution of duties
Often, divorce in the first year of family life occurs due to the inability of spouses to distribute responsibilities and delineate areas of activity. The most common mistake young people make in this case is to blindly follow their parents’ pattern of behavior. You should get rid of such stereotypes and build your family based on your own preferences. For example, a mother who does all the housework gives advice to a young husband not to help his wife under any circumstances. From her point of view, this humiliates him as a man. However, modern women think differently, and if a man washes the floor or dishes, he does not fall at all in their eyes. In addition, cleaning together brings people closer together and brings a lot of joy if done by mutual agreement.
It also happens that a mother, whose family was fully supported by her father, gives advice to the young wife to demand full financial support from her other half. And it is quite possible that this “half” is not at all against this postulate, but for now he cannot give his beloved expensive things. In this case, his beloved could well help him get back on his feet, despite the categorical “no” of his mother. After all, what is created together is valued several times more.
Parents
Relationships with parents in general become a big test for a young family. Often, mom and dad, sincerely wishing the best for their now adult child, control the newlyweds, trying to correct their every step. Such interference in the lives of young people, even with the most benevolent motives, must be kept to a minimum. The new family must defend its financial and psychological independence. Otherwise, the marital union is unlikely to be viable, and divorce after the wedding will only be a matter of time. Relatives, realizing that the young family is independent, will accept it more favorably and friendlier.
Conflict resolution
And finally, another major pitfall that often contributes to a quick divorce after marriage is the inability of young people to sort things out and successfully resolve even minor conflicts. You should not start any serious conversation when you are tired or in a state of irritation and anger. This will only make things worse. It is better to begin any showdown after calming down and carefully thinking about every word. Of course, you shouldn’t cherish and accumulate your grievances. Unspoken, they will begin to pile on top of each other, and eventually acquire terrifying proportions. However, under no circumstances should you rush to express them - in the heat of the moment you can say a lot of things that you will later regret. Therefore, if anger and anger cloud your mind, it is better to pull yourself together, do something or just take a walk, and then start a conversation.
There is an interesting way that perfectly helps not only to survive the crisis of the first year of family life, but also to nullify conflict situations in the future. It consists of the following: on one half of a piece of paper the shortcomings of the husband or wife are written down in detail, on the other - the advantages. Then half of the leaf with flaws is torn off and burned. The other half takes on the meaning of a reminder for the wife - about the virtues of the husband, for the husband - about the virtues of the wife. If you re-read it daily, many emerging conflicts, having become ridiculous and insignificant, will burst like a soap bubble.
In a word, the family structure needs to be raised by two people. And this process should be treated very carefully, patiently and reverently. At the beginning of married life, a family boat is still very vulnerable, and it can go to the bottom even from a minor storm. The ship must be turned into a powerful icebreaker that is not afraid of any storms. And then the family will become what it should be - a refuge and a wall that protects from all the storms of life.
Lack of friends
The life of brides after the wedding may seem sad to them for the reason that friends leave the girls’ lives. They disappear gradually. Why is this happening? After the wedding, the girl settles into the role of a housewife and spends a lot of time on household chores and caring for her husband. There is not enough time for friends. Therefore, after a year, the girl is no longer invited to various entertainment events, birthdays or get-togethers in cafes. The same thing happens to men, but in their cases such phenomena are less common. Guys more often find time to sit in a male company, drink beer and talk about something other than buying new curtains. The couple lead a secluded life and communicate only with colleagues, relatives and each other. Therefore, they soon have very few friends left. To prevent a similar situation from happening in your life, after marriage you need to immediately form a common group of friends. Before the wedding, the bride had her own girlfriends, and the groom had friends. Now the family will have a common company, which will include friends of both spouses.
First date
The first month after traditional marriage is called green. This is due to the fact that previously young people entered it inexperienced and immature. They just had to get to know each other's characters and habits, find common ground and mutual understanding. Despite the fact that life has changed somewhat today, most traditions do not lose their relevance.
In many cultures, the color green symbolizes freshness, youth, and purity. Therefore, it is not surprising that the symbol of a green wedding was the myrtle leaves in the wedding crown - a reflection of the innocence and naivety of young people who have just entered into a legal relationship, whose feelings, like young greenery, are just blossoming.
It is interesting that the green wedding is celebrated not only a month later, but also after two, three, four months and so on (until the first anniversary). This holiday is rightfully considered the longest of all existing wedding events. The countdown of the celebration begins on the day of the marriage, and it is customary to celebrate it every month throughout the year on the very date when the union was concluded.
This is a great opportunity to once again remind each other of your feelings, to show love and care for your loved one.
A green wedding is a real treat for those who love romance and want to preserve it for many years.
Nothing to talk about
Family life after marriage does not please those people who do not have hobbies and spend all their free time alone with each other. Such gatherings become incredibly boring over time. People realize that they have nothing to talk about. Don't be afraid to spend more time outside the home and take a break from your significant other. Go to a meeting with your friends in the bathhouse and spend time discussing other people's problems. When you return home, you will have new topics to discuss with your loved one. You should also find a hobby that is exclusively yours. By devoting time to your favorite activity, you will not think about non-existent problems and stress yourself out. Find a common favorite activity with your husband. Work brings people together. For example, you can write a novel together, make something, or engage in teaching. Then you will at your leisure discuss not only everyday issues, but also issues related to common hobbies. Such discussions will diversify your conversations and help you find more common ground with the person.
Celebration traditions
1 month from the wedding day is celebrated in different ways. Many people prefer quiet, cozy family evenings with loved ones. Someone celebrates the holiday with just the two of them, not letting anyone into the small world of their new family.
In fact, the first month of family relationships is associated with the search for compromises. It’s one thing to date someone you love, but it’s another thing entirely to share life with them in the same house. For many, many of the partner’s habits, his rhythm of life and daily routine come as a surprise. It’s not for nothing that they say that family life and romantic, albeit long-term, relationships are two different things.
It's not just everyday habits that become noticeable. Living together brings many people together and binds them with strong bonds. Among everyday worries, love is felt and manifested differently, relationships reach a new level. That is why, when celebrating the first month lived together, you need to arrange a holiday first of all for each other. The green month is the first stage passed, which must be appreciated and celebrated in such a way as to be sure to remember.
It could be a romantic dinner by candlelight. Gentle wedding music, light snacks, and delicious wine will remind the newlyweds that they have only recently become a family and set the mood for a festive atmosphere. If you are a little bored with home-cooked food, you can go to your favorite restaurant or, conversely, choose an original establishment that you have not been able to visit before.
For young people who spend evenings at home, you can diversify the holiday with a walk or even a trip to another city. It wouldn’t hurt to visit some place that is significant for the young people, for example, where they first met. The main thing is that this evening should not be like all the others spent together.
The first month can be a great start to your monthly marriage celebrations. You can come up with and create your own traditions that will give you a lot of pleasant emotions and memories. For example, every month you can take a thematic photo, and at the end of the year put together an interesting photo collage.
Or you can start a tradition every month on this date to have breakfast on the embankment or take a walk in your favorite park. Or, on the contrary, you can come up with something unforgettable for every month (like a parachute jump). Although this option is more suitable for people who cannot imagine their life without change and extreme sports.
All attention to the child
A year of marriage after marriage seems like hell to those who manage to have offspring during this time. A child takes a lot of time and requires increased attention. The woman stops spending time with her husband and tries to spend every free minute with her child. The man is not satisfied with this situation, and he is jealous of his chosen one for the baby. Constant dissatisfaction with each other leads to scandals and hysterics. A woman who doesn’t communicate with anyone for days on end and becomes bored with her own company can add fuel to the fire. The child is too small and only requires care, but has not yet given anything in return. The lady withdraws into herself and begins to irritate her husband and cling to him with all sorts of nonsense. This can irritate a man, and in desperation he will look for love on the side. Does this situation not suit you? This means that you need to improve your relationships so that there is no advantage in them. A man should help a woman with a child, and a lady should pay attention to her chosen one. People need to communicate not only with each other, but also to be in society more often. You can take the baby with you or leave it in the care of grandparents.
Crises
Problems exist in every marriage. But some people announce them publicly, while others prefer to remain silent. Crises in marriage are normal. People who want to build good relationships must learn to overcome all difficulties. Then the love between them will not dry up, but will grow into something more. Trust, tenderness and respect will appear in the family. And without all this it is impossible to imagine a strong marriage.
To deal with problems, you need to know them. What are the marriage crises by year?
- In the first days. After the wedding, people who have never lived together begin to get used to each other. And problems arise like mushrooms after rain. Either the husband does not wash the dishes after himself, or the wife does not wash her clothes on time. The first encounter with everyday life brings disappointment to people. The lovers begin to think that the wedding was a mistake and in fact the other half is not.
- First 2 months of marriage. Life after marriage begins to irritate a person when he realizes that his partner does not want to change. And this realization comes after 2 months. A person sees that he is making titanic efforts to restore order, but the other half does not notice this, does not appreciate it and does not want to help at all.
- In six months. The first problems in a couple begin when the rose-colored glasses fall off their eyes. People begin to see not only advantages in their partner, but also disadvantages. A person stops seeming ideal, and this begins to irritate.
- Year 1 crisis. After living with a loved one for a year, some begin to think that perhaps they have made a mistake. It's not too late to fix everything. People lack care, are not ready to take responsibility and regret the carefree life they had before marriage.
- After the birth of the child. A baby is a great happiness for a family. But young parents have no idea what to do with their child. They care too much about the child and pay little attention to each other.
- 3-5 years of family life. When a young family has a child growing up, and people understand that life is not so difficult, they try to realize their potential. But there is not enough free time. And the partner does not always want to take on some of the responsibilities of his other half.
- 7-8 years of marriage. People have gotten used to each other and now they are bored with their significant other. There is no more passion and fire in the relationship.
- After 12 years of marriage. The couple understands that life is passing by, and their affairs are not improving. Yes, the child is growing, but time passes, and one’s own plans have to be postponed all the time.
- 20-25 years of marriage. People think about the correctness of their choice and about how life could have turned out if they had chosen a different spouse.
Now you know what difficulties can arise for spouses after the wedding and you can overcome everything if you wish.
Crises of family relationships
Family psychology identifies a number of stages through which married couples go through in their relationships. Objectively, there are psychological laws that govern our emotions, communication, and relationships. But various fateful situations also happen in our lives. Love and marriage are events on a grand scale that lead to a dramatic change in the life of every young person. But why not a crisis? And how many changes happen in life, often having little to do with people: fading of feelings, moving, illness, loss of loved ones, moving to a new job, the birth of children. And no one can cancel the age-related crises experienced by spouses. And they often provoke and become an integral part of family crises.
