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The mother-in-law provokes her son-in-law with her behavior...
“Tanya, we need to talk seriously,” I turn to my wife, who has come home from work, “this can’t go on any longer.”
Usually husbands hear such phrases in family life. With us it’s the other way around.
My wife and I live happily, but not for long yet
We've only been married for two years. And like most young families, we do not have our own home. We live in a three-ruble apartment with our mother-in-law and are saving hard for a mortgage.
Even before the wedding, remembering the stories of my friends and acquaintances about the atrocities that mothers-in-law commit against their sons-in-law, I was very afraid of the mother of my future wife.
But in fact, Svetlana Alekseevna turned out to be the sweetest person, and not the “monster in a skirt” that my fevered imagination painted her.
She was a representative of that category of women who knew their worth. And at the same time, the future mother-in-law allowed herself a certain “familiarity” in relations with close people and relatives.
I must say that my future mother-in-law was a very interesting woman
She had already lived for fifteen years without a husband. And as it turned out later, she changed fans like gloves.
“Welcome to the family, Nikolai,” she told me as soon as we crossed the threshold of her apartment, “I hope that we will get along great.”
“I hope so,” I muttered, quite embarrassed.
“You can just call me Svetlana,” said the mother-in-law, and smiling coquettishly, extended her hand to me, palm down.
And then, as in a fairy tale - “And they began to live and get along...”
But after a couple of months, I began to notice some kind of exaggerated interest in my mother-in-law in my modest person.
“Kolenka, Kolenka,” her voice sounded every now and then.
Under any plausible pretext, Svetlana Alekseevna tried to get my attention. Either he’ll invite you to taste borscht, or you’ll want to watch TV together, or you’ll want to have a heart-to-heart talk.
Soon I started to get tired of it
I read a lot of stories on the Internet about informal relationships between mother-in-law and son-in-law, but I couldn’t even imagine that this would happen to me.
By the way, I work as a trainer in one of the elite fitness clubs and am not at all ashamed of my body. Since I was young, I have not been accustomed to putting on a robe or home clothes in the morning when I go to shower or wash. I woke up, put my feet in my slippers, and, still in my shorts, stomped into the bathroom. Living with my mother-in-law, I did not change my habits.
- Kolenka, what will you have for breakfast? – my mother-in-law looked out from the kitchen every time I went to the bathroom in the morning. At the same time, her eyes emitted a mysterious shine.
And two months later, Svetlana Alekseevna bought me a gift. She presented me with fashionable and expensive boxers. Moreover, she did this in the presence of my wife, who did not react to this in any way.
– Tanya, is it normal when your mother gives me panties? - I asked my wife in the evening, - I feel somehow uncomfortable.
- What's wrong with that? Good gift.
The next week, at the dacha, my mother-in-law helped me paint the walls of the garden house. She was holding a stepladder, or rather, she was holding not a stepladder, but my legs - this is how she “insured” me from falling.
Returning home, I was waiting for my wife, ready for a decisive conversation
“Tanya, we need to talk seriously,” I turn to my wife, who has come home from work, “this can’t go on any longer.”
And I expressed to my wife my thoughts about my relationship with my mother-in-law.
“How could you think such a thing about my mother,” Tatyana shouted, waving her arms. - It's all your imagination. If you, Kolya, do not stop making unfounded claims to my mother, then I will definitely divorce you.
And the wife, slamming the door, disappeared into the bedroom. I was left completely bewildered. Instead of supporting my beloved wife, I now have to solve the dilemma - get a divorce or continue to endure this excessive attention from my mother-in-law.
Nikolay K. shared his problem.
Maybe someone can advise what Nikolai should do?
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What did the mother-in-law think?
Svetlana Anatolyevna did not treat her son-in-law in the best way. She did not love him for his infantilism and eternal childhood in his head. But she accepted her daughter’s choice. This did not stop her from regularly making unpleasant comments towards her daughter’s husband.
Svetlana often asked when the young man would gain his senses. She lamented that she was ashamed to go out into the street because of Andrei’s lies.
Anya’s mother began to wonder when her son-in-law would stop lying to his neighbor Lyudochka, and indeed to everyone around him who works as an actor. The old woman was asked about a movie in which a young man allegedly starred, but she did not know what to answer. She lamented - Andrei is 25 years old, but the mind is like that of a child.
About Anna
Anna Krasnova is Andrei's wife. A young, cheerful girl, but at her age quite mature and responsible. One might say, the complete opposite of his lover.
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Anya was very kind and soft-spoken. She did not like to conflict, but she also did not let her husband offend her mother. The woman understood that her husband was behaving like a little boy, but she could not do anything about it. She just hoped that someday a miracle would happen that would change Andryusha. Sometimes, in skirmishes between mother and husband, she gently took Svetlana Anatolyevna’s side, assuring that the time had come to grow up and gain wisdom.
Business trip
Andrey worked as an ordinary loader at a film studio. One day, Svetlana Anatolyevna once again “attacked” him with her questions: “When will you grow up?” At that moment, Anya took her mother’s side. And Andrei, assuring that his profession as a loader is not as interesting as his career as an actor, got ready for another “business trip.” He said he was going on set for a week. Then Svetlana Anatolyevna pulled him back: “Not for filming, but to move the equipment.”
The remark did not offend the young man at all - he laughed and then went to breakfast. After that, Andrei packed his bags and went to work, leaving his wife and her mother at home.
Svetlana Anatolyevna lamented - she did not want such a husband for her Annushka. The woman said that her daughter needed a responsible, reliable, hard-working man. And her current chosen one has nothing but wind in his head. Only the wind, childhood, tomfoolery and jokes.
Anya answered her mother that she loved her husband. Yes, he acts childish, but maybe he will change over time. On this note, the girl went home.
How to communicate correctly with your mother-in-law
It is probably impossible in our folklore to find more anecdotes on any other topic than about the difficult relationship between mother-in-law and son-in-law. Of course, you know many such stories that make you smile, and everyone is also probably familiar with sad events from real life. Perhaps someone himself is in a difficult situation where there is a lack of mutual understanding, or, even worse, communication between new relatives. In such difficult circumstances, if each of its participants does not stop, the family can quickly come to disintegration. Let's try to figure out why disagreements begin to arise between the two people closest to any woman - mother and husband - and how to avoid them.
A common cause of discord between son-in-law and mother-in-law, no matter how strange it may sound, is the struggle for primacy. The normal position of a man in a family is the role of leader. He makes key decisions and leads his family on a planned course towards prosperity. But often, without waiting for quick results, the mother-in-law takes on this role and begins to tell her son-in-law what and how he needs to do. As a result, many men divorce those wives who take the mother’s side, and also begin to blame their spouse for the lack of immediate success. In such circumstances, we advise the mother-in-law to stop overprotecting the young family and understand that wise advice is received with gratitude only when asked for it. The wife needs to be as restrained as possible in assessing the results of her husband’s activities so that he does not lose the desire to conquer new heights for the sake of the family. After all, when a wise woman trusts her husband with leadership, the head of the family really achieves a lot over time. And a man can be advised to try not to pay attention to his mother-in-law’s attacks, and continue to prove with words and deeds a sincere good attitude towards her daughter.
Many men divorce their wives who take their mother's side.
It also happens that a mother cannot understand that, first of all, her daughter has grown up, and is no longer that little girl who needs to be constantly protected, but is already a wife and future mother. Especially if the family life of your wife’s mother never worked out, unconscious jealousy begins. The mother begins to believe that her daughter has moved away from her because of the appearance of the “wrong guy” in the life of her beloved girl. In this case, if the mother-in-law is single, the best advice for the son-in-law would be to buy her either a membership in a dating club, or a subscription to yoga classes, or pay for painting lessons, or give her a dog, or buy a ticket to the sea or to a sanatorium - that is, to act in depending on her interests.
In any case, by spending a little money on organizing your mother-in-law’s leisure time, you will save yourself a lot of effort, nerves and save your family. For a daughter, the best behavior in such circumstances would be to lovingly and patiently explain to her mother that grandchildren will soon appear who will need just such care, and not to perceive her mother with hostility with attacks like “I’m already an adult.” We also advise the mother-in-law to be patient and wait for her grandchildren in order to switch all her great love, care and unspent attention to the kids. Learn to see your child as an adult woman and accept her choice, your son-in-law.
Another common cause of strong disagreements in young families is excessive frankness between the spouse and the mother. After all, it’s so natural for women to share their problems with each other! Especially if there is a person nearby like mom, who will always listen carefully, support with kind words and reassure. But even if you and your loved one had a fight, then after a tender kiss and words of forgiveness you immediately forgot about all the fleeting grievances. And the mother, for whom her daughter is the closest person, will carry the scar of your pain and tears on her heart for a long time.
The best advice for your daughter would be to talk less about everyday troubles, at least in order to save her mother’s nerves and prevent illnesses caused by them.
Advice for the mother-in-law would be to remember the old saying, “Darlings scold, they only amuse themselves,” and not to take all the quarrels of young people seriously. The son-in-law in this situation needs to act wisely. For example, if you quarreled with your wife, then instead of reproaching your mother-in-law for not teaching her daughter something, the best option would be to find an ally in the person of your wife’s mother and ask her for advice - what is the best thing to do to make peace with your beloved? After all, no one knows your wife better than her mother. And it is she who will be able to give you the advice that will help resolve any disagreements.
And the most important advice for a son-in-law is this: when you are planning a serious relationship with your beloved, then get to know her mother and make a favorable impression on her. Don't act like a superman, be yourself. Just show your future mother-in-law that her daughter is the most valuable thing in your life, and you will do everything possible to make her happy with you. Show that you are sincerely grateful to your future mother-in-law for giving you such a beautiful bride. If you build a respectful relationship with your beloved’s mother from the very beginning, then in the future you will be able to avoid many problems and not turn your life into a topic for jokes.
Strange meeting
The next day after Andrey left, Svetlana Anatolyevna went to the market. She wanted to make cheesecakes, so she went to buy fresh ingredients for the dish. The sun had just risen over the city, the birds were singing loudly - it was quiet, calm, pleasant.
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Suddenly the woman saw a picture that made her feel sick - her son-in-law, who had left yesterday, got out of the car in an embrace with a stunning blonde. The couple cooed sweetly, laughed, and walked towards the entrance.
Svetlana Anatolyevna called out to her son-in-law: “You damned Herod, stop!” The couple stopped, Andryusha looked at his mother-in-law in surprise. He asked what she was doing here. The spectacular blonde considered Svetlana to be the mother of her companion and asked to introduce them. Andrey was confused, he tried to maneuver between his mistress and his wife’s mother. Ultimately, the young man barked at his companion, calling her Kira. He asked her to go home - he had no time for her now.
The girl pouted offendedly and left. Svetlana and Andrey were left alone. Anna's mother gave her son-in-law a contemptuous look and went home. The man ran to catch up with her, but the woman walked very confidently.
Svetlana said: “In an hour you will come under the window, I will drop your things off. So that you never set foot in our house again!” The woman was convincing. Andrey begged. He begged not to tell his wife anything, not to destroy the family. The young man vowed to improve, to be what his attentive mother-in-law wanted.
The woman sighed and said that she would remain silent only for the sake of her daughter’s happiness. If it were up to her, she would have kicked out her careless son-in-law the day after the wedding. Svetlana Anatolyevna ordered the deceiver to come home in the evening, saying that the filming had been postponed. Finally, the woman called Andrey a liar and went home to make cheesecakes.
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Just don’t be suspected of inciting serious domestic crimes! No need. Mother-in-law is, of course, a difficult case, but not as much! We will talk about how to get your mother-in-law away from home in peaceful, even intelligent ways. But this task is not as simple as it seems. After all, you have to keep in mind that for you she is the mother-in-law, and for the wife she is the mother. Therefore, in order to avoid family problems, you need to act very gently. We drive the mother-in-law away from the house. Step one. Meeting at the doorstep. Opening the door, take a step back in amazement: “Mar-bath! What's happened? Why do you look so bad? Are you sick? My God! Well, you have to! After all, we saw each other recently and suddenly everything is so bad...” What does the wife hear at this? Touching care for her mother! What does the mother-in-law hear? “He thinks I’m an old woman!” And a secret thought: “What if he’s right?” Do you know people who are willing to listen to the unpleasant truth about themselves as often as possible? We are not. If the remark on the threshold went unheeded in the turmoil of the meeting, wait a little and repeat in another version: “Mar-bath, what’s wrong with your back? Hurts? Slouch a lot. If you look at her from the back, she’s just an old lady...” Don’t forget to evaluate the hair, note the complexion and noisy breathing: “Yes, years...” We let the mother-in-law leave the house. Step two. What does your mother-in-law like? Coffee buns? A good chop? This means that for lunch you should have boiled and grated beets. And don’t forget to explain: your daughter has something bad with her digestion. The whole family had to make sacrifices for her! It’s a pity, of course, for my wife, she will choke on these beets... But what should I do? We drive the mother-in-law away from the house. Step three. TV series are not allowed in your home. All. Channels are blocked, wires break and the TV burns out the first time you try to turn on some “Nastenka”. The grandchildren have a long-planned trip to visit the neighbor’s children, the wife has urgent work in a “separate office,” and you have such attacks of pain in the lower abdomen that your mother-in-law is simply doomed to spend the evening in silence and solitude. Don’t forget to hide all the food so that she doesn’t feel the urge to bake something delicious. I already feel a little sorry for the woman, don’t I? Well, you know, decide on your desires. If you want to see your mother-in-law every day, please set the table and purr compliments in her ear. No? Then pity aside!
We drive the mother-in-law away from the house. Step four, hard. You can’t avoid everyday inconveniences on a horse. The best way to give your mother-in-law a polka dot sky is to remove the door to the toilet under the pretext of repairing it. Place this door in the living room and start some manipulations with it: for example, wash it with “soaking”, pouring it generously with some kind of chemical, such as for further repairs. Hard? And yourself – “under the locomotive”? Then give yourself “insomnia” and, as soon as your mother-in-law falls asleep in her first sweet dream, start wandering around the house, singing some hit in a nasty voice. You can’t wake up the children, and if your wife wakes up, it’s not difficult to put her to sleep: five minutes of sex and the thought that mom isn’t sleeping will fly past his happy body with a cosmic whistle.
We drive the mother-in-law away from the house. Step five, desperate. Invite your mother at the same time as your mother-in-law. But don’t forget to first complain to her about your wife and mother-in-law. Complain desperately: as if you are pulling this strap with all your might. Well, what mother’s heart can withstand and not remember the matchmaker’s suffering of her son? Let them talk... And the next time your mother-in-law comes to visit again, don’t forget to joyfully exclaim: wow, what a coincidence! And my mom is just on her way! You will have someone to talk to... Don’t be surprised if your mother-in-law suddenly has urgent matters to attend to. But that's all you needed, right?
