And it was like this
She worked in a small cafe, where young guys came in after a hard day. Drink, eat, flirt with her and other girls.
Just relax and have fun. Andrei, the soul of the party, began to show her signs of attention. And she, at 24 years old, fell in love with him like a schoolgirl. Head over heels. Always clean and tidy, well-groomed and with a smile on her face, Katya waited for the cherished hour.
My heart began to beat joyfully 30 minutes before his arrival. Oh, how long time sometimes drags on! Thirty minutes is so much...
Not every day, but when the opportunity arose, they sneaked into one of the utility rooms. Where she gave in to all her feelings. Passion and tenderness, love and affection clouded the mind. Ardent love was uncontrollably torn out...
They only met here. Andrei did not allow her unnecessary things...
Andrey decided to spend his birthday with the team in their cozy establishment. The order was for twenty people. Thank God the place allowed. Access to other visitors was prohibited - special order.
From the very morning there was a festive mood. The warm June breeze pleasantly tugged at the light new dress. A manicure decorated beautiful hands. My soul sang, I wanted to fly with happiness. Rainbow dreams gave way to immodest fantasies. So, time...
The guests were seated cheerfully and cheerfully. She knew almost all the men, but there were also women. Not many, just six. Colleagues. One of them, Lena, stopped, choosing a place for herself, and looked at Andrey.
He smiled and, taking his hand, sat him down next to him. Katya fussed around the table, correcting something, putting something away, wiping something once again. And, moving away from the noisy company, she began to admire her beloved from the side.
Champagne for brotherhood. And Andrey kisses Lena. Then dance with Lena. Then vodka. More vodka. A lot of vodka... Their lips merged... And now Lena, already sitting on Andrei’s lap, wrapped her arms around his neck...
His hand slid under her panties... What is this? Why did he bring her here? And why are they not shy about others? My chest was torn from indignation and resentment.
Igor, a man of about forty, accidentally glanced at Katya and was horrified.
- Andrey, what are you doing? – Igor shouted. But Andrei only looked sideways at the unfortunate girl. Katya caught this look. He wasn't drunk. It was the look of a hero! Winner! Yes, he saw how bad she was, but he continued to enjoy his ugly behavior.
Beside herself with grief, Katya ran out into the kitchen. For some reason I felt sick. There was a veil before my eyes. A knife fell into my hands... Scarlet blood spurted out from my wrist. It didn't matter. Stupid and indifferent. Having fallen to the floor, she felt no pain.
All he remembers is a man's swearing and a woman's squeal. And someone else said dejectedly: “ Victim of love .” So that's who she is - a victim of love.
Now let’s take a break from our heroine, who has gone to extremes, and reflect on the topic of love addiction .
#2 KEEP A MAN
The second important aspect, which I come across very often in life and which I also don’t understand very well, is that you don’t have to take on three or four jobs for the sake of a man.
I understand that in different families there are different situations and it happens that a man does not work for some period of his life. This happened in my family too. This is fine. But I never tore my buttocks apart in order to support my husband.
Why should this not be done under any circumstances? Because first of all, you cause irreparable harm to the man himself, not to mention yourself!
If you put all the worries of providing for your family on your shoulders, you are cutting off a man’s most important male dignity.
A man is a breadwinner, a man is a conqueror, a man is the one who is responsible, be that as it may, for your family. We, young ladies, were born with slightly different goals and objectives, and certainly not in order to support a man, caring for and cherishing him.
Making a contribution - of course, building a life together - of course, there is no question. I am a huge opponent of all parasites and, as one of my friends calls them, strays. I myself have worked all my life, I really love to work, but it seems to me, and what I see in my life, a woman, even if she earns a lot of money, she works for pleasure, for pleasure, for herself.
What kind of sacrifices in the name of love is a person who has fallen into love addiction ready to make?
It is impossible to count them. Mathematics, modestly looking down, does not give an intelligible answer. Something close to infinity. But let's try to figure it out.
Your own health – once. Well-being and career – two. Voluntary slavery and renunciation of one’s own destiny are three. Few? Now let’s multiply by the number of relatives (this will inevitably affect them).
Let's add friends. What if this person leads a large team or country? A lover is also a fanatic, ready to throw the whole world at the feet of his beloved. For one tender glance. For one spoken word. For one passionate kiss. Yes, burn everything with fire - if only your beloved was nearby!
The victim of love does not consider himself a victim at all and does not want to consider himself. Against. A lover in this state is happy. And he feels joy and euphoria from his actions.
Pride and admiration. Bliss and satisfaction. And an incredible thirst for achieving still unconquered heights. Oh, what girl doesn’t dream of being so desired and loved? To be loved so much? What if the victim of love is not He, but She?
Well-being and career
Every person’s dream is when work is a joy. Working according to your calling is a great thing! Everything comes easy and naturally. Playfully.
The master of his craft is also provided with an additional bonus for career growth. Not life, but beauty! But what to do when love and work come into conflict, and it’s hard to choose one?
Shouldn't you leave your loved one like that? And for the sake of male egoism, they quit from a wonderful team from a good place, move to other cities, occupy positions alien to their hearts, overstepping their own interests and ruining a hitherto happy life.
Voluntary slavery and renunciation of one's own destiny
They say that everyone is the architect of their own happiness. Life, as we know, is beautiful and amazing. The world around us is wide and diverse.
But by the will of fate and due to love dependence, this very world begins to narrow down to the needs of one person. Everything for his beloved. If your man loves beautiful cars - please. Tortures you mentally and physically – for God’s sake.
If only he was happy. And nothing more is needed. And it doesn’t matter that the new clothes have long been forgotten, the earrings given by your mother have been sold, and you, like a squirrel in a wheel, “plow” three jobs from morning to night. There is chronic fatigue on the face, but there will be no tears. What are the tears if your beloved is in a good mood? And so all my life...
“...And she turned into a red maiden”3
A young man in love considers his chosen one to be perfection itself. He should not demonstrate what stages a girl goes through to achieve an ideal look. Depilation of legs, armpits, face and other parts of the body must be done in complete isolation from your loved one.
He doesn’t even need to know where and how her hair grows. He should not know that unshaven legs for weeks look like shaggy monkey limbs, and a waxing procedure that is not carried out on time will “give” a woman an excellent hussar mustache.
A girl must carefully monitor her appearance if she wants to remain an ideal sexual object for him.
So will the sacrifices that a modern girl makes for the sake of love be in vain?
Maybe yes, maybe not. Love is a subtle matter. And it comes not when ordered, but “when you’re not expecting it at all.” Will your boyfriend appreciate your efforts? Unpredictable.
Mutual feeling cannot be bought and cannot be earned. Here something must “sink” in the heart. There is some unknown force of attraction.
The main thing is not to fall into love addiction and not to become a victim of love . Believe me, there is nothing wonderful about this. Only painful suffering or crippled destinies.
Remain, dear girls, an individual with your own interests and love yourself as you are. Then the men around you will not only love you, but will also perform many more feats in your honor.
Sacrifices for love
How often do women make sacrifices for love? Are they justified? And is it necessary to sacrifice yourself like this?
If you start by sacrificing yourself for those you love, you will end up hating those you sacrificed to.
Bernard Show
“I loved my husband very much. She sacrificed everything for him. I left my studies and didn’t work. A delicious dinner was always waiting for him at home. Everywhere was order and cleanliness. I tried to support him in everything. I stopped seeing my friends. Of the close people with whom I communicated, only my mother remained. And what's the result? He left for a young, beautiful and successful woman. And they say that all your goodness and love will return to you. How did this happen? I was left with only tears, pain and a ruined already middle-aged life.”
“My husband left me when my son was 4 years old. I dedicated my whole life to my child. I tried my best. She always gave him the best - classes, private schools, trips. There was practically no personal life. I didn't want to hurt the child.
And now my son is married. If he calls once in a month, then that’s good. So I think, was it necessary to live for his sake? The result is loneliness."
“Father left us early. My mother and I had a close relationship. Three years ago I met a very nice man, but he is from another country. He invited me to get married, I wanted to go with my mother, but she refused. She said that she had nothing to do in a foreign land. And I couldn’t leave, leaving her alone. We broke up with the young man. And now I understand that life is passing me by. I feel like I’m not living my own life.”
Three different stories, but so similar: sacrifices made for the sake of love or a sense of duty. Are they necessary?
Sacrifice for yourself
What is the right thing to do? On the one hand, there is only one life and it is given for everyone to live it in their own way. On the other hand, love always requires sacrifice. Where can we find the line when the willingness to sacrifice leads to love, and not to the destruction of one’s own life?
The path to love is not easy...
Anyone can fall in love, but not everyone can fall in love.
Many couples come to love and respect through mutual sacrifices. What kind of sacrifices are these?
This is what you are willing to give for an entrance ticket to the land of love. This is a rejection of habitual behavior and thoughts. This is the willingness to learn difficult lessons, admit your mistakes and, most importantly, the desire to change. Change not in order to be loved, but for yourself, your soul.
If you do something only for the sake of another person, then it is a sacrifice that will lead to destruction.
If you make a sacrifice for yourself, then you do it for love. For example, you just can’t forgive your husband for something. Resentment and anger destroy you. You understand that scandals spoil relationships, and you don’t want to lose them. And you try to hold back to keep the peace. But sooner or later you will break down and throw out everything that has accumulated inside.
When you realize that you cannot be happy with such baggage of negativity, you decide to get rid of it for yourself, for the sake of your soul, for the sake of your peace and harmony. That's when you begin to analyze your life, trying to understand the meaning of the lesson you are faced with.
In this case, your path to yourself and everything you have to overcome is a sacrifice, but it is made for the sake of love. If you are afraid of losing your partner, if you are afraid that he might stop loving you, if you want to be the best for him so that he does not notice other women, then you will sacrifice yourself.
To come to love, you need to sacrifice your fear of loneliness, your dependence on a man.
It is convenient for you to be with your partner, but life without him is associated with many difficulties for you. For some these are material problems, and for others they are emotional, and perhaps both. By holding on to the comfort that a man gives you, you are forced to sacrifice something important. But if you dare to sacrifice your inner comfort, this will be the path to love.
Of course, along this path you will have to give up something, but this is how you can learn lessons that will cleanse your soul and open it to love. Self-love.
Suffering can destroy or it can bring healing. As long as you blame another person for something, your soul will never find harmony. Only attempts to realize your mistakes change you and make suffering healing.
For example, you left your favorite job because your husband had to go to another city. If you follow him for the sole purpose of being close to him, then it will be a sacrifice that will destroy both your relationship and you. You will gradually turn into an embittered, eternally dissatisfied, dissatisfied woman, blaming her husband for her misfortunes.
And if, after being left without work and accepting the situation, you begin to look for yourself in some other area, adapt to a new life, discovering new interests in yourself, for example, learn how to run a house, cook well, or engage in practices of self-knowledge, then you will discover new facets of yourself. By unlocking previously dormant abilities, you will begin to understand yourself better.
If in your decision you can find sources for spiritual growth, then everything that you gain thanks to this situation will become your inner wealth. You will discover a new life. And if, with the loss of your job, you begin to waste away and constantly demand attention from your husband, then such a sacrifice will be associated with destruction. After all, you lost your job, but gained nothing.
Acquisitions can only be internal.
Your goal cannot be your husband's good attitude towards you.
Sacrifice as gain
The well-known fairy-tale character The Little Mermaid sacrifices a lot for the sake of love. But is this really so?
Love is a subtle spiritual matter. She doesn't wait for an answer, she just is.
What did the Little Mermaid need? She could love the prince while remaining in her underwater world. But she wanted to gain legs in order to walk on the ground in order to attract the attention of her beloved. She wanted to become like him so that HE would love her. She sought to receive his love. And it was a sacrifice for the sake of love, but not in the name of love.
The Little Mermaid's sacrifice did not lead to her spiritual transformation. And even when she was next to the prince, she continued to suffer, unable to find the strength to give up her goal. And only at the moment when she, having overcome her despair, makes a sacrifice - without killing the prince, her soul rises to heaven, and she has a chance to gain immortality through good deeds. This is what she dreamed of.
If after making a sacrifice there are no internal changes, if your soul does not undergo transformation, if you do not experience joy, but on the contrary, you feel resentment, fear, anxiety and anger, then all your sacrifices are a loss.
Sacrifices in the name of love are always gains, deep internal changes. And even if you lose something very valuable, you will have the feeling that you are on the right path.
You need to be prepared for any sacrifice. When giving or losing something, you must always be aware of the consequences and take responsibility for them.
Often, when women make sacrifices for the love of their partner, it turns into hatred towards him. A man, as a rule, does not appreciate such a “gift”. He doesn't need this. He needs a woman who is loving and happy, and not one who sacrifices her life, goals and desires for his sake.
To move to a new spiritual level, a woman needs to renounce her pride, addiction, and fears. And remember: neither your children nor your partners need you to sacrifice for them.
The path to love lies through sacrifices in the name of love! And love is inside you!
Sacrifice only what hinders your spiritual development
, but not your desires, needs and goals, do not give them up in an attempt to gain the love of another person.
Don't betray yourself! Make sacrifices for yourself, for the healing of your soul!
What sacrifices do you need to make? We'll talk about this at
2-month course: “Emotional dependence. How to get out of the vicious circle"
With love,
Irina Gavrilova Dempsey
