These days, eating pizza for dinner under the desk lamp in the office at the end of a 10-hour day is more common than one would like to believe. Some people love their jobs, others are saving for an apartment (or paying off their mortgage), and others have simply chosen a career that leaves no other choice. But even if the reasons are clear, many people find it difficult to come to terms with the 60-hour week of their spouses (yes, we are not only talking about workaholic men, but also about workaholic women, since workaholism does not have a distinct gender). What should you do when your partner's excessive commitment to work threatens the relationship?
The main thing you need to understand for yourself is the difference between a workaholic and a hard worker . If a man works overtime to feed his family and pay the interest on the loan on time, then once again analyze your attitude and grievances. But if you think he's working even when he might not be working, follow these 10 steps to get your hubby back "down to earth" and back with the family. However, caution and delicacy are needed here too. If work is truly a part of his life, then you, as a companion “through thick and thin,” should support his dreams and desires.
But it is possible and necessary to improve your relationship with a workaholic! And here are 10 ways to do it.
Don't compare yourself to other couples: there is no template for relationships that everyone should follow
Just because your friend's husband has time to watch an episode or two of House with her every Sunday doesn't mean you should go out of your way to do the same. Remember, you made your choice - you chose a man whose work may take more time than others. Live your life, as comparison can be depressing.
Carefully consider and plan the time you spend together. If you can’t relax at the seaside every summer, try to at least plan a weekend away from the city and the bustle at some base. I'm sure it will work out.
Self-demandingness is another symptom
If your man is demanding of himself, you will turn him into a workaholic by reproaching him for forgetfulness and inattention, especially if you constantly remind him where, when and what he made a mistake.
Let your man relax. Let him feel free from responsibilities and obligations next to you, just relax and relieve stress - this is exactly what he needs now. If you don't give him this opportunity, he will look elsewhere. Do you want your husband to passionately want to throw off the yoke of a married man? Load him with household chores more often. So what if he gets tired at work? It’s not easy for you either, let him feel the household for himself. Before you know it, you will get rid of your spouse. It would be better for the husband to have a small range of his own responsibilities that require him to use his exactingness towards himself. You must completely trust him, without under any circumstances double-checking whether something has been done or not. This way your spouse will feel needed, but not overloaded, and you will have some free time.
If you are lucky enough to have a hardworking husband (and this is a rare occurrence), you should not feel sorry for yourself.
Take advantage of the opportunities that arise wisely, and you will not have to fall asleep in an empty bed, suffering from inattention. Stop shedding tears and help your loved one build the home of your dreams. In addition, hardworking men show this quality in all areas of life, including in bed. At least that's what psychologists from the American Psychological Association say. They conducted a study and found that women whose husbands are busy with work get much more pleasure from their sex lives than the wives of lazy men. Isn't it time to do your own research? Its results within a single family will definitely be valid!
Act quickly and tactfully
If you think your man is ignoring his responsibilities as a husband or - especially - a father, don't demand anything. It is quite possible that he does not even understand what exactly is included in his obligations. Often workaholics go through life as if in a trance and are not always aware of what is happening around them. Help him stay informed by discussing all issues non-intrusively and as early as possible. Accusations and grievances can cause an even more “steep” defensive reaction in response. If you want him to hear and understand, convey the information to him calmly. He already works a lot - maybe he no longer has the strength to guess your expectations? 
How to communicate with a workaholic?
- Reminding that a family is created for people to be together. Try to create work and rest schedules together so that you can manage everything. After all, working seven days a week can undermine your health.
- Ask for help. Let him know that he cannot neglect his household responsibilities. Involve in raising children. Explain that you cannot cope with some problems on your own.
- Look for something that might be interesting to both. Ask how he would like to spend his time outside of work. Go to the cinema, take a walk, go somewhere. After all, there are some things that were interesting to both?
It is not uncommon for people to become workaholics, working in organizations where there is practically no time for rest. If your husband finds himself in exactly this situation, you should think about whether it makes sense to change your job to one that pays less, but leaves time for communication with your family? Is a career worth the spoiled mood and lost health? Sometimes it can be difficult to cope on your own, then you should seek the help of a psychologist.
Still, work is rarely the goal of human life. Rather, going to work is a forced measure. This means that the situation can always be changed if desired.
Photo: depositphotos.com
Coordination of joint lunches
If you are thinking of showing up at his office as a “surprise” to have lunch together, it is better to warn him and coordinate such a pastime. Yes, you are planning this with good intentions, but your favorite workaholic may not want to “mix” work and personal life.
I hope you can reach an understanding. And it seems to me that the best way to understand a workaholic is to become a workaholic by finding a job you like!
Your Lady Antikrizis , returned from prolonged inactivity
How do people become workaholics?
- Workaholic since childhood . Usually the eldest or only children in the family become workaholics. Older parents place too much responsibility on their younger brothers and sisters. On the only ones there is great hope that they will realize all the unrealized parental dreams. Sometimes parents instill in a child that he should be ideal and perfect, and they show love for him as a reward for grades in school, certificates and cups in sports, etc. If a boy has been accustomed since childhood to working tirelessly as a “senior”, or to “earning” love through achievements, then changing him as an adult will not be easy, and this cannot be done without a psychologist.
- Conqueror. He likes to work, beat competitors, find solutions to problems, and, ultimately, maintain his status in society. But while working, he gets so carried away that he forgets about balance. You can find time for yourself or your family in the most responsible position - if you wish.
- Fugitive. If the manifestation of workaholism began relatively recently, then it is worth considering whether work is a screen to distance yourself from the family. Moreover, this may not be conscious - there is simply no desire to return home, and there are many reasons to stay late at work. And here the main thing is not to engage in mutual accusations, finding out who is to blame.
Schedule.
To somehow get rid of this problem, use work scheduling . At the same time, it is important to be patient and able to give in on something. For example, my husband needs to stay late at work on Tuesday. You too can stay at your desk a little longer and complete a few tasks planned for the next day. But in the following days, you will be able to leave work early to cook a romantic dinner for your husband or go to the cinema with him. A few such pleasant evenings and your husband will not want to sit in his office for a long time.
Escape from personal life
Workaholism is not always associated with a great love for one’s profession.
Often, workaholics “run away” to work, trying to escape from family troubles , to feel competent, needed and irreplaceable.
So first, think about what started earlier - the husband’s constant disappearance at work or conflicts on some basis . In the second case, it will be easier to correct the situation.
Whatever the causes of workaholism, its symptoms remain the same:
- You hardly see him at home . He works outside of normal working hours, even on weekends and holidays. He forgets about plans for the weekend and simply faces the fact: “I need to go to the office on Saturday and Sunday.”
- promised several times - when he achieves the next promotion, submits the annual report or completes the next project. But these remain promises, and you, as before, continue to live with a workaholic.
- He is much more interested in talking about work than about hobbies, news, household chores, and even your plans for the future.
- for him to refuse to work outside of school hours.
- He feels a sense of responsibility only in relation to work. Housework, raising children, your relationships are left to chance .
Doesn't see his children
Vera always loved her work: she stayed late and took it home. My son studied well, there were no problems. But this year he will be admitted, and I feel that all the difficulties associated with graduation and admission will have to be resolved by me. I believe that a child should feel the support of both parents.
After the birth of my daughter, everything happened again: she could barely stand the maternity leave and rushed to work. I am offended that Vera devotes so much time and attention to other people’s children, and not to her own. She thinks only about work, and when she returns home, she continues to talk about what they had, how Masha or Sasha are doing, and her children are doing well, if she asks: “Are you all right?” On vacation, he often goes to work, finishes something, redoes something. And he is constantly afraid of not doing something or not being on time.
I tried to explain to her that this is not normal, but she says: “I’m in good standing, I have to do everything, I can’t let people down.” As if we are not the most important people for her.
Women's happiness - if only a sweetheart were nearby
When a woman comes to see a family psychiatrist with the problem that her husband is a workaholic, and she suffers from this, the specialists only smile. But it is difficult for a specialist to react to such a situation in any other way, since, in fact, we can say that the wife of her workaholic husband lives like “Christ in his bosom”, and complains only because she has nothing else to do.
But is this really so, let's find out! Let's start with the fact that when you complain about your workaholic husband, you do not know how to appreciate what you have and do not know how to thank life for the privileges it has given you.
Well, think for yourself, many women dream of getting married and being behind their husband like behind a stone wall. Moreover, many wives dream of having a husband who will earn money, and not lie on the couch and stare uselessly at the TV. So, rest assured, many women would like to be in your place. So maybe you should stop complaining about your life and your bad workaholic husband, and start enjoying this chance to be the wife of a wonderful husband who takes care of you, your family, and tries to increase your well-being?
If such facts have not made any impression on you, and you still think that your husband is a workaholic is a problem, we bring to your attention a psychological method that will help you change your view of this situation. So, imagine for a moment that life has rewarded you not with a workaholic husband, but with an alcoholic or lazy husband.
Imagine that he, in general, cannot or does not want to go to work, and you have to work for two and carry everything on your shoulders, what do you think it would be like? I wonder what if your husband was too loving and cheated on you left and right? Would you be glad that your husband simply works too much?
This again confirms the fact that women are amazing people: your husband works hard, tries to provide for your family and your personal needs to the maximum. He sleeps at home at night, and doesn’t hang out in pubs because he has too much time and energy, and you’re not happy with the fact that he pays little attention to you and doesn’t take part in discussing a new hair dye or buying new sneakers for a child! And now the most important thing is that there is a way out of this, in your opinion, difficult situation, and it does not lie in changing your husband, but in changing, first of all, yourself.
It came to a scandal
Recently there was a big scandal: in the evening at dinner, my wife answered something to a student on the Internet. The daughter approached her and asked something, but seeing that her mother was not reacting, she shouted: “Don’t you hear? I'm asking!". And the wife, without looking up from the phone, automatically answered: “You’ll talk to your mom like that at home!”
I couldn’t stand it, I grabbed the phone from her, threw it on the floor and swept the notebooks off the table. The wife burst into tears and went into another room, slamming the door. I barely calmed down. I am also a responsible person at work, but there is something else important in life. I don’t know what can be done.”
Relationship with a workaholic man
Relationships October 20, 2020, at 07:06
Workaholic men can be classified as the best of their kind. Not a single woman would mind her beloved giving all his strength for the well-being of the family. As a rule, such men are distinguished by self-confidence and common sense. They know how to prioritize and know their worth.
Men of this type are not encountered very often. But, from a female point of view, this fact can be considered a plus. After all, not every lady agrees to a secondary role next to a man. The first will always be work. That is why workaholics choose calm and homely wives who can give up career growth for the sake of family happiness. A woman must manage the household and care for her husband and children.
This union can be called ideal, each partner has its own place in life. The wife takes on all the responsibilities around the house, so a workaholic man will not have the physical strength and desire to do housework. He will strive to come home, where everything has already been done, peace and harmony reign. He needs a warm and cozy place where he can rest his body and soul. A housewife wife should also not sit at home. It turns out that a cozy nest is work for her. Therefore, she also needs to make forays beyond the perimeter of the apartment. For example, go to a store or beauty salon.
Girls who have decided to connect their lives with a man who constantly disappears at work must understand that it is not worth changing their betrothed. There is no need to tell him how to live, how much time to devote to work and how much to family. Such people are full of energy and enthusiasm; if their undertakings are cut down at the root, they will quickly wither. It is not yet known what will be better - to have a workaholic husband or a parasite. Therefore, you need to understand for yourself whether you can withstand living together with such a person.
You can understand that your man is a workaholic by several signs:
He has a lot of plans that he is trying to talk about.
He knows exactly which direction to move. Sometimes it may seem that he has planned his life several years in advance.
If your man cancels a meeting under the pretext of being busy at work, then this is the first sign that you are meeting a workaholic. Of course, at the first stage of a relationship, this will not happen. He will envelop you in care and give you romantic evenings. As soon as the relationship moves into a more stable direction, the man will be able to afford to devote more time to work and leave his personal life in second place.
For many women, this behavior becomes incomprehensible. This is where reproaches and scandals arise. As a result, the woman’s nerves can’t stand it and the girl decides to break off the relationship. Of course, at first she will try to draw his attention to her person, but all attempts turn out to be negative. It is rightly said that relationships will last as long as women have enough nerves.
Perhaps women do not have the patience or wisdom to understand and trust their man. But one thing is for sure: behind such a man you can feel like a real woman, confident in the future. Unless, of course, he starts to stress himself out and lead to a nervous breakdown.
