When it comes to relationships, there are many things that can go wrong. But sometimes it's not what you do that causes problems in your relationship, but the fact that you have overactive parents in your life. Whether it's your parents or your partner, they tend to interfere where they shouldn't and can turn your relationship into...
To understand how this happens, we turned to experts in the field of family relationships for advice and received from them a number of expert opinions that are worth paying attention to if you want to protect your relationship from parental interference.
Don't wait for an invitation
This rule applies exclusively to representatives of the fairer sex. And even then, not in all cases. If a girl likes a self-confident and purposeful macho man, of course, you shouldn’t impose yourself on him and almost force him into a date. This will be perceived by him as completely opposite. This type of man is accustomed to making decisions on his own and deciding whether he needs a relationship with this or that lady or not.
This advice applies to timid and unconfident boys and men. Even if they sincerely sympathize with the girl, they often cannot decide to take the first step forward and invite her on a banal first date.
Even science has proven that a woman is more sensitive on an intuitive level. Therefore, it is almost impossible for her not to notice that someone likes her. This is where you need to help your timid partner a little. It is to help, and not “put under pressure” your persistence, “riding” like on a multi-ton truck. Each situation is purely individual. Perhaps you need to “shoot” your eyes a little, flirt. When the chosen one understands that his feelings are mutual, it will be easier for him to take the first step.
Focus on responsiveness2
Here you can also return to the theme of brutal and self-confident guys. Oddly enough, this is the type that women like most. On the one hand, they can be understood. Being next to a representative of the male half of humanity exuding strength and power, you really feel like you are behind a stone wall. But the line between this stone wall and a cage with suffocating bars is subsequently very thin.
The whole point here is that men of this type are most often authoritarian and being around them is far from being as easy as it might seem at first glance. Their narcissistic nature sometimes simply does not allow them to notice the opinions of others, including the girl they love. So, in order to subsequently avoid such phrases addressed to you as “none of your business”, “shut up” or “what do you even mean”, you need to check “macho” in advance. How? It's very easy to do.
First of all, you should pay attention to his attitude towards people from the service staff - waiters in cafes and restaurants, taxi drivers, hotel maids. If he treats them as second-class people, then sooner or later the same fate will befall the lady of his heart, no matter how beloved she was at the beginning.
How not to scare a guy3
Strange as it may seem, this applies to both strong and brutal men and their more timid “countrymen.” The trick here is that a man and a woman perceive communication, and even more so sex, radically differently. And many girls, not having time to start a relationship with a guy, almost immediately begin to consider him almost their husband.
But men, on the contrary, neither after the first dates (even if they were successful), nor after the first sex, do not consider themselves obliged to the girl or attached to her. In their understanding, they continue to be free and independent.
This is where lies the main mistake of girls who, after the first few meetings, begin to plan out loud their future life - buying a new apartment, planning a wedding celebration and choosing a name for their first-born.
For most guys, the reaction to such an “offensive” will definitely be negative. Not wanting to lose their own freedom, they will simply try to end the relationship as soon as possible, without waiting for them to be “constrained.” Therefore, dear ladies, if you do not want to ruin your relationship with a guy, do not force things and let him decide for himself that you are his beloved and unique one.
Trust each other
Trust is a very fragile thing. It is very easy to lose trust in a partner: some will not tell the whole truth, some will lie, some will decide to cheat. Something like this can't be a secret all the time. Everything will eventually become known. Trust is not only easy to lose, but also very difficult to restore. After all, once a person has been burned, he does not want to experience such negativity again.
Relationships without trust are impossible. You need to fight for it and try with all your might to restore it, if a mistake was made and trust was lost.
The main thing is, despite the presence of a relationship crisis, you should not give up on the current situation (unless you are planning to break off the relationship).
If you understand that a person is sincerely dear to you, then you will do everything to maintain your relationship with him. Leave a comment:
Excessive availability4
There are times when a girl is madly in love with a guy. It is then that most of the fairer sex make their main mistake - they completely dissolve in their beloved. It would seem that there is nothing surprising in this - he reciprocated, invited him on a date, which means you can completely reveal your cards (feelings) to him. Of course, to some extent it is possible, no one tells you to remain such a Snow Queen - cold and unapproachable.
But under no circumstances should you bend the stick in the other direction. If you completely dissolve in a man, you will soon become completely uninteresting to him. Many women, having fallen in love, begin with the zeal of an excellent student, Komsomol member, activist to study all areas of his interests, regardless of which particular aspect of his life they relate to - work or hobbies.
It ends up that during meetings the conversation revolves solely around him and his interests - football, hockey, chess, equestrian sports, changes in the brokerage exchange or breeding Madagascar cockroaches - does not matter. The only important thing is that by talking only about topics that are interesting to him and at the same time repeating every few words about how much you love him, how unique and incomparable he is, you can achieve the exact opposite result and completely kill all feelings for yourself.
Every man always remains a hunter-conqueror at heart. Therefore, the “victim who surrendered without a fight” is not interesting to him. If a woman lacks mystery and understatement, she becomes like a read book. So why not go to the library and find a new, unread volume for yourself.
Candy bouquet rubbing
Remember that explosion inside when love is just beginning? We are ready for the sake of a loved one through fire and water. This feeling is seething and bursting out, this desire to please the one who gave us the feeling of flight and euphoria. And the more we please our loved one, the better and joyful we ourselves become. This is the secret of inexhaustible tenderness for each other, but more on this a little later.
In the meantime, flowers, sweets, jewelry, restaurants, notes on the bathroom mirror are used - the range depends on the man’s imagination and the woman’s ability to accept gifts. She responds with a charming smile, sincere joy and warmth. He is happy to be chosen by the desired woman. And everyone is fine, but not for long.
The romantic mist disappears from the eyes very quickly. She no longer has enough vases or smiles to accept all the new bouquets. He is no longer so happy to give her gifts: “You could have thought about me a little more!” And I no longer want to do something nice for her or him, I want for myself, so that we will finally be given love. And right away something was wrong. And the other half is immediately to blame - it doesn’t make you happy enough.
Cold touchy5
Here the situation is radically opposite to the previous one. Many girls, fearing to appear too approachable, begin to portray themselves as an impregnable rock. But, as they say, everything is good in moderation, and in this matter the main thing is not to overdo it.
No one says to agree to a date the first time, and even more so, immediately after the first date they rush to his bed at breakneck speed. But it’s also not worth “marinating” a guy for weeks or even months, since then his thoughts will follow completely logical paths. In one case, he may think that he is not at all interested in you, and try to switch to another object for courtship.
In another case, even worse, they may mentally accuse you of having a non-traditional sexual orientation. Yes exactly. Guys also have a rich imagination and they can easily “invent” your loving glance in the direction of the neighbor next door. So, when starting a relationship with a guy, try to adhere to the “golden mean” rule
Common goals and dreams
The desire to move in one direction incredibly unites and makes relationships comfortable. When people set common goals for themselves, it becomes much easier for them to achieve them. They inevitably help each other and support each other in the chosen direction. Of course, it is easier to overcome any difficulties together, since partners feel the presence of a strong shoulder nearby. Women especially need such support. Common goals and dreams bring people together, strengthen the union, and help them not to give up on their plans. When difficulties arise, support is available. The more such help is available, the stronger the relationships between people become. Any relationship needs to be developed so that it does not stand still, but brings joy.
Don't be intimidated by responsibilities6
Of course, every woman needs a strong and caring man's shoulder. This is especially true for those representatives of the fairer sex who, having already been burned once, were left to raise a child alone. It is they who, having just started a relationship with a guy, often begin from the first days to impose a bunch of responsibilities on him and shift the solution to their numerous personal problems.
Few men will take such a brain attack normally. In the modern world, completely different priorities have been established and no one values weak, amorphous, weak-willed women anymore. A modern woman should be able to solve her problems on her own. This applies to everyday issues, conflicts at work and quarrels with annoying neighbors. And even if she cannot hang a shelf in the bathroom or fix the faucet on her own, she should at least call a specialist, and not sit and wait until her new loved one turns into a jack of all trades.
If the relationship with this girl is important to him, he himself will pay attention to her everyday and business problems and take upon himself the solution to some of them. Note - only parts of them. You should not expect him to turn into a kind of “good fairy” who fulfills all wishes.
Feeling important
Your partner must definitely feel that you are important and needed. This feeling makes it possible to truly begin to appreciate the relationships you have. Your significant other always wants to feel like their problems and needs are your top priority. If you deliberately push them into the background, then at some point your partner may become disappointed and think that you don’t need him at all. A sense of self-worth is decisive for each individual person. If someone begins to limit us in something, then the internal defense mechanism is triggered. A person resists most of all what is actively imposed on him. No one wants to live their life alone and, as a result, become unnecessary even to their loved ones. Everyone strives to gain understanding from others and to build honest and trusting relationships.
Do not limit his communication7
It is completely in vain that a large number of lovely ladies, immediately after they begin a relationship with a guy, begin to consider him almost their property. This concept also includes the fact that a man should spend absolutely all his free time exclusively with her, his beloved.
Not at all, because you entered into an equal relationship, and did not get a puppy. In the second case, you are the owner, and the dog must obey all your orders without complaint. A man, even if he is in love with you, remains a free and self-sufficient person.
That is why, under no circumstances should one limit his communication with friends or work colleagues. “Granted” freedom will in no way alienate your chosen one from you. On the contrary, an intelligent man will appreciate your action, and after spending time with friends he will rush to you, his beloved.
An additional argument in favor of the fact that a man needs to periodically spend time in a purely male group is the fact that you yourself are not at all opposed to sitting in the company of girlfriends, washing someone’s bones and gossiping about your own boyfriends. So why is your man worse?
“Friendship” with his habits8
Here it is worth returning to the fact that in a relationship both partners remain independent individuals with their own independent and already fully formed characters. Therefore, it is very stupid to expect that after such an unrivaled you has entered into a relationship with a guy, he will immediately change his usual lifestyle for this.
No, darlings, this will never happen. No matter how much he loves you, his habits, ingrained in him, will remain with him forever. And it doesn’t matter what exactly we’re talking about. He can slurp while eating, leave dirty dishes on the table, like boiled capelin for breakfast, emitting an incredible stench throughout the entire apartment, leave dirty socks near the sofa or walk into the bedroom in street shoes - he cannot be changed.
If you are initially irritated by something that your chosen one is used to and you are not ready to come to terms with it, do not delay and end the relationship without allowing yourself time to finally get used to it. This is especially true when your man has harmful habits - alcohol, smoking or, even worse, drugs. There are no options here at all.
About disappointment
So, before us there are two - he and she. At the very beginning of their relationship, they idealize each other and think that such an idyll will last forever, the fire of their passion will never go out. But some time passes. Everything begins to seem a little different to them. Some even feel like they have been deceived. He and she are not so ideally suited to each other, which is associated with the discovery of those habits and characteristics that were invisible in the early stages of the couple’s relationship. The rose-colored glasses begin to fall off and young people realize that their life will not necessarily look like a fairy tale.
The very understanding that they, like many other couples, will have to face difficulties, with the fact of fading feelings, causes a strong reaction from young people. Very often you can hear: “But we are not like that... Everything will be different for us.” However, the reality is that absolutely everyone faces similar phenomena.
Few young people are ready to give up on what is happening and not even try to save their relationships with each other. However, if one of the partners demonstrates obvious indifference and disregard for the other, then the question of maintaining the relationship becomes especially acute. Many people doubt whether it is necessary to do anything at all in such a situation? Maybe it would be better to just break up?
But before you take any steps, stop and think. Understand your own feelings, try to understand what led you and your partner to such a situation. After all, determining the cause is 50% solving the problem.
It is important that both partners understand that something is wrong in their relationship. Otherwise, it will be very difficult to correct the current situation.
Let's decide what reasons lead to a cooling of feelings in a couple's relationship.
Control of emotions9
A very important component is that the relationship with a guy is long-lasting and develops into true mutual love. You should not confuse your loved one with a kind of lightning rod or, especially, with a whipping boy. No, no one is saying that you can’t cry into his vest or get angry behind his back at the boss - the satrap (and even then it’s better not to do this on the first dates).
Here we are talking about the fact that if you are in a bad mood, you should under no circumstances take your emotions out on the guy. And it doesn’t matter what exactly caused your breakdown - a scandal at home or at work, critical days or the death of your beloved hamster. If you feel out of sorts, it is best to gather your strength and simply refuse the date, coming up with some good reason for this. It is much better for you not to see each other once than, having seen each other, to immediately quarrel. And another outcome of such a meeting is inevitable; not a single guy will be able to listen to your hysterical scandals. Especially if he personally is not guilty of anything to you.
Understanding
This is the first place to start effectively working on yourself. It is necessary to check how successful the relationship with your loved one is. Mutual understanding plays an important role, because it is what helps us overcome periods of inevitable crises and look at each other with a new look. People who know how to talk about their problems, rather than hush them up, have a much better chance of coping with the difficulties that arise. This is because they do not accumulate negative emotions within themselves, but strive to immediately free themselves from them, at the first opportunity. Mutual understanding is very important because it allows you to maintain relationships at different stages of the family life cycle. If people know how to respect each other, then they are really moving in the right direction.
Don't exaggerate10
When starting a relationship, many of us really want to seem better than we really are. This is where the catch lies - sooner or later, the truth will come out anyway. And, no matter what exactly you lied about - the dimensions of the apartment, the presence of a car (yacht, dacha, Arabian horse in the stable of the family castle), awarded yourself a scientific degree in physics, or the presence of a black belt in karate, the time will come when the secret will become apparent .
And in this case, it is unlikely that at least one guy will forgive his girlfriend for such a lie - separation is inevitable. Yes, in principle, if you look at the situation from the other side, you are unlikely to really like a relationship in which they will love you not for who you are, but for your exaggerations
Solve problems together
Family relationships are not so joyful; they can contain a large number of problems, from small, insignificant to large ones. Many young people, when faced with problems, try to solve them on their own, as was the case before they started living together, when he or she lived alone. It turns out that the problems in the family are common, but one of the partners does not take part in solving them, he is relegated to the background.
This situation is not very good. Family life assumes that everything that partners encounter will be experienced together, no matter whether these are good events or unpleasant incidents. Listen to each other, share your experiences, and then the negative feelings of one will not become incomprehensible to the other. This technique allows you to bring partners closer together through mutual care and support.
The most important thing11
Of course, there is a huge amount of advice on how to establish and strengthen a relationship with a guy - friends, relatives, work colleagues, printed publications, opinions of psychologists or the Internet. But, nowhere can you find the one that is ideal for you. All relationships are purely individual and you must, as it were, “feel” your chosen one.
By the way, many couples who have lived together for many years, recalling their initial relationship, say that they seemed to feel their companion, his mood, thoughts, emotions. In their opinion, this is what made their relationship ideal, and their love mutual.
