Why do we meet men for one night stands?
Most often there are two reasons for this: the partners did not have the same goals or one of them did not like the sex.
“It is inherent in nature that when a woman meets, she evaluates a man as a possible father of her offspring, and a man is primarily impressed by a woman as a potential sexual partner,” notes Irina Smetanina, psychologist, trainer, founder of the training. - It `s naturally.
At the beginning of the novel, both “sniff” each other about continuing the relationship, and sex (its quality, compatibility, openness, intimacy, orgasm) will play an important role in the decision-making of both partners. And maybe someone won’t want to continue; this also happens with men who are aiming for a serious relationship. So no offense. Sometimes sex becomes the beginning of a passionate, whirlwind romance, and sometimes the man disappears.” In this case, the psychologist recommends having an honest discussion with the man about what went wrong. “This will also allow you to work on your mistakes or breathe a sigh of relief that this hero has disappeared from your life. Ignorance always gives rise to a million thoughts and illogical conclusions in a beautiful woman’s head. You don’t need this, so ask,” comments Irina Smetanina. But it also happens that a woman subconsciously chooses men who do not need a serious relationship. These, according to Irina Smetanina, include:
- Men in relationships (whether they are officially married or not does not matter) are looking for adventure and variety. In this case, the married lover needs the new girl only for sex.
- Pick-up artists . “They want sexual experience, but there is no money for a relationship or their mother does not allow it, so their main goal is to have as many girls as possible and spend as little money as possible,” says Irina Smetanina.
- Men in crises: crisis of thirty years, crisis of forty, midlife crisis. “Sex with young girls here is a search for emotions, confirmation of being in demand as a man, but there is no moral strength or desire for a serious relationship, to find oneself,” explains Irina Smetanina.
- Careerists . “They build themselves, dream of being like Tony Robbins, take a very active position and for any “kipish”, collect all the medals in running, triathlon, crossfit, yachting, and at night they watch webinars on successful success. At this stage of life, relationships are simply not part of their ambitious plans to conquer the world. Well, or at least until he pays off the loan for the car of his dreams,” says the expert.
- Divorced men. “They have not yet come out of the previous experience, they have just freed themselves, a new sexual life has opened up, which was prohibited in marriage. They just want to go for a walk, such men only need a girl for sex, but they definitely won’t tell you about it,” adds Irina Smetanina. In all these cases, a woman has only two options: agree to be just a mistress or break up, saving her own time and energy. It is impossible to convince such a man - he does not need a relationship, he only wants sex.
Impatience
When a man needs sex only, he won’t beat around the bush for too long. Immediately, as they say, he takes the bull by the horns. “He starts with compliments, and they all lie on the physical plane,” says Irana Smetanina. - The gentleman will talk about your exciting seductiveness and sexuality, the exciting curves of your body. You won't hear a word about your rare talent or outstanding mind. And wait for a request like: “send your photo, I miss you.” On the first date, the partner will move on to physical contact: he will touch your hands, your back, and try to hug you. His goal is to determine how quickly he can get his trophy.”
Greed
It is known that the more a man invests in a woman, the more he values her. This does not apply to guys looking only for sexual adventures. This type will save on everything. He won’t invite you to a reputable restaurant, won’t take you to an expensive resort, and won’t pamper you with gifts. “If all your dates take place in a minimally expensive environment, on March 8, New Year, your birthday, at best he gives a modest gift, and at worst, he leaves for urgent matters (missed - no gift needed), you should think about it,” says Irina Smetanina. “When your intimate meetings with your boyfriend take place mostly in the interior of his car, you don’t even need to think about it.”
Stinginess will manifest itself not only in material things. It’s a pity for a gentleman interested only in sex to spend too much time on passion. "Baby, let's make this real quick!" - that's his motto. “Time costs nothing, but it is the most precious thing we have,” says Olga Turometseva, family psychologist . — The willingness to spend this invaluable resource on another person is an indicator of how much it means, what an important place it occupies. This shows the seriousness and depth of feelings.”
How to understand that a guy only wants sex from you?
How to understand that a guy only wants sex? How can you understand that he is not interested in a serious (long-term) relationship? How do you understand that a man is only counting on one night?
How to understand that a guy only wants sex? How can you understand that he is not interested in a serious (long-term) relationship? How do you understand that a man is only counting on one night? How to understand that a guy only wants sex? How can you understand that he is not interested in a serious (long-term) relationship? How to understand that a man is only counting on one night (before the first sex)?
As you know, boys and girls fall in love differently. Girls fall in love instantly, without actually even knowing the person. But for guys, this is a mature feeling, which takes a lot of time - it depends on the intensity of communication. It takes him a long time to fall in love! It could be 3 months, six months, a year and even 3 years... And all this time he will only play at love! As you know, guys give love to get sex, and girls give sex to get love. And since for guys love is something completely different than for girls, guys play love from the very beginning of dating in order to get this very sex. Every guy wants sex from you. This is fine. Another thing is how to recognize that he doesn’t need anything from you other than sex? And if you recognize this, then you need to leave him, because with him only disappointment, suffering and heartache await you. First you need to listen to your intuition. She never cheats. The only thing is that when a girl is in love, these feelings drown out the voice of intuition. And then you can look at his behavior. If a guy only wants sex, if he is looking only for entertainment, then he will talk more about you (or only about you), and will tell practically nothing about himself. Of course, it's flattering that he's interested in you. But all men are selfish, and if he were in the mood for something long-term, he would definitely talk about himself, his beloved... If he simply tirelessly repeats almost the same “I love you”, “How beautiful you are”, “You I’m better than everyone”, etc., then this should be alarming, although any woman likes it, but it lulls your vigilance... It should be alarming if he doesn’t say why exactly he likes you, in particular, why he likes you today (new dress , new hairstyle, different manners, etc.). A man is specific and if he is really in love with you, he will be inexhaustible with compliments that will be DIFFERENT!!! He will notice the DETAILS! (What an unusual lipstick you are wearing today. It’s so exciting. ... You are beautiful in this new dress. I haven’t seen you in this dress yet ... It suits you ... You are wearing such elegant shoes today ... This handbag goes so well with this dress ...) If a guy only wants sex, if he is only looking for fun, he will praise your sexuality a lot, he will very often say how sexy, seductive you are, he will praise your body. Just listen and pay attention to what compliments he gives you. If he is in the mood for something long-term, he will definitely talk about your intelligence and spiritual qualities. If a guy only wants sex, if he is looking only for entertainment, then he says practically nothing about himself, about his innermost thoughts, his hobbies, interests, i.e. about everything except sex. You have to use pincers to tear out of him at least something about himself. Often you only know his name and how old he is. Think, do you know about his interests and hobbies? What does he really like (football, tennis, fishing, cars, ships, planes, drawing, horror movies, etc.)??? If a guy only wants sex, then he expresses his declarations of love mainly virtually (that is, he says that he loves only in e-mails, chats, icq, sms, etc., at best by phone ). Of course, at the beginning of dating, he always plays at love when he says that he loves. But if he never says this while looking straight into your eyes, then he only needs sex. If such declarations of love are only virtual, then he definitely only needs sex! If a guy only wants sex, if he is looking only for entertainment, then he often sets conditions, perhaps even blackmails, presses that he simply needs sex, he simply cannot live without it, tells the details of his sex life, saying how important sex is for him. Perhaps he threatens that he will stop loving you and leave you if you dare to refuse him. As you know, love either exists or it doesn’t, and bargaining is inappropriate here. If he says that he will give you something just for sex, then he definitely only wants sex. You can be absolutely sure of this!!! So you need to leave him and forget about him, you need to break up with him urgently. If a guy only wants sex, if he is looking only for entertainment, then from the very beginning of meeting him his behavior is too “simple”, as if you have known each other for an eternity, although in fact you have only known each other for 60 minutes to an hour... If a guy only wants sex , if he is looking only for entertainment, then from the beginning of acquaintance all his actions and proposals are aimed at speedy solitude with you. If he offers to go to his home, to his dacha, or somewhere else where you will be alone, then this should be avoided and refused. If a guy only wants sex for one night, then he finds out your plans only for that evening. He is clearly not interested in meeting another time.
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Meeting place can not be Changed
Choosing a date location can tell you a lot about your partner. When a man is interested in a full-fledged relationship, he does not attach much importance to this - the main thing is to meet his lady of the heart. When the goal is only sex, the rules of the game change. “He meets you where it is convenient for him,” says Irina Smetanina. - Most likely, it will be near your or his place of residence. This makes it easier to ask for a cup of coffee, or to lure you in under a plausible pretext, for example, to show a rare species of butterflies brought from Mozambique. He doesn’t want to spend a lot of time and money (remember, right?), He has a goal, and also butterflies, and maybe a rare wine, elite tea, a great movie and the list goes on.”
How to touch a girl
They don’t talk about this, but it is with the help of tactile sensations and touches that men conquer women’s hearts. The sooner you start touching a girl, the faster you will turn her head and get to know her better.
Having started dating a pretty babe, a man is afraid to immediately go on the offensive and seduce. A man courtes a girl, invites her on dates, gives gifts and gradually gains her trust. But it's a long way to intimacy. If you manage to seduce a girl in a couple of months, then this is not your merit, but the lack of other worthwhile options and the woman’s lack of patience.
Any seduction of a girl is not only the ability to pull the wool over her ears. Flirting with a girl, in addition to words, can be physical, when a man uses tactile communication. Any relationship and even a short love affair begins with touching.
Tactile communication is a way of interacting with a girl through touch. Tactile-kinesthetic receptors send corresponding data to the girl’s brain and body. To do this, it is important to influence the girl’s body in the right way. The girl gradually gets used to the man’s touch and begins to want something more, which is hidden in his pants. How to touch a girl correctly? How to touch a girl so that she not only likes it, but also wants more (this is not a typo).
Not superman
Know that a man who is sincerely interested in you will be happy to come to your aid. “This is one of the ways to express your feelings,” says Olga Turometseva. — True love also speaks the language of help. Reluctance to do something for a partner is a clear sign of a lack of spiritual intimacy and a sign of the futility of the relationship.”
If you want to be convinced (or not convinced) of great and bright love, ask your gentleman for help: fix a leaking faucet, walk the dog, assemble a closet. A man who only needs your body will not rush to help, he is busy. This type will quickly respond only to a request for sex. He's not superman! Dot.
Stealth
We remember that one of the main signs of a man’s seriousness of intentions is his readiness to let his partner into his own life: to introduce him to his social circle, to introduce him to friends and relatives. Try to make sure that you begin to share his interests and hobbies - this brings him closer together. When a guy only needs intimacy from you, he won’t do anything like that. “Yes, he will listen to you, shower you with compliments, but that’s all,” says Irina Smetanina. - He will not introduce you to his loved ones and will in every possible way avoid contact with your acquaintances. Some time after breaking up, you suddenly discover that you know nothing about your ex, “aka Goga, aka Zhora, aka Gosha.” Women love to be listened to, but don't get carried away. Ask your boyfriend questions, so you will be more likely to see his true intentions.”
Your plans for the future
If you feel affection for your partner, it is quite logical to ask whether it is possible to take a relationship based on sex only to another qualitative level. “The probability here is no more than 3%,” says Irina Smetanina. - Will you try? Miracles, of course, happen, and a prostitute married a millionaire (remember the movie “Pretty Woman”). However, women are ready to live in such illusions for years, losing the most valuable thing - time. Remember the categories of men? Theoretically, “crisis workers” can get out of the crisis, divorced people can get some exercise, pick-up artists can practice, careerists can build a career, we won’t bother married people. All this may well happen, but there are no guarantees that at this happy moment in his life a man will decide to stay with you.”
Here everyone makes their own choice. If you want to build something worthwhile with a man, first ask yourself what it is that you want from him and what you're not getting. As long as you like guys who are only looking for sex with you, you will avoid other relationships yourself.
Sign 5. You are starting to annoy him.
You suddenly do everything “wrong.” Even the things he once liked. Not a trace remained of the former condescension.
We suggest you read: Fell in love with another man
What lies behind this: He’s just tired of you. Often, a guy deliberately begins to show aggression so that the breakup would not be so painful for the girl.
What to do: If you are confident in yourself, do not take criticism personally. As they say, “water is off a duck’s back.” Although his behavior, alas, most likely means a quick break in the relationship. Well, why do you need such a relationship? Forgive and let go.
Wrong tactics: Cry, apologize for your behavior and try to correct something that, in principle, does not need to be corrected.
