Love is a wonderful feeling if it is mutual and selfless. But often instead of love comes falling in love, which does not allow you to live in peace and prevents you from meeting true love. How to get rid of falling in love, from this obsessive unnecessary state?
My friend’s son dropped out of a prestigious university because of his destructive passion for a girl who did not pay any attention to him. How much effort and labor was put into studying and everything went to waste: he was unable to recover at the university. How to get rid of this obsession, how not to ruin your life with unnecessary connections? I want to tell you about this in this article.
Love and infatuation
Every person strives to find true love, dreams of mutual feelings and happiness. But more often, instead of love, love comes into a person’s life - the illusion of happiness, its shadow. For some, falling in love brings variety to life, colors it with bright feelings and emotions. But for others, falling in love becomes a real nightmare and obsession, depriving them of sleep and self-esteem. History knows many examples when fatal feelings destroyed people's lives, deprived them of natural shame and destroyed moral principles.
Signs of falling in love:
- constant anxiety;
- lack of appetite;
- insomnia;
- depression;
- euphoria and excitement;
- an inexplicable influx of energy;
- accelerated breathing and heart rate;
- reluctance to do anything.
A person in love changes before our eyes, his appearance becomes unrecognizable. There is only one idea in thoughts - the object of love. The lover cannot think about anything or anyone else. A person quickly loses weight because he doesn’t want to eat anything. Sometimes a lover cannot and does not want to get out of bed, because life without the object of love is simply not nice.
Scientists compare the state of falling in love with drug intoxication; such a state does not always have a beneficial effect on a person’s general well-being. Without the object of his passion, the lover feels depressed and broken.
Important! Falling in love is passion and lust, the desire to physically possess the object of your dreams. This is a normal sexual attraction that will disappear over time.
The state of falling in love is a real addiction, which you can and should get rid of. If an obsession with the object of one's passion occurs, it can lead to a mental breakdown or tragedy. If you don't want to end up in a mental hospital with obsessive-compulsive disorder, make an appointment with a clinical psychologist immediately. You can overcome addiction very simply if you talk to a specialist in time.
Love is very different from falling in love, since this feeling is not based on selfishness.
Signs of love:
- harmony in the soul and thoughts;
- a person “glows” from within;
- facial features become beautiful;
- fullness of life is felt.
Falling in love is always a simulation of love, its fake and copy. However, love has nothing to do with being obsessed with another person. History and fiction know many examples when obsession with a person ended in indomitable hatred of him. From love to hate there is one step - this is about falling in love, not about love.
The lover feels the fullness of being, possessing the object of love. A loving person looks at the world and life with different eyes: from a position of kindness and beauty. A lover will never hurt a loved one, because he feels it from within himself.
Falling in love is always a search for new experiences and being filled with these impressions. When the novelty wears off, interest in the object of love disappears along with it. This is eloquently demonstrated by the statistics of divorces after a year or two of marriage. Modern priests of the Orthodox Church do not advise newlyweds to get married right away, so as not to carry out the divorce ceremony later. You need to live with each other and be convinced of the truth of feelings, and not a fleeting infatuation under the guise of love.
Note! Love helps to find the meaning of existence.
Love is the decision to grow old together. Love is not afraid of old age and infirmity. Love is when you are together in joy and in sorrow, in health and in sickness. Love is when you see the beauty of a person's soul, and not just being impressed by their physical forms. Moreover, love does not look at the prestige of the position or status of its other half.
Falling in love is almost always discomfort. You can fall in love with a married man, your boss or colleague, just a scumbag or a psychopath. You need to get rid of such love, and quickly.
How to get out of love addiction?
Awareness of the problem
Getting rid of love addiction should begin with the fact that a person is aware of its presence in himself and, based on some of the signs listed above, is convinced of it. The problem of addiction hinders women and men:
- build harmonious relationships;
- create new love relationships;
- grow as a person and develop;
- devote yourself to your favorite business and self-realization.
Love addiction to a man devastates a woman, makes her powerless and lifeless. The same thing happens with representatives of the stronger sex.
From the moment a person realizes that he needs to change his life and get rid of the problem, the movement towards recovery begins.
Ways to get rid of love addiction
Visualization technique
In order to use visualization techniques to get rid of painful addiction, you need to choose the most comfortable and quiet place. You should relax as much as possible, throw all thoughts out of your head and feel a feeling close to a state of trance, hypnosis. Next you need to follow these recommendations:
- Imagine what feelings you would like to experience towards the object of your painful attachment - indifference, hostility, disgust?
- Imagine your partner in front of you and mentally move him away from you until his features become blurred.
- Imagine that this person is doing something ridiculous, unpleasant, remember real moments from life.
- Imagine that your partner is growing old before your eyes, becoming wrinkled, and becoming decrepit.
- Now mentally immerse the object of your affection in a bathtub filled with something disgusting to you (mice, ants, worms).
- Recreate the image of the person you depend on, analyze your feelings. Is he still loved and desired by you?
- Repeat the exercise until you feel your senses dull.
Applying logic
To use the following technique, you need to relax and think about what awaits you in the future. This method is designed for a common understanding of the situation and is especially relevant for addiction after separation. Imagine how much energy a relationship in which you will always strive to please and adapt to your partner will take away from you. You will not be able to relax; short moments of euphoria will be replaced by long, gray everyday life of worries and worries.
As a sane person, you must understand that everyone deserves happiness in life, but to depend on another person is to deliberately condemn yourself to suffering.
"Inverted situation" method
The “inverted situation” method is very effective for getting rid of love addiction. You should not see only merits in the object of sick love. Learn to think about him in a different way: the ability to save - stinginess, a good lover - “training” on the side, etc.
This may seem somewhat cynical, but in fact the technique is effective and quickly leads to recovery.
Replacement method
In especially difficult cases, when attempts at self-persuasion, self-persuasion, visualization do not help, and you do not know how to cope with the state of emptiness, you need to start looking for an interesting person who can captivate you. It is important not to “throw yourself into the deep end,” but to find, for example, a friend with whom you will be truly interested in spending time. This way you will fill your thoughts and feelings with new sensations. The main thing is to control yourself and not fall into the same trap again.
Energy redirection
Since your destiny is solely in your hands, try to do everything to direct your energy instead of constant calls, surveillance and random meetings to creation. Paint pictures, hit a punching bag, work for three. You should be able to push all unnecessary thoughts out of your head. This is a good prevention of love addiction.
Communicate with people who will instill in you the idea of human self-sufficiency, because they themselves are.
The more you try to understand yourself, the more likely you are to heal. Unfortunately, this task cannot be delegated to anyone, not even a psychologist.
Source: mixfacts.ru
How to get rid of being in love
If you have lost peace because you are in love with your boss or a married man, you need to try to calm down and understand your condition. A sound assessment of the situation will help you realize the absurdity of the situation. If you are unable to cope with the surging emotions that extinguish the voice of reason on your own, find the strength to make an appointment with a psychologist.
The first mistake of all lovers is idealizing the object of desire. The person becomes literally an idol, full of perfection and divinity. A person in love does not notice any shortcomings, and even manages to regard them as advantages. Talking about the shortcomings of the object of desire causes sudden outbursts of anger and irritation.
You need to try to find the strength to see the shortcomings of your passion, to listen to the objective assessment of friends and family. The lover is hampered by rose-colored glasses through which he looks at the object of his passion. A particular danger is the idealization of a fictional partner, which is superimposed on a specific person. That is, the girl came up with an ideal man for herself, believed in his existence and “saw” her fantasies in some person. This person does not correspond to the fantasy ideal at all, but the rose-colored glasses of a girl in love do not allow him to see reality.
Important! Falling in love with a person whose favor cannot be achieved is best destroyed immediately. It will bring nothing but suffering.
Unfulfilled dreams, constant thoughts and fantasies will not lead to anything good. This will only take energy, steal personal time and bring a lot of trouble. Falling in love with a colleague or boss is especially unpleasant: it will pass over time, but the aftertaste will remain.
The second mistake lovers make is trying with all their might to attract the attention of the object of desire. People around you (especially work colleagues) may notice this and simply laugh at you. The love will pass, but it will be impossible to work in this team. Therefore, in the United States, romantic relationships between co-workers are prohibited. Either you work as employees, or one of the lovers has to quit.
On a note! Never have an affair at work, in most cases it ends in loss of your job.
Methods to get rid of falling in love:
- try to avoid meeting the object of desire;
- occupy your thoughts with something useful, and not thinking about your “beloved”;
- avoid contacts with your mutual friends;
- remove everything that may remind you of the object of passion.
Remember that falling in love will be followed by bitter disappointment and repentance for your short-sightedness. Repeat these words whenever your thoughts return to your “loved one.” Many who have experienced the feeling of false love talk about the importance of keeping their minds and hands busy with some kind of work. Active work or sports are a good distraction from thoughts and sadness.
Symptoms of love addiction
Only a person who is able to sensibly assess his condition can think about how to get rid of love addiction. As a rule, a codependent woman or man is so exhausted by the constant feeling of the inexplicable heaviness of life and the need to constantly control their other half that sometimes they subconsciously begin to look for the reasons for such psychological discomfort.
If you notice the listed symptoms in yourself or your loved ones, then you need to take all possible measures as soon as possible to help yourself or others.
Need for remote control
Love addiction to a man or woman is easily identified if you constantly feel the need to call or write to your partner.
If he does not answer calls or texts, the dependent party very quickly becomes depressed. At the same time, there is a sharp decrease in self-esteem, and a feeling of hatred and dislike for oneself develops.
Unstable relationship with your partner
In case of love addiction, the dependent party's attitude towards the partner is unstable. Sometimes it seems that your other half is ideal and the most wonderful qualities are attributed to her. These feelings can very quickly turn into intense hatred and return just as sharply.
The ability to forgive
If the ability to forgive in ordinary life is a valuable quality, then in love addiction it is pathological and even sadomasochistic in nature. A codependent person can turn a blind eye to such actions of his other half that contradict his entire being, principles and concepts.
Eager to please
Love addiction to a woman, as well as to a man, is characterized by the desire to please a partner.
Sometimes codependent people feel truly unhappy or devastated if they do something that does not lead to positive emotions for their spouse. Love addiction: fanatical attachment to a man is not the norm and brings a lot of suffering to a woman
How to calm your emotions
The emotional sphere plays a leading role in romantic relationships, so it is necessary to work with it separately.
Psychologists advise girls to switch attention from the object of desire to their own figure and begin to fight with it, or rather, with its shortcomings. This activity absorbs thoughts and time so much that there is simply no energy left to fall in love, and the desire to meet will quickly disappear.
Visiting a sports section or fitness club also takes time and also increases self-esteem. Girls with high self-esteem will not humiliate themselves and seek unrequited love.
Go shopping, look for boutiques that are running promotions. Shopping takes energy and time; there will be no time left for suffering over the object of desire. If you don't have enough money for purchases, you can take out a loan.
Sometimes the technique of burning out emotions helps. To do this, you need to stay alone and work yourself up with all your might with memories of your loved one, bring yourself to the point of hysterics. It may take a few days for the emotions to burn out. It is not necessary to do this in front of witnesses, it is better without prying eyes.
How to deal with this addiction?
Love addiction will continue until you understand that this destructive, painful feeling has nothing to do with love. It is not just not like love, it is the opposite of love, which brings lightness, joy, sows peace and harmony in your soul.
Should I go to a psychotherapist? Many people advise visiting a specialist, but you can get rid of this disease (and it’s difficult to find another word) on your own. The first step is awareness. The realization that you are holding an image in your head that does not actually exist. It doesn't matter how good the person is. He may have a hundred positive qualities, but this does not make him the God to whom you willingly pray and sacrifice your thoughts, feelings and time. No one needs this, and first of all, you yourself.
In addition to advantages, every person also has disadvantages. Being in a state of addiction, it is difficult to realize that your ideal is not so perfect, but certain volitional efforts will help you understand this. So, to get rid of addiction, you must clearly understand that you want to find peace and harmony in your soul.
Look at your schedule. Maybe you don't work or study enough? Do you now have too much free time, which you have filled with empty dreams? Start fulfilling your direct tasks, find a new hobby that will require mental and physical effort from you.
By forcing yourself to focus on other things, you will begin to notice that you worry less and less about the things that once haunted you. Join a gym or take a foreign language class: Meeting new people who share your interests will definitely help take your mind off things. And success in mastering a new discipline will have a positive impact on your self-esteem.
How you perceive yourself matters a lot too. If before this time you were inspired by the dream of meeting your “soul mate,” then it is better to throw these thoughts out of your head. Do you really think that without a partner you are incomplete? That just by meeting him, you will finally find yourself, raise your self-esteem, be happy and live a full life?
Alas, like attracts like
. Until you understand that the source of your happiness and confidence lies within yourself, you will suffer from loneliness or meet people who are ready to assert themselves at your expense. Do you really love your suffering so much that you would spend your entire life wallowing in self-pity?
Source: PsyMod.ru
How to overcome the passion of attraction to women? Tell me, I need freedom, how to get it? Maxim R. (Magnitogorsk)
“Sometimes I look at women for whom I felt passion, and I begin to doubt my adequacy!” - the words of one man. Probably, these words can cause not only a smile, but also some kind of regret - because there really is something to regret. For example, that we all often encounter things in our lives that we try to control. And those, in turn, when they arise, control us.
Passion...is it really that bad? How it revives us, how much strength it gives. It can make us better and more tolerant...And knowing that the author of this amazing feeling is the Creator Himself, we must definitely be sure that everything is in perfect order! However... everything has its purpose on Earth. And the feelings given to us by God are no exception.
We are created in His image and likeness. This means that God Himself has passion. But none of us, of course, will doubt God’s reputation :). Our God is perfect. And we all, of course, want to be like Him. The passion He gave us must be controlled and used correctly. Your problem, Maxim, apparently is precisely that PASSION CONTROLS AND USES YOU. And this is your lack of freedom. And any lack of freedom is torment for a person. Everyone's addictions are different. There are practically no absolutely “free” people. Everyone has their own struggle! You have already taken the first step - you recognized your addiction to passion. This is an important step.
You must understand that your attraction has a legitimate direction: when you feel passion towards your wife. If you are not married, then you should start controlling the course of your thoughts. Don't allow obscene images to occupy your imagination.
Matthew 5:8 says, “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.” To have a pure heart means to have purity of thoughts, which is naturally reflected in purity of behavior.
In the same chapter of the Holy Gospel, Jesus says: You have heard that it was said to the ancients: You shall not commit adultery. But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye seduces you (it is the eyes that are the source of information), tear it out and throw it away from you, for it is better for you that one of your members perishes, and not that your whole body is cast into Gehenna. And if your right hand offends you (the hand is an organ that leads to action), cut it off and throw it away from you, for it is better for you that one of your members should perish, and not your whole body should be cast into hell. (Matt. 5:27-30)
I specifically emphasized sentences in three verses that indicate to us what Jesus is saying, as well as in relation to what He is saying it.
Many Christians to this day justify certain things, including self-satisfaction, simply because the Scriptures say nothing about it. I can say one thing to such people: in this case, study the Scriptures.
With respect to the readers of “Living Faith”, Pastor Armen Kagramanyan All-Russian newspaper “Living Faith” (No. 7 2011)
Source: afmedia.ru
