Active and varied sex
After a few years of family life, partners “get used to” each other and no longer notice many shortcomings. The spark that flared up every time at the beginning of the relationship is lost between them. Romance fades into the background, everyday problems require more and more attention. Partners begin to lose sexual attraction and consider communication with each other something ordinary.
According to the sexologist, in order to bring passion back into the relationship, partners need to do something unusual that would differ from their routine pastime. For example, change the location and time for making love. Instead of the usual bed in complete darkness, you can have sex in some unexpected place in the light of day and dressed in an intimate suit.
Sex in marriage: how to maintain passion
In the lives of many married couples, there comes a time when sex and passion fade into the background, or even almost disappear into routine. And if at the beginning of the relationship the spouses almost did not get out of bed, now it turns from a love fortress into simply a place to sleep. What can this lead to and what to do about it?
Men and women who are faced with this problem complain that sex becomes “on schedule,” that their partners seem to have neither the energy nor the time for them, that they want passion and that to get it they are even ready to have an affair side. And if some of them are ready to endure such relationships no matter what or fight for them, then others actually begin to cheat and/or even insist on divorce, if they have the courage and strength for the latter.
Indeed, when faced with such a discrepancy between their sexual needs and desires and their partner, people often simply give up, without even understanding why this happened and what to do about it. Finding a lover or mistress seems to be a way out of the situation - indeed, outside relationships or casual sex bring vivid emotions and satisfy the need for sex. However, this does not solve the problem, but only aggravates it and takes it to a new level. It happens, of course, that it is betrayal that becomes the impetus that prompts a person to realize the significance of marriage for him and throw all his strength into strengthening it, but often it leads to completely different results. Relationships within the family, if you don’t work on them, get worse, and silence and insincerity create even more tension and alienation - on both sides. What is important is that if there is no desire to fight for the relationship and understand the reasons for the alienation, even changing a partner may not be a way out of the situation: over time, the situation may well repeat itself in new conditions.
General topics of conversation not related to everyday life
You can refresh a faded relationship not only through active and varied sex. It is important to be able to communicate with your partner on some abstract topics that are not related to solving everyday problems. For example, you can simply leave all the troubles and everyday worries at home and go on a date with your significant other.
On the one hand, this may seem like a very banal pastime, but in fact, it can help the couple again feel a surge of emotions and feelings.
You and I are friends
Olga, 47 years old: “Somehow it all worked out by itself... At first, we had such sex that one could only envy. And then raising children, work... Either he is tired, or I have a headache. Over the years, we switched to once every two weeks, then once a year... After 23 years of marriage, we quietly forgot about sex. Somehow he was no longer needed. We peacefully watch movies in the evenings, go to visit, rejoice for our children and raise our grandchildren.”
Sexologist, family psychologist Nikolai Bochkov : Such behavior is a “disease” for experienced married couples. Although in reality it rarely happens that sexual relations are not needed by either spouse. If someone first refuses sex, the second secretly starts love affairs on the side. There is a second option, when both partners of the same temperament (passive) turn into “buddies”, the man becomes a “cat”, the woman a “bunny”... But they don’t have sex with friends! Such a transformation is detrimental to sexual relationships and, as a consequence, to marriage in general.”
There are many ways to avoid such a sad ending to married life. Here are a few of them: ● Take care of your physical shape, play sports, often only this is enough to awaken faded sexuality. ● Choose sexy clothes. And not in order to surprise colleagues at work, but for him (or her) - his beloved and only one. ● Flirt and be flirty with each other. Flirting is the beginning of almost all relationships and has an element of creativity and spontaneity. But for some reason, most of us decide that family life should be dominated by boredom and monotony. ● Do not elevate everyday problems to the rank of “the most important thing” in the family. “The love boat crashed into everyday life” is, of course, a metaphor, but how close it is to reality! ● Look for sources of positive adrenaline - entertainment attractions, joint hikes in the mountains, trips to other countries - everything that excites the blood and takes you beyond the ordinary, can renew relationships and stimulate sexual arousal. ● Try to touch each other more often - hug your spouse when seeing you off to work, greet you with a kiss, don’t be shy when walking holding hands - such “little things” increase the level of the hormone oxytocin, which gives a feeling of security, trust in each other and, as a result, strong marital relations relationship. ● Avoid boredom during sex, use your imagination, be creative! For the sake of love, people are ready to perform feats, and all that is required of you is to overcome stereotypes and go beyond the usual scenario. Go ahead and be happy!
Forced separation
Forced separation also helps to revive passion between partners. There really is a rational grain in this, because many people have noticed how long-awaited a meeting between lovers can be if they have not seen each other for a long time. Firstly, there will be sexual attraction, and secondly, topics for conversation that are not related to “everyday life” will be added.
Everyone understands perfectly well that disagreements and misunderstandings periodically arise in relationships with a loved one. To reduce them to a minimum, you need to constantly work on yourself, sometimes even putting your partner’s interests above your own in order to reach a compromise.
Sexologists advise married couples not to be afraid to try something new and unusual for themselves. In most cases, it is moments like these that bring them even closer together. In addition, partners will feel welcome and loved again. You cannot show indifference and indifference in order to keep your family life happy and of high quality.
Marriage without sex
She is a beautiful, youthful, bright and active woman. Everything is going great for her at work. She is an example of a caring mother, a loving daughter, a beloved wife. She radiates positivity, jokes easily, and knows fashion. She attends a sports club several times a week and goes to the theater with her husband. Only now she is sitting in the kitchen with a cup of tea in her hands and has been crying non-stop for 15 minutes. The ice in her heart could not stand it and tears rolled down her cheeks, she simply did not notice them.
This topic is not usually discussed among either women or men. It’s somehow embarrassing to say that you’ve been living with your husband for a long time as a neighbor. Even when visiting a gynecologist, many answer a simple question: “How do you protect yourself?” How often are you sexually active? , they begin to make things up and cannot admit that they have forgotten about their intimate life with their spouse. Rare moments of intimacy after active libations also gradually became a thing of the past and moments of tenderness were erased from memory. At first everything seemed wonderful: love, tenderness, passion, sex. Then a child appeared, and maybe more than one. Bed scenes began to appear only sporadically. It is usually common for women to begin to blame themselves: I have become fat and ugly, everyday life is no longer attractive, I pay little attention to my husband. Here begins a period of stormy flirtations and tears. Stockings, combat makeup, inviting poses, pheromone-perfumes, romantic dinners and candles are used. After dull eyes, references to fatigue, long periods of sitting in front of the computer, a phase of irritation usually sets in. Wives begin to cry, throw scandals, look for homewreckers and suspect mistresses. These phases are interspersed with a search for the truth: nightly heart-to-heart conversations, finding out the cause and mutual assurances that everything can be solved. And here comes the most dangerous subtle moment, when most women become isolated and feel a dead end in this area of relationships. Day after day, night after night, a woman gets used to a cold bed. The fear of being alone, raising a child alone, solving all everyday problems is so great that many resign themselves to partnerships and remain in the vacuum of their thoughts. Lack of sex in marriage has long been considered the norm in many families. Couples live for decades, raise children, go on vacation together, even sleep together in the same bed and change clothes next to each other, while not being sexually active for years. Men remain gloomily silent, women get used to it and only sometimes, brightening up their courage with sparkling wine, think about finding a lover on the side.
Is this the norm?
Japanese experts who have been studying this problem since 1997 note the presence of prosperous, strong marriages without sex in 1/3 of all Japanese families. Most couples can easily do without intimacy, giving each other warmth, care and trust. But if the problem of lack of close relationships brings pain and disappointment to one of the partners, then dissatisfaction with the overall quality of life sets in. “No sex, no love for me as a woman - I’m uninteresting, unattractive, unsexy.” Subconsciously, they begin to fill their entire space with evidence of their worth: someone rushes into work and building a career with aggression and toughness, or switches to children, taking care of their lives and education, someone is fanatical about sports or beauty, but this niche still remains unfilled . A woman dreams of a passionate, attentive lover, but is afraid of ruining her marriage.
In Russia, female infidelity is still condemned and condemned not only by men, but also by the majority of women. Sexism, generated by men, is firmly entrenched in the heads of women. It is indecent for wives to walk to the left, even if this is due to the benefits for her physical and mental health. Women are always psychologically more difficult to endure complex triangles of tangled relationships in the family, and are less likely to have relationships on the side with their beloved spouse. Sexual activity stimulates women to feel young, attractive and interesting. The relationship between spouses when a brother and sister live together worries and worries women when their need for sexual life is high. If the refusal of sex occurred unconsciously, without discussion between partners, then this will greatly hurt the more active partner in the marriage. Family relationship psychologists recommend that you definitely start talking about this problem between partners. Returning to intimate relationships after a long period of abstinence is very difficult. If going to a specialist seems impossible and shameful, then it’s worth weighing the long lonely nights with suppressed sobs on one side and a calm, honest conversation on the other.
The choice is yours!
