A girl in love “wearing rose-colored glasses” can sometimes come up with the idea for herself that a man is in love and will definitely marry, passing off romantic dreams as reality. There are no intentions written on his forehead, so there is room for free flight of imagination. Just better not fly too high. Because if he ends up being a confirmed bachelor, this could result in “the shattering of all dreams,” that is, bitter disappointment, or even serious trouble. Therefore, it is better to ask him whether he is going to start a family, and if this is not part of his plans, then immediately decide for himself: Is it worth starting a relationship with a convinced bachelor?
At first glance, the answer is obvious: no! After all, if a girl wants a family, but he doesn’t, then why would she start wasting her precious time on him?
Oh, if only everything were so simple!
Young (and not so young) ladies in love categorically refuse to take off their rose-colored glasses, sincerely believing that if she is a good girl, he will not escape her charms. (Read, Why doesn't he want to get married?) But is this true?
Who is a confirmed bachelor?
In fact, if an adult man after 35 has not been married for a long time, then he is a typical convinced bachelor. And this suggests that he has already adapted to single life, and feels quite confident and even comfortable in it.
Over the years, he has probably learned to cook (and men often do it even better than women), he knows where the laundry and tailor shop are, and he earns enough for a maid to come clean for him once a week.
And all this without the headache of not running into a scandal with his wife. Why does he need her? To bed? So he has a couple of reliable girlfriends from among those who believe that sooner or later he will get married.
However, if your rose-colored glasses have grown in tightly, and the “patient” flatly refuses surgical intervention, nothing can be done, wait until they dry out on their own. But you should always be prepared for the fact that when pink glass breaks into small fragments overnight, it can be extremely painful.
However, everything is not so hopeless. Even the most convinced bachelors get married sooner or later. Not all, but many.
*CONFIRMED BACHELOR* and how to deal with it?
Why do you think seemingly successful men choose the position *CONFIRMED BACHELOR*?) Of course, the male opinion, so to speak, of the main character, on this question is interesting, but we, women, also have our own assumptions on this matter…. I apologize to men for possible “female mistakes”….
For some, “singleness” is a state of mind.
He is a lone wolf. He's on his own. Your own life, your own living space, your own plans, your own freedom... The list goes on and on. If we talk about bachelors, they can be divided into several conventional categories. 1. Men who have never been married (and this does not depend on age) do not know what it is, and foam at the mouth, claiming that marriage is the worst thing that can happen in life. They stubbornly avoid more or less serious relationships. Maybe the reason for disappointment lies in the past? 2. Men who have already been “ringed” once. The marriage somehow didn’t work out, and now they are afraid of family relationships, like fire, venous disease or impotence. Such an ex-spouse remains confident that this is not for him. Sometimes - until the end of life. 3. Men are researchers who test whether there is life after marriage experimentally. They get married, get divorced, draw conclusions. They get married, get divorced, draw conclusions. And so on ad infinitum according to the same scheme... It is quite possible to add one more category to our classification - mama's boy. Singles can also be divided into the following two groups: natural-born and... not natural born. The first group consists of the so-called “natural bachelors.” They are truly so self-sufficient that they do not need a mate at all. They can, oddly enough, get married, but still remain “free” in their souls and lead a lifestyle that meets their needs: friends, beer, a bathhouse, sports, mistresses and frivolous romances. Other bachelors in life are like this precisely because of their self-inadequacy, when complexes and low self-esteem do not allow them to realize themselves and, having found a companion, get out of that very state of loneliness. For them, it is no longer a source of desires, but a way of life. One way or another, regardless of the reasons for their worldview, bachelors are inveterate egoists, “lone wolves,” self-sufficient, who value their freedom most of all. Loneliness is the norm for them. They are “looking” for the most perfect woman who would be their copy. The chosen one should love the same food, share his hobbies, think - and the way he does. Therefore, even if a bachelor decides to start a family, he cannot accept any woman. Every time he thinks: “And I will spend my whole life with this woman?!” “Loneliness is not scary for him. The silence in the house can be diluted with your favorite CDs, breakfast with watching TV, and sex... There is nothing to say here. Marriage with a confirmed bachelor is tempting! Firstly, a middle-aged man almost always has his own apartment. Secondly, if a convinced bachelor decides to get married, then the marriage will be strong because for him it is a deliberate decision. Why do they become bachelors? Some men, having tried married life, become convinced bachelors. And indeed, how can a bachelor be “convinced” if he has not gone through the difficulties of family life: interference from his mother-in-law, reproaches, scandals, betrayals? There are two types of bachelors: the “convinced” bachelor and the “mama’s boy.” A man who survived the “wreck of the family ship” and began to firmly deny the subsequent trip to the registry office can safely be awarded the title “convinced bachelor.” After all, a fox who once was in a trap and was able to get out of it avoids hunting traps for the rest of his life. So a man prefers to live alone, and is in no hurry to rush headlong into the pool called family if a woman appears on his horizon in the near future. A “mama’s boy” is a man who has never been married because he can’t tear himself away from his mother’s skirt. Such a man has no idea what family life is, how one can act as the head of a family, what family relationships and love are. He cannot imagine his life in which there will be another woman, not his mother. After all, for him, the mother is a woman who knows what he needs, she is the one who solves all the problems, she buys clothes, perfumes, and imposes manners and style on her son. Many people are held back from getting married by everyday problems: when you get married, where to live with your wife. My older sister and her family and parents already live at home in three rubles, the rented apartment is expensive, and how can I pay if I don’t have a job? The bachelor status of many men is not at all a burden, but, on the contrary, is considered a certain dignity, which, in their opinion, evokes honor and respect among their own kind and is a distinctive feature from everyone else. Who do confirmed bachelors marry? Usually, by the age of 30-35, most men have a life partner. A group of representatives of the stronger sex always remains on the sidelines, who for a long time protect their independence from family ties. But one day there is the only one who breaks the established bachelor life. Who are these beautiful ladies whom confirmed bachelors marry? A bachelor might think something like this: “What’s good in a family? Home, delicious food, caring female hands, sex, children. All this can be obtained outside of marriage without unnecessary obligations.” Some representatives of the “clan” of bachelors are so accustomed to a familyless life, daily favorite rituals and freedom of movement that suddenly changing their life is a big stress for them. However, the desire to create a family home and procreate is genetically inherent in every person. And a man by nature is the protector and breadwinner of the family. A bachelor can convince himself as much as he wants that everything is going well. However, he cannot avoid the unconscious feeling of “life is passing by.” WHAT WIFE WILL A CONFIDENT BACHELOR CHOOSE... Let's try to answer this question, what do YOU think?
Through His Eyes: A Brief Guide on How to Marry a Bachelor
Are you going on a hunt for a convinced lone wolf? We asked our author to reveal some men's secrets that will help you in this difficult matter.
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Conquering men who have been estranged from marriage for a long time requires a lot of time and a systematic approach. There is no magic recipe. Only a systematic, consistent, strategically verified siege. So be mentally prepared - the moment when you feel that the “client is ripe” will not come soon. And first ask yourself: shouldn’t you take a shortcut and look for a legal spouse among the specimens ready for marriage?
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If you answered negatively and are determined to hear an offer from the chosen man, be patient and use our advice. Suvorov’s onslaught or the formula “I came, I saw, I conquered” will not work here.
Be irresistible
Female beauty, a well-chosen dress, stylish jewelry and discreet makeup are weapons of mass destruction in themselves. Of course, there are many types of bachelors. There are mama's boys, ladies' men, geeks, tired misanthropes and idealists. But no matter what cockroaches are running around in their heads, no one can resist a well-groomed, attractive, confident woman. Unless they are bachelors who play for another league.
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Of course, beauty alone will not break through the defense of a convinced lone wolf, but it will make a hole in it. Perhaps quite a big one. Especially if you add a little mystery to the image. It’s not for me to teach how to do this. But on the pages of our website there are many useful tips on this topic.
Enlist the help of his married friends
I have repeatedly noticed how friends who have already been made happy at the registry office are trying to find a second half for their unmarried friend. Married women do the same. But if they are guided rather by a sincere desire to arrange their friend’s life, then banal envy prevails in our country. It’s painful to watch how the young stallion continues to frolic in the steppe, when he himself is already... quite happy. By the way, this is one of the reasons that prompted me to write this article.
Entering the circle of family friends of the chosen man is a strategically correct step. You shouldn’t count on much, but you will get an almost complete breakdown (what he likes, where he goes for walks, which girls he pays attention to) for the object you are developing. And friends can also tell about all his unsuccessful attempts to find his other half. This information is priceless! You will immediately recognize all the mistakes and successful moves of your predecessors. If there were any, of course.
Use his hobbies
It is best to start getting closer from areas that are far from romance - from work or hobbies. In particular, asking for his authoritative opinion on issues that really interest him - be it politics, quadcopters or the rules of American football. Oh, how many bachelors have fallen for this bait - we men generally really like to feel like experts and teach.
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All confirmed bachelors always have a hobby to which they devote the lion's share of their free time. This is the weakest part of their defense. Here the redoubts, which are designed to protect against female charm, are lower and not so heavily guarded. This is explained by the fact that often the sphere of increased attention is located too far from the usual habitat of women.
For example, football, aircraft modeling or fishing. You can, of course, pretend that you are interested in conversations about marmy and spinners. But it’s better to try to sincerely feel your man’s passion - after all, if the operation is successfully completed, you will then have to live with it.
Don't try to impress with your culinary skills
If by the age of thirty a man has not died from hunger and somehow survived on free bread, it means that he either learned to cook, or learned to earn money for restaurants, or is simply quite unpretentious in the matter of nutrition. Some may be surprised, but we even like things like briquette borscht or store-bought dumplings.
So hitting the kulebyak directly in the heart is an activity only for a level 80 cook. In addition, your candidate for the marriage bed may eat a bowl of soup, but will strengthen his own persecution mania. Actually, other household methods are also ineffective, and what’s more – they’re just dangerous. You can rearrange his favorite cup as an experiment. Or pick up socks from the floor. A siren will immediately sound in the head of an inveterate loner about the violation of his personal boundaries.
There's no need to rush
Every bachelor suffers from paranoia. He is absolutely sure that all the women around him are trying to drag him to the altar by hook or by crook. As a rule, this is not the case, but this does not reduce suspicion one iota. Therefore, such loners are extremely timid, and any careless movement can lead to the opposite effect.
A single man: how to recognize
The ideal portrait of a bachelor
- - As a rule, he is quite handsome and keeps himself in good shape.
- “He is popular with women, because he has a special charisma and knows methods of secretly influencing women.
- — By adulthood, he already had several novels, sometimes even long ones, that did not end with a wedding.
- — Freedom for a bachelor is above all. As an example, we can cite a relationship that was interrupted abruptly and without explanation precisely on the initiative of the man himself. This is quite simple to interpret - as soon as he realizes that the next step in the relationship should be a wedding, he evaporates.
The clear realization that life will change dramatically and will no longer be the same as before does not give him peace and suppresses all feelings.
After a certain period of time, the bachelor will regret that he may have lost the love of his life. He will think that it would not be bad to start all over again. The relationship is renewed and everything goes as usual, the lovers spend time together and there are no signs of trouble.
But every girl wants the relationship to develop. Thus, the bachelor again faces a threat, which he feels very well. Life principles take precedence over feelings, and in order to avoid the relationship becoming official, the bachelor breaks it off again. And then the girls have to collect their hearts piece by piece and rack their brains at night over why this happened, because everything was just wonderful.
But the problem is not you, dear girls. The problem is that many people set themselves the goal of definitely marrying a man, thereby scaring him away from them. There is no explanation for this, it happens on an energetic level. This principle applies to any man, and in the case of a bachelor, it works instantly.
Leave Can't Love
Where to put a comma in this phrase is up to each girl to decide for herself. It all depends on the desire to be with this particular man. You can find an approach to a bachelor; he is an ordinary man, he simply lives by his own established rules and cannot leave his personal comfort zone. But this can only be done if you know certain rules:
- A single man has his own habits, which he developed over a long time. Remember - he will never change them if you learn to compromise. Try never to make fun of his habits, even if they differ from the things you are used to. If the relationship develops successfully, some things that are familiar to him will become very acceptable to you.
- Don’t try to change a man, much less raise him to suit you. Just exist next to him. Once the bachelor understands that you do not pose a danger to him and do not encroach on his freedom, he himself will want to develop a relationship with you. In other words, create comfortable conditions for him in which he will feel calm.
- If the relationship has finally moved on and you have begun to appear more often on “his territory”, do not occupy the shelves in the closet and bathroom with your things. Do it gradually, or even vice versa, create the appearance that you are not going to leave your things here at all. In less than a week, the bachelor himself will ask you to leave at least a few things, and will even buy you a separate towel or pink slippers.
- Don’t rush to show your bachelor your culinary skills. They are, of course, accustomed to the fact that their mother cooks the most delicious borscht in the world and really loves home-cooked food. Find a middle ground in this matter, then the bachelor himself will ask you to surprise him with something tasty. What if your borscht turns out to be even tastier?
- Give compliments. Men, like women, need pleasant words and admiration. But in this matter it is important not to go too far, because our hero may think that you need something from him.
- Under no circumstances tell a bachelor about marriage and do not bombard him with questions about when you will finally get married or start living together, do not ask to visit his apartment. Let your meetings take place on neutral territory, after which the bachelor himself will need to meet with you.
- Family connection with mother. Bachelors love their mothers very much, so often, even if they have their own living space, they live with their parents under the same roof. This case is even more complicated, because it is almost impossible to replace a mother, who is an example of a woman for a bachelor. In turn, mothers of bachelors are reluctant to accept their son’s new hobbies and spend a very long time selecting a suitable candidate for him. If you meet, find the strength to build a good relationship with your beloved’s mother.
These are just superficial tips on how to deal with bachelors. And one more rule that applies to all men, and bachelors in particular.
Dear girls, don’t force yourself on men and don’t show that you really really want to marry him. Those girls whose obsession is to quickly ring their chosen one repel men intuitively. Such girls emanate a special energy that scares off men and forces them to pursue those girls who live a free life and do not want to go to the registry office as soon as possible.
As it turns out, marrying a bachelor is an art that only wise girls can master.
