I want to leave my husband for another man, what should I do?
-"I am forty two years old. I have been legally married for about ten years. They have a common daughter, Lyudmila. It so happened that I got married as a “black sheep”. Few people looked at me, so I had no opportunity for a worthy choice. My current husband at that time became interested in the redhead and, without thinking twice, took her down the aisle. The deadlines were already running out and it was necessary to start a family nest. So I married a man whom I respect immensely, but do not love. I met another man on my way, and now I want to leave my husband, who doesn’t even know about everything that happened. What should I do?” Katerina Andreevna from the city of Pskov shares her revelation with us.
The thing is that leaving your husband for another man is almost always accompanied by a complete restructuring of your life, for which not all dreamers are ready. Having exchanged the present, we strive to find a bright future in the hope that it will become warmer there. But very often it turns out that you have to go back. This is what Raisa Tikhonovna thinks about this, whom I asked to express her point of view on this issue. And she kindly agreed.
Dear Katerina Andreevna.
With the permission of the site administrator, I studied your story in detail.
You want to leave your husband for a man much younger than you, confidently believing that you are ready to meet his remarkable demands. He is young, handsome and charming. I agree that you are well preserved, as evidenced by the colorful beach photograph. Before you decide to leave your husband, you must be aware that, truly, you are not driven by the desire to sacrifice, but to confidently settle down next to the young man who attracts you “by the crisis of your own marriage.”
In fact, ten years are behind you, and your husband is eleven years older than you. You cannot perceive his boring vigil and established habits through “transparent glasses,” because you yourself admitted that you have never experienced love. I say for myself that my husband is quite impudent, but I perceive him as he is. He smokes at home, I open the window. When I shout loudly on the phone, he closes the door.
You see, these are alternating concessions.
Here is your husband, he, too, was inferior in many ways - write it yourself. You have a restless character, which changes unpredictably at the slightest breath of wind. Are you sure that after leaving your husband for your younger spouse, he will patiently get along in the same way? This is question number one. Question number two. You've only been dating him for a few months, which you can't add up to years. Why did you decide that he is committed to a long-term relationship, which is called marriage?
For some reason, it seems to me that in this case your hormonal levels have gone “off the rails.” You believe that you are still young and capable of lassoing someone who, perhaps, just decided to have fun.
Before you leave your husband, try to take into account what is written below:
1). Two months is not enough to exchange years. Take a closer look at him not from the position of a bed instigator, but from the point of view of a decent family man. Analyze his life priorities and goal orientation. I'm talking too smart. No problem, you'll figure it out.
2). In a private conversation, try to find out how his relationship with the opposite sex developed. You know, nowadays there are a lot of disguised ragamuffins or simply mentally unbalanced individuals who show aggression in a specific situation. I repeat once again: why does he need you? Answer this question objectively!
3). Do not confuse love inspired by beautiful words with a real and reverent feeling. Talk alone with yourself and decide what exactly attracts you in a young man. If this is option number one, then you are under the influence of romance, which will soon pass.
4). Before leaving your husband, enter the close friendly circles of the new person you meet and, eventually, meet his parents. You will probably learn something new for yourself.
And remember one thing.
If they are trying to change you, then this is, rather, an ordinary falsehood, which is positioned as a mutual feeling. You have lived with your husband for many years, and your daughter is already growing up. So is it worth traumatizing her by leaving her husband for a person about whom you, in fact, know nothing? Think about it.
I may be wrong, but I dare to suspect you of looking for “horizontal feelings,” because the old positions are already pretty boring. No one is judging you, we are all living people. But I wouldn’t ruin my family for this.
It’s another matter when your souls are shyly intertwined, forgetting about everything that is called sin. They cannot understand that you are not free, because the unearthly attraction of family charm is simply impossible to subdue. Your goals in life are strictly defined, and you are convinced that you have a reliable person nearby.
And only in this case will you write a letter, saying that I want to leave my husband for another man, and I am doing this at the call of my soul.
The question was asked by: Katerina Andreevna from the city of Pskov.
A reader of the site expressed her point of view: Raisa Tikhonovna from the city of Odessa.
The material was prepared by me, Edwin Vostryakovsky.
It is quite possible that you do not agree with the opinion expressed. In this case, I expect detailed comments from you.
She left her husband for another, but is drawn to her husband
Good afternoon.
Everything is so confusing for me now that I don’t know what to do next. I'll try to tell you briefly.
2 years ago I married a good man with goals for life (we lived together for a year before the wedding). At that time, he did not work and often met with friends, he had various trips and travels, was interested in many things, and often drank. We have known each other for 5 years (since 2006). very attached. He talked about his girlfriends, I about mine. It turned out to be a very strong friendship, with many intimate details. About 5 years ago (in 2009) he became so dear to me that I thought that I loved him, maybe I really did, I don’t know. But I confessed to him without expecting anything in response. I just wanted him to know about my feelings for him. That's when we had our first kiss. He then reacted calmly, saying that everyone has their own life and let’s be good friends, as before. I agreed, our communication did not change. After a while, our relationship moved into the category of “friendly sex.” After another 2 years, he proposed to me, I agreed. After living together for half a year, we had a big quarrel and he kicked me out with my things (1.5 months before the wedding). They had a fight because I worked seven days a week to earn money for the wedding. And he was walking with friends. For some reason it turned out to be my fault. A week later I called, didn’t apologize, just said come back, that’s all. I've arrived. They played a wedding. In two years. He never started working. I started drinking more. He also continued to relax with friends. And more and more often at our home. I decided to go into business and I needed a man's hand. He said he would help, but in the end nothing. He can't work with his hands. And if he did something, he asked for money for this work, supposedly for food. I initially did the housework, but then, due to lack of time, I took over cooking and cleaning the kitchen. They say you cook and clean up after yourself. I agreed. She offered different job options, but they refused. I asked to drink less, but there was also no effect. He explained this by saying that he was bored. Attention and sex at least (once every 1.5-2 months) In case of any scandal, even a small one, he kicked me out. I just sat down and didn’t move. I got the impression that I was just furniture in the house, or a favorite toy, now I’m interested in you, I’ll play with you, and tomorrow I’ll throw you in a corner, I’ll get you again when I want to play.
I wanted to feel loved and desired again. I found a man. My husband found out about the betrayal (I didn’t hide it too much). She left into the night without her things. The next day, when I came to pick them up, I didn’t find anything. I threw out absolutely everything, even the goods that I didn’t have time to transport to work. There were a lot of insults and accusations of all serious things, in principle I deserved it, I cheated, and it turns out I destroyed my family.
My new life began with that man. You could say it's a clean slate. He supports me a lot. Attention, affection, love and care with interest! Helps with business and purchases things. You could say he carries it in his arms. I live with him now. He was also married at the time of our connection. Left his wife. My husband and I have already developed, but in the process of divorce. And then my husband’s love awoke. He asks me to come back and says that he behaved wrongly with me. What he needs, that everything will be different. He stopped drinking, or rather, he stopped drinking now. He asked me to explain why I did this, and I told him everything that was inside. Although she said it before, he didn’t listen. Now I’ve heard it and seem to have drawn some conclusions, but I’m not sure that anything will change. And I am drawn to him like a magnet. I'm kind of attached to him. Like bewitched. I can’t imagine life without him and I can’t live with him. Dima (the current man) is very wonderful, but I’m bored with him. Maybe I'm doing something wrong myself. Most likely it is, but I just can’t understand why. I'm confused. The ex-husband is waiting for something to return. And he says that he has forgiven the betrayal and will wait as long as necessary. I don’t want to move in with him, but I like going to visit him. I haven’t told Dima yet that I’m communicating with my husband again. Dima can easily leave me, I don’t want that either. I don't know what to do and where to move next. I'm 30 years old and want children. My husband didn’t want it all this time, he put everything off until later, and now he says that he’ll give birth tomorrow. Dima is also for children even now. I compare them all the time. It might leave two, but I don’t want to be alone, or rather, I’m afraid to be alone. Although the husband says that he has forgiven the betrayal, he still constantly talks about it. He constantly says that I left and that I did the wrong thing by leaving. And I can’t forgive him for things. More precisely, he threw out everything, he cleared the apartment of any memory of me. He also started from scratch. Help me understand myself and life.
I left my husband for another, now I want to return to my husband
