Talk to your parents
In any case, it is worth clarifying the situation. Calmly find out from your parents why they are opposed to your relationship with your boyfriend. Try to understand their position. Perhaps there is justice and logic in it. There are situations when it is worth listening to the parents’ opinion on this issue. After all, they have a wealth of life experience.
In some situations, parents' claims are not justified. Perhaps this happened due to a lack of information or a misinterpretation of some facts. Dispel mom and dad's doubts by telling the truth about your chosen one. Behave properly. There is no need to create a scandal, you will only make things worse.
If your parents do not trust your choice and consider you too young, naive and inexperienced, with your capricious behavior you will only further convince them that you are right.
On the contrary, show that you are a reasonable girl who, when choosing her boyfriend, weighed all the pros and cons and who managed to get to know the young man well before entrusting him with her heart.
Discuss everything with your boyfriend
Sometimes it’s better to let your boyfriend in on the situation. Don't hide from him that your parents don't like him. If the guy and his attitude towards you is based on a sincere feeling, the rejection of the future son-in-law by his mother-in-law and father-in-law should not stop him.
Try to find a solution to the problem together. Maybe you should arrange a meeting between your boyfriend and your parents to give them a chance to get to know each other better. Discuss with your boyfriend in advance how he should behave and what to talk about. This doesn't mean that you need to pretend to be someone else just to earn your parents' favor. It is important to reveal the necessary character traits when meeting someone.
Fight for love
If your conversations and attempts to reconcile mom and dad with your choice have not been successful, and at the same time you are confident in your young man and your mutual feelings, fight for your happiness.
It is up to you to live with the man you have chosen. Your parents know him worse than you do. In addition, they cannot decide for you what to do. In matters of the heart, the first thing you need to do is listen to yourself, and not to your relatives or friends.
Even if your advisors want the best for you, they may be wrong in their judgment.
If you explain everything to your parents and go to live with your loved one, after some time they will probably forgive you and understand you. Your successful relationship will be the best proof that they were wrong.
Parents are those people who always protect, help with choices, and want the best. From a very young age, when children walk under the table, parents raise them and guide them on the right path with their warm, caring hands. But then children grow up, become young men and women, they begin to have not only friendly relationships with peers and older and younger people, but also romantic ones. And then parents begin to sound the alarm!
“He doesn't suit you! He doesn't carry you in his arms, he's sloppy (etc.)! “- Mom screams. “He's not your match. He won't be able to provide for your family. He can’t hammer a nail into the wall, fix the sink (etc.),” the father says, sulking. And the girl begins to be torn between her parents and the young man. Eternal conflicts begin due to the hostile attitude of her parents towards their daughter’s young man. “Parents against the guy - what to do. . “- the girl thinks feverishly. Is it really possible to leave your loved one because of the preconceived opinion of your parents? Of course, they want the best for their daughter, they care about her future, they want her to be successful, to have a strong family, a loving husband - a good support in everything. And they just can’t discern their future husband in their daughter’s boyfriend. He seems to them not successful enough, smart, strong, caring, gallant, etc. But we must remember that this is the daughter’s choice! You need to respect him! It was not for nothing that she drew attention to this young man?
What a girl thinks about after some time in a serious relationship with a young man is how to introduce the guy to her parents. This acquaintance involves a kind of presentation of your choice so that parents do not have doubts about the relationship of their beloved daughter, so that they do not worry about trifles.
To meet, you need to choose a day when neither your parents nor your boyfriend will be tired from work/school. You can invite a young man to dinner, which the girl will certainly prepare herself. You need to discuss everything with your parents in advance, talk about the guy, give him a brief description, if they don’t know it yet, you can tell them how brave and noble he is, how he once carried his beloved through the puddles, how he invited her to a tango evening to learn to dance together, how he carefully carries an umbrella when it rains so that his beloved does not get wet. This way the parents will be more inclined to get to know him. The guy, in turn, also needs to be prepared, together choose a suit in which he will come to dinner, or other clothes suitable for an evening meal and meeting his parents. You need to tell him about your parents’ hobbies, where they work, what they are interested in, so that the guy doesn’t accidentally start a conversation on his parents’ least favorite topic right at dinner, so that a negative opinion is not formed about him.
If your parents forbid you from dating a guy, that’s a different matter. What could be the reason? Maybe there is something alarming about him? Maybe they think that their daughter and her boyfriend are too different or too young for a relationship? We need to listen to their opinion! Falling in love is love, but you need to weigh all the points. There may be various explanations and reasons behind the phrase “my parents don’t like my boyfriend.”
In any case, only the girl should decide. This is her life, her choice, her destiny. If she loves a person and sees him as her “prince,” if she is confident in him, if his shortcomings seem to her only advantages, she cannot part with the guy. The opinion of your parents is important, you should listen to it, but you must act according to the dictates of your heart. Good luck!
Valeria Protasova
Reading time: 7 minutes
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The situation when parents don’t like their daughter’s boyfriend is not uncommon - Romeo and Juliet also suffered from parental misunderstandings. And in the modern world there are the same unhappy couples.
Why is this happening?
After all, everyone knows and accepts the fact that this is the daughter’s choice, and the girl, not her parents, will have to spend her life with a young man.
Need some advice? Write your story Hello! I am 17, my boyfriend is 24 years old. My problem is that my mom doesn't love my boyfriend. She is not satisfied with his age, work and lack of higher education. Because of this, my mother and I constantly have quarrels. for me, my young man is wonderful - he is kind, caring, with a sense of humor, fulfills any of my wishes and endures numerous hysterics that arise due to problems with parents, because of studies, and so on. he takes care of me, gives me gifts, takes me to different places - I feel good with him, I’m in love. but my mother thinks that he is not worthy of me. I am a student at the best university in the country, and, frankly, she would like me to fall in love with an oligarch. Perhaps she is right in some ways, but Moscow was not built right away, and at the moment I don’t need anyone except my beloved. she constantly quarrels with my dad - and motivates her attitude towards my boyfriend by the fact that she doesn’t want me to live the same way. and besides, she is against my intimate life. We've been dating for a year and a half, and both I and he want more. We are waiting until I come of age. but my mother constantly tells me that no one needs gay virgins: she herself encountered this in her youth. I am more or less independent from my parents: I buy my own expensive gadgets, clothes, food. I earn money and a fashion person helps me. and I live in another city in a hostel. but I would like my mother to respect my choice: I perfectly see all the advantages and disadvantages of my young man, but I am in love with him, and I would like my mother to treat our relationship with respect and understanding. help, what should I do? Rate:
Daria, age: 17 / 01/04/2014
Responses:
Probably, due to the fact that I am a girl, I am quite emotional :) Therefore, Dashenka, forgive me in advance for my chaotic and emotional review. But after reading your story, I can’t help but write to you from my heart! DO NOT HURRY! You “want more” and your coming of age is not a reason for intimacy! The fact that you are still a virgin is of great value! Your value! Don't give yourself away just because you're in love. Give yourself to the one who decides to take responsibility for you for life - your husband. I know what I'm talking about! Falling in love, gifts, patience - everything tends to pass. And that's a fact. Right now it is being decided: you will go through this stage with your head held high, learn to build relationships, when the “chemical” love passes, build a strong family and be happy; or you will find yourself in a rat race: falling in love - “chemistry” - sex - disappointment - searching - falling in love... More than a dozen girls I know have fallen for this bait! Is this person ready to love you all his life and marry you? Or is he just talking sweetly about it? I don't want to offend you in any way. I can’t read your thoughts and intentions. Take care of your dignity, honor and purity. It's priceless!!! After all, it's not just about whether your mother likes your chosen one or not - it's about your future. My dad still doesn’t understand and can’t stand my husband :) He is still sure that I deserve more, and that my husband is stupid and not worthy of me. But this did not stop us from building strong friendship, trust, the foundation for a future family, getting married and giving ourselves to each other already being legal husband and wife. Believe me, the 8 years of waiting were worth it! Get your priorities right. I sincerely believe that you will make the right decision and your life will turn out great!
Lena, age: 25 / 01/16/2014
It seems to me that this is an impossible wish; your mother will always think about your benefit as she sees it, and not as you would like. Even if he makes mistakes. I myself also do not share the view that marrying an oligarch is happiness. It seems to me that there are much more problems there. The main thing is that the person next to you is a reliable, good person, who sincerely shares your difficulties, and that you share his. For example, my wife and I have been living together and well for 10 years. But my wife’s mother was always against me. At first she intrigued, tried to separate us, for about 3 years. Now she has reconciled, but still sometimes calls me names behind my back, doesn’t like me, but now it’s much better than before. I’ve come to terms with this and don’t stress too much, it’s unpleasant, but I endure it, I understand that she always had other views (not correct in many ways), a rich family, although she didn’t earn this money, this is the father with whom I have a good relationship. I'm not very rich yet) but my wife doesn't complain, and that's the main thing. But now she doesn’t swear at her mother and doesn’t quarrel with her because of this (and that was the case before, of course) and I always helped her to treat this way, even when there were all these intrigues, and now she also treats the situation more calmly - You can live completely without paying attention to the little things. Maybe something will change later. Therefore, if I were you, I wouldn’t try to prove anything to my mother, let her treat her as she wants, if the person is good, maybe she’ll understand, well, she’ll notice it anyway, maybe in a conversation with you you’ll explain everything to her in a good way, many times and will understand, but through quarrels he will never understand. The main thing is that your situation is correct and he is actually a good person, then you won’t have to prove anything, life will prove it over time, I think there is no other way. The big danger here is that if you yourself make a mistake... Usually, knowing a person for a year or two, even 3, you will not be able to see all his advantages and disadvantages, this is impossible, it takes a lot of time, to truly evaluate him correctly, you need go through certain difficulties with him, more than once or twice. And if a person is still in love, then he sees more of what he would like, and not the real picture.
Sergey, age: 33 / 02/07/2014
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Reasons why your parents may not like your fiancé - so why are your parents against your boyfriend?
There is no smoke without fire. If your parents don't like a guy, there might be something really wrong with him.
Parents are wise from life experience, and therefore understand each situation differently. You may be under the influence of a strong love that closes your eyes. And your parents see all the shortcomings and possible outcomes of your relationship.
They always want only the best for their child, so they often have excessive demands on young people.
- Parents may think that the girl is still too young
, even if she is over 20. If the daughter is under 18, and the guy is much older than her, then such a relationship can frighten not only the parents. After all, the girl cannot yet objectively assess the young man’s attitude towards her, and he can take advantage of her naivety. Nothing good will come of this. - Also, parents may not like the groom if he is many years older than even the adult girl.
For example, when she is 25 and he is over 35. This is not always bad, the main thing is to explain it correctly to your parents.
What to do if your parents are against your boyfriend - we become wiser and look for compromises
- You need to try to understand your parents
, because they are not strangers to you, and they only want the best. If the reason is that they do not want to give you the necessary amount of freedom and independence, then you need to explain that you are already an adult and understand what your actions can lead to. Those. give yourself a full account of your actions - this will reassure your parents.
Becoming an adult means taking responsibility for your actions.
. Know that if you make a mistake, you will have to sort out the results yourself.
- Maybe the guy really is “defective”?
And he doesn’t respect you and creates a lot of problems. Then do you need it at all? You need to look at your soul mate in a new way. - Perhaps his parents do not notice his positive qualities.
Then it’s worth telling them about them. Why do you love and respect him? Why are you with him and not with someone else?
Helpful advice:
The first meeting with your parents needs to be experienced. Many parents don't like the guy the first time. Because they greet you based on their clothes, but they see you off based on your mind. Later they will realize that he is not a bad person and a worthy choice for you. You just need to let your parents cool down and calm down.
- Try talking to your parents
: find out what exactly you didn’t like about the young man. And think about how to fix it - if possible. - Find something in common between your parents and your boyfriend
. People like people who are similar to them. Perhaps, like dad, the guy loves fishing or likes to cook, like mom. Or maybe he prefers the same music or books as his parents, and likes old movies. - If there was an open conflict with expressing your opinions to each other, then the parties need to be reconciled, and the guy should take the first step
, because he is at least younger.
What to do if your relatives don't like your guy?
Solving such a problem is quite difficult, because when a person is in love, he cannot understand why his relatives do not share your choice and they do not like your boyfriend. Very often, the negative attitude of relatives can lead to young people breaking off relationships and then falling into protracted and severe depression. Sometimes there are more serious endings to such relationships, when the girl’s boyfriend is not liked by her relatives.
In order to resolve the problem and calmly meet with a young man, you can use the following recommendations.
What you should absolutely not do if your parents are against the groom - wise advice for wise girls
- You can’t fight with your parents
, do things out of spite, including getting pregnant. Pregnancy cannot solve a single problem - be it misunderstanding, saving a family from falling apart, or getting married late. Things will only get worse. Misunderstandings will worsen, and the hassle will increase a hundredfold. - You cannot blackmail your parents
, including with your death, or by escaping from home. This will not add parental love to your boyfriend. They will simply hate him because he is the cause of quarrels in the family. - Swear with your parents
, demand that they change their attitude: “Why don’t you like him? He’s good!”, “You have to accept him - it’s my choice.” Just as you cannot love by order, you cannot change your attitude at the command of another person. - You can't complain about a guy to your parents
. After a quarrel, you will make peace and forget the insults, but they will not. They feel bad that someone is hurting their child. The instinct to protect offspring also works at the level of relationships. - Don't leave your boyfriend if you really love him.
Parents can evaluate a person biasedly. They might just be wrong. But, if you are sure that he is your destiny, then you need to fight for him.
The only "BUT":
If the girl is still very young - under 16-19 years old, then she needs to follow the advice of her parents and not go against them. Of course, all ages are submissive to love, but you should listen to your parents, because they have age, experience and life wisdom on their side.
If you don’t listen to their advice, you can get into a lot of trouble. You will be left with, at a minimum, a broken heart and, at maximum, a ruined destiny.
. And then bitterly regret your stupidity and distrust of adults, who were right after all.
What would you do in a situation where the parents are against the groom? We will be grateful for your opinion!
On April 16, the series “The Last of the Magikians” starts on CTC Love. The main character is the head of the Magikyan family, Karen, who, together with his wife, is raising three daughters and trying to come to terms with their different characters, desires and, most importantly, boyfriends. And of course, he doesn’t like these guys, and he doesn’t hide it from anyone.
If you have encountered a similar situation - when your dad doesn’t like your boyfriend - then be sure to watch the series “The Last of the Magikians”, it will help you perceive this situation not so tragically and give you some advice. And yes, read the article below.
Tell me about the advantages of your boyfriend
For a father, his daughter is the most ideal creature on earth, and in his eyes, any guy will not be good enough for her. In such a situation, you need to explain to your dad what exactly you love about your boyfriend, how he conquered you. Then give your boyfriend different ideas, for example, painting the fence at your dacha, helping your father get a car part, etc.
Don't deprive your parents of attention
Often fathers cannot explain why they do not like their daughters' boyfriends. Absolutely everything irritates them, and they cannot justify their point of view. This speaks of banal parental jealousy. And it is caused by the fact that with the appearance of a man in your life, you began to devote less time to your parents. A way out of this situation may be duty calls, traditional Sunday dinners, or joint trips to the theater or cinema.
Common interests
Ask your boyfriend to find common topics of conversation with your father. Tell him what dad is interested in so that he is prepared and can start a conversation on a topic that will unite them.
A few words to daughters
If you are reading this article because your mother is too involved in your personal life, try to look at the situation from a different perspective. Of course, you are an adult, you have the right to decide who to live with, who to love. But is it worth spoiling relationships with your loved ones?
- Don't be aggressive and don't say that all this advice is complete nonsense. Try to understand that everyone cares in the best way they can. Detachment, mistrust and coldness can seriously hurt a loving mother.
- Instead of insults, complaints, dissatisfaction, or trying to do everything on purpose, try to calmly talk to your mother and explain to her what you don’t like. This will allow her to see you as an adult capable of dialogue.
- Listen to her advice, whatever it may be. Perhaps, if she knows that you are listening to her and are ready for dialogue, she will stop being too persistent in her advice and instructions.
- Mom won’t teach you bad things: 5 tips that are always relevant
Parents love their children and want them to be happy, although they don't always show it the way we would like. It's great if the goal is to maintain trust and love, and not to show that the parents know what will be better. If there is trust in the relationship between parents and their adult children, then both parties in difficult situations will turn to each other for support and advice, without withdrawing from fear of discontent, anger and condemnation.
