I hate my ex-husband after divorce
...At first I forgave, forgot, I wanted to leave many times, but I didn’t, I hoped that maybe over time everything would change...
Divorce (LOTS OF BUKAFFF)///
...or just my life...
I hope I won’t bore you too much with my story...
Firstly, I would like to speak out... secondly, to hear support... thirdly, your opinion...
So... My son is one year and two months old... I haven’t lived with my husband for a month now... I left so many times before... I live with my grandmother. But I'll start from the very beginning...
9 years ago I started communicating with Roma (this is my husband, the father of my son, now my son is 1 year and 2 months old). I was 13 years old. I really liked him. I texted him. He texted me. We called each other. But at that time he was 22 years old. And I dare say - he is mine, so to speak (water on kesel), but a relative - a second, fourth cousin (someone might even judge)... Then my aunt found out about the correspondence and strictly forbade me to communicate with him... time passed... you know, at 13 - 14 years old you really want to be loved)) well, in the usual way)) so that the boy is just nearby)) walking nearby)) without anything like that. And then I started dating Seryozha. Did not love. But he thought that she loved him. I stopped thinking about Roma.
I'm 16. Another man appeared on the horizon. He fell in love with me right away - as he said then and now, 6 years later he still says it... But I’ll tell you about Kostya later... But I didn’t meet him... I treated him only as a friend... I’m going to college and working at the same time... For These three years, Sergei and I separated a couple of times... and in general there were a lot of tears and snot... Then I ended up in the hospital... Appendicitis... I am writing to Roma (we had not communicated for a long time before that)... Then Roma arrived... It just started to piss me off that Seryozha I obeyed my parents too much (he was 2 years older than me, well, I mean he wasn’t, is))) but of course we don’t communicate anymore... And he couldn’t even come to the hospital to see me!!! And he celebrated his 18th birthday without me. I was so offended (((but that was before appendecitis... In general, communication with Roma began again. At first we just talked as friends... Here I have a birthday on October 12. Roma gave me a buffer. And... kissed me... I didn’t feel like it myself... even as if he didn’t like the fact that he kissed me... He began to pick me up at work. I worked until 7 o’clock in the evening and it was already dark. And I ASKED Sergei so many times - he always has no time, then he needs to ride his bike with ride with friends (now I think I probably demanded too much attention to myself... well, I was stupid...)... But it still infuriated me that he was a guy, and at 18 he was afraid of his dad and mom... or maybe he just respected...
I dated both Sergei and Roma for 2 weeks... at that time Kostya (who was just living with my uncle - went to his home on Alakol, but I didn’t care about him...) in the end I had a difficult conversation with Sergei... and we parted ...
At the age of 16, I celebrated the New Year with Roma. I went to see a friend with him.
I ran away to live with him early - at 16, because my father beat me (I don’t want to say bad things about him, but he’s really a drunk...(((and to this day he torments my mother... - and I went to live with him - even without asking him... I just confronted him with a fact - I won’t go home and that’s it)) she was impudent)) He stood on his knees and said that in his life he WOULDN’T RAISE A HAND ON ME... I BELIEVE... I RUNNED AFTER HIM LIKE A DAMAGED...
There were a lot of problems with my mother-in-law... she also drank... and I was no good at being a housewife... I lied to my mother that I was living with a friend... for a month or two... my attitude, to put it mildly, was boorish towards my mother too - probably because of resentment towards my father ... (now I’m very sorry for my mother... how much she suffered because of me....)
When my mother found out that I was living with him... there were a lot of insults, tears, anger... Roma talked with her and with my father... My father took the news well... but my aunt did not communicate with me for the longest time... For 4 years she practically did not communicate with me communicated. Yes, and I wasn’t eager... I was like wearing rose-colored glasses... they just told me... that HE ALSO LIKES TO DRINK... THAT HE IS YOUNG (9 years older than me), but he is already rowdy and driving... that he doesn’t know the brakes in alcohol... (now I reproach myself for this, for not listening...)... But at that moment it was coded...
Kostya has arrived. My uncle and I went to our dacha to help Roma with something. Kostya understood everything there. He smashed his fist on a tree. (For some reason he thought that Roma was my cousin and out of anger he wrote to me - “ARE YOU AT THE VERY BOTTOM or YOU ARE BELOW THE SKINTING BLOCK) ... I don’t remember anymore ... Then he left again ... a little time passed, we started communicating with him again ... we just corresponded ... when we were arguing with Roma (sometimes I was to blame, but I roared as if I had never been to blame for anything - I’m just a pig - well, I’m not a neat freak, in short!!!) - I called, cried and complained to Kostya!!! Now I think - what an idiot! After all, I chose Roma myself! Moreover, knowing that Kostya loves me... that’s how we communicated... he supported me, although I know he was angry - but he couldn’t tell me anything...
Roma hasn't drunk for 2 years. Then it began... as soon as the coding ended, the drinking began. This is something... We lived then with his mother, at their dacha... There was a lot of bad things... But why was I so blinded by him before??? And there were squirrels... I remember once we went to a friend’s house. He got screwed there. Hit me on the nose. He started yelling at me. He drove me so hard that he stopped recognizing me... and mistook me for a whore!!! And he said: “I PAID FOR THE WHOLE NIGHT AND YOU ARE NOT GOING ANYWHERE”... to say that I was shocked is to say nothing!!! I ran home in the morning. AND THEN IT CAME BACK! CALLED ITSELF. HE BEGGED FOR FORGIVENESS. Just for what??? If he himself said that he doesn’t remember anything... Once I was just singing karaoke at home, and he was drunk and yelled at me “why are you screaming you bastard”... kicked me in the stomach, on the back... yes, I admit that I’m hysterical that sometimes he drove me so crazy with his deliveries (whoever lived with drunk people will understand) that I just started screaming in hysterics!!! One time he broke my nose so badly, I thought I was going to choke on blood... I felt so bad... almost losing consciousness, I just heard through the fog (he said to my mother running around me) - yes, she’s pretending to be a bitch... yeah, and the whole bed covered in blood... One time he beat me and I had such a bruise on my face that I couldn’t work. I almost got fired... WHY DID I NOT LEAVE HIM?????????? THE FOOL ALSO WANTED A CHILD FROM HIM!!! FOR WHAT??????? I myself hate my mother for ruining my childhood!!! I simply have no words!!! How long did I run away at night??? 3, 4 kilometers on foot, at 3 o’clock in the morning, both in winter and in summer, to my home... What happened to me??? And so it went on for 1.5 years... if not 2... then we went to Kapchagai... oh what happened there... we drank beer... in the sun... we didn’t eat... we were with friends... I see that he’s already in trouble... he’s not, what a bunny! !! What a hare!!! In the evening he was so fucked up that he didn’t even understand where we were!!! Friends began to clear the table... and it jammed!!! What are you doing, I paid for this! And everything like that. He started getting me ready to go home. And there you can’t walk there at night at all... the area there is shorter than that... I said I wouldn’t go anywhere. Well, excuse me, firstly he is in such a state that I will be raped, and he won’t even remember about it... and secondly, he’s just scared at night... and in general... in short, he left calling me a prostitute, a whore... and the like ... let him say they let you go around here in a circle... I’m shocked... my friends too... although there were both boys and girls there!!! And adults, even a friend’s aunt and uncle!!! And children!!! That’s it... at that time, I really don’t remember whether we were already married or not (this is also a story - he wanted children... I say let’s go to the registry office... we need to go, we agreed, but he screwed up... if you buy beer, he says, I’ll go... screw it... I'm a fool... let's go... let's go... love or stupidity???? after everything he did to me??? on kapchagai!!! One continuous bruise!!! I was disgusted and felt sorry for him…………
They came back... I wanted to run away... I got coded... We got Bogdan 4 months after his coding... he didn’t drink for a year or a year and a half... in short, he promised that until his son was one year old, he wouldn’t drink at all!!! Yeah... my son is three months old... let's go... he'll get drunk like a bitch... music for the whole house, and you do as you wish. Once he hit me with a pillow so hard that my son hit the wall with his head... and in the winter I ran away with my son at night (not on foot, of course - Kostya picked me up by car, because there was no one else to ask - he came and lived in the city ... also divorced his wife, he has a 2-year-old daughter ... but that’s another story) ... once he dropped his head on the floor from a sled ... once he dropped him off the sofa ... he didn’t notice - apparently he was drinking beer!!! Then he fell once on the child. And I didn’t understand that it was on a child!!! I yell at him, damn what are you doing? Get up immediately. Started screaming already!!! And he said to me: “I’M PULLING YOUR LEGS OUT RIGHT NOW!!!”... and so on......
No, I’m not saying that he was in love in his sleep... he’s completely different when he’s sober. yes, sometimes he was rude and selfish... but the fact that he drank and didn’t remember anything the next day!!! This is scary!!! Yes, he brought all the money into the house! I brought everything into the house! But if he drank, he could not go to work for a day or two!!! and then what??? will be... he loves his son, no doubt - everything is for him... but this alcohol covers everything!!!!!!
When Bo was 5 months old, Roma and I were sitting in the kitchen. They were kidding. He brought beer. We drank... It was useless to swear... my nerves were gone... I just sat there relaxing... then he came out, came in and was wedged!!! (and I was sitting in shorts and a bra - well, it was winter - it was hot in the house) he came in and started yelling, excuse me, the f*ck am I IN FRONT OF MEN (WHAT?????) I AM SITTING HERE (WE WERE TWO ONE AND MY SON WAS SLEEPING!!! !!!!) I'M SITTING HERE NAKED!!! I ran into the room and he started to break down the door. woke up the baby!!! Calmed down. Started smoking right in the house!!! Then he will hide the money in his pockets and yell at me that I took it!!!
What happened when Bo was only 6 months old!!! He swelled...
His mother was with us... he demanded 10 grand from me, which were actually lost in his pants!!! he put on two pants and the money was in his underpants. He kicked his mother out into the cold!!! Locked the door! And I can’t even go out!!! The child is undressed!!! The month of February... He began to choke me... He began to swing at me! And Bo was in my arms and screaming because he was scared!!! He began to choke me... I almost lost consciousness... I kicked him with all my strength... he hit the headboard with his lower back... I think everyone imagined... and swung and jumped at me!!! AND HIT BOGDAN IN THE HEAD!!! Girls!!! There was such a dent!!! I thought this was THE END!!! I thought I lost my son!!! And the lump popped out!!! Terrible... my legs gave way!!! I yelled at him. His mother came in... my parents came running... they saw everything... the next day I asked Kostya to take me and let me stay with him... because I was simply afraid to stay with my grandmother... I lived with Kostya for three days... then I went to my grandmother... that was already the second time when I was at Kostya’s… when Roma was choking me from the “men”… I also asked him to take us away…….
I lived with my grandmother for 7 days... I didn’t write or call this b*tch... 10 days later he showed up... all so poor, pale... he fainted... he didn’t eat anything... with flowers and cake... he cried... he asked for forgiveness... he begged... and I laughed at him... I SO DIDN’T WANT TO COME BACK!!! But the loans kept me and my little son... and many many many things kept me... and my relatives said think about it, give me a chance... the last one....
She's back. I found out that Kostya was there... But she said that it was only for one day... She cried herself... She said that I needed him... It seemed that I loved him... And my son was so happy about him...
Three months have passed. We lived with his mother for a month. There is a scandal... On June 1, my son and I went to the park... I started drinking beer...
And it started again... He practically didn’t let go of his hands... but he hit him on the head once, kicked him once and there was a *** bruise on the floor... then he promised that we’d celebrate his son’s one-year anniversary and he’ll be coded! Damn it... I wanted to learn how to drink... it won’t work......
Now we haven’t lived with him for a month... Apparently the limit has come... I’m just tired... Believing... Hope and wait... Maybe I started dating Kostya early... but if it weren’t for Kostya... who knows, maybe I would have returned to him again... sometimes it’s so overwhelming(((bad... depressive... it’s my fault that 6 years ago I went to him myself... I dragged him to the registry office... and now I can’t even file for divorce(( ***... because we were assigned to the city... and now between heaven and earth... ugh... I spoke out... my relatives don’t know, except my uncle and brother and sister, that I’m dating Kostya... my mother is a believer... she’ll be angry with my aunt, I think, because I’m not divorced yet... but for me it’s just paperwork and formality... Even at that time I regretted that I came back... since August I’ve been running to my grandmother almost every week to avoid his drinking ((AND A MONTH AGO HE CAME DRUNK. I said nothing. Well, I just looked sternly... and he said he’ll come tomorrow I WILL BE SOBE, I PROMISE! In the morning I said IF YOU ARE DRUNK, I WILL LEAVE YOU AND GO TO GRANDMOTHER... he, no, of course I will be sober... but he came drunk!!! I'm coming home from work, he can barely stand on his feet!!! and still holds his son in his arms!!! they met me!!! scantily clad son!!! it’s cold outside... I ran, packed my things and left for my grandmother’s at night... I followed the principle... he doesn’t want to respect me... and I realized that I just don’t love... he pushed me out of my own house that evening and burst out that he was the boss here ... and he also laughed and said - why are you taking so many things with you... - you’ll be back in a couple of days anyway... BUT I DIDN’T RETURN... I lived like this all my childhood... it’s a pity that I didn’t understand earlier... (even though I don’t believe in fate - but Kostya has been “nearby” practically all my life) ... and it seems to me that I definitely don’t love my ex-husband anymore ... I really like Kostya ... maybe I’m a traitor ... but I don’t want to live like that!!! I want to live differently!!!
I wrote this at the beginning of October...
I haven’t lived with Roma since September, I think... 3 months... we both filed for divorce...
The trial was held without us... but I haven’t gone to get a certificate yet...
Sometimes I feel so bad... somehow lonely without him... somehow everything is wrong... but I can’t go back and I firmly realize this!!!!!! Now I already live with Kostya... and many will say that I started a new relationship early... but I won’t make excuses... it’s easier for me... and first of all, I looked at his attitude towards my son... and his attitude towards alcohol... maybe I don’t love him, but I feel at ease and calm with him... although sometimes, of course, the thought flashes through my mind that I should have been alone... but... I would then return to Roma... I remember only all the good things for some reason... and there was a lot of good things... but alcohol... he killed everything...
About 2 weeks ago I left the child with Roma... in the end he was drunk in the evening, and the child had a concussion... I don’t know what happened... but I think I’m a fool and an idiot that sometimes it seems to me that it would be better if I didn’t leave him... but it goes away quickly !!!! Because my son should not live with a drunk father... I lived like this all my childhood... I have no forgiveness... but I’m trying to change my life........
But I always remember how economical he was, how he loved his son (of course, sober), he doted on him... how he came to the maternity hospital... cried with happiness... how he ran to our hospital when we were in bed for a month... he did everything for our sake... but as soon as alcohol gets into your mouth... all this good is instantly crossed out... I feel bad in my soul... and I know he loves me... but with some terribly strange love... while he was coded... EVERYTHING WAS PERFECT with us.... but you can’t code all your life... and after coding he made up for all these months again and again... and the squirrel and the glitches... and the loss of his job (((
I hate my husband, I can’t leave and I can’t reconcile
Hello, Aya! It is difficult to live with a person if you feel hatred towards him in your soul. Sooner or later you will need to make a choice. If you push your negative feelings inside, without giving them a way out, without talking about them, then your health will deteriorate - both mental and physical. Not to mention how all this will affect the child. You need to gather courage and voice your position to your husband - that you do not like his treatment of you and your child, that you are asking him to change his attitude towards you. Even if you make mistakes - and who doesn’t make them - this is not a reason to raise a hand against you and humiliate you with words. You must know your rights. It seems that the husband developed this attitude towards women in his parental family, because his mother also experiences this. Therefore, your husband does not know other models of relationships in the family. You will either have to put up with this or decide to divorce him, become independent, go to work, turn to your relatives for support. In the end, you are not an orphan, you have relatives and relatives. Turn to them for support, at least so that they know what kind of oppression you are subjected to in your husband’s family. From the outside it may seem to them that everything is fine, your husband provides, and you really roll like cheese in butter, but for this butter you pay too high a price. As for the child, the husband will always be his father, whether you are with him or not, the role of the father has not been canceled. If he loves his son, he will provide for him or pay child support. You live in a situation of domestic violence and this has a negative impact on the child. Moreover, the son, having become an adult, can do the same in relation to his girlfriends. For example, in the West, for such behavior, a husband could end up in prison for beatings and he would not be allowed to approach you closer than 3 meters. This is what I want you to know about your rights and the rights of the child. Don't be afraid to defend yourself, you have every right to do so. Financial dependence on a husband does not give him any right to violence. Threaten him that if he raises his hand again, contact the forensic medical examiner and have the beatings removed or call the police. Get out of the role of the victim, you are no longer a little girl. Contact crisis centers for women in our city. Good luck to you!
One word from me could ruin everything. And I can’t stand it, and I can’t help but say
Kaidarova Asel Abdu-Alievna, psychologist Almaty
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