"I have my own hobbies"
Hobbies that your spouse does not share will not ruin your relationship - such hobbies will help you not irritate each other, which often happens when a couple spends all their free time exclusively with each other. Your own hobby is akin to meditation: it helps you calm down and overcome problems that seem serious.
Rules for strong relationships
Creating a happy relationship is a purely individual matter, but there are some principles that can be followed to significantly improve the situation. Here are a few of them:
- Respect. When emotional talk about love subsides and romantic actions take on a slightly different direction, it becomes extremely clear how much the partners in a couple respect each other. To be able to remain silent when you are offended, not to insult when the situation is heated to the limit, not to share family matters with strangers, to respect the personal point of view of your spouse - these seemingly insignificant little things play a huge role in building strong relationships . They are like a fixing solution that firmly holds the family “foundation” together.
- Sincerity. An equally important component of successful personal cooperation, on which the trust and integrity of the family are based. A strong relationship with a man will reach a qualitatively new level if a woman is frank in everything and does not create labyrinths of intrigue and deception. The same applies to male behavior. Once deceived, trust goes to a lower level, and over time it will lose its value, reducing the relationship to nothing.
- Common interests. For successful coexistence in society, a couple must develop together, visit interesting places, and travel. This does not mean that you need to spend the whole day together. Not at all! But in order for the masculine and feminine principles to be in harmony, it is necessary to spend time together and do activities that will be interesting to both and enrich the spiritual world of the partners.
- Personal space. In any relationship, there comes a time when the partner wants to be alone and put things in order on his personal territory. Often, this does not find a response or understanding from the opposite sex, and misunderstandings begin - “you’re tired of me”, “you have someone”, etc. There is an opinion among psychologists that every person needs to spend at least 30-40 minutes alone with himself every day in order to achieve balance between soul and body. If the partner does not need such privacy, you need to explain in a calm tone why this is important to the other. After all, respecting personal boundaries is a very important condition for the successful existence of family relationships.
- Care and attention. Each stage of a relationship is characterized by some changes. And at a certain period, a certain mutual fatigue and detachment appears. It is during this period that spouses may move away from each other, become irritated, and ignore family values. It is very important at any stage, especially if a crisis is approaching, not to relegate caring to the background. No matter how the relationship deteriorates, it is always worth finding the strength to show sensitivity and attention, which were so important at the very beginning of a romantic story.
- Intimate relationships. An equally important component of a harmonious relationship, which is often not given due attention by couples who are accustomed to each other and have lost the novelty of sensations. This fact can cause many misunderstandings and conflict situations. If there are some disagreements in the intimate sphere, you should not put off having a frank conversation. Having cast aside all complexes and omissions, you should share your pressing problems, because having connected your life with this person, you become responsible for creating a healthy and strong relationship. Therefore, omissions and silence can be completely detrimental to a happy family life. But frankness and honesty are what is needed to improve the spiritual, moral and physical aspects of the union of two people who love each other.
A fulfilling and harmonious relationship is not just a beautiful romantic fairy tale where everything ends with a magnificent wedding and happy smiles. In real life, it’s just the opposite - it’s at this moment that everything begins.
Complex, but interesting spiritual and moral work, which consists of improving oneself, developing one’s best sides, demonstrating qualities that are not characteristic of oneself, changing the worldview of both men and women for the better.
"Share household chores with me"
In 2020, many, but not everyone, are familiar with the need to divide household work according to the 50/50 principle. Coming from the office, a girl actually finds herself in a “second job” if cleaning and cooking are considered exclusively her tasks. If your spouse does things together with you, he will appreciate your efforts more and will understand how much energy you have to spend on maintaining your life.
Who is entitled to payment for a long marriage?
Spouses who have lived together for 50, 55, 60, 65 or 70 years are entitled to a lump sum payment. In this case, only officially registered marriages are taken into account, and the starting point is the day of marriage registration in the registry office. Both spouses must be registered at their place of residence in Moscow and receive a pension here. The money will be transferred to one of the married couple.
The payment is made by the social protection authorities of the Moscow population. To do this, you must submit an application no earlier than one month before the anniversary date.
"Self-love is above all"
Advice that can be heard from any psychologist: if you cannot truly love yourself, you will not be able to give love to another person. Self-love is different from selfishness and it teaches a person not to hush up problems and not to become dependent on abusive relationships.
12 secrets of a successful marriage was last modified: August 31, 2020 by Nastasya Garina
relationships, relationship psychology
Chapter 1 Love “Behind the Glass”
How I've been spying on couples for years
Beautiful sunny morning in Seattle. Newlyweds Mark and Janice Gordin sit down to breakfast. The large Venetian window overlooks Lake Montlaine and the park. Athletes go for morning jogs, geese stroll leisurely. Mark and Janice enjoy eating toast and reading the Sunday newspaper. A little later, Mark will turn on the broadcast of a football match, and at this time Janice will call her mother living in St. Louis.
Everything in this one-room apartment seems quite ordinary until you notice three video cameras on the wall, small microphones on the collars of the newlyweds and Holter monitors[1] mounted on the chest. Mark and Janice's family nest is not actually an apartment at all. This is a laboratory at the University
Seattle, where I led pioneering research on marriage and divorce for 16 years.
Mark and Janice, participants in one such study (along with 49 other randomly selected couples), spent time in our apartment, playfully called the “Love Lab.” They were instructed to behave as naturally as possible, even as a team of scientists watched them through a one-way mirror in the kitchen, cameras recorded their every word and facial expression, and sensors monitored signs of stress or relaxation, such as heart rate. (To protect sensitive private moments from prying eyes, couples were observed only from nine in the morning to nine in the evening, and never in the bathroom.)
The apartment is equipped with a fold-out sofa, a fully equipped kitchen, telephone, and TV. Couples bring groceries, newspapers, laptops, embroidery, sports equipment and even pets - everything they might need to spend a “typical weekend” together.
I wanted to expose the way we think about marriage—to finally answer the questions that people have been scratching their heads over for so long.
Why does a marriage sometimes last no matter what?
Why do some relationships last a lifetime, while others feel like a time bomb?
And is it possible to save a marriage that has already cracked?
After years of research, I can finally answer these questions. Moreover, I learned to predict whether the spouses will be happy or their paths will diverge by observing the couple in our “love laboratory” for just five minutes! The accuracy of my forecast is 91 percent.
These predictions are not based on my intuition or preconceived notions of what marriage “should” be like, but on my research.
It is possible that at first you will perceive my words as just another fashionable theory and even dismiss them with annoyance. It's easier to be cynical when someone says they've figured out the secret to successful marriages and can show you how to save your family. Many consider themselves experts in matters of love and are happy to express their opinions on how to create a perfect union.
But here it is, the key word – “opinion”. Before the discoveries of my research, point of view was all anyone could say when trying to help couples. Including a qualified, talented and well-trained marriage counselor.
Typically, the help of a specialist is based on professional training, experience, intuition, knowledge of family history, maybe even religious views. But not on exact scientific data. Since until now there was no exact scientific data on why some marriages are successful and others are not.
EQ marriages
The answer to the question “What is a strong marriage based on?” surprisingly simple. Happy couples are no smarter, richer, or more insightful. However, their negative thoughts and feelings towards each other (which all couples have without exception) never take precedence over the positive ones. This is what I call an emotional-intellectual marriage
.
Recently, it has been recognized that a child's emotional intelligence (EQ) is more important for his future success than his IQ score. The more different emotions a child experiences and the more able to empathize with other people, the more successful he will become. The same statement is true for marital relationships. If they are emotionally intelligent
, then they will be able to understand and respect each other and their marriage - and therefore live happily.
Emotional intelligence can be developed not only in children, but also in adults. And this can save a couple from divorce.
Sad statistics
Divorce statistics are depressing. The likelihood that a first marriage will end in divorce before the couple's 40th birthday is 67 percent. Half of all divorces occur in the first seven months. The divorce rate in second marriages is 10 percent higher than in first marriages.
The likelihood of divorce is so high that it makes sense for all married couples - even those who are currently satisfied with their relationship - to make an extra effort
to maintain their strength.
One of the saddest reasons why a marriage fails is that neither spouse recognizes its value until it is too late.
Only after the documents are signed, the furniture is divided and separate apartments are rented, do the ex-husband and wife realize how much they have lost by abandoning each other.
Too often, a successful marriage is perceived as ordinary. And he is not given the nourishment and respect that he deserves and desperately needs.
Some may think that divorce is not such a tragedy. That this is quite modern and even natural. However, there is plenty of evidence of how painful a breakup can be for everyone involved.
An unhappy marriage, like divorce, has a negative impact on the health of the spouses. It can increase the likelihood of disease by a third and even shorten life by an average of four years.
In an unhappy marriage, people experience chronic physical and emotional stress. This tires the body and mind and eventually manifests itself in the form of ailments. Most often - in high blood pressure and heart disease. Psychological disorders include anxiety, depression, violence, psychosis, murder, suicide, and alcohol or drug abuse.
It is not surprising that such illnesses are much less common in happy couples. In addition, they are more inclined to take care of their health: each spouse makes sure that his spouse undergoes regular medical examinations, takes medications, eats healthy food, and so on.
When a marriage fails, not only the husband and wife suffer, but also the children. The study showed that 63 preschoolers raised in families where there was hostility between spouses had chronically elevated levels of stress hormones compared to other children studied. We don't know how long-term exposure to such stress will affect their health. However, we know for sure that this affected their behavior
.
We followed their development up to 15 years. Compared to other teenagers, these teenagers were much more likely to skip school, study worse, suffer more from depression, rejection by peers, and behavioral problems - especially aggression.
The important conclusion from all this is that it is stupid to stay in a bad marriage for the sake of children.
. It is clearly harmful to raise children in a home where parents hate each other. A peaceful divorce is better than a war-like marriage. But, unfortunately, divorces are rarely peaceful. Mutual hostility between former spouses usually continues after the breakup. For this reason, children of divorced parents often experience the same problems as children who are caught in the crossfire of an unhappy family.
