Not all married couples manage to maintain warm family relationships into old age. Over the past few years, the number of divorces has increased several times, which means that spouses are not ready to listen to each other and compromise. It may seem strange, but more and more often men are the ones initiating divorces. What if you still love your husband and don’t want him to leave the family? We will tell you how to get your husband back after divorce. However, first we will understand the psychological aspect of such a woman’s desire.
Before attempting to return your husband to the family, think carefully about the current situation. Do you really want him back? Source: Flickr (Hannah_Martin)
Why do you want to return your ex-husband to the family?
After a divorce, a woman feels broken, defeated, treacherously abandoned and humiliated. In most cases, all this happens because she is used to her husband and changes in life frighten her. Some women sincerely love their husbands, so parting with a loved one seems to them an unbearable torment. How do psychologists interpret this behavior? In this case, women are driven by two feelings: love or fear. It’s one thing when the ex-wife is afraid of financial difficulties, judgment of others, and loneliness. In this case, she is driven only by fear. If she considers her ex-husband to be a standard, his presence brings her into a state of euphoria, she does not hold a grudge against him and is ready to forgive even betrayal - then she is driven by a bright feeling called love.
Where is the mistake?
The common phrase “we are all so different” is actually not entirely fair. The mistakes we make in relationships are quite common. We women are prone to over-protectiveness of our men - when the beloved turns into a “mommy”... From great and great love, of course. We tend to think for two - and the man begins to fear that he has lost his independence, his own “I”.
To prevent love from turning into a routine, it really needs to be demonstrated and confirmed. But do it in a love language that is understandable and close to your man. Yes, yes, it is quite possible that the way to your man’s heart is not through his stomach.
If the signals “I’m with you! I love you!" served correctly, our heart is filled with gratitude, we feel loved. To find out how to correctly and accurately express your feelings to your partner, check out our article “The Five Love Languages: How to “Speak” so that you are clearly understood” >>>
Is it worth getting your husband back after a divorce?
Many psychotherapists believe that returning a husband who left the family is a bad idea. In psychology there is such a thing as “rejection”. It means that over a certain period of time a person subconsciously develops a special aversion to certain phenomena or a specific person. Not all men, but many men, have an ex-wife who falls into this category. And what does it mean? Any attempts to remind him of himself and return his husband to the family will push him away even more and cause hostility.
Before attempting to return your husband to the family, think carefully about the current situation. Do you really want him back? Perhaps it's worth starting a new life?
Put aside the sobs and reproaches!
Whatever happens now, there is also your common “before”. What has already happened to you cannot be crossed out or undone. It's not just your heart that holds memories of love. Your husband once confessed his feelings to you - completely sincerely. He didn't lie to himself or you. But then you stopped being the woman of his dreams, the woman of his life. And your task is to remind him of these experiences. Confuse, agitate again... Gently and naturally return him to the role of a Man, to become the Woman of his dreams.
This is not about a new haircut (although a well-groomed appearance is, of course, a big plus). No matter how painful and scary it may be, you will have to work on yourself: understand why you acted this way and not otherwise, what you were afraid of. What internal mechanisms were involved? What memories of childhood and adolescence triggered? Where and what do you need to “tweak” in yourself in order to start all over again?
It seems difficult. But as long as love and shared pleasant memories are alive, you can return your beloved man. And, of course, marry him again. But in this matter, every minute is important, so you need to act right now.
This is the School of Gravity. We are here to make you happy and loved! See you at the online meeting >>>
Do husbands return after divorce?
Thanks to numerous psychological studies, it has been possible to establish that most men regret divorce.
This is interesting! According to statistics, 55% of men want to return to their former family after a divorce in 3-6 months, and 75% of the stronger sex are ready to resume relationships with their ex-wife in 1-2 years. The most interesting thing is that women, as a rule, no longer want to restore their family.
Such interesting information suggests that a man enjoys freedom only at first, and then regrets what he has done. The same cannot be said about women. The peak of emotional turmoil occurs in the first few months after separation from your spouse, and then comes the realization that not everything is so bad.
Perhaps you shouldn’t try to immediately get your husband back after a divorce? Wait a few months until passions subside and the emotional coloring of events will not be so bright.
If you have no doubt that it is worth fighting for your ex-husband, then the recommendations of a psychologist will make this task a little easier.
Why did he suddenly decide to return?
After a divorce, ex-spouses are quite capable of improving their relationship and even trying to live together again. This can happen if they have analyzed past mistakes and retained qualities that were attractive to each other.
Why does the ex-husband want to come back? Let's look at the most common reasons:
- Practicality. If a man persistently asks for permission to return to the family, this does not mean that he has strong feelings for his wife. just understands that he needs care; he is not used to living on his own . A man needs time to meet a woman who will pay attention to him, but in the meantime he will try to return to his previous relationship. Such couples can periodically break up and get back together over a long period of time.
- Desire for thrills. Some spouses choose scandals as a method to titillate their nerves. If during an emotional outburst a man turns around and leaves the house, there is no doubt that he will return in a couple of days. The husband did not even think about leaving the family, he just needed time to cope with his emotions.
- Third party influence. Sometimes relatives or friends insist that a woman is absolutely not suitable for a man. As a result of such pressure, the partner may leave the family. After some time he will return. But it’s worth thinking about whether a man can make decisions on his own or is easily susceptible to outside influence.
- A sense of possessiveness. Women almost always react to their husband’s departure with hysterics and scandals. If the wife takes the situation calmly and does not try to stop her husband, this becomes a blow to his pride. Usually, after some thought, he decides to return.
- Coincidence. A man may leave the family due to problems he has encountered, for example, dismissal or financial difficulties. The spouse does not want to become a burden for his half . As soon as the situation returns to normal, the partner returns.
- Rethinking. The man wants to return to his family because he realized all the mistakes that led to the breakup . After reflection, the ex-husband realized how important the woman was to him.
How to return your ex-husband to your family after a divorce: advice from a psychologist
Attempts to return your spouse to the family can only be successful if you are truly ready to change for his sake. Otherwise you will fail. So, how to return your ex-husband to your family after a divorce?
Work on your mistakes
Analyze your behavior and think about why your spouse left you. How have you been doing over the past few years? They grumbled all the time, looked for a reason to quarrel, were not interested in their husband’s hobbies, devoted too little time to him and were passive in intimate terms? Or, on the contrary, did they care too much, take the position of “mother” and read lectures? Review your behavior to change the situation. This will not only help you with your ex-spouse, but it will also be useful for your relationship with another man.
If the husband’s feelings have not yet completely sunk into oblivion, then the chance of his return is very high. Source: Flickr (heidi)
Boost your self-esteem
This statement may seem absurd to some, but only one thought arises in my head: “What self-esteem if I suffer so much and think about him every minute? They give up and nothing makes them happy. I can’t even imagine life without him!” That’s right, these are exactly the feelings a woman experiences when her husband leaves her. Who said it would be easy? It is at such a moment that you need to pull yourself together, gather your willpower and say to yourself: “I am a strong woman! I will succeed, and I will definitely be happy.” Repeat to yourself often that you are a beautiful and successful woman, as well as an interesting person. To do this, take care of yourself: go to the gym, spend time with friends (preferably male ones too), sign up for cooking classes, get a driver's license, and so on. Leading experts in the field of psychology claim that it is self-confidence that allows a woman to become happy and attract love, success and prosperity into her life.
Don't discuss your ex-spouse
You have to forgive him if you really want to see him around again. There is no point in trying to rekindle a relationship if in your heart you quietly hate him for the things he did in the past. Don't talk badly about him to your family, friends or colleagues, and especially to your children. Don’t blame him for anything, because sooner or later these accusations will reach his ears, and he will not be delighted with such “praises” in his direction. Rise above it all!
Have a friendly conversation with your spouse
Important! Under no circumstances should you humiliate yourself, cry, begging him to come back. This will only infuriate the man and convince him that he did everything right. You cannot put pressure on pity, otherwise the situation will reach a dead end.
You can call him after a while and ask him in a friendly way for help: for example, fixing a faucet or hanging a shelf, babysitting the children when you go to school, discussing issues related to children, and so on. In such a situation, the man will understand that you need him and will definitely respond to such requests (if he is still interested in you). When he plans to come, you don’t need to put a ton of makeup on your face and put on a peignoir. It will look funny. It is enough to do light daytime makeup and wear beautiful, but unpretentious clothes. Hint to him that you have a boyfriend (even if this is not the case), but you are not yet ready to take a serious step with another person.
Do not interfere with father's communication with children
Children should not suffer and feel deprived of attention because mom and dad could not find a common language. Unobtrusively tell your spouse that the children miss you and want to spend more time with him. You can go on walks with your children. This way you will remember the happy moments of your life together.
Take care of yourself
A tortured woman with black eyes will never be able to bring a man back into her life. Maybe you have long wanted to change your hairstyle, recolor your hair, but never got around to it. It's time to change your image. Even if you don’t feel like taking care of yourself after a divorce, force yourself to do so. Being beautiful and attractive is a woman’s duty.
If the husband’s feelings have not yet completely sunk into oblivion, then the chance of his return is very high.
Is it worth doing?
Of course, children need a father, but he does not have to be at home with the family all the time. Scandals that have become a system and occur in front of children will not bring anything good to children except a broken psyche. Isn't it better for the father to live separately and meet with the children? This will preserve peace and quiet in the house. Living together for the sake of children is pointless. The children will grow up, and you will be left with a baggage of accumulated grievances.
Annoy a woman whose husband has left her? If he left for one, then where is the guarantee that after returning to you he will not leave for another again? There is no certainty that a person will not rush between women throughout his life. Return for the sake of the money that the husband brought into the family? The money will run out sooner or later. Are you willing to endure humiliation for money? The husband is a living person and understands perfectly well that you are using him.
Fear of being alone for the rest of your life? There are many worthy men around. Take a closer look at yourself. There is a lot of good left in you, and your individuality undoubtedly sets you apart from others.
Long gone are the days when a woman with children was considered a burden for a man in the eyes of society. People meet, fall in love, and children do not play a decisive role in creating a new marriage.
The longing for your loved one is intense, no amount of money can replace his absence, children are like him, and your heart aches at this thought... Your man is still dear to you and you understand that no one can compare with him. Then it’s worth seriously thinking about how to return him to the family and continue the journey of life together.
How to return your ex-husband to the family after a divorce if he lives with someone else
The reason for divorce is very often another woman. At turning points in family life, when a man is bored with everyday life, or is deprived of attention, a new “ray of light” appears in his “dark kingdom.” Of course, it’s hard for any woman to realize that her man has chosen another woman and wants to share his life with her. Sometimes such resentment develops into hatred, but in some cases wives are desperate to return their spouse to the family.
Is it possible to get my husband back after a divorce if he lives with someone else? Nothing is impossible in the world, so there is always a chance for success. What to do in this case?
The above methods will work fine in this situation, but there are a few important points to consider:
- Don't tell your ex-husband about another woman
There is no need to be sarcastic or demonstratively inform him that you know about all his “adventures.” Maintain total calm. This is how you show your ex-husband that you respect his choice, and therefore him.
- Continue to communicate with him if he agrees
You can ask for help - take part in the educational process or do men's housework.
- Let him go
Many psychologists recommend not holding on to a person, since the forbidden fruit is always sweet. Let him try living on his own or with another woman to weigh the pros and cons.
You continue your life path without him. Some women, after divorce, find their true calling in life, develop personally and meet new love. Divorce is not a reason to dwell on the past, but a chance to take a step forward.
