If your marriage has become boring... Advice from a psychologist
If your marriage has become boring... Advice from a psychologist If your marriage has become boring... Advice from a psychologist Have you been married for several years and boredom has begun to treacherously creep into your marriage? Are you not so interested in being together now, the common joys have passed, your spouse no longer surprises you? Does your time together revolve around everyday life, caring for children, and doing household chores? It's time to change something! Let's figure out together how to restore family happiness. What is boredom in marriage? Boredom in marriage is a series of problems that have arisen that we do not want to solve in family life. For example, you say that you are bored with washing dishes. But by these words you mean: “Wash, wash, and the mountain of unwashed dishes does not end... At least someone would help or praise!” What is the reason for such boredom? Often, unresolved conflicts between spouses, unmet needs and desires contribute to the emergence of boredom in marriage. Lack of attention. What to do? One of the most common causes of misunderstandings between husband and wife is lack of attention to each other. For example, earlier you walked in the park in the evenings, holding hands, talked for a long time, discussed common aspirations and dreams. And today your evening is spent in front of the TV screen or behind the stove in the kitchen. If this situation is familiar to you, then it’s time to make up for the loss of attention. You have lost your emotional connection and are psychologically tired. You need to restore the lost connection and cheer yourself up. At the beginning of your relationship, you talked for a long time, were madly in love, and admired each other, believing that it would always be this way. For some time, this relationship was based on an emotional connection. But over time, the relationship settled down and the connection was lost. Relationships are the same daily work, only instead of money you get harmony and understanding between spouses. Any relationship needs to be worked on if you want to maintain that spark between you that was lit in the beginning. To restore the emotional connection and cheer yourself up, you will need to renew a trusting relationship: start talking again and discussing your dreams, aspirations, etc. Tactile contact is also important: gentle kisses and hugs, intimate caresses. Communicate with your husband: ask how his day was, how he is doing at work, talk about problems and worries. Remember the period when your relationship was just beginning. Where did you go? What did you do? Try to go back in time again and do everything that happened in the beginning. Skin contact is very important. Hug your husband with or without reason, kiss, tell him how good you feel with him. It is important for a man to feel needed and loved. Lack of new things. What to do? The cause of misunderstandings between spouses can also be a lack of new impressions, emotions, and events. Perhaps everything is fine in the family. But one spouse is hungry for something new, he wants to constantly develop, learn something - but the other is happy with everything, he doesn’t need anything. This is how the spouse tries to improve himself alone. He has already reached the first level in his relationship: he has done a lot for the family and is ready to move to the second. To resolve such a misunderstanding, sit down and calmly discuss with your husband or wife your options for further development. Share with him what you want, what you would like to do, change. Don't be afraid to discuss your spiritual impulses in development. For example, you sat at home for a long time, caring for a child. Now the baby has grown up and you feel that you can engage in your creativity.
I'm bored with my wife
I am 29 years old and I have a beautiful wife, with whom we have been married for more than 7 years. We have a wonderful four-year-old daughter. From the first day of our marriage until today, I, for my part, do everything to make the life of my family as comfortable as possible. We live in a separate apartment, I gave my wife the opportunity not to work, I don’t spare anything for my daughter (toys, clothes, sections, mugs, etc.). I don’t hang out with friends, I don’t drink anywhere, I don’t stay home late (except for work). The main part of my life is work (which, given the need to obtain a high stable income, as you understand, requires maximum return from me). In the family I am without a doubt the authority, my word is usually dominant.
My wife and I treat each other with respect, yielding to each other where possible.
With all this, lately I have begun to feel that there is nothing exciting or new in my life.
Our interests are completely different, I love trips to nature, books, drunken discussions on the topic of alien civilizations, etc. She is only interested in things, shopping, clothes... But this is half the trouble. Recently I caught myself thinking that for a year we didn’t talk about anything interesting to each other. If she is the initiator of the conversation, then after 5 minutes of receiving information about new jackets or boots, I avoid the conversation. I myself haven’t started conversations lately, because I know that she won’t be able to support this conversation with interesting reasoning. Yes, I understand that a person who has not worked for 4 years is a little behind a person who rotates every day in the hustle and bustle of the working day. But here we see complete degradation.
As for sex, everything here is also very sad. Despite the fact that my wife is beautiful (skinny blonde and all that), she doesn’t show any initiative at all, or even more precisely, originality. And seeing this apathy of hers, for my part, I also don’t push her to experiment (I don’t like to force something on someone, knowing in advance that the person doesn’t crave it).
In general, my life passes in complete despondency, despite the fact that, within the generally accepted framework, we have a normal family.
It just seems to me that my life is passing by and I’m missing the moment when I can see something, know something, meet someone, learn something new. I don’t want to lay my life down on the altar of my family, but I also feel uncomfortable at the thought of divorce. Still, my wife didn’t do anything frankly wrong, except make my life dull...
Bored with my wife
How boring it is to be a wife! Dispute between a married woman and a single woman
A debate about all the advantages and disadvantages of two different lives - a Wife and a Free Woman.
“How boring it is to be a wife!” - exclaimed someone who was once married and had already managed to get a divorce by the age of 25 and join the ranks of man-haters, - “If I had known this earlier, I would not have spent two years on constant quarrels, clarifying already strained relations with my husband and a bouquet of female obligations around the house: endless trips to grocery stores, weekly big laundry, many hours of standing at the stove, mopping floors and other nonsense. If I had known before what marriage was, I would never have exchanged the life of a single woman for a life burdened with family worries.”
And no matter how hard I tried to convince her, sitting in the kitchen and already drinking my tenth cup of tea, the girl, confident in her judgment, remained adamant. So we sat, not looking at the clock, which had long since passed midnight, and argued about all the advantages and disadvantages of two different lives - Wife and Free Woman.
She proved to me that if you are a Wife, you have a lot of problems. And this:
- when you get married, you acquire feelings of jealousy, anger, dissatisfaction, responsibility; — after work you need to rush home, instead of going to the movies with a very nice employee; - you are unlikely to be able to stay overnight with your parents or a close friend without arousing a number of suspicions from your spouse; - all nightclubs, discos, going to restaurants alone during family life are a thing of the past; - the notorious freedom recedes into the very background, and all that remains is to dream about it at night, carelessly remembering the former life of a free woman.
Not to mention what you need:
- be sure to cook dinner, even if you don’t want to do it at all; - give birth to children, because the more years a woman lives in marriage, the more often unambiguous questions arise from those around her; - wash heaps of laundry, which if you live alone you may not do this for weeks; - suppress feelings of laziness and apathy, because in front of your husband you always need to be in shape and full of optimism; - visit your husband’s relatives, even if you can’t stand them; - and many many others.
“No!,” she finally exclaimed in horror, “This is all completely not for me!”
And although I agreed with her in many respects, nevertheless, as my experience and the experience of all the women around me showed, not everyone has such problems. And besides, having lost the delights of a free life, most women do not regret it at all.
Because by getting married, a Woman gains the following:
- the official status of a married lady, which helps everyone around her to take this woman more seriously; - beloved half, close and dear person, sometimes in many ways replacing all friends and relatives; - feelings of tenderness, love and admiration (even if only for the first time), as well as feelings of significance and responsibility; - new relatives and friends of your husband, who can become your friends, as well as people close in spirit and views;
Not to mention the fact that:
Family life has become boring - what to do?
Family life is not for boredom. Over time, there comes a time in any married couple when they become bored with each other. Family life has become boring - what to do? Over the years, the situation only gets worse and complete disappointment can occur. Change your life for the better, make your life more diverse, add new colors to it.
If you think that this is beyond your power, that you are tired of fighting for the objection of your relationship with your loved one, you think that your time is wasted and your choice is wrong, then maybe you should reconsider your views? There is no conflict where one person is to blame!
Family life has become boring - what to do?
Don't wait for insight out of nowhere, you need to act! Make life satisfying and pleasing to you. Here are a few rules that will help you understand a lot about family life, which it is advisable to take note of:
1. Staying home will not lead to anything good. Household chores crowd out romantic relationships and the state of novelty, which later leads to habit.
It is necessary to change the environment, meet with friends, go out of town with family, go somewhere together on vacation. Expand the range of your entertainment, include in their list something new, something that you have long wanted to do, but never dared. Going to the theater, cinema, skating rink, water park, circus, zoo, and so on can be listed ad infinitum, it is simply necessary for relaxation, the main thing is that you enjoy it and bring positive emotions to both of you.
2. You shouldn’t dwell on problems. When you are at work, do not think about household chores, this will not lead to anything good, it will only lead to a bad mood and depression. Family life has become boring - it’s difficult, but it’s worth trying, you need to learn to abstract yourself from problems, and after a while think about it with clear thoughts, you’ll see, and a solution to the problem will be found.
3. An activity for the soul is a necessity for every person, as they say, an outlet.
From this, he is fueled by positive emotions, which allow him to cope with minor troubles. This activity could be sports, go jogging, swimming, yoga, or just do exercises in the morning and you will notice how your vitality improves. You can do embroidery, drawing, modeling, cooking, writing articles and much more. The list is very large and everyone will find something to their liking.
If a person is passionate about something, you will always have a topic for conversation.
4.Sex brings couples closer together. Psychologists have studied that couples who sleep separately very quickly lose interest in each other and their relationship reaches a dead end. A person needs a state of intimacy. Various controversial issues and quarrels are resolved more easily among couples who have sex more often. You shouldn't refuse sex if your partner is wrong about something. Systematic such behavior leads to betrayal and a change in attitude.
It’s become boring in your family life - don’t be mopey - do something that brings you together in your free time from work, for example - watch TV and earn money!
Family life has become boring...
Did you like the article? Share with friends on social networks:
How to diversify your life?
So, let's start getting out of this damn routine and gray life together. As written above, life becomes boring when a person does the same thing day after day, and this gets very boring. From here we start. You need to do something new that you have not done before.
“He revealed the secret to me too!!!”
- you say indignantly.
However, this advice is simple in words. After all, in order to find a new business, you will have to work hard. Many people are hampered by uncertainty. Uncertainty scares all people, and they are reluctant to get out of it. Others will have to rack their brains because they don’t know what they like and what they would like to do in life. This is exactly what you need. Start looking for a NEW ACTIVITY
that you want to do and that will give you pleasure. Believe me, the search will entertain you so much that you will want more. You will even understand yours.
The next piece of advice is this: engage in self-development and self-improvement
. For example, visit this site. There is so much free educational information that the routine from your life will disappear for a hundred years.
Start learning a foreign language, otherwise the Turks know English, but you don’t. Shame on you? I suggest you do handicrafts, drawing, games, dancing, ballet, cooking, oratory. Start attending trainings and seminars on a topic that interests you. There you will make new acquaintances and receive a lot of positive emotions. The moral of this advice is this: people who study and never get bored. And if you use this advice, then you yourself will understand why this is so.
Change your habits.
Stop living like a programmed robot. Where is yours? Watch your life. You do many things the same way every day, starting from waking up. To begin, brush your teeth with your left hand if you are right-handed and with your right hand if you are left-handed. Go to work on foot, and not by car, as you are used to. Instead of coffee, drink tea, start visiting new institutions (for example, a theater, an artist's concert or a museum), and so on. Such little things will pleasantly diversify your life, and you will be satisfied.
To quickly diversify your life, I recommend that you make new acquaintances
. If you don’t know how to make new acquaintances, then read the article - And so, new people give new impressions. For example, you can invite your work colleagues to go somewhere or go somewhere. For me personally, this is my favorite way to diversify my life. You can resort to the Internet (or social networks). True, I don’t meet people via the Internet, so I can’t say for sure.
The next tip is to rest.
. Being busy all the time is not the best way to add variety to your life. Make the most of your days off, because you also need to plan for fun. Go on vacation to another city, or better yet, to another country. Try to relax where you have not been. The most important thing is that you have plenty of time to explore the new location. Have fun with your vacation.
Sixth tip for patient people. If you use it, you are a real hero. I advise you to turn off computers, gadgets, phones and TV at least for a day and just observe the outside world
. You can watch from a window or balcony, or while walking. The difficulty is that you will be broken. You'll want to turn on your computer and check to see if anyone has left you a message in your contacts. Or you will want to watch House 2 lite or live... I don’t know, you know better. In short, your programs will begin to make themselves felt when you try to hack them. But it was they who led you to a monotonous life, and as I already said, in order to diversify your life, you will have to do something new. Watching children play and the behavior of people, animals and birds is a very exciting activity.
In general, ways to diversify your life
so many. You just need to plan for it. I didn’t discover anything new for you in this article; you already know all this. All ways to diversify life rely on doing something new, a change of scenery, environment. The main thing is to have a desire to diversify your life. If you have the desire, then you will definitely find suitable ways to diversify your life, which is what I wish for you.
How to diversify your life?
| Like | |
Hello, Anton.
Any activity, any process becomes at times habitual and monotonous if it lasts long enough. Therefore, it is normal for you to have such feelings. And why do you call it irrational? Look at your life from the other side - this is confident stability, which, by the way, many strive for. Isn't stability rational?
By the way, have you tried to ask your wife about her impressions - doesn’t your life seem boring to her? Wouldn't she also like to contribute something? After all, it may turn out that she is satisfied with everything, and then all your attempts to change or add something may be met with at least slight surprise on her part. Of course, you shouldn’t ask head-on questions like “don’t you think, dear, that our lives are too boring?” or “I have a feeling that we live like roommates, I’m not interested, let’s diversify our lives somehow.” With questions and suggestions like these, you risk frightening your beloved and creating anxiety in her soul.
So all changes and innovations must occur without disturbing the order that you have achieved over 16 years of marriage. When you accept your life as a stable, happy family life, from that moment you can add something to it to color it. To begin with, one-time deeds and actions are also suitable (buy flowers, cook a romantic dinner, etc.), but all these pleasant little things give a momentary and short-term effect, the joy quickly passes, and everything returns to normal. And if you, apparently, want something drastic, so that your relationship can reach a new level, both parties will have to “work” for it.
And for this it is necessary to agree and move towards changes together, choosing paths and working in the right direction. In other words, the consent and activity of the other party is necessary. Let me explain with an example. The two, who had lived a long (and happy!) life together, raised children, decided to sign up for dancing and learn an activity that was completely new to them. We got carried away. After some time, they began to perform at special amateur competitions, and this became a new side of their life for them, organically joining it and making it much brighter and more enjoyable.
Find your option!
P.S. Dear customer, our experts have spent their time and professional knowledge to answer your question. Please show your good manners: choose the best answer and mark the answers of the other experts. Remember, the expert’s professional view of your problem may not coincide with your opinion about it, but this is not a reason to give the expert a minus.
Good afternoon. I was interested in your answer “Hello, Anton. Any activity, any process becomes at times habitual and monotonous, e...” to the question https://www.. Can I discuss this answer with you?
Discuss with an expert
If life has become very boring, what should you do?
This question is asked by many people who experience sadness in life.
.
Let's look at why people get bored with life.
What is Stockholm syndrome in the family? Find out about this from ours.
Socionics and other typologies
Are you a bored person? You are bored at your usual job, bored at home, even at a party with friends you are bored. Every day the same thing. And I no longer have the strength or desire to change anything. It's so boring that often you just want to howl. It’s boring because everything is familiar, everything has become boring for a long time. There is less and less new in life, you are surprised less and less. Even entertainment no longer brings the former pleasure and surprise of the discoverer. We need to do something about this.
I suggest you make your life brighter. To do this, you need to do everything differently than always...
Improvise. If you go to work by car or public transport, walk slowly, preferably in some park. Or on the weekend, instead of watching TV, take a walk to some beautiful place (remember the autumn kebabs from the film “Moscow Doesn’t Believe in Tears”?). If you can’t live without company, be alone and think.
Experiment. Put away the cookbook and make some creative, experimental dishes. Instead of a regular home dinner, make it with a festive table setting, gourmet dishes, candles, wine...
Experiment in sex : scented candles, aromatic oils, massage, unexpected places, erotic lingerie and wild imagination.
Change. Change your clothing style, hairstyle, hair color. Dress the way you want, and not what is dictated by fashion.
Release suppressed feelings. Let yourself go, for example, for an hour. At this hour, do whatever you want, don’t hold back anything: scream, jump, run, sing, rage...
Learn to be guided by intuition. Come up with a meditation for yourself: find a body position in which you are comfortable, accept it and just relax - you are not there. Watch your thoughts, they are running through your head, but you are an outside observer. Or put on a CD with natural sounds, listen to them and merge with nature.
Learn to be yourself. Try to play less roles that society forces on you. Learn to identify other people's values and imposed stereotypes. Throw them away and enjoy yourself, your unique beauty, because you are unique, no one will ever be able to repeat you. Don't try to be like someone else, you'll kill yourself.
Feel yourself. Feel yourself under different circumstances, in different places, in different situations... Try to feel yourself and feel the world around you. Simultaneously. Oneself – as a part of the surrounding world, and the world – as a part of oneself.
Love yourself. Each one has one and only one. You need to love yourself, love yourself as you are, without inventing various shortcomings for yourself.
Live this day like it's your last. Think that our life is very fleeting, maybe this day will be your last on Earth. I went to visit relatives in another city. And I saw an accident on the highway. Three cars crashed. Apparently the two met head-on. A girl died in this accident. I only had one thought about this: “Hurry up to live!” What does it mean? Yes, look around. Everyone lives as if in rough drafts, half-heartedly... What do we all think? “Well, let it be bad now, uninteresting... But maybe in... it will be good?” Or like this: “Now I will live for... family, friends, work... (underline as appropriate), and then for myself, someday...” And what happens? If a person, let’s say, dies tomorrow, it means he didn’t really live... He put off life for later... He didn’t live for himself. And this “later” may not happen. Hurry up to enjoy life...
Hurry to create , express yourself. Hurry up to work creatively to please yourself. Try to do what you like.
Hurry up to love. To love just like that, to love truly, to love unconditionally...
Hurry up to rejoice. Even the smallest victories. And even losses, because they are lessons that will allow you to win in another similar situation. Let go of all your past negative experiences. After all, going through them in your memory, experiencing them, you miss the real moment of your life. We are born happy. We were born for happiness. This is our purpose. So why have we forgotten about this? Why are unhappy, gloomy faces normal, but joyful, happy faces are looked at as if they were crazy?
Hurry to be surprised. To be surprised by our beautiful world, our beautiful nature. Just stop. Stop the thoughts. Look around you. Smile. Be amazed at how beautiful the world is and how amazingly good it is to live in this world.
Do as much as possible from the list provided.
Or do one thing, but now , today. Live this day totally, fully and beautifully. And you will be surprised how suddenly life will be filled with colors , bright and rich.
Author - Elena Zenina
Source
New articles:
- What do you think about his money?
- Where the babies come from
- Does controversy help establish the truth?
- Mom, give birth to me again
- Living life is not a field to cross
- How to avoid being fooled by advertising
- Inner emptiness - resource or problem
- Why is the leader in the family so angry?
- What does a person need to be happy?
- Let's play with life
Old articles:
- Is it beneficial to be generous?
- Body Language: How to Look Confident
- How to make your thoughts clear
- How to survive a midlife crisis
- Change meeting location
- Why women don't want to have children
- Games of the imagination, or what we spend our lives on
- Why don't friends call?
- Love - well, where to get it
- How to refuse politely
Next page >>
