Male psychology for women
According to psychologists, most conflicts in relationships occur precisely as a result of women’s misunderstanding of male psychology and the inability to communicate correctly with them.
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There is a whole abyss of differences between representatives of the two sexes: physiological, intellectual, psychological, emotional. And it seems that this is not secret information, but in practice, in the heat of conflict, it is most often forgotten.
Below are recommendations from psychologists on how to better understand a man:
- they have more stubbornness and perseverance than women. It is easier for women to compromise and give in than for men, remember this in controversial situations;
- women often speak without thinking, and men are more prone to rash actions (not all, of course, but many);
- a woman believes that if her man stares at an attractive girl on the street, this is immediately tantamount to cheating. In reality the situation is often different. Men have a well-eroticized vision, they notice beautiful faces and figures around them, but this does not mean at all that they are guaranteed to cheat on you;
- Also, don’t be offended by the MCH if he forgot the date of your acquaintance or marriage. The male psyche perceives such things as “trifles,” because his attention is focused on more significant things: career, financial well-being of the family. Through them he shows love for a woman. Therefore, it is better to remind you in advance about the approaching date, rather than pouting and getting angry.
How to communicate with a man correctly - advice from psychologists
Knowing and observing them will greatly facilitate the establishment of a connection between the sexes.
Tip 1. “No” to hints, “yes” to requests
One of the most important rules is that if you want to get something from your boyfriend (no matter a bouquet of flowers, a new dress or a romantic trip), do not try to hint to him, because this is completely pointless. Men do not understand hints due to their way of thinking, and this is a fact confirmed by psychologists.
Therefore, simply voice your request directly without prevarication or understatement. Just do it calmly, under no circumstances throw tantrums or scandals, don’t demand, but ask. Men hate when they try to force them to do something, but they readily comply with adequate requests from the women they love.
Advice! Forget about the word “should”, it automatically turns off the desire to do anything for such a lady in the male brain.
Tip 2. Don't try to change a man
Many girls and women naively cherish the idea of “re-educating” their boyfriend by changing his character, behavior, religious views, etc. The reality is that men don't change!
And it is important to remember this when entering into a serious relationship. So that you don’t have to wonder later why he was and remains an inveterate materialist, although every weekend you desperately tried to drag him to church, “to introduce him to the spiritual.” Or why he can’t find a job, preferring that the girl brings money into the family.
Try or don't try, it won't give you results. There are only two options: either accept the man with all his quirks and oddities, or look for another candidate. There is no third.
Advice! Before getting married, just ask yourself a simple question: “If this man does not change, remains the way he is now, will I be able to accept and love him?”
Tip 3. Recognition is important for a man
When meeting, girls usually shower each other with flattering compliments: about their appearance, new purchases. In the world of men, the situation is different. From childhood, the majority of the stronger sex are accustomed to being compared with their peers, and most often not in their favor (there are, of course, exceptions to the rules, but we are not talking about them now).
It turns out that the average MCH receives practically no words of recognition or praise in life. Nevertheless, it is very important for him, capable of stimulating him to new, even higher achievements.
But you need to be able to praise your chosen one correctly - focus on specific things, on what the man did for you (earned money, took you on a trip, fixed the toilet, etc.).
If you start praising him for his personality traits, he will most likely become proud and stop doing something (why, if I’m already good?). And always speak sincerely, from the heart, without trying to artificially praise your husband in order to get some “goodies” for yourself. Insincerity is always felt.
Tip 4: Don't control him
Men hate it when women try to control them everywhere and bombard them with questions: “Where and with whom was he?”, “What did he spend his money on?” and the like.
It is important for him to feel like a leader in the relationship; a normal man with adequate self-esteem will not allow himself to be “under the thumb” of his wife. Sooner or later he will get tired of this situation and leave. Well, or he will come up with sophisticated ways to avoid your control.
Tip 5. Don't criticize
It is important for representatives of the fair sex to be more careful with words, because with their help they can both motivate the spouse to achieve stratospheric heights and lower his self-esteem below the baseboard. A woman, through words, emotional reaction, recognition, makes a man happy or unhappy.
Of course, sometimes situations arise when criticism is necessary. But it must be very delicate - it is important to express your claim in the correct form, without insults or humiliation. It is strictly unacceptable to “saw” regularly with the same thing, otherwise you can get the exact opposite of the expected result.
Tip 6. Give him personal space
When a woman feels bad, she strives to speak out, share her emotions and experiences, and get support from others. When a man becomes ill, it is important for him to be alone with himself, think through his feelings, and make a decision on his own. The MCH cannot be deprived of such an opportunity.
Tip 7. Respect his personality
His desires and needs. He has the right not to go to the opera or to an art exhibition with you if he hates these types of art. Just as you have the right to refuse to go fishing together or watch political videos. The main thing is to be able to voice your desires and accept the desires and needs of your partner.
“He can’t hear me!” or how to get through to your husband
Published: June 27, 2020 20884
“We speak different languages, he does not respect my interests, we constantly quarrel.” Common situation? Let's figure out why a man doesn't hear you, and how to make sure that your requests are not only heard, but also fulfilled.
First you need to determine the “starting point”: who are you and who is he? Remember: you and your man are different and will always be different, no matter how long you live together. You have different families, parents, upbringing, habits, reactions, traditions, friends, attitudes, experiences, perceptions of the world... Each of you came into a relationship with your own goals and motives. For a woman, a man is a different world (just like a woman is for a man). That is why the only correct way to build a relationship is to establish contact with this world.
And to do this you need to ask yourself a few questions.
Question number 1: who are you, what are you like?
Who are you at that moment when you are trying to reach your man? His woman, lover, wife, unhappy girl, person, personality, girl? What are you like: passionate, tired, offended, confident, irritated, anxious, beautiful, successful?
In society, people often feel lost. And some never found themselves at all. When I conduct diagnostics with clients during individual consultations, in 98% of cases it turns out that the one sitting in front of me and who he feels like are two different people.
For example, a 35-year-old woman is sitting in front of me, and diagnostics (her words, drawings, tests) show that I am talking to a three-year-old boy. It turns out that a three-year-old boy is trying to reach his husband with his needs and desires. What are the needs of three-year-old children? Warmth, protection, love of a parent. So it turns out that the woman “knocks” not on her husband, but on his parental part, from whom she demands unconditional love for herself, as for a child.
Question #2: where are you?
Where are you when you're trying to negotiate with your husband? In your own home or in a rented apartment, in your parents’ house or in a restaurant, on the street or at work (and trying to reach him by phone)? The answer to this question will give you insight and a sense of reality.
Sometimes we are so strongly impressed by a previous conversation that when we meet again, our thoughts and feelings remain in the past and communicate with a man from the past, and not from the present. This state is called trance.
Realize that you are here and now!
Question No. 3: what is the purpose of negotiations with a man?
Do you want support, help, understanding, money, changes from him? What do you want specifically?
The problem often lies in the fact that a woman considers her goal to be the only correct one, and believes that achieving this goal will bring happiness to both. In reality, everything may be completely different.
If you feel like a man can’t hear you, then it’s possible:
- your goal does not coincide with his goals and desires;
- the man does not see his benefit in realizing your goal (his motivation should be affected);
- the man does not have the resources (emotional, physical, financial) to realize your goal;
- you decided to shift responsibility for your happiness onto him;
- he does not see his woman in you;
- the man is stuck in the childish position, and you are stuck in the parental position (or vice versa).
Question #4: What will you do to achieve your goal?
Sketch out a rough plan for conversation and action. Will you convince, hug, talk, cry, set conditions, feed, shout, kiss, laugh, sit, stand?
And finally, question #5: what will you do if you don’t reach your goal?
You must have a “Plan B” to implement your intentions in case “Plan A” does not work. This question is a test: do you intend to overcome obstacles on the way to your goal? The strength of intention speaks of a serious attitude, which is subconsciously “read” by a man during a conversation. A woman who is confident in herself and her goals cannot be ignored, because she will still achieve results: with or without a man.
For example, you want to go to the sea for two weeks. The husband resists. Find out why. Maybe he doesn’t have money, or he’s not allowed to leave work, or he doesn’t want to be at sea for two weeks? What will you do to still get what you want? This is your “Plan B”.
Remember, a man doesn't owe you anything. And so do you. If he is ready to help you, he will do it. If you are not ready, then read the article again to understand where something went wrong.
I recommend answering all these questions in writing, even before negotiating with a man. An unprepared meeting is a prepared failure.
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