The wife cheated on her husband. What to do next? Psychologist's advice

Sex by correspondence

“Sexting” is such a new word that it is not even included in the newest dictionaries. It refers to sending provocative, flirty and sexual messages to other people via text messages. This is the modern version of phone sex, where two people use their online alter egos to initiate a sexual encounter.

Let's figure out whether correspondence is considered treason. Infidelity is always associated with dishonesty and secrecy. Most sex addicts and habitual cheaters admit that part of the pleasure comes not from the affair itself, but from the adrenaline rush of trying to hide it.

If a partner does not know about sexual communications with someone of the opposite sex, and the person plans to keep it a secret, such behavior is immoral and wrong, regardless of whether you have ever touched the other person or not!

A husband's correspondence with another woman is treason if it causes excitement and is conducted secretly.

The emotional aspect of this can be perceived as even worse than a one-night stand. Even if sexting between two people is based on virtual images, this action in itself means infidelity.

Alternative opinion

Many people involved in sexting often do not see it as infidelity, and rather perceive the process as the maximum format of interaction with another, in which they still do not cross the line. People who have been virtual may never plan to meet or do any of the activities described in the messages. This allows you to not feel guilty.

Despite this, 89% of married people said that they consider intimate correspondence on social networks to be cheating, which could lead to divorce or breakup.

Virtual sex - what is it? i

And yet, what is virtual sex? Speaking in dry scientific language, virtual sex is a method of sexual interaction in which arousal occurs through means of communication, and orgasm occurs through masturbation.

In other words, virtual sex is when you are turned on not by a real partner, whose caresses you feel tactilely, but by a friend from YouTube, Viber or a friend from social networks. At the same time, in order to achieve orgasm you need to work with your own hands. It is not forbidden to use various toys.

Virtual sex has its own characteristics. The most striking feature of virtual sex is that such sex does not involve interaction between partners. Someone can argue with me and say that any virtual sex can become real, because people can just meet and actually have sex. It's true. But then sex will no longer become virtual. Virtual - without physical interaction. Always.

The second feature is very attractive - in the “virt” you can have sex with the most beautiful woman or the most amazing man! By the way, with the help of Photoshop you can become an awesome man or woman yourself. After all (and this is the third attractive feature) no one will know who you are in real life.

True, you won’t be able to figure out your “virtual bed” partner either. And is it necessary? It is quite possible that instead of a bright blonde with a languid look and ample breasts, there is a huge woman sitting, whose meat is dripping from the chair. Well, is this what you need? Anonymity helps us!

Well, there are also such pleasures - you can control the duration of your sex yourself, as long as you want, and it will be as long. In addition, virtual sex completely eliminates any possibility of violence, unpleasant situations, oppression or other actions that you do not want. That is, pure sex.

Another interesting point is that you don’t really care when your virtual partner gets pleasure. And will he get it at all? For you, the center of the Universe is you.

Of course, there is no such interest in virtual sex as in real life, but this is a matter of experience. With the help of video capabilities you can bring yourself to any state you want.

How to react

Texting or sexting can be a prelude to actual infidelity. If a person is willing to risk a relationship by sending messages that their partner will find offensive, there is a good chance that they are capable of more.

This issue is perceived differently by women and men.

Most husbands believe that infidelity is a physical act and only actual sexual interaction constitutes betrayal. Women think that virtual sex is cheating and can feel betrayed even after flirting with someone else, as well as after physical contact.

To a man caught sexting, it's nothing more than flirting and doesn't mean anything, but if it was his wife who was caught red-handed, they'd probably be a lot less lenient.

Virtual betrayal

You have noticed more than once that your husband spends too much time on the computer . When you ask him what he does, he starts making something up and abruptly ends his business. And then you find out that he has ANOTHER one , and not just somewhere, but on the Internet! What is this - treason? Virtual?

Is virtual betrayal Is this a cause for concern, or is it just the little things in life? What to do?

The women's site "Beautiful and Successful" will help you understand the mysteries of virtual infidelity!

Virtual betrayal - what is it?

Virtual sex (as well as virtual infidelity) are just lines of text that a person types . There is no direct contact between people. Although…. Nowadays, it is already possible to hear your partner’s voice, and if you have high-speed access and a web camera, you can see your partner!

And yet, not everyone has access to this, so virtual (usually what virtual sex is called) is in most cases just a bunch of words in various chats, emails, and ICQ.

Is virtual reality overshadowing everything else?

porn sites a couple of times a month , most likely he is simply indulging in ordinary sexual fantasies . It cannot be considered cheating if he imagines himself with another partner - this is a common fantasy among men. Well, men love pornography!

But you should really think about virtual treason if:

My husband spends almost all his free time and cannot wait for his next visit. Check his ICQ history and browsing history in the browser. If everything is clear, but intuition continues to suspect virtual betrayal, most likely he deletes all the information.
He finds it difficult to concentrate on work or family. You started to annoy him. He stopped paying attention to you , burying himself in the computer.
He avoids answering when you bring up the topic of his online communications .
You caught him masturbating in front of the computer screen.

Husband cheats virtually

“We’ve been married for a year, everything was perfect. But one day I got into my husband’s ICQ correspondence with some girl. There I read that he really wants her, dreams of having sex with her in the shower, flirts with her, and she writes to him THIS!!!! I was shocked! I couldn’t stand it, I felt bad, and I told him that I had read the correspondence and knew about his virtual betrayal! He was furious and said that I had no right to read this, that it was his personal business, and that these were just words! How should I feel about this? How to get rid of doubts? Lena, 24 years old.

Many consider virtual betrayal to be real betrayal , and it doesn’t matter that your loved one is flirting on the Internet, in ICQ. The method is not important, the fact itself is important. Since virtual betrayal affects the soul , it is much more dangerous than just physical contact.

Is there a line between reality and virtuality in human feelings?

Cheating occurs when a husband begins to lie - not only about virtual sex, but also about other areas of his life. Of course, everyone can have secrets, but if you are deceived , this can also affect the sexual side of the relationship.

There is a law in psychology - if you imagine the desired situation in detail, with strong emotions, then it is quite likely to come true. This is what usually scares us - if the husband was able to cheat virtually , won’t he go to the left at the first opportunity in the real world?

Reason for virtual treason

Still, most often the reason for a spouse to watch porn sites and get involved in virtual flirting is the desire for variety (especially if he has been married for a long time). In real life, he doesn’t want to cheat, or his conscience doesn’t allow him, or the fear that his wife might find out everything, and then he decides to cheat virtually - dating sites, ICQ, SMS...

For him, virtual infidelity is a way to raise his male self-esteem , to give free rein to sexual fantasies (fantasies, I emphasize, not actions). Recently, this is a very common way of male “relaxation”.

Make sure that your husband does not have the desire to cheat on you virtually - refresh your feelings, do this regularly, and you will not be overcome by thoughts about your spouse’s potential betrayal.

I understand that you are frightened by the fear of real betrayal on his part. But you still won't be able to prevent it . If you want to change, you will change, and not at all because you are somehow “different,” but because such is male nature.

From another point of view…

Virtual sex is precisely designed to avoid cheating in real life . Thoughts about betrayal periodically arise for everyone, and virtual betrayal can be considered as an opportunity for thrills without damaging the family hearth.

If your loved one does not approve of this, then you can erase the contents of the browser and resume marital duties with a clear conscience.

As they put it on one Internet forum: “You gain your appetite online, but you still eat at home.”

If the husband virtually cheated

You can react differently to virtual betrayal:

If I find out about virtual betrayal, our relationship will end!
I will study all his correspondence to assess the situation.
It’s okay, let him have fun, the main thing is that virtual betrayal is not in real life!
I wonder what he misses with me. And I'll try to change.
I won’t say anything, but I will also begin to change virtually. As he is with me, so am I.
I'll talk to him immediately. Let him explain everything himself.

Choose the behavior that suits you best . It is in your power to make sure that your husband does not have thoughts about either virtual or real betrayal!

—— Author — Khoronzhevskaya Evgenia, website

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Psychologist's advice

There are many factors that influence whether the virtual infidelity of a husband or wife is serious or not. Any time a spouse gives a part of themselves to someone else, emotionally, physically, or in any other way, it is wrong. But there is a certain difference in the severity of the offense, depending on how exactly it happened.

Who is the partner? This is a very important question. If the person your spouse is having an affair with is an acquaintance, friend, or family member, it can be all the more painful because you are being betrayed by not one, but two important people.
What exactly were they doing? Expressed eternal love to each other? Did you write ambiguous nonsense? Have you sent inappropriate photos of yourself in various states of undress?
Is it love or just lust? Did they set up a secret date?
Maybe they had no physical contact at all, but only virtual contact.

What happens between your spouse and someone else can have a strong emotional impact. Some forms of virtual infidelity by a husband or wife can be forgiven, while others may not.

Who prefers this kind of sex?2

Anyone can have this kind of sex. But, as statistics say, most often men and, of course, our teenagers “sin” with this.

In adolescents, the body is developing, including the reproductive system as a whole. Therefore, it is easy to explain their uncontrollable interest in sex in any of its manifestations. True, excessive passion for such an activity at this age is very dangerous for the developing organism.

Of course, the boy will not run late on the street, will not associate with bad company, will obediently sit near the computer and not bother his parents. But he will not be interested in sports, will not learn to build relationships with peers, will not learn to communicate with girls, and in general, when the time comes to separate from his parents, they will notice what harm the almighty Internet has caused to their son.

But not only teenagers are interested in virtual sex. Now, however, the majority of parents are “advanced” and understand that if their child hangs out on the Internet for too long, they need to sound the alarm. For parents, there are many computer programs that help control what their child is doing. But there are many fans of virtual sex among the adult generation. And these “attachments” to unnatural sex are no less strong, because they have their own reasons.

As a rule, those people who have problems with their own family become addicted to virtual sex. A divorced man will not always go to meet someone for sex; in order to call a prostitute to your home, you need to be mentally prepared for this. Yes, and money is required. Here, you can do what you want and with whom you want.

Another reason for adults is that as you age, you become less and less like an unstoppable stallion. The possibilities are not the same. But this is in real life, and in the virtual world your possibilities are exactly the same as your imagination can draw them! I put a photo of a handsome man, came up with a powerful libido and go ahead! All the virtual ladies just throw themselves in stacks at your feet. Virtual - that is, not real?

But no! Someone is controlling your partner! Yes, maybe he’s just the same old guy, but... You should never think about it at all! All your virtual capabilities will more than make up for what you are not capable of in real life.

There are people who just want to try something new. There is nothing wrong with this category of people. They will try and calm down. If they have problems in family relationships, if everything is normal with their psyche, virtual sex cannot replace sex in real life.

Consequences

Virtual infidelity is a betrayal that can be just as destructive to a marriage as a “real” affair. Although the writer's intentions may not have been to harm the spouse, he most likely carried out his actions in secret.

If you get your needs met with someone other than your spouse, it is extremely hurtful and can be called betrayal. These actions can be just as destructive as physical contact.

You must understand that the feelings of a hurt spouse are very real. Although it may seem overly dramatic to react to virtual reality or texting with someone as cheating, try to put yourself in the position of a partner.

Serious problem3

No matter how interesting virtual sex is, it is fraught with a serious problem. Suffice it to say that many people who are “hooked” on “virtual” have not had normal sex and are not trying to have it. They are happy with everything in the imaginary world.

Children, family, wife - all this fades not even into the background, but into nowhere. Such people do not know how to communicate, and the longer their life takes place in the “virtual”, the more they do not want to return to real life. Doctors call this condition a neurological disorder.

A person falls out of society, he is not interested in any action other than the “virtual”, he leaves behind no descendants, no spiritual values, no material wealth, his life is meager and goes in the same circle.

Interestingly, the wife of a man who is passionate about virtual sex does not always sound the alarm. Yes, if she is a fan of “tumbling around,” then she will express dissatisfaction. True, in such families, husbands rarely run away into “virt”, more than natural sex. However, if the wife is one of those who always have a “headache,” then an unobtrusive husband will only be a joy for her.

By the way, women get hooked on this kind of sex extremely rarely. Still, all sorts of sighs, hugs, kisses are more important to them, and not with sex toys, but with real men. They somehow look at life more realistically. Men are so partial to sexual matters, and that’s why they suffer. It's no joke - 50% of everyone who is interested in virtual sex ends up becoming its slaves!

By the way, sometimes men realize that virtual sex has captivated them so much that they can’t get out on their own, and then they go to the doctor. But this is very rare. More often, something else happens - a man comes to the doctor with a complaint about some kind of ailment (for example, a man has problems with ejaculation), and along the way it turns out that he has been on the “virtual” for a long time. This kind of addiction has to be treated.

After everything that has been written, I would like to say once again that it is not for nothing that people came up with such an expression as the “golden mean.” There is nothing wiser than measures in any matter.

What to do after

If you want to keep your marriage healthy, instead of denying that you did something wrong or questioning the reaction, it's better to just meet it halfway.

Even if you don't feel that your actions are worthy of such a reaction, you may well worry that you made your partner uncomfortable and be prepared to prevent this from happening again.

This will require listening to what your spouse has to say without arguing or defending yourself, and then addressing the behavior or circumstances that lead to it. You can try to develop rules that will be comfortable for both and under which everyone can do what they do openly.

Sometimes this is easier said than done, and it is not always an easy or quick process, but if the marriage and partner are important, then you will be willing to do what is necessary.

What to do after your wife cheats. Psychologist's advice

If a husband caught his wife with her lover and caught her cheating, then the psychologist’s advice often sounds like ridicule - don’t blame yourself, calm down, take a break.
Yes, these actions are correct and correct, but how difficult it is to maintain equanimity at this moment, because everything depends on the man’s temperament. For example, when cheating on their wife, men used to do whatever they wanted, including murder, and this was not punishable by law. In the modern world, women's rights are respected just as much as men's, so all decisions must be weighed and thought out. Again, what does a man mean by betrayal? Does virtual treason count? And if the wife independently admitted that she slept with another man and repents, what then? How much might this recognition influence the decision? You can predict and advise further actions after betrayal. First of all, this is, of course, a frank conversation with your wife and a joint decision on divorce or continuation of life together. If a couple agrees to save the marriage, then a lot of effort will be required to forgive the partner, because... a woman cheats only if there are behavioral mistakes on the part of her husband and out of great love, unlike men who betray even if the wife is ideal in almost all aspects.

You can often hear the phrase from spouses: “I can’t forget the betrayal and forgive my wife,” then there can be no talk of any continuation of life together. Here the main question arises: wife’s betrayal, what to do and how to survive?

Initially, a man needs to analyze the current situation and understand what was wrong in the marriage and in the relationship between the spouses. When partners break up, both people are always to blame. You shouldn’t hang negative labels on the entire female gender, people are different, if you’re unlucky here, then look at betrayal from a different, more positive side. Completely new perspectives open up before you, you become free and open to building trusting relationships.

At the same time, it is easier for a man to find a mate at any age; look at life more broadly, do not get hung up on one woman who cheated and betrayed. Look around, communicate and travel, then a bright streak will certainly come, given that you learned the right lessons from your previous marriage.

Are men who choose virtual sex losers and impotent?

Maybe, of course, women went too, but I know about men from rumors. Today on LiveJournal a young man wrote about the benefits of virtual sex and that virtual sex is no worse, and maybe even better than real sex. You won’t get infected, a girl won’t get pregnant like that, the choice of women is limitless, etc. If I were a Star, I would definitely be in shock. But I’m not a faint-hearted woman, I’ll write my opinion.

I won’t try to completely deny virtual sex. For example, a couple for some reason is temporarily in different cities. O.K., why don’t they engage in virt, people miss each other, people want each other, maybe even through correspondence, they will talk more openly about their desires and fantasies, meet and make real love. It is quite possible that they will bring strawberries into sex that they did not dare to tell each other about.

Or a man and a woman meet on the Internet, and as sometimes happens, the conversation turns to this. People like each other, talk about their fantasies, kiss and “touch” each other through correspondence, but want real continuation. Maybe there are other options.

That is, I understand temporary virtual sex, but I don’t understand when they replace real sex with virtual sex and say that this is normal.

My friend wanted to meet a man for REAL meetings, so she also connected the Internet to her search. Why not?!

And she discovered such a pattern. Some young people, and not so young ones, start talking about sex, becoming more and more active with every word. Men talk about what heroes they are. How many centimeters of dignity do they have? One of his dignity, he naturally has it between his legs, he proudly called it the Unit, however, many members give it a go, you won’t be surprised by this. They ask for email. address to show what his wonderful organ looks like. They boast about how many women they have had, and how endlessly they can do it. They tell me how they like to have sex, write in detail, and ask about my friend’s fantasies. She reads letters about sex, not men on the other side of the monitor, but sexual terrorists. She’s already excited and really doesn’t mind, but that’s not the case, as soon as the conversation comes about a real meeting, the sexy giant disappears into the vastness of the Internet and you’ll never catch him.

My friend was tired of entertaining men for nothing, she decided to bring them to light. I brought one out. She was looking for a man for herself in her city, hoping for real sex with a fool. Yes, there was still a sin for her, she worked as a follower. One day another terrorist appears, a sexy one, of course. And let’s go on and on about what a great organ he has, immeasurable length, unlimited possibilities, indescribable beauty, he even has wild fantasies, but he can’t find a woman worthy of himself.

A friend writes to him and calls me. I tell her not to call me, but to ask him tricky questions on the run, so that she doesn’t have time to come to her senses, it’s not for nothing that she worked as a detective. She writes to the sexy Hero that she will have virtual sex with him, she’s already burning with desire, but only on one condition, she needs to hear his voice, otherwise without a voice she won’t be able to do it in full. Unfortunately for him, he agreed. I won’t bore you with the details, but the Hero himself didn’t notice how he told a few facts about himself, he was very excited about the upcoming virtual sex, I think that his hand was already at the start, and maybe he’s also not a rich mind, I won’t say for sure here , but I suspect. They talked, my friend went to ICQ, he was waiting, his brain was racing.

She wrote that she remembered him, cited a couple of facts that he told her in a sexual frenzy, and went to the bank. He knocks on the keyboard, I won’t put it in quotation marks, I don’t remember it word for word.

You, she knocks on the letters, once met a friend of mine, and your organ is 12 centimeters at most, and not 25, as you promised me, and in general she said that you can’t do anything, so I’ll come to you right now for work, and I’ll look into your eyes and tell everyone how you wanted to deceive me with centimeters….

The boy was confused and also began to knock so that she would not reveal his secret to anyone.

Istria is absolutely real.

Therefore, something tells me: men who want to engage in ONLY VIRTUAL sex have big problems, such as small pussies or big impotence, maybe some other complexes, but I would be careful not to call such relationships normal.

Although a good solution for men with problems. He tapped out the letters, touched himself, and here is the Hero - a lover and NO PROBLEMS)))

What do you think about virtual sex that never becomes real?

And what about virtual sex in general?

I wrote on the run, I had a lot to do, if there are any mistakes, I apologize in advance.