My husband constantly reproaches me, what should I do?

My husband takes it out on me over trifles

Psychologists
believe that passion and ardent feelings between lovers last about three years after meeting. In fact, happy families living in absolute harmony are rare. Most spouses eventually begin to quarrel, conflict with each other, and sometimes stagnation occurs in the relationship.

Manifestations of such stagnation may include changes in behavior. For example, a spouse may periodically switch to elevated tones when communicating with his beloved. Only in fairy tales can one be serene

relationship between people. Only those families who want to be together are able to preserve their tender love.

Psychologists advise understanding yourself

.
Ask yourself more often why your loved one was so wonderful that you lost your head in love. But after the wedding you cannot recognize him - he has changed and become completely different. All sorts of little things in his behavior began to irritate you. All the advantages of a loved one can be overshadowed by minor details. Of course, it doesn't compare to
a man screaming and it's definitely not an insignificant aspect of a relationship.

Your marriage will eventually end

, if you began to find fault with your partner’s shortcomings, but progress in the relationship (at least) will not appear if you are indifferent to such manifestations as screaming. A man needs to be loved, his virtues remembered more often and, if possible, supported.

No need to merge together

, for happiness. Most psychologists are sure that a small distance is necessary between spouses. Because excessive frankness is harmful, spouses will benefit from little secrets.

However, in certain

situations you will need frankness. Although for this you need to make an effort and overcome possible fears. Two important areas of prevention include independent reflection and understanding of the cause of a man’s cry (we’ll talk about this later) and clarification of such manifestations with the husband.

Of course, here too one should show

a certain delicacy. In general, screaming is not typical behavior for a man, especially in family relationships. Screaming in the family is a sign of weakness (for the most part, especially if the reasons are minor).

In this regard, you again need to navigate

on the positive development of the situation and not take this weakness into account as such, but search for the reasons. It is possible that you are not providing your spouse with the emotional support she needs, or that your behavior is disappointing your man. Still, you are an active participant in the relationship, and you should understand your own responsibility.

It’s sad, but many men “ break down

» on their wives after any negative situations with other people or after their own wrong actions. Of course, this is difficult for a woman, but it is also a sign of a woman’s lack of ability to create emotional comfort in the home, an atmosphere in which a man could feel like the best, be filled with new aspirations, and understand why he should continue to act in this world.

It is in this direction as a preventive measure

The male cry should guide the strategy of female behavior. Yelling back at a man or swearing is sometimes appropriate, but for the most part it is only a sign of unspent sexual energy. If everything is in order with you in this regard, then you should be tolerant and over time, if you create a favorable atmosphere in the house and treat screaming with understanding, the man himself will understand how ridiculous such behavior is and will begin to appreciate you even more.

In conclusion

We offer you some recommendations of a more practical nature. For many, they may seem frivolous, but in fact, it is these and similar nuances that make up your relationship and your coexistence. Read the tips from the Meduniver website in the psychology of family relationships section and perhaps some will be useful to you.

1. If your spouse

is watching a football match, you shouldn’t walk in front of it and sigh. There is absolutely nothing wrong with TV, football, chips and a little beer. Try watching the game once with your husband, maybe you will also like this kind of entertainment. And if you still can’t watch football, find something interesting to do during the football broadcast. In this case, the two of you will be satisfied.

2. Many wives

are very susceptible and, having heard from their husband a refusal, for example, to buy new shoes or a trip to see their mother in the garden, at that very moment they begin to become hysterical. Most psychologists call this behavior simple blackmail, and many men cannot tolerate women’s tears and may resort to screaming.

3. What to do if your husband

— a lover of argument? There is no need to defend your innocence. Arguing is not good, but it’s also not necessary to constantly support him in everything. If you still decide to argue with your spouse, try to give him as many facts and arguments as possible, but you don’t need to go too far, you are a woman after all.

4. Your husband

Are you a fan of spending free time with your friends? The weekend is approaching, and you are already fully thinking about how your husband will go away to have fun with his comrades, and you will have to spend time alone and at home. There is no need to sit at home and wait for your loved one. And the likelihood that a considerable scandal will break out upon his return is quite high. You need to be more reasonable, let him go without shouting and quarreling, let him go to his friends to watch football or go fishing. And go to your friends or visit your mother, or even better, go shopping. You will see how quickly and unnoticed the weekend will fly by without any scandals or disputes.

5. Often men

They don’t understand women’s hints. Sometimes it’s better to say it directly, otherwise your husband won’t be able to understand for a long time what exactly you want. This will allow you to make your relationship more productive.

We wish you harmony in your family relationships!

— We recommend visiting our section with interesting materials on similar topics

"Psychology of Relationships"

My husband constantly reproaches me, what should I do?

Hello Laura, I was very surprised by your letter, an adult, financially independent woman allows herself to be treated in a way she does not like. It’s some kind of paradox, we usually tolerate unpleasant treatment when we are highly dependent on the person who treats us this way and cannot do anything about such treatment. This happens when we are children or when we do not have the resources to change the situation. You are an adult, so let's assume that you have no resources. Then what resources do you need? Normally, when a person doesn’t like how they treat him, he talks about it and asks to change his behavior; if this does not happen, then the person checks whether he was heard and understood correctly; if he was heard and understood, he again asks to change his behavior. When no changes occur, they draw the attention of the opponent to this and ask again, if after this no changes occur, then the person informs the other that now he will solve the problem on his own (stop contact, avoid meetings, get divorced). In your case, your husband does not have the right to interfere in your financial affairs, due to the fact that you earn these finances and only you have the right to manage them. When you do nothing about his similar behavior, you automatically agree to a similar attitude towards you (reproaches). Why don't you stop your husband in his behavior? You can tell him: dear, the way I earn money myself, I spend it myself, wherever I see fit. If you don’t like it, you have the right to it, but please don’t ever tell me about it, I think differently and I prefer not to know your attitude.” If he doesn’t like the way you clean, wash dishes, etc. invite him to do on his own what he reproaches you for. He will have to do everything himself or come to terms with the fact that you do it in your own way and not as he needs. Because you are not him and, accordingly, you won’t do anything like him. Write about the gift separately, normally, a gift is given to please the person and the response to the gift will be the sincere joy of the birthday boy; if your husband expects some kind of gratitude from you in response to the gift, he is cheating with you. An honest relationship is a relationship of agreement, I want to give it to you and I expect gratitude from you in return - can you give it or not? The way your manipulative husband treated you, he did not warn you about what he expected from you and did not ask you if you were ready to give him this gratitude. That is, in essence, I again decided for you how you should behave. In this place you can be angry - you are not recognized as a separate independent person, your ability to make your own decisions is devalued, you are not taken seriously. What you do with it is up to you. This is where I resist violations of my boundaries and protect myself by not allowing myself to be treated this way. All the best.

Husband's constant reproaches

Shcherbakova Leila Belanovna, psychologist in Almaty
Good answer5 Bad answer2

My husband takes it out on me over trifles, why?

Because he apparently doesn’t respect you, otherwise he wouldn’t do this.

He most likely has some problems.

He doesn’t care who he takes his anger out on, he doesn’t take risks on strangers, but at home, among four blank walls, he can take it out on someone—terrorize him with impunity, and without publicity.

Or he thinks that because of you he got stuck in the family, and he liked “someone”. someone, not his opinion, is better than you, but who is the reason that he got stuck and doesn’t risk quitting?

Of course, you. in his opinion.

I had problems at one time, but I didn’t take it out on my Woman, she means too much to me.

It happened, I threw a chair against the wall, I got completely drunk, but my Woman always received a truthful explanation of why I did it.

Everything is based on trust. Trouble - say that - Trouble. We'll decide together.

Today I took it out on my wife. And before that, she took it out on me in full. We hate each other with a fierce hatred. And apart we are sick without each other and blame ourselves for everything. And it all ended, you know how. This always happens when you are in the same room with each other for a long time. This means we need to fly somewhere together, no matter where, to unknown places in a good car. When we were young, we burned a fire and spent the night in a tent-hut. And now we’ll probably head to Greece, it’s only about 300 km from us; before, we used to travel further for good porcini mushrooms. Now, of course, it’s not a hut, but you can pick up a good campsite. And again we will live without swearing for a month. And so - until the golden wedding, which is just around the corner.

Either he is tired of you and he doesn’t know how to get rid of you, OR he has problems outside the family and is simply taking out his anger and powerlessness on you (these could be health problems, a mistress, or financial problems).

My husband insults me and yells obscenities at me!

Hello! My name is Marina, I’m 30 years old, I’m a hairdresser, married since 2009, I have a daughter, she’s 6 years old. I met my husband in January 2009, we were friends after we started dating, I thought he was my real man, caring, attentive, constantly he was interested in whether I had eaten anything, whether I was cold, etc., flowers, walks, constantly blowing away a speck of dust from me, not a single rude word. I was afraid of jinxing the happy couple. We got married in October, the wedding was played modestly, only for those close to him there was no no one. He organized everything himself, even he chose the dress for me. I got pregnant and then it all started. He started not spending the night at home, put a password on his phone and computer, and was constantly leaving somewhere. To the question, where was he? I went on business. And he started yelling at me with obscenities, saying that people don’t belong to each other, he does what he wants, he could allow me to yell at me in the presence of family friends, he didn’t care who was in front of him and where we were. So I didn’t have any friends left, I went to see him less often relatives because they didn’t want me to be seen sad and drooping, and I wasn’t in the mood. I was in conservancy several times, once he came from the hospital, he didn’t even pick me up, and he carried my things out of the entrance to the street, the frost was cold, he took the keys and sent me to all 4 sides. I had to go to my mother and tell everything. It hurt, it was insulting, I didn’t understand why and why the person had changed so much, or maybe I just didn’t know him... and so on until the birth and after we measure, he will take me away then again screams of insult and kicked me out again. Then, when my daughter was one year old, everything seemed to be quiet, peaceful, calm, I enjoyed family happiness, thinking that all this time we were probably getting used to it or something in that sense. Another year of a calm and happy life, and then one fine day I find out that I have a mistress who lives not too far from us, and every time I believed that he was on a business trip for work, and he was with her. This time I kicked him out myself, left with all my things and took everything that he gave me when he decorated his computer .the whole world turned upside down again, there was not enough air from resentment, there was just a lump in my throat, I spent a week in tears, then I pulled myself together and began to live like everything was fine. His mistress came to me and began to tell me how he came to their house and how he wanted to get married on her, how he lived with them, etc. I listened silently and told her that I felt sorry for her, and then she got carried away, screaming after me along with her mother about the bed details of how and what happened, ugh, I remember it’s already disgusting. And What do you think, he began to come after that to ask for my forgiveness, that for the sake of our daughter we should start over and give him a chance. I found the strength to forgive him, time did not immediately pass, I persuaded myself inside that for the sake of my daughter I need to work hard, Yes and I loved him very much. Everything got better over time; there were conflicts so insignificant over small things, but we quickly moved away and measured things out. 4 years passed. Our business was not going badly, we bought a new car, everything was fine. We got married by mutual consent. After a couple months, the insults and screams of ora began again, this time there was so much hatred, he was constantly running around filing for divorce exactly 7 times in a year, I constantly tried to persuade him to think about coming to his senses, and he blamed me for everything, and that it was he who was giving me the last chance, So that it didn’t happen, I had to ask for forgiveness, otherwise he screamed in a human voice, took everything away, left, it was just a nightmare. Again I find out about another mistress, her relatives wrote that they say because of my husband she’s leaving her family, she’s throwing a child. I knew her, she was a burden. a mutual friend. I shed so many tears, I had no thoughts, I tried to speak kindly to him, and there were breakdowns and scandals. One day, having calmed down, he said that he loved me, he didn’t need another family, and he adored the child, that we were eternal and we should start all over again. We sell everything and move to another city where we don’t know anyone and start a new life, that’s what we did. He worked, I was at home with the child, after they got me into kindergarten, I went to work. Everything is like in a normal family all day long we are at work, I sometimes worked until late, my husband and daughter were waiting for me at home, weekends and holidays together, a family that loves each other, everything is fine. Once I found a correspondence with his mistress from our last friend, between my eyes there was a kind of whistling in my ears. I couldn’t believe my eyes for a couple of minutes. From the correspondence I found out that she had been living in the same city as us for a long time, and that she had been pregnant by him for a long time. He rented her an apartment in his name. Again a scandal, again screams, he said that he would not leave that child, but he won’t leave us, he loves him, he won’t be able to live without us, I couldn’t forgive such a betrayal, it seemed then, we filed for divorce and got divorced, but he didn’t leave and after some time he said that there was no child and in general it wasn’t in terms of timing could be his child, I didn’t believe him, half a year has passed, but I still think that he is, and every time he’s not there or he’s delayed, I think that he’s with them. It so happened that when I left my husband, I found out that I became pregnant with my second child, but I don’t trust him anymore and I can’t go anywhere and there is no work, and my daughter is crazy about her dad, but where would I go in that situation, and even with a child without money. And the scandals continue, swearing, screaming, leaving, threatening what will go away forever, I’ll see, he says, what will you do then without money and on the street. How hard it is for me, please help me figure it out, maybe you can tell me how to finally start to respect myself, live for myself and not for others. Empty in my soul, what to do ?Thank you, I’m looking forward to your answer, this is probably more of a cry from the heart...

My husband insults and humiliates me

Manifestation of screaming from husband

Sometimes a person is unable to control his feelings. Their appearance also depends on the temperament of the individual. There is not always an understanding of aggressive outbursts in a partner’s character. Because of this, after living together for a certain time, people face one problem or another. We are all different, which is why everyone’s reactions to extraordinary situations are individual.

When a quarrel occurs in your family, but at the same time, you both try to find a compromise, do not insult each other, try to make a decision with which you both agree. Thus, you can be calm, because in the future, if misunderstandings or quarrels arise, you will be able to come to an agreement. If people know how to make concessions to each other in search of a compromise, they preserve and strengthen their family, maintaining the harmony of relationships in it.

There is a nuance: if, during a calm conversation, a husband lashes out at his wife without any reason, shows impulsiveness and aggression, then the woman should think about whether she really needs such a relationship.

It would be more correct to say, can a woman come to terms with such an attitude towards herself? Do you want to save your marriage? If so, what can be done during conflicts? Here it is worth paying attention to the advice of a psychologist.

Man screaming

Beautiful words, beautiful flowers, beautiful gifts... How can a woman’s heart resist beauty and gallantry? And how easily women are deceived by this shine! For a woman, everything that concerns love, relationships between the sexes, family and procreation is very important. Much more important than for men. Love for a woman is something for which you can fight and fight with rivals, circumstances, distance and even your own age. Family is a reality in which you want to feel your existence constantly. And children are the center of existence, the vector in the direction of which all life unfolds. To be desired and to attract the gaze of men means to feel confident and calm. Touch gifts, re-read letters, listen to that same melody, feel the presence of different men in your life again and again...

For men, everything related to gender is much simpler, has less depth and takes up a significantly smaller part of life. This is why many women consider men primitive. The world of men is a world of achievements, opportunities, money. And the world of competition - for money, opportunities, women. It is this last fact that misleads the fair sex. For men fighting for a woman, the first thing that matters is victory, and the one for whom they fought so hard is, at best, in second place. And this often happens - the winner simply leaves, satisfied with his victory, and what he almost died for turns out to be uninteresting after the victory.

The man is a player. Rivalry and courtship for him are most often a game in which the stakes can be very high. In it, reckless actions can be committed, huge amounts of money can be thrown away, passionate words can be spoken and unprecedented power of feeling can be poured out. But you shouldn’t create illusions - none of this is real. Ardent love cools down, and promises remain unfulfilled when the game gets boring. And then the man goes into his reality, where, as a rule, ardent feelings do not live. Everything there is prosaic and businesslike. There are women in this reality, but the attitude towards them is completely different. A man will grumble and shout at a woman written in her own reality, he will find fault and lecture. And a wise woman knows for sure that if a man screams, then she has ceased to be a toy, and is finally recognized as a man. Behind such a rude and not at all romantic attitude lies much more real and reliable than behind gifts and flowers.

Reason for yelling at your wife

When the spouse’s behavior projects aggression throughout the conflict, he constantly yells at his wife, insults him on every occasion, try to figure out what caused the conflict situation. You will need to remember what you said or did before your husband's dissatisfaction flared up. You don’t need to think that the blame for what happened lies solely with you. Now it is necessary to understand what is the “grain” of discord.

Pen on a blank paper in businesswoman hands with manicure

The reasons for screaming may be:

• Problems at work;
• Consumption of alcohol, drugs;
• An overloaded mental state that has developed into stress;
• Fading of feelings;
• Low self-esteem;
• Age crisis.

If you notice that your once loving and affectionate husband has suddenly changed his behavior, he most likely has anxiety. This, in turn, can arise due to problems in the workplace or financial difficulties. He doesn't want to plunge you into these problems. Carrying all the experiences within himself, the man has nervous breakdowns due to the existing overload. Alcohol or drug abuse may also be a cause. Often, people suffering from alcoholism, drug addiction or gambling addiction, due to the lack of a desired position, can take it out on the people closest to them. Now analyze your relationship with your husband; if you do not find similarities with your situation, then the problem lies in your spouse’s past.

It is possible that your husband grew up in a family where yelling at your family was the norm. As a child, he could observe conflicts when his father resolved family disagreements by shouting at his mother. Having matured, a man does not realize that current situations can be resolved differently. Often, the guy begins to unconsciously repeat the behavior of his father. At the same time, accepting the fact that in his childhood he could even suffer from such behavior towards himself and, growing up, he swore to himself that he would definitely not do this to his family.

Causes of outbursts of emotions

What to do to normalize the condition? First of all, you need to find out the source of irritability. Many experts note that most often “psychos” arise as a result of self-doubt, fear of changes in life and the habit of restraining emotions within oneself.

In addition, the cause of the pathological condition may be:

• increased mental or physical stress;
• high noise level that does not allow you to relax;
• improper organization of work and rest schedules;
• constant lack of sleep (insomnia).

The influence of external factors should also be noted. Sometimes people freak out over any reason because of poor ecology or allergic reactions.

What to do when your husband is hot-tempered

If you are a woman and find yourself head over heels in this situation, you constantly endure shouting at yourself; coping with the situation will require effort. As soon as you start behaving differently than before, you will be perceived by a man with misunderstanding and dissatisfaction. To avoid violent emotions, you need to act carefully and slowly. Follow the recommendations I have provided below. The task is to constructively work on yourself and your perception of the situation, since it is unlikely that it is possible to change another person, in our case the husband.

To pacify a screaming spouse, male psychology advises the following:

• Don't initiate conflict personally;
• It’s also not worth it to “nag” your husband’s brain over little things (for example, because of an unwashed plate after eating);
• Do not follow the lead and do not show aggression in response;
• Try to listen to your husband with restraint, even if these are complaints (it is not at all necessary to do what he wants, but the person will at least speak out and it will become easier for him);
• Resolve conflicts that have arisen when everyone has calmed down (as soon as the charge of emotions has passed, you can try to understand the situation and resolve the troubles that have arisen);
• Do not burden your spouse with household chores if he is the only person in the family earning money. He can, indeed, get very tired at work. (You shouldn’t think that today is a weekend, so let him do household chores. He works 5 days a week, comes home and goes to bed and goes back to work in the morning. A man needs proper rest, both physically and emotionally. Requirement in the form of “take out the trash now” will be perceived with aggression.);
• Harmony and comfort should reign at home with the dinner expected by the husband (hunger obviously will not calm him down);
• Show more care and affection, say more kind words to him. (It is possible that he lacks your attention and feels forgotten. Take the initiative and show his importance in your life.);
• Analyze the relationship and decide for yourself whether you are ready to put up with this or whether it is better to end it before it is too late.
• Go to an appointment with a family psychoanalyst.

To improve your relationship with your husband, this article will help you

Share your methods in the comments that you think can help in this situation.