Youth is full of temptations, passions, ardent love, bright hopes, but, unfortunately, it is also fraught with dangerous traps. When we are young, we make a lot of mistakes, we fall, we dust ourselves off and move on.
But sometimes rash actions can become fatal, the full gravity of which we are given the opportunity to realize only after decades of delusions. For some, this period begins at thirty, while others realize that the life model acquired in youth does not suit them, closer to forty.
Marriage is a very common way to “settle down,” which is what the vast majority of people on the planet come to. There is nothing special about marriage except one important thing - love.
However, an incredible number of people will confirm that the feeling of trepidation does not even last five years.
But the mythical importance of preserving a relationship at all costs, even one that has become obsolete, forces millions of families to live in marriage only out of habit.
Why do we continue to live with the wrong people?
There are a huge number of factors preventing a radical decision to break the bonds of marriage. As a rule, only a strong and self-confident person is able to put his interests above his own fears. This is especially true for women who perceive the world more subtly and sensitively.
Determined women do not wonder how to live with an unloved man for the sake of a child or for some other reason. They strive to find the optimal solution in which everyone will be as happy as possible. But the weaker woman continues to live in her terrible marriage, crying quietly at night, afraid to get rid of her own insecurities once and for all.
Women are often prone to excessive self-sacrifice, and marriage with an unloved person becomes voluntary hard labor for many.
While racking our brains trying to understand how to live with an unloved husband and why to do it, let's try to concentrate on the reasons why this happens:
Rules of coexistence
How does psychology teach us to live with an unloved man? Women's nature is multifaceted and mysterious. Therefore, a girl’s love can have many shades - from admiration to pity, from blind adoration to hatred. Look into your own soul: if there are absolutely no feelings for your spouse, but for some reason the marriage should be preserved, try to try all sorts of ways to make life together comfortable for yourself. How to live if you don't love your husband?
- Discuss the current situation with your spouse. Speak calmly and frankly, do not be afraid to offend him, because silent alienation hurts much more painfully.
- Don’t love the unloved, but try to turn them into loved ones again! Quite often, the trembling feeling returns after separation. Go on vacation with your children, visit your mother or relatives in another city. Test the strength of a relationship by breaking up. If you only experience relief when you are away from your husband, it means that you will not be able to return your old emotions.
- Life with an unloved person can be made less unpleasant if you reduce communication as much as possible. Try to devote all your free time to children, work, interesting hobbies, and meeting with friends. The less you see each other, the better the relationship.
- How to live with an unloved husband for the sake of a child? Think carefully about whether it is worth saving the marriage because of the children. The younger generation usually reacts painfully to parents' quarrels; it is much more useful for them to live with a happy mother than to see her tears or disgust for her father every day. It is impossible to hide parental alienation from children; teenagers feel this especially subtly and have a hard time experiencing family dramas.
- How to live in a family if there is no love? Allow yourself to be loved. If your husband's feelings have not cooled down, allow him to express them. However, be careful! Maintaining love relationships out of pity can lead to constant scandals and mental disharmony, which will cause nervous breakdowns.
In psychology, loss of feelings for a spouse is a common phenomenon. Women in complete prostration regularly turn to specialists - the ladies do not understand what to do. What advice can experienced psychologists give to girls?
- Do not have vain illusions - you cannot return your old feelings.
- Do not save your marriage because of your son or daughter; it is better to clearly explain that after the divorce, mom and dad will love them no less. Having decided to stay with your unloved husband, understand that the children will grow up and fly away from their parents’ home, and you will have to live with a spiritual stranger.
- Don't forget - you are a woman worthy of happiness! Love yourself and don’t let yourself turn into a joyless whore.
Today on the streets of the city you can meet dozens of ladies with dull eyes, without a smile on their faces, who go home without much pleasure. Don't become one of them! Don't be afraid of the responsibility or financial difficulties that await you when you separate from your spouse. The happiness that lies ahead is more valuable than any wealth!
Very often, after several years of marriage, women discover that there is no more love for their husband.
It turned out that the person you married is not so loved by you. You no longer feel sad in his absence, you no longer admire his every word and deed, you are no longer overwhelmed with happiness when he touches you. And every day you realize more and more with horror that you don’t love your spouse and don’t know how to live with him further.
Sadly, such situations occur quite often. They are especially common in marriages that have existed for several years.
Many women living in such marriages, when asked whether they love their husbands, find it difficult to answer in the affirmative. Yes, there is a habit, there is, perhaps, respect, some kind of affection. But love, alas, is no longer there.
The majority of wives are quite happy with this situation. Like, what kind of love can we talk about if there is a common house, common children, common goals, finally! And they just got used to each other, got used to it, adapted.
But there are also wives who suffer next to an unloved man, but at the same time do not dare to somehow change their lives. Are they right? Well, let's try to find the answer to this difficult question.
An unhappy marriage, living with an unloved husband for the sake of a child - why does this happen?
Sometimes a woman sacrifices herself to the imaginary happy future of her children. In her opinion, the life of a son or daughter will not be complete without his own father. The word “divorce” sounds like a magical curse that can destroy all hopes for a bright future for the younger generation.
Therefore, many ladies try to even avoid the thought of such a dubious decision and daily perform the ritual of sacrificing themselves in an unhappy marriage.
Stereotyped thinking is unable to answer the question of how justified such a sacrifice is and whether it is really necessary for the child. After all, the all-knowing society has already given all the answers for us.
But if you think for a second about the children themselves and their perception of the situation, you can understand that your imaginary sacrifice does not go unnoticed by them. Children often very subtly sense energy fluctuations that are barely noticeable to those around them, and the complete lack of sincerity, warmth and mutual understanding in the family will definitely not pass them by. Now imagine that your now adult child finds out that he has become the root cause of his own mother’s long-term suffering.
How do you think he should feel?
Many ladies, after years of feeling the burden of their mistakes, try to shift the blame onto their children, but in response they will hear only one thing - the child did not need your sacrifice at all.
Such a decision on how to get rid of an alliance with an unloved husband through divorce is most often not an option. You are depriving the child of the opportunity to see and communicate with his own father. It often happens that it is after such a difficult period for everyone that the relationship between fathers and children becomes stronger. However, if your spouse does not show initiative towards the child, then rest assured that you have made the right choice.
Moreover, a marriage with a new person, based on sincere mutual feelings and respect, can be positive for children. After all, true love is not meaningless sacrifices, but the desire to please and give warmth.
Only you will make the decision to start living a new life, whether you should continue to stay with your unloved husband. Don't let fears, insecurities, public opinion, or even loved ones limit your freedom to choose your own future.
If you were able to endure years of living with an unwanted man, is it really so terrible to break up, which then opens up amazing scope for you to act?
In addition, family, friends and friends, although they will not support your radical step, will certainly share all the difficulties with you and help you along the path to renewal.
Life in a state of continuous self-sacrifice will sooner or later squeeze all the juice out of even the strongest woman. But are ephemeral prospects and the opinions of others worth your suffering? Live for yourself and remember that life is about changes, without which moving forward is impossible.
By marrying an unloved man, a woman obviously dooms herself to suffering. There are many reasons for this choice. But the consequences are always the same. The woman exhausts herself with vain attempts to love her husband, but in the end she realizes that she is unable to command her heart to love. The best way out of this maze is divorce.
The life of a woman married to a man who is not dear to her heart has several features. Firstly, immediately after the wedding she realizes that there is a stranger next to her. His warmth does not warm him, his smile does not please him, his attempts to get closer cause disgust and disgust.
Secondly, the atmosphere in the house is heating up every day and the best salvation from this is to go to work, preferably 24/7.
Thirdly, a woman who cannot realize her feelings and desires with her husband starts on the side.
In all cases, there is an escape from oneself and one’s life. And no matter what reasons push a woman to marry someone she doesn’t love, she needs to soberly assess her strengths and understand whether she can overcome her feelings and save the family.
How to live with an unloved husband?
Some are ready to live with an unloved person because they do not dare to change and are afraid of being left alone. They cover up their decision with concerns about their children, shared housing, etc.
Others are ready to endure hardship, loneliness and a complete change in life in order not to live with a person who causes irritation.
No matter what decision is made, psychological support will be simply necessary. You can get it from relatives and friends. Don't be afraid of discussion from others. You need to understand that life is a purely personal matter and does not concern anyone.
If you decide to continue living with your husband, then you should not allow scandals that your children will have to watch. This is a very painful process for them.
You need to talk frankly with your husband about the fact that there are no more feelings. In the end, many people live like this and put up with this situation. It also happens that in fact the feelings are there, only a little dulled. And after parting, the realization comes that the husband is the only dear person, but it’s too late.
You can make an effort and revive your feelings. But the question of whether or not to live with an unloved person is an individual question. If there is a person next to you who is worthy of respect, dear and close, live and raise your children in a complete family. In the case when the husband does not evoke positive emotions and is annoying, it is better to leave.
Statistics show that, as a rule, independent and self-confident women decisively break up with an unloved husband. They are not so afraid of even being left alone than of continuing to live with a person who has become distant and unnecessary. Why do others continue to live and endure?
Psychologists tried to figure it out and identify the real reasons. It turned out that they were quite serious and weighty.
One of these reasons is lack of self-confidence. Many women are openly afraid that they will not be able to build new relationships. They are afraid that by breaking up with their husband, albeit an unloved one, they will harm themselves and will only worsen their life, that is, they will destroy their old family and will not be able to build a new one.
The fact that you shouldn’t make rash and hasty decisions is obvious. But if you still need to take a decisive step, then it would be wise to rely on the support of your family and friends - tell them the situation and get help.
And, of course, you need to increase your self-esteem, and do this seriously, perhaps even with the help of a psychologist. When you realize that you can cope with any difficulties that arise on your own, without your husband, the decision will come by itself and will be the only correct one.
Many women do not want to change anything in their lives in order to maintain their social status. For some reason, in our society, a divorced woman is perceived as a failure, even flawed in some way, because she could not save her family or husband. And no one understands what the reason for divorce is - “divorcee,” like a stigma, begins to accompany you throughout life. This is especially pressing in small towns and villages, where everyone knows each other.
But it’s worth asking yourself a question: for whom do you live - for those around you or for yourself? The answer becomes obvious. So don’t think about what “Princess Marya Alekseevna will say,” your life belongs only to you, and not to your relatives, neighbors, colleagues. And only you can decide how to live further. Don’t be afraid to make decisions and follow them - you need to live based on your tastes, views and needs.
Often on the streets of the city you meet women with faded eyes, who have grown old, despite the fact that they are very young, who have degenerated internally, who have ceased to be interested in and enjoy life, who have forgotten that they are women worthy of love and happiness.
Maybe these are just those who while away their days with their unloved husband? If you absolutely understand your own feelings, weigh everything and make a decision. No one will do this for you!
Some features of a man's life with an unloved woman
When talking about men, you need to understand that they are unique people. Everyone is individual. Some men are able to live with an unloved person for a long time, others get divorced soon. There are different situations in life. However, we can cite some features of such a man’s life
A man who does not have feelings for a woman is quite capable of cheating and having an affair. Every person's upbringing is different. So, some men may completely lose respect for a woman. Sometimes this affects children (especially if they are from another man).
A man may become harsher and cease to be responsive and kind. When a man has no feelings, a woman begins to feel it. Family scandals are possible, which leads to more frequent irritability of the man and even greater rejection of the family.
Some men. Those who are greedy for alcohol may find solace in alcoholic beverages, while others simply immerse themselves in work.
All these are just some of the features of the lives of people who dare to live with an unloved person. These features may well lead to eventual breakdowns in relationships.
There are many reasons why couples get into a relationship. The fear of loneliness is far from the last place on this list. Many people are afraid of staying in an empty home in old age and want someone to remember them after death. Family provides insurance and confidence. “If you endure it, you will fall in love,” that’s what people say. However, many psychologists believe that loneliness is by no means the worst option if relationships based on habit are on the opposite side of the scale. Today we will talk about why you can’t live with an unloved person.
Misconceptions about happiness
Society and modern culture have implanted in the minds of many people the idea that single men or women cannot be happy. Before your eyes is the example of parents, more “successful” friends. And they are all vying with each other to ask when to expect radical changes in your life. However, this idea is completely wrong. Just because you have another person next to you, you will not find happiness. For an ideal union with someone, one big condition is necessary - love. Imagine what will happen if marriage is not based on feelings?
Requests for help
Write your story There is neither the strength nor the desire to do anything further. Hummingbird, age: 19/09/03/2020
Responses: 4 (+4) Read in full Coming back home is better to die right away... the feeling that I’m completely unnecessary in this world.
Olya, age: 28 / 09/02/2020
Replies: 7 (+7) Read in full Why can’t I stop taking other people’s criticism to heart, being afraid of the unknown.. Or is it easier to just disappear.. I’m completely confused...
Sasha, age: 20 / 09/02/2020
Responses: 8 (+8) Read in full I can’t find a decent job. I think that I have completely lost, my health is starting to worry me. In recent months I have been thinking about leaving.
SOS, age: 25 / 09/02/2020
Replies: 5 (+5) Read in full There is no one, my intelligence is mistaken for weakness, also a disease. I want to fall asleep forever.
Viktor, age: 28 / 09/02/2020
Responses: 3 (+2) Read in full There is no more strength, simply not. Every day thoughts are swirling about how to commit suicide.
Alla, age: 34 / 09/01/2020
Responses: 4 Read in full The reason for the breakup was that I earn little. My soul hurts unbearably. I can’t live like this, but I’m scared to die.
Maxim, age: 29 / 31.08.2020
Responses: 8 (+1) Read in full I can’t help myself and the only solution to all problems seems to be to leave.
she, age: 32 / 08/29/2020
Replies: 5 (+1) Read in full Today I wanted to commit suicide.
Diana, age: 14 / 08/28/2020
Replies: 3 Read in full Suicide seems to save me from everything I hate.
Tatyana, age: 20 / 08/26/2020
Responses: 4 Read more Feeling of hopelessness. I want to die, but not for show or revenge... I'm just tired.
Anna, age: 27 / 08/26/2020
Replies: 2 Read in full In short, I was disappointed in everything, I don’t see the point in floundering if there is no light at the end of the tunnel..
muzer, age: 31 / 08/26/2020
Responses: 3 Read in full The feeling that I am needed as a source of food. The only one who loves me unselfishly is my mother. I'm thinking about suicide.
Ilya, age: 32 / 08/25/2020
Responses: 9 Read in full No matter what I try, nothing works out. Do not want to live. If it weren’t for my grandparents, I would have committed suicide long ago.
Nina, age: 32 / 08/25/2020
Responses: 8 Read more The relationship with my husband is not going well. I want to end it all. I’m even thinking about how to do it so that the children don’t see it.
Eli, age: 45 / 08/25/2020
Replies: 3 Read in full I committed a terrible sin. Now I regret, suffer and want to die.
Amira, age: 21 / 08/25/2020
Responses: 8 (+1) Read in full I don’t want to live, I’m afraid to fall apart.....
Claudia, age: 39 / 08/24/2020
Responses: 7 (+1) Read in full I moved out from my parents, there’s no way to get back, that’s all. Everything is hard, sometimes very bad thoughts appear...
Miron, age: 23 / 08/23/2020
Responses: 7 Read more I was illegally fired. I fought in court for a year, but, as they say... there is no way against scrap. I don't believe in justice. I don't see a way out.
Mark, age: 32 / 08/23/2020
Responses: 4 Read in full I no longer have the strength to do anything, and it’s terrible in my soul that I’m ruining the lives of both them and myself.
Evgeniy, age: 16/21/08/2020
Responses: 6 Read more 1
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Lots of restrictions
By letting another person into your home, you limit your life, your rights, but at the same time you acquire additional responsibilities. Both of you will try to live according to the pattern, limiting your own desires and needs, just because it’s accepted and “everyone does it.” On the other hand, you limit the desires and needs of the other person. Now you both are forced to adapt to each other. In such conditions, life without feelings is like hell, where each of the partners wants to be left alone with themselves in order to finally breathe freely. Understand that finding a partner is not the equivalent of success or a sign of entering adulthood.
Relationships for the sake of relationships will soon exhaust themselves
A lonely person is free to do as he wants, and he has the main thing: freedom of choice. Currently, as an alternative to the usual family structure, there are several relationship options. People actively practice unions without a stamp in the passport, guest marriages and “love at a distance.” You should forever link your destiny with another person only when you understand that you are making each other’s lives better. If your couple is haunted by conflicts and dissatisfaction, sooner or later such an alliance will exhaust itself.
New social connections
A loveless relationship does not eliminate the need for regular meetings with your partner's friends or relatives. You will follow all these rules of etiquette, and it will be difficult for you to develop true sympathy for complete strangers. When a person is lonely, he can leave the party at any time, citing urgent matters. Nobody will hold him. If he craves communication, he goes to a bar and talks to strangers there. And it doesn’t matter at all whether he will ever see his new companions again or not. He does not need to look back at his partner every time or catch the reproachful glances of his relatives. By doing this one way or another, he will not hurt anyone's feelings.
People living in megacities see several hundred faces every day; they may not consider themselves lonely at all. All doors are open to you, and there is no reason to tie yourself with a strong rope to a person who, by and large, is indifferent to you.
If you endure it, you will fall in love, or Why you can’t live with a person you don’t love
Ecology of life: Loneliness is by no means the worst option if relationships based on habit are on the opposite side of the scale.
For an ideal union with someone you need one, but BIG condition - love
There are many reasons why couples get into a relationship. The fear of loneliness is far from the last place on this list.
Many people are afraid of staying in an empty home in old age and want someone to remember them after death. Family provides insurance and confidence. “If you endure it, you will fall in love,” that’s what people say. However, many psychologists believe that
Loneliness is by no means the worst option if on the opposite side of the scale is a relationship based on habit . Today we will talk about why you can’t live with an unloved person.
Misconceptions about happiness
Society and modern culture have implanted in the minds of many people the idea that single men or women cannot be happy. Before your eyes is the example of parents, more “successful” friends. And they are all vying with each other to ask when to expect radical changes in your life. However, this idea is completely wrong. Just because you have another person next to you, you will not find happiness.
For an ideal union with someone, one big condition is necessary - love.
Imagine what will happen if marriage is not based on feelings?
Lots of restrictions
By letting another person into your home, you limit your life, your rights, but at the same time you acquire additional responsibilities. Both of you will try to live according to the pattern, limiting your own desires and needs, just because it’s accepted and “everyone does it.” On the other hand, you limit the desires and needs of the other person. Now you both are forced to adapt to each other.
In such conditions, life without feelings is like hell, where each of the partners wants to be left alone with themselves in order to finally breathe freely. Understand that finding a partner is not the equivalent of success or a sign of entering adulthood.
Relationships for the sake of relationships will soon exhaust themselves
A lonely person is free to do as he wants, and he has the main thing: freedom of choice. Currently, as an alternative to the usual family structure, there are several relationship options. People actively practice unions without a stamp in the passport, guest marriages and “love at a distance.” You should forever link your destiny with another person only when you understand that you are making each other’s lives better. If your couple is haunted by conflicts and dissatisfaction, sooner or later such an alliance will exhaust itself.
New social connections
A loveless relationship does not eliminate the need for regular meetings with your partner's friends or relatives. You will follow all these rules of etiquette, and it will be difficult for you to develop true sympathy for complete strangers. When a person is lonely, he can leave the party at any time, citing urgent matters. Nobody will hold him.
If he craves communication, he goes to a bar and talks to strangers there. And it doesn’t matter at all whether he will ever see his new companions again or not. He does not need to look back at his partner every time or catch the reproachful glances of his relatives.
By doing this one way or another, he will not hurt anyone's feelings. People living in megacities see several hundred faces every day; they may not consider themselves lonely at all. All doors are open to you, and there is no reason to tie yourself with a strong rope to a person who, by and large, is indifferent to you.
Loveless relationships make people even lonelier
When you want to choose something new, you take several things to the fitting room at once. When you try on the model of someone else's ideal life, no one can guarantee that this model will fit like a glove.
Gradually you will begin to feel that you exist in a simulated reality. This feeling leads to feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction. Relationships themselves do not deliver happiness on a silver platter. Probably no one warned you about this.
Two people who live with each other are simply the sum of two people. If you realize that there is no turning back, and your relationship is based on lies and deceit, you will feel much more alone. published If you have any questions on this topic, ask them to the specialists and readers of our project here
Author: Inga Kaysina
PS And remember, just by changing your consciousness, we are changing the world together! © econet
