Careers of a man and a woman - how did they develop?
Historically, the man was considered the breadwinner in the family - it was on his shoulders that the financial support of his wife and children fell. But just over a century ago, beautiful ladies gained the right to choose a profession to their liking, and the usual picture of the world changed greatly. Professional careers began to attract women, many of whom even abandoned building normal family relationships in favor of work.
It would seem that the opportunity to work only benefited women, because they were able to realize their talents and skills. But many girls did not take into account that while conquering career heights, they would have to compete on equal terms with men. To build a truly successful career, a woman needed to develop masculine qualities of character and completely kill the feminine in herself.
Stereotypes of society and the acceleration of the rhythm of life
Nowadays, in addition to internal attitudes, a woman is also influenced by the clearly inflated expectations of society: do everything and be successful in everything you do.
“The pages of glossy magazines and movie plots show us a middle-aged woman who has a favorite job, three children, a husband, former or current, another lover, a cozy and tidy home, fitness classes, yoga on Sundays, coffee with friends, healthy eating, an ideal styling, smooth skin and fresh manicure. The woman always smiles, showing beautiful white teeth, does not get tired, and also cooks for her husband, children, lover, and even a big shaggy dog. And you overslept your morning jog, forgot to wipe off the slightly peeling nail polish, you don’t have time to deliver the project by the deadline and you feel like a complete failure against the backdrop of this beautiful goddess,” says psychologist Elena Shpundra
.
Of course, in some ways it has become easier for us to cope with the burden of daily worries than previous generations. “On the one hand, modern women have at their disposal a wide arsenal of various household appliances and “smart” devices that our mothers, and especially grandmothers, could only dream of,” says psychologist and coach Victoria Timofeeva
. – On the other hand, our ancestors had some advantage. In particular, even if they were building a career, they were not always required to “keep their finger on the pulse.” Current realities require constant vigilance and quick decisions. Otherwise, you may simply not keep up with the rhythm of life. After all, if before it was relatively measured, now, especially in megacities, it is rapid. And this point must be taken into account.”
What does society say about women's careers?
If we turn to Orthodoxy and other religions, women and careers in them are not entirely compatible. It is believed that girls' destiny is to raise children and do household chores. According to believers, this division of roles (work for the husband, home for the wife) helps strengthen relationships within the family.
But psychology specialists have a different view of women and work. Psychologists believe that girls should do what they are passionate about, without blaming themselves for the choice they made.
A creative approach to generic settings
A modern woman does not need to blindly follow the stereotypes imposed by society, and even by our own subconscious, says psychologist and psychotherapist Alexey Fureev.
“Throughout the 20th century, scientists had the opportunity to observe the lives of several generations of people who were moved from wild conditions to the modern civilized world,” the expert says. “These people, their children and grandchildren received the upbringing and education usual for Europeans. However, scientists discovered something surprising: somehow these people, cut off from their culture, continued to profess the beliefs and beliefs of their distant ancestors.”
Likewise, modern women and men are trying to adapt to new conditions of life and building a family, but at the same time, somewhere deep inside their souls they feel tension, a conflict with the traditional understanding of their roles. According to Alexey Fureev, we all need to learn to adapt ancient tribal beliefs to new conditions.
For example, “a woman is the keeper of the home”: now this role can be fulfilled by understanding the hearth as the emotional atmosphere of the house, having mastered the skills of management psychology. Or, for example, the attitude that “a woman should devote her life to raising children” can be fulfilled by showing children an example of a successful mother who has realized herself in her profession and creativity. According to the psychologist, this will be the best education that can be given to children in the modern world.
“Only by understanding that the experience of our mothers and grandmothers allowed them to survive in difficult times and became part of our personality, without rejecting it, will we be able to harmoniously adapt to the new conditions of modern life,” says Alexey.
Advantages and Disadvantages of Choosing a Career over a Family
As for me, I sincerely believe that a career plays a very important role in a woman’s life. But don’t forget, girls, that peace and comfort in your family nest depends on you. Here are the pros and cons of a woman choosing a career and pushing her family and home into the background. After reading them, you can decide which path to choose.
Advantages:
- the opportunity to make your dreams come true;
- additional income;
- new useful connections that may be useful in the future;
- broadening one's horizons;
- opportunity to develop leadership skills;
- reducing the risk of burnout.
Negative points:
- obsession with achieving success;
- Nervousness due to failures, problems with colleagues or superiors.
Make time for your family
Each woman decides for herself how to prioritize between family and career. Some people choose the first, some the second. Wise ladies know how to combine this harmoniously.
The husband is a partner in building a large project called family. Therefore, it is necessary to discuss long-term plans with him, both personal and career-related. Any life strategies can be destroyed if there are no agreements and support between husband and wife.
The main problem of a working spouse is often a lack of quality communication. As a result, conflict in the family arises because husbands do not listen to their wives, and wives do not support their spouses. To resolve this problem, the couple should agree on mutual active listening sessions. Such simple rules as silently listening to your partner and then repeating what they said sometimes save marriages.
Do not forget about compliments and words of gratitude towards the man and children. It is important to mark even the most habitual actions as merit. This will be an excellent incentive for the spouse and offspring to help more and spread the wings of the household.
How to motivate your husband to raise children, read here.
When combining your career and personal life, do not forget about your children. Dedicate your free time to them. Remember that no nanny can replace a mother and the time spent with her. The fact is that childhood is the most traumatic age from a psychological point of view. Therefore, it is imperative to monitor the quality and quantity of time that mother spends with children.
How to combine career and family
The best option is to find a middle ground. But how can a woman combine work and family? There are several options for the development of events.
The ideal job is a hobby that brings money. Why not choose a creative profession that doesn't involve a white-collar job? Creativity fills a woman with the right energy and does not force her to live according to a schedule. There are a lot of options to choose from: drawing, handicrafts, cooking with further sale of the product, creating trainings and educational courses, etc.
How can a woman who has decided to open and develop a private business combine work and family? Here everything comes down to resources, because you need to optimize processes as much as possible. The word “optimization” hides the search for personnel and business assistants who will take on routine tasks and free up the boss’s personal time.
A businesswoman whose family or career is in decline must always remain a woman. The main trump card of the weak half of humanity is cunning combined with wisdom. You shouldn’t act rashly, giving up your personal happiness or professional prospects. It is better to identify the reasons why one of the areas of life has suffered. Well, if the reasons are found, solving them will not be difficult. And the main secret of success is to love all areas of your life.
The first stage: “How to act so that everything works out?”
Falling in love happens at both 18 and 88 years old. But people are most actively looking for a couple in the period from 25 to 35 years. Therefore, the first transitional stage is more common at this age.
When two people begin a relationship, each person's career initially follows the same trajectory as before. Both are in love and support each other completely. At the same time, they maintain independence. Partners do what they like, achieve a lot, and it seems that only good things lie ahead. But in fact, the first difficult stage lies ahead.
How to determine it
An unexpected layoff, a move, new opportunities at work, the birth of a child are major changes that signal the end of a rosy period. It will no longer be possible to maintain independence: it’s time to join forces and start a truly common life.
During this period, partners are torn between new responsibilities, work and relationships. To overcome it, they need to decide together how life will develop in the future.
What are the traps?
Trap 1: You make decisions based on financial considerations.
Few people live only for money. When choosing a job, we also take into account opportunities for professional growth. And when deciding on a place of residence - proximity to family or quality of life in a certain area.
If you evaluate your options from different perspectives, you will understand that the most practical, rational and money-saving decision does not always open the right path.
Trap 2: You overestimate the importance of short-term results
Problems make you panic. Partners try to make a decision faster in order to return to the comfort zone. And they often lose sight of the long-term consequences of their choices.
For example, you need to decide how and who will teach the children. One of the companions decides to take it upon himself, quitting his job for a while. It seems that the problem was resolved quickly and without loss. But such a decision will cause difficulties in the future, when the time comes to return to a career. Parents who left their jobs to raise parents are less likely to receive an offer from a recruiter than those who were fired from their previous job.
Before you decide who to sacrifice your career to, think about whether this person will be able to find a good job later. Otherwise, he will end up regretting the decision and will begin to get angry at the partner who allowed this to happen.
Trap 3: Being too practical
Women who earn more than their partners do more housework. This is how they try (sometimes unconsciously) to compensate for their success, driven by the stereotype that a man should receive more than a woman. Sooner or later this leads to quarrels and resentments.
Discuss more than just finances and schedules. The distribution of roles in a couple, complexes, dreams and hopes are psychological and social factors that should also be taken into account. When you understand and share the emotions, values, and fears associated with an upcoming decision, you mitigate the risk of making mistakes.
Trap 4: You grab onto everything at once
During the rosy period, partners get used to thinking that they can handle everything and can get whatever they want from life. But there are more problems. Panic sets in, and the likelihood of ending up in a dead end increases. It is better to solve problems gradually. Otherwise, you risk not solving a single one.
How to pass this stage
Talk. Make decisions openly and collaboratively. Discuss your priorities. For example, if you both value time with your family, neither of you is likely to agree to a 70-hour work week.
Define boundaries. Discuss issues related to the three factors: place, time, and physical presence. Are you ready to have to work in different cities and live separately for some time? What if the opportunity arises to move to another country? Boundaries provide psychological safety, and we are more willing to experiment and develop.
Calculate your fears. This will help you quickly navigate when difficulties arise. And sometimes prevent them.
Decide whose career is more important as a couple. To go through the first stage together, choose one of three strategies:
- Important and secondary: one of the partners focuses on family and household chores, the second on his career. Moving, traveling, weekend plans are made in accordance with his schedule. Benefit: Clarity. Everyone is responsible for one thing, and many decisions are simplified. Disadvantage: difficult to refuse.
- Taking turns: Each partner’s career is “assigned” priority in turn. They themselves choose the time after which they change roles. Advantages: everyone gets a chance to invest in both their career and family. Disadvantage: It's difficult to predict exactly when you or your partner will need to switch to work.
- Both are equally important: partners build a career together and share household responsibilities. Advantages: both partners participate in family life and engage in self-realization. Disadvantage: complex construction. It is important to define boundaries and rules. For example, a couple does not move to another city, even if someone is offered an interesting job. If partners don't follow them, they can fall into the trap of "grasping everything at once."
