0 250 August 5, 2020 at 07:51 pm Author of the publication: Marina Alekseeva
Passion - burning, enthusiasm, strong attraction to something, strong desire for something. Passion for life and passion for a partner are one and the same. Passion for life makes every day bright and makes you feel alive. Passion for your partner means that the relationship is alive. This is why we are so persistently looking for an answer to the question of how to return passion to a relationship when we want to maintain it.
What will be discussed in the article:
"Passion" or passion? What do we want? Why passion disappears from relationships. How to bring passion back into a relationship: typical scenarios. What to do for those who are too relaxed in a relationship. What to do for those who are disappointed in their partner. Sexual characteristics: who is capable of what and for how long. How to bring back passion for your wife. How to bring back passion for your husband.
"Passion" or passion? What do we want?
Passion and “passions” are not the same thing. Life together can be emotionally stormy, “passions” can boil in it - quarrels, showdowns, which can end in bed. There is obvious indifference to each other. There is no cooling, something burns and even explodes.
- This happens with us. You should have seen what was on the wall here. - What, brains? - No, naval pasta. I threw a frying pan at him.
Such passion shakes the foundation of relationships. Demands for attention, resentment, mutual reproaches and claims are a manifestation of misunderstanding and emotional instability, which will ultimately lead to the fading of real passion.
What kind of passion do we want? The same as it was in the beginning. A strong attraction that glues into one inseparable whole. One breath for two. Completely different emotions: you forget about yourself, you want to think only about your loved one and do everything to make him feel good. I want to dissolve in my beloved. He is perfection. She is a perfect beauty. Crazy happiness.
But time passes, and questions arise: how to return the former passion for your husband, how to return the former passion for your wife? Why does attraction go away? At Yuri Burlan’s training “System-vector psychology” you can find answers to these questions.
Experimental way
Many couples, experienced in bed pleasures, are looking for new and more exciting ways to gain pleasure and satisfaction. Among these fantasies, the most common is attracting a third partner. BDSM practices and swinging are also leading, but this is entertainment for the experienced.
Many specialists in the field of sexology advise not to overdo it with the search for new sensations, since ultimately they can cause a complete rejection of traditional sex or rejection between partners in marriage. That is why partners should keep everything under control and use unconventional solutions in sex solely to maintain the fire in the relationship.
Why passion disappears from relationships
Without passion, strong attraction, a man and a woman would not become a couple. They are hooked by unconscious odors, just as in the animal world, when a male cannot pass by a female emitting inviting odors. Smells trigger a process of violent chemical reactions, turning off the brain and causing us to lose control. Our body is animal in nature, so at first we react more with our body. We are attracted to our partner with furious force. And this is good: if we had thought for a long time and looked at our partner’s shortcomings, we would never have decided to live together and have children.
But the power of animal attraction passes: nature gives a period of time to give birth and raise offspring - about three years. After this, visible cooling occurs.
“In the third year, you no longer try not to look at the fresh girls who make the street brighter. You don't talk to your wife anymore. Spend long hours with her in a restaurant, listening to what your neighbors at the table are babbling... And soon the moment comes when you can no longer stand your other half for an extra second, because you have fallen in love with another” (Frederick Beigbeder. Love lasts three years).
The situation can develop in two scenarios:
- The spouses have a good relationship, but they are so used to each other that they are almost relatives and do not arouse the same sexual interest. As they say in this case: life is stuck. “Well, what kind of passion is it if people discuss their constipation with each other?”
- Relationships are deteriorating. The couple discovers that their formerly beautiful and perfect lover turns out to have flaws. He is not what we would like to see him, he does not do everything as we would like. Disappointment in the partner, resentment, and claims are growing. The more claims, the less attraction.
And yet there is still a lot that connects, so I want to save the relationship. In the arsenal of those seeking a revival of passion - erotic underwear, sexual experiments, stimulation through jealousy. But all these are one-time measures, changing the form without changing the content, so it quickly becomes boring. And attempts to provoke at least some kind of emotional reaction from a partner, even through jealousy, can generally end in the collapse of the relationship. How to return passion to a woman or man for a long time and just as brightly? You need to understand human psychology.
Recognize that there is a third character in your relationship
The third subject always looms somewhere on the border of family relationships. Perhaps this is your first high school crush, your gym coach, your cute salesperson, or your children's school teacher. Maybe it was just a stranger on the bus who smiled at you. All these people are the third characters in your family life. They seem to materialize our desires to receive something forbidden, outside the framework of what is permitted by conscience.
Oddly enough, the presence of a third subject only makes the marriage relationship stronger. Understand that your partner can also have secret desires and fantasies without you being there. You are both independent.
You can discuss the third party of the relationship in a humorous manner, turning conversations about this person into a kind of game. Having made sure that a partner cannot be completely owned, you can feel that the relationship has been filled with new shades.
How to bring passion back into a relationship: typical scenarios
Three years later, all is not lost. You can return passion and attraction to each other - the main thing is to know how to do it.
“You won’t believe it... And after 20 years of marriage, this is possible: in a motor boat in the middle of the river, and under a spreading cherry tree in the garden, there’s nothing to say about the beach. My husband and I are still hooligans!” (from the forum).
What to do for those who are too relaxed in a relationship
Don't relax! Relationships are a constant effort to give back to your partner. A man wants to see his woman attractive, but she completely stopped taking care of herself after she got married. A woman wants signs of attention from a man, but he no longer gives her flowers or invites her to a restaurant. And a woman’s libido, by the way, increases when a man feeds her. After a romantic dinner, she is more inclined to have sex. One of the ways to bring back passion for a man in your woman is to invite her to a restaurant more often.
Be apart sometimes. Perhaps you spend too much time together or even one of the partners is dependent on the other. To enjoy food, for example, you need to be really hungry. To enjoy sex, you need to create a lack of it. Even a short separation renews and refreshes the relationship and helps you understand how important your loved one is to you.
Make your wishes come true. Perhaps everyday life has drawn you in so much that there is no time left for personal fulfillment. Sometimes you even get irritated with your partner, because it’s because of him that you haven’t been able to just read a book for several years. Passion is libido, attraction not only to the opposite sex, but also to life. In the language of psychoanalysis, these are the same thing. No passion for life means no passion for your partner. There must be personal fulfillment - a favorite job, an exciting hobby. It is very good if you and your spouse have common interests, but it is impossible for all desires to coincide. You must follow your desires, then your state will change and you will be able to look at your lover or lover differently from a state of satisfaction with life. And your partner reads your state: he is drawn to a happy person, not a sad one.
Talk about your sexual desires. Perhaps, at the beginning, at the peak of love, sex suited you. But the years go by, and nothing changes or changes for the worse - the desire disappears altogether. And I want to go deeper in revealing each other, but false shame gets in the way. Yuri Burlan talks about its reasons at the training:
Talk to your partner about your intimate desires. Explore and develop your sexuality together. Complete openness in sexual relationships creates a special sweet intimacy that is impossible at the beginning of a relationship, when you are not yet ready to be so open with each other.
From Tatyana K.’s review after the training: “Having found out that the reason for my aggressiveness was hidden in sexual frustration, I was able to openly talk with my husband about my secret desires. To his credit, he took my revelations very favorably. However, this is not surprising - for a long time he tried to force me to be frank, but I could not even admit my desires to myself, since I sincerely considered them perversions that had no place in the marital bedroom.”
Cultivate emotional connection. The stronger the emotional connection between partners, the sweeter the sex. If a man has the opportunity to compare sex without love and sex with the woman he loves, he will definitely answer that the latter is ten times sweeter. For a woman, trust in her partner is the only opportunity to experience an orgasm. And it arises as a result of an emotional connection.
An emotional connection needs to be created, it is important to invest in it. Preferably long before the power of animal passion begins to weaken, that is, literally at the very beginning of the relationship. In a couple, the woman is responsible for the emotional connection. She is the first to begin taking steps towards spiritual rapprochement. This comes more naturally to her. A man only needs to respond, follow her, deep into the hidden corners of each other’s souls.
Be sincere with each other, help each other, do something nice, set up romantic dates, spend free time together, don’t forget to say encouraging words and thank your partner. This is how human connection is created, which takes the passion in a relationship to another level. Another fragment from the training “System-vector psychology” about this:
What to do for those who are disappointed in their partner
It’s difficult to see a person right away, especially when hormones are “blowing the roof.” And the lie of marriage, which Yuri Burlan talks about during the training, distorts the picture:
Could it be that you chose the wrong person? Quite. This happens if people do not have the basics of psychological literacy. Attraction can bring two people together. It is the foundation of falling in love, but it is not at all a guarantee of love. Love arises when there is emotional closeness, spiritual kinship and the desire to give each other happiness. To do this, you need to consciously choose a person, see who is in front of you, what states they are in, and whether the feeling can be mutual. Because when people are in different states, they cannot find common ground.
But sometimes we just don’t see that we are living with the person who suits us. Because we look at him through ourselves, we see the wrong self in him, we don’t understand at all what’s inside him.
According to the laws of nature, attraction pushes us into the arms of a person who is our opposite. So a couple ends up with a nimble woman and a slow man, a self-absorbed introvert and a lover of noisy companies. This combination of properties is the potential for development and a more fulfilling life as a couple. But when you don't know why this is so, the difference is annoying.
Victor remade his wife to suit himself, which constantly led to conflicts. But when he understood who his wife was and what to expect from her, he began to calmly perceive the difference between them. The anger and harsh reaction that spoiled the relationship went away.
It happens that circumstances influence us, but we do not know how to resist this influence in order to prevent relationships from collapsing.
Alfia was on the verge of divorce from her husband after the birth of her child. They did everything for the baby, but forgot about each other. We lived like neighbors in a dorm. Observing silence for the sake of the child, they completely stopped communicating. Even while at home, we corresponded on social networks. When Alfiya realized what kind of person her husband was and how important it was to maintain an emotional connection with him all the time, their relationship again became warm and close. The attraction increased.
Only knowledge of oneself and another person helps to overcome the difficulties that inevitably arise in the life of every family. Therefore, for those who are disappointed in their partner, it is better to psychoanalyze the situation at Yuri Burlan’s training.
Sexual characteristics: who is capable of what and for how long
It happens that due to ignorance of the sexual characteristics of the spouse, a false feeling arises that there is no more attraction. Often such cooling can be temporary, but one of the partners begins to panic that the passion is gone for good.
The psyche in “System-vector psychology” is described through eight vectors, four of which determine human libido: cutaneous, anal, urethral, muscular. Libido is also influenced by a person’s condition and his temperament (innate strength of desires).
For example, the libido of a person with the skin vector is balanced and does not bother him much. If somewhere up to the age of 27 he can be called a sexual acrobat due to the frequent change of partners and love of experimentation, then after this age the attraction is greatly reduced. To the point that after sex, he finds his partner’s touch unpleasant. What in a partner’s reactions is his natural feature, and what is only a consequence of emotional alienation in a couple, is worth understanding with the help of psychoanalysis, and then you will understand how to improve the relationship.
It happens that an engineer or top manager with a skin vector, at the peak of a long work project, experiences a complete sublimation of sexual energy into social realization and simply has no desire for sex. And this can be regarded by the other half as cooling.
The leather worker is also inclined to conserve sexual energy, practice abstinence, self-restraint, rationalizing this by saying that nature allots a certain number of intercourse to a person (by the way, this is not true).
She practices yoga and periodic sexual abstinence for spiritual development and does not understand why he cannot wait a little longer to have sex.
This happens when there is also a sound vector. And when this vector is in bad conditions (for example, depression), the person becomes asexual. When your soul hurts a lot, there is no time for sex.
Knowledge of sexual preferences will help increase the sexual desire of a person with a skin vector. How to bring passion back into a relationship for a person with the skin vector? Change positions, the environment (in the shower, in the car, in a hotel), do not avoid sexual experiments. For skinners, tactile sensations are of great importance for satisfaction, and hence the love for oral sex.
A person with an anal vector has a strong libido and is able to show passion for a long time. But, for example, he does not understand the needs of his skin partner for long-term tactile caresses, because he himself does not experience such pleasure from touching. You just need to tell him about it, and he, as a very sexually caring person, will do it.
A person with a muscle vector tends to have monotonous, monotonous sex, which seems completely devoid of passion. But with a partner who has a urethral vector, you will never complain about the lack of passion, since his libido is excessive - four times more than everyone else. But this same passion can take him away from the family when it is not satisfied. Therefore, the urethral man is the only polygamous man.
About the sexual characteristics of people with different vectors - a fragment of the training:
Understanding your partner and his capabilities will allow you not to demand what he cannot give, and to ask for what he is able to give. When you know exactly what gives your partner the most pleasure, you act not on a whim, but precisely. And the result - fantastic sex - will not be long in coming! When people understand each other, there is a dialogue between them, which means an emotional connection is formed, which is the basis for long-term and intense passion in a relationship.
In addition to Yuri Burlan’s “System-vector psychology” training, two thematic classes on female sexuality are held, which are entirely devoted to revealing the secrets of sexuality. These are powerful lectures that help people understand each other’s deep, subconscious desires, see the roles of men and women, and take relationships to a new level. Here's what people write in their reviews after completing the training:
“After three years of living together with my wife, there was a complete misunderstanding of each other in the relationship. As in the fable “The Swan, the Crab and the Pike,” everyone defended their values in life... Thanks to SVP, I found a solution to take personal relationships in the family to a new level. I began to realize: when my wife is happy, I am happy, that my fulfillment in society depends entirely on my wife.
Another important result is the realization that when you give love to your soul mate, you receive even more love in return. Thanks to this, sexual life has changed radically, it has become of a higher quality (it began to blow your mind with pleasure, and no millions are needed) ... "
Ivan B. Read the full text of the result
“...my wife fell in love with me, and I with her. And everything was heading towards divorce, most likely, because... drugs, etc.! Sex of incredible sensuality, it’s just passion)..."
Pavel E. Read the full text of the result
“I used to think that everything was fine in our sexual relationship. But when I now compare how it was before the training and how it is now, the difference is very big. I want to have sex, I get a thrill from the process. Previously, it was like a marital duty...”
Antonina V. Read the full text of the result
Vera Ts. quotes her husband’s review:
“When the last lesson was left, suddenly my wife’s love of love increased. From almost frigid, she became a woman with a spark. After 1-2 times a month, we started loving several times a week! Such changes pleased me and prompted me to write this review. Now you will have to undergo training yourself to improve your weak points. THANK YOU SO MUCH, YURI BURLAN!”
Read the full text of the result
So let's summarize:
- the initial passion goes away after an average of three years of relationship;
- To prevent the attraction from disappearing completely, you need to work on creating an emotional connection;
- to form an emotional connection, you need to understand your partner;
- To bring back passion, you need to start with yourself.
Psychological path
To maintain constant attraction between partners, each of the couple must change and maintain a certain distance. There should always be a mystery in a relationship that the couple will tirelessly solve.
Don't stay in one place - travel, change hobbies, try out new professions and social circles - and open up new horizons together!
READ MORE: Why does a man lie? Top 3 reasons5 psychological problems that interfere with a woman in bed
How to bring back passion for your wife
- Invite your wife to a restaurant: when a man feeds a woman, she is more inclined to have sex.
- Let your wife feel that you care about her and dedicate all your victories to her: the feeling of security and safety that a woman receives from a man allows her to have crazy sex because the woman relaxes.
- Find out what your wife likes - in life and in bed. This will be the key to unlocking her vibrant sexuality. Knowing a woman’s vectors, you can always win her over. For example, a woman with a visual vector will be aroused by a huge bouquet of flowers, a woman with a skin vector will be aroused by a fashionable and expensive gift, and a girl with an anal vector will not give up without a long foreplay.
