Which women don't get cheated on by men? Opinion of a male psychologist

The main reason for adultery in women is dissatisfaction in marriage.

It is worth noting that in this text dissatisfaction is understood as its psychological component. According to most psychologists, sexual satisfaction has a lesser impact on marital relationships. Of course, passionate sexual relations between wife and husband with orgasm will be a positive thing in the relationship.

But you can’t even imagine how many women have never experienced an orgasm. Approximately their number reaches 12-14%. And only one in four is lucky - she achieves orgasm regularly. If sex came first for women, then the number of cheating wives would be much greater.

In order for a woman to achieve maximum pleasure during sex, she must feel truly desired and loved. Unfortunately, not many men are able to give so much emotion to their wives.

Lack of attention

After entering into a marriage relationship (and sometimes even earlier), men stop complimenting their companions, giving flowers and gifts. The candy-flower period is over and you can relax.

However, this is not only the fault of men. Wives often ask not to give them gifts, trying to save the family budget. And herein lies a big mistake, which leads to serious changes in family relationships.

Trying to seem like a wise wife, a woman puts her desires and needs on the back burner. Dreaming that someday her dreams will come true. But every year the number of compliments and gifts becomes less and less. At the same time, the man thinks: “If she doesn’t ask, then she doesn’t need it.”

After all, he is not obliged to guess what is going on in a woman’s head.

And when a man appears on the horizon who wants to give gifts to even a married woman, showering her with compliments, then the woman blossoms, and for the sake of gratitude she is ready to cheat. After all, her cold and callous husband is waiting at home.

How to prevent your wife from cheating in this case?

Recommendation for men:

- Start praising your wife, even for simple household chores. I prepared dinner - “How divinely you cook.” I cleaned the apartment - “How well you create comfort in the house.”

— Learn to notice changes in your wife’s appearance, because she is trying for you.

- Give gifts, even if not big ones. A wise woman will appreciate even a mere trifle.

Recommendations for women:

- Learn to ask for gifts. Men are not psychics and are not required to read your thoughts. Tell your loved one what you are missing. And if he loves you, he will try to fulfill your desire.

- You need to ask correctly. Try to formulate your desires more clearly; there is no need for ambiguous hints. You shouldn’t go too far and demand the impossible from a man. Start by asking him to do something easy and be sure to praise him for his efforts.

- Know how to thank. Let it be a compliment or a small gift, but strong positive emotions on your part will be a worthy reward for your husband. And if you also surprise him in the bedroom, I think that he will awaken the desire to give you gifts again and again.

These small recommendations will allow you to easily eliminate your attention deficit and fill your family life with new emotions.

It is worth noting that for a woman, cheating is a very serious step. And in most cases, if a wife decides to have sexual intercourse with another man, then the matter is heading towards divorce.

Are there any men who do not cheat on their wives? Why people cheat and how to avoid it

Cheating occurs either due to the excessive need of one of the partners for self-affirmation, or due to insufficient intimacy between people.

Excessive need for self-affirmation

People who cheat because they need to assert themselves can be roughly divided into two categories: those who suffer from low self-esteem, and those who thus test their power, which seems to them unlimited.

In the first case, betrayal is a way for a person to prove his own importance. In such situations, the matter is usually not limited to betrayal. Such people, due to lack of self-confidence, try to assert themselves in other ways or, conversely, forget themselves. Among them there are often workaholics and those who suffer from various addictions.

In the second case, betrayal serves as another demonstration of the power that a person is endowed with. This is why powerful people often cheat on their spouses. They prove to themselves that no one can refuse them.

Lack of intimacy

In a healthy relationship, partners do not follow each other's lead. They know how to defend their interests and maintain their own dignity.

Work on your relationships

Don't take the other half for granted. Always remember both your needs and hers. Relationships are not a heavy burden, but a conscious choice of each of you. If this is not the case, the partner’s personal interests will one day outweigh the value of the relationship and your intimacy, then he will go looking for solace on the side.

Cheating remains the number one cause of divorce. Moreover, divorces are sick and difficult, which entail a lot of grievances. And it's not about sex at all.

If you take a cross-section of family life, many people don’t care how many partners a husband or wife had before marriage. If there were 11 of them, not 10, no one would raise a scandal because of this (we are not talking about chronic jealous people, a special discussion about them).

If a couple gets divorced (sorry hello to 50% of marriages), then they also don’t care how many partners the other will have after the divorce. But if the 11th partner appears during marriage, then this completely changes the matter.

And the point here is not sex, but a betrayal of trust. It hurts us when we are deceived and betrayed.

However, relationships are a two-way street and the desire to change, as well as the desire not to change, always involves both partners.

Why do couples cheat on each other?

1) People choose the wrong partners.

Neurotic attitudes, self-doubt and lack of awareness often force people to choose not those with whom they are happy, but those with whom they do not experience loneliness.

This is a kind of compromise so as not to be alone. However, they then experience “double nights,” which is sometimes worse than loneliness because it is burdened with a sense of guilt.

At some stage, one of the lucky ones, or rather the unlucky ones, breaks down and finds a relationship on the side.

Double marriage leads to the fact that parallel relationships can last for years, because... behind them is the fear of breaking up with the main partner who is not suitable and being left alone.

2) They get bored.

Unfortunately, even very loving people become boring with each other and sometimes you want to run away from each other somewhere.

He cuts his nails on the sofa and leaves them on the table; she clogs the drain with her hair. He knows what she will say before she opens her mouth, she knows that he will whine again that she spent a lot. Everyday life gets boring, people get bored of each other, along with their habits - and you want something new.

Here it is necessary to divide the degree of unbearability.

If this is no longer possible, then cheating will alienate the partners from each other forever. If this is a desire to unwind, then an affair on the side will not necessarily divide the spouses, sometimes it can even strengthen the connection.

3) The desire to get attention.

The romantic phase of a relationship is determined by a decline in oxytocin, and with it, falling in love.

It occurs approximately 2 years after the start of the relationship. At this stage, the partners' rose-colored glasses fall off, de-idealization of each other occurs, and musi-pusi disappears. At this same stage, partners begin to think: Does he love me? Am I any good? What am I worth?

This often pushes partners to flirt on the side in order to test their “worth” in the love market.

. Sometimes flirting flows into something more, ranging from emotional intimacy to physical intimacy.

Here it is important to communicate with your partner and receive feedback from him, along with compliments, romance and hugs. But to get it, after the romantic phase you will have to ask for it. Many people have a problem with this, because you don’t have to ask outside, they give it themselves. This is why I say relationships are work.

. Unfortunately, you will have to ask.

4) Desire for physical intimacy.

You may not believe in astrology, but in the Zodiac the point responsible for the family is in the fall in the sign responsible for sex (the same famous Moon in Scorpio). It turns out that sex and family are conflicting things. Family is home, comfort, children, pillows, tea in front of the TV, paintings on the wall, not sex and passion. That's why they go to lovers and mistresses for sex.

The convenience of family life makes us forget about the physical component of relationships.

The chemistry that was created when you first met no longer makes a difference. At the same time, the physical need for sex, which automatically contains the emotional need for sex, does not disappear anywhere. She is depressed and looking for a way out.

What to do?

Hugging, kissing, having sex. Throw out the pillows, pour out the tea.

5) Constant conflicts.

Conflict is always stressful. Couples who constantly conflict expose themselves to prolonged stress that the body cannot cope with. There is a release of cortisol, which causes the body to get sick and age. Therefore, one of the partners begins to look for a relationship on the side. Peaceful relations, of course. In the family, he or she will quarrel, but with a lover or mistress they will rest their soul and body.

Conflicts are the fastest and most effective path not only to infidelity, but also to inevitable divorce.

It is almost impossible to resolve conflicts alone, because conflicts are a communication pattern. It can be changed if you change the thoughts and feelings that underlie it. This requires therapy.

Cheating has no clear definition.

You yourself define what treason is.
There are couples who get divorced because one of them received a text message with a heart. There are couples who have foursome sex on the same bed and watch each other. There is no recipe.
There is only what you personally consider acceptable for both of you. And so the advice: talk, talk, talk to each other

. Cheating begins where partners do not listen to each other.published

Why do people cheat? Where do those ardent feelings that just recently so touched their souls disappear? What do men and women look for in other relationships?

It is perhaps impossible to give unambiguous answers to these questions. After all, love relationships are always complex and each case is individual. We will try to consider the most typical reasons and circumstances that push people to cheat.

A case from psychological practice

“Their acquaintance caused a breakdown in the marriage. He is an exemplary family man and father of three children. She is a lonely woman who longs to find happiness with her loved one. She is tormented by jealousy, resentment and hopelessness. He also suffers, but cannot leave his family. They tried to break up, but it didn't work out. So they live, secretly meeting, often quarreling and each suffering from their weakness, from the powerlessness to break this vicious triangle of suffering that has bound them tightly.”

Despite the fact that a love triangle carries many problems, people enter its territory again and again, hoping for happiness, joy and love. However, love, born in the space of such a triangle, is initially sick. It only allows you to feel joy and euphoria for a short time, and then it turns into poison, slowly corroding the life of everyone who is part of it.

All the variety of reasons that push people to adultery can be reduced to the main ones:

Chronic dissatisfaction with basic needs.

Men and women equally need attention and affection. If there is no tenderness in a relationship, there may be a feeling that it is being used for domestic and sexual purposes. Tenderness is a manifestation of care and an indicator of attention for another person. When this does not happen in a relationship, a person begins to feel lonely and thinks that he is not loved. It is quite natural that the need to find a “close soul” arises.

If they are without their own home for a long time, people begin to feel unsettled. This is aggravated if the family also constantly lacks funds for a normal existence. In such conditions, a woman does not feel support and protection from a man, and conflicts may arise. A man, in turn, does not perceive a woman as a “keeper of the hearth.” But these qualities are the “foundation” for building family relationships. A similar development of the situation is possible if there are several owners in the house (for example, a wife and mother-in-law, a husband and father-in-law).

The difference is in emotional dependence on the partner.

They usually say about such relationships: “One loves, the other allows himself to be loved.” This happens when one partner seeks greater intimacy than the other. Relationships become unbalanced because one partner expresses love more intensely than the other can handle. The boundaries of individuality, which are necessary to maintain psychological comfort, are violated.

Unmet expectations and attitudes.

Very often, when entering into a relationship, a person compares his spouse with some ideal image that would meet all his expectations. For a woman, this is an ideal father or a “good friend’s husband.” For men, this is the mother or wife of a friend. Such ideas about love do not allow you to accept your spouse as he is.

Also, the reason for conflicts and, as a consequence, leading to betrayal, may be some beliefs regarding married life. Such, for example, as: “A happy marriage is a marriage without difficulties, disagreements and stress”, “A prosperous family is a family without problems.” These are unrealistic beliefs. There will always be problems - this is the reality of our lives.

Violation of psychological boundaries.

For some spouses, living together means that now everything should be common - things, affairs, relaxation, space. They begin to view their partner as property, trying to guide them and tell them how to live correctly. At the same time, they are offended if the other person resists this type of relationship. The partner has a desire to distance himself, to protect his psychological territory from the constant presence of a loved one, but still another person. And then relationships are created on the side. In these relationships, boundaries are respected and accepted, since they were initially built on knowledge of the partner’s marital status.

Domestic conflicts.

Everyday life can extinguish the most passionate and tender feelings. On the one hand, worries and hardships unite, but they can also cause a negative reaction towards the spouse. If there are too many of them, then over time this begins to lead to the accumulation of negative emotions, which are transferred to the relationship. There may be a desire to get “release” on the side. For a while, forget about your debt and obligations to your spouse.

Psychological distortions of character.

Sometimes adultery lies in the distortion of a person’s character.

Ultra-high need for attention and love.

We all want to be loved. We feel happier if we know that we are loved. But there are people for whom love becomes a drug. These people are ready to make any sacrifice for the sake of another person: obey, adapt, give up their opinions and needs. But they do not do all this disinterestedly. In response, they require constant confirmation of love and sympathy. Their thirst cannot be satisfied, as they look for love outside, and not inside themselves. In such cases, their partner creates a new relationship on the side, where the suffocating demands of the spouse do not have access.

Hunter syndrome.

“Hunter syndrome” - It is characteristic not only of men, as is commonly believed, but also of women. Such people easily cheat on their spouses. They give the impression of self-confident people, but in fact behind this lies anxiety and disbelief that they can build close relationships and be needed by someone. They need constant confirmation of their irresistibility and ability to evoke a response.

Fear of close relationships.

Singles can enjoy the company of a loved one, but only on the condition that it does not develop into something more. Close contact with another person, responsibilities and expectations can damage their comfortable psychological state. Most often, these are people who were deprived of attention and love from their parents in childhood. If such a person enters into a relationship, then he may also have several parallel connections, because not one of them can greatly disturb him. Marriage for such people is like a feat.

The difference is in the priority of values.

One of the partners cares more about intellectual, emotional and spiritual values, while the other cares about career, money, and power.

Physiological.

Sexual dissatisfaction: different needs of partners. Spouses, by nature or for other reasons, rarely experience sexual attraction to each other.

If cheating has already happened

How to behave if betrayal has already happened? Such an event is usually a severe mental trauma. And it means the beginning of a new and rather difficult stage of life. Regardless of what decision you come to regarding the continuation of your relationship, you will have to solve several problems at the same time:

1) experience of loss. 2) forming a constructive attitude towards past events 3) restoring one’s emotional state 4) building new relationships.

If you have decided to forgive your spouse, then try to understand what positive changes need to be made in your relationship in order to save the marriage. You can only solve a problem if you understand its source. You will no longer be able to trust if you do not find out what reasons pushed him to cheat. The following questions may help you figure this out.

What is your role in this event?

In any conflict there is a share of personal contribution of each participant. Think about how you could have provoked his infidelity (you often criticized him, were not interested in his affairs, paid little attention, stopped listening or began to neglect marital responsibilities...)

Why did the betrayal happen now?

Perhaps this coincided with the age crisis (crisis of the meaning of life). This usually happens at 25-27, 35-38, 42-45, 52-56 years. During such periods, a person may experience a fear of aging or feel that he needs more warmth and attention.

Also, the cause of betrayal may be a crisis in your marriage. Crisis years for a family are 3, 7, 14, 21. Significant changes occur during these years: the birth of children, spouses leaving for different fields of activity, children growing up and leaving home, retirement, etc.

Why did you cheat with this person?

What qualities, habits, behavior does this person have? Perhaps, based on this information, you will understand what your spouse is missing in your relationship.

What can you change in your relationship to prevent cheating from happening again?

Let's highlight questions that help form harmonious relationships:

• Negotiating romantic relationships with each other.
• What should your spouse do to make you feel happy?
• What can you do for your partner?

For mature spouses, you can remember what used to attract each other. Choose an interaction that, by all accounts, has previously brought joy and contributed to the development of the relationship. And adapt this interaction to today's life.

Shared rituals:

• Go shopping together, clean the house, have dinner, visit relatives.
• Joint celebrations: New Year, birthdays, Valentine's Day.
• Trips out of town, trips to the cinema, theaters, zoo.

Prevention of conflicts and disputes.

Find time to discuss issues of concern. One of the components of a happy marriage is the ability to negotiate, find compromises, clarify and voice your needs in a timely manner.

Listen to your feelings - they are signals about what is happening to you and your family. If you feel dissatisfied with your spouse, then it is important to talk to him about it, clarify the situation that caused it, and not prolong the conflict.

In such conversations it is necessary:

• Choose a time when no one is in a hurry and both interlocutors are in the mood for a conversation;
• Eliminate threats, criticism, insults, shouting;
• You can start the conversation with what is happening, how you see it, and how it affects your life. Finally, say what you would like instead and emphasize that you are willing to listen to your partner's opinion and discuss his suggestions.
• It is important to listen without interrupting, although this may be unpleasant. Let the other person talk.
• Avoid generalizations: “you always...”, “you never...”.
• Try to talk about how you feel when another person behaves this way, rather than blaming: “When you behave this way, I feel...” rather than “You are bad.”

Both men and women need satisfaction of basic needs, a feeling of security, neediness and worthiness in all areas of life, reinforcement of their attractiveness from loved ones, significant people - this creates emotional comfort.

The basis of a harmonious relationship is the openness of the spouses to each other on the basis of mutual respect; the opportunity to speak freely about your problems, experiences and expectations, and to be heard; the ability to meet each other and build a common space that is comfortable for both.

Otherwise, conflicts greatly affect the psychological state, which manifests itself through irritability, withdrawal or depression. A person loses self-confidence and begins to look elsewhere for confirmation of his worth. This is how the ground for betrayal appears. After all, the essence of betrayal is the inability to fully discover and realize oneself in a relationship. The best way to maintain a strong marriage is true love, which involves trust and openness to each other.

Lack of love

Many families in Russia live together for the sake of their children. They have already forgotten what feelings connected them before. Routine and monotony took over their lives. The feeling of love has long been lost from both the husband and the wife. In such cases, women may begin to look for love relationships on the side. Again, I note not for the sake of sex, but for the sake of the emotional component. She wants to love and be loved.

Often a woman loves her husband, but does not feel reciprocity from him. This may be a lack of attention, as we talked about above, or the other extreme, aggression and violence on the part of the husband. Unfortunately, it is not uncommon in our families for women to tolerate aggressive husbands and forgive them for their insults and betrayals.

Lack of communication and positive emotions

Men need their own space and freedom, that’s how they are designed. But for women, pleasant communication and emotions come to the fore. We so want to discuss with our husband how our day went, to share our impressions of a purchase or meeting. But often pragmatic men do not want to waste time on such trifles. And they can be understood. After all, we are different, and we have different needs.

But if a woman is deprived of communication and emotional experiences, she will begin to look for them elsewhere. God willing, if she has enough communication with her friends. But if there is an attentive male interlocutor, and even shows sympathy for her, then sexual relations on the side are not far off.

Often women deprived of positive emotions allow themselves to have fun in a bar or relax at sea without their husband. Thus, they make up for the lack of emotional experiences. These women are easy prey for other males.

How to make up for the lack of communication and emotions?

I understand men perfectly well, but if they want to save their family, then they should pay more attention to their lovers. Spend time with them and discuss everyday matters. Tell her about your experiences and she will try to understand you. After all, she really misses communicating with you.

Lack of self-love

Many would think that this is a rather strange reason. How a woman who does not love herself will cheat on her husband. After all, she takes such a step to satisfy her needs. But unfortunately, this is a deep-seated problem for many women. And often, in order to feel loved and increase their own self-esteem, women are ready to have sexual relations on the side.

For example, Yu.V. Shcherbatykh cites an interesting dialogue between a woman and a doctor:

“I’ve been married for nine years now. Three children, twins not yet two. I love my husband, my friends consider us an ideal couple. - You can be envied. You don't hear this very often. - Yes, that’s just the point... Well, I won’t delay. I cheat on my husband all the time. And my connections with other men are not fleeting, but long-lasting. - And you suffer? Is that why you came? - Yes! After each such meeting, I don’t sleep well and am tormented by remorse for my husband and children. I really love them, I can’t live without them. And I have never had a man better than my own husband. But I can’t help it. Time passes, repentance disappears, and now there is a new betrayal. - This means that you have a constant need for a parallel life, where you can build relationships that you are deprived of in marriage. What do you think: why are you constantly looking for another man? “I’ve already said that my husband and I have complete sexual harmony.” I don't want to cheat on him! But you see, I need to feel that men are in love with me and compliment me. I want them to go crazy with me in bed..."

The woman’s last phrase illustrates well how she lacks self-love. The constant need to feel that she is beautiful, worthy, desirable arises from low self-esteem. She does not consider herself this way, and therefore she needs confirmation of her positive qualities from other men. Unfortunately, her addiction, on the one hand, satisfies her ego, on the other, destroys the marriage and creates intrapersonal conflict.

Lack of self-love is a problem that comes to us from our parents.

It is with upbringing that we receive the installation that loving ourselves is bad and selfish. You need to sacrifice yourself for others. Such installations will greatly complicate our lives, but this is a topic for another article.

What can be done if a woman does not love herself?

On the part of a man, showing more attention and love can melt away a woman’s insecurities. But it’s better to consult a psychologist to work through negative attitudes and increase self-esteem.

What to do if your husband cheated?

If you suspect your husband of cheating, take action to set things right. Espionage and scandals are not on the list of measures. First, you can try to discuss everything and ask him to clarify the situation.

This requires a certain courage; you must be ready to receive a direct answer to a direct question, namely, to listen to a confession of treason. Do loving men cheat? Unfortunately yes. Are all women ready to accept this truth? Not everyone manages to forgive and maintain a relationship after such a revelation.

The main thing in such a situation is not to decide anything on emotions, not to listen to anyone’s advice. It’s better to take a time out, let off steam and think, because you can break off a relationship at any time, but it can be very difficult, sometimes impossible, to restore it later.

There is no need to shift all responsibility onto the “vile traitor”; both are always to blame for treason, of course, if we are not talking about womanizers.

How to behave if betrayal does happen? There is no clear answer to this question. It is important to decide for yourself whether you want to save the relationship or not.

If you decide to save your family, try to switch gears, not think about the bad, but, on the contrary, remember all the good things you had, starting from the day you met. This could be a honeymoon, family holidays, trips, the birth of children.

During this period, try to communicate only with those who support you and believe in your marriage. Stay away from those who will try to make you feel guilty. If you cannot avoid communication, abstract yourself, focus on some scenario, for example, communicate with his parents as your child’s grandparents and ignore their notations.

Do not communicate with “well-wishers” who consider it their duty to keep you informed of all the nuances of the development of the relationship between your husband and his mistress.

If you decide that you can no longer stay in a relationship, allow yourself to suffer. Set yourself strict time limits, such as giving yourself three days to grieve.

During this period, do whatever you want: cry, be hysterical, break dishes. Let the grief come out of you. After this you may want to sleep. Allow yourself to sleep and relax. Come to your senses and turn the page.

Selfish motives

There is a certain type of woman who is ready to sacrifice themselves in order to achieve material wealth. Let’s not go far, prostitution is one example when a woman is ready to enter into a sexual relationship with a man, even while married, for the sake of material well-being.

Often, husbands do not even know about their wife’s additional profession. They can only guess about this when their spouse buys herself new expensive things or comes home from work slightly intoxicated. Many men, even guessing, turn a blind eye to this. Sometimes because they are too lazy to get off the couch and start earning more. Sometimes because they are afraid of losing their wife.

What motivates women?

Self-interest or the need to support a family? This question is individual in each individual situation.

The most common reasons for male infidelity

1. Commitment to diversity. When sex life in the family is monotonous, a man looks for new impressions and sensations on the outside.
2. Feelings for another woman - in this case, cheating is a natural action of a man.
3. Increased sexual need. In this case, the man is completely dependent on his physiology. He cheats because one wife is not enough for him to satisfy his sexual appetite. It doesn’t really matter to him who his cheating partner is. Short-term connections
4. Women's perseverance. Here a woman independently takes the initiative and enters into an intimate relationship with a man. Many men find it quite difficult to refuse.
5. Temporary separation from wife. Such betrayal also happens.
6. Revenge. Everything here is clear and without explanation. To take revenge on my wife for something very unpleasant. It could be humiliation, betrayal.
7. Self-affirmation. It is a man’s lack of fulfillment in his professional career that can lead to fulfillment in his personal life. Or rather, sexually. By frequently changing partners, a man seems to assert himself and increase his self-esteem not only in the eyes of friends and acquaintances, but also by proving to himself that he is still good for something.
8. Bonus for success. This applies to those men who worked long and hard in a professional direction and ultimately deserved a reward. And the reward is a mistress.
9. Random circumstances. Cheating does not happen when you are sober.

Long absence of husband

Business trips, late returns, separate vacations - all this can provoke the wife’s betrayal. No, not because the absence of a husband gives a woman a free hand. The fact is that a long absence is accompanied by negative experiences for a woman. Firstly, she can spin God knows what in her head. And treason, and betrayal, etc.

And secondly, she extremely lacks attention from a man, we have already talked about this above. To prevent such a situation, dear men, try not to rest without your wife, and when going on a business trip, call her more often. Don't wait for her to call you first. After all, in her imagination, you are already lying in bed with someone else, and therefore do not call her.

Physiology and love

Men's love, like passion, differs significantly from women's. Male love lies in the field of physiology. Having achieved sexual satisfaction, a man’s passion fades away. A woman's love lies in the field of psychology. A woman's love stays long and goes away hard.

A man is usually polygamous by nature. They always strive for sexual variety.

The difference is in temperament. We are talking about extroverts and introverts. An extrovert is bright, emotional, a holiday person. They cannot stand monotony and constantly need change. Then they are happy. They need new experiences and new faces like a breath of air.

It doesn't matter at what age cheating occurs. In any case, it is difficult and unpleasant to go through. Spouses should do everything possible to avoid cheating. And then there will be less hatred and disappointment in the world. And more happy families.