Five main taboos in bed
Dni.Ru talked about what taboos exist in intimate relationships with sexologist and program director of the Secrets Sex Education Center Valeria Aginskaya.
Comparison with exes
Under no circumstances should you compare your partner with other people, even if the comparison is in favor of your lover. If you praise the sexual achievements of anyone (especially your ex), this will be perceived as a direct indication of the inadequacy of your companion, and at best you will receive resentment and irritation, at worst you will be “sent” to the subject of your praise, even if you didn't mean anything like that.
It’s also not worth praising your partner by humiliating the dignity of your previous ones: perhaps someone will take it as a compliment, but there will also be someone who will decide that you are belittling the dignity of all your exes, and in the event of a breakup, the same fate awaits him. The best solution here is to simply avoid comparisons and references to previous relationships, this will present you in the most favorable light.
Criticism and dissatisfaction
Unfortunately, most people, when discussing sexual topics with a partner, formulate their desires in the form of criticism, and not always positive. These attacks will lead to nothing good: by constantly expressing dissatisfaction, you deprive your partner of the freedom to change anything and do things differently. The vast majority of people are ready to accept constructive criticism and will happily do anything to please their partner.
Stiffness and total self-control
This point applies more to women, and partly concerns men, but still. The vast majority of representatives of the fair sex think during sex about how they look: how to make sure that a man does not notice an extra fold on the stomach or the first signs of cellulite. There is no point in thinking about any relaxation or enjoyment here. You need to throw all these thoughts out of your head, turn off control and fully enjoy the process. If you end up in bed together, then you definitely like each other, so you can relax about all your dissatisfaction with yourself. In addition, stiffness, uncertainty and tightness will certainly catch your partner's eyes. It may happen that he takes the strange behavior personally, deciding that he is doing something wrong.
Sexual egoism
If you think only about yourself, forgetting about satisfying your partner, this may lead to the fact that your partner will begin to unconsciously take revenge on you for his unjustified hopes through other areas of life together, for example, by constantly being in a bad mood, ignoring your desires, and so on. In the worst case, he will go to seek satisfaction of his sexual needs with someone else. As practice shows, there are very few complete sexual egoists who, having received their satisfaction, are able to completely ignore the desires of their partner. Quite the contrary, most people, as a thank you for pleasant moments, are ready to do everything possible to bring pleasure to their partner.
Blackmail
Women usually resort to this method when they want to “educate” their man or receive some kind of material bonus. In any case, this cannot last long and the one being manipulated will sooner or later begin to take revenge. This will manifest itself in everyday life, more often through ignoring and infringing on the interests of the blackmailer. Also, such behavior, as a rule, leads to banal betrayal, and the motive for it may be not so much the desire to have an affair on the side, but the idea of punishing the “educator”.
Published here: https://www.dni.ru/culture/2016/4/7/333425.html
New in blogs
Every woman has taboos when it comes to sex—things that “are absolutely impossible to do.” Because we don’t allow ourselves to do this. Katya doesn't watch porn. Arina does not perceive men under forty as a sex object, Lena considers oral sex humiliating a woman, and Vika is not ready to talk about “these” topics with anyone, even with him. Anna has a rule - first sex no earlier than in a month, Sveta does not take nude photographs, Lyuba is categorically against threesome sex, and Veronica will never agree to sex if she does not have hair removal and beautiful lingerie. How do sex taboos arise? Taboo is a system of prohibitions. In primitive society, taboos were imposed on certain actions of members of the tribe, primarily for security reasons. And we are driven by an instinctive desire to distance ourselves from what seems unaesthetic, shameful, dirty or dangerous from a health point of view. Olga, for example, never agrees to anal sex. In her early youth, she read an article about how harmful it is for the body, replete with medical terms and evidence from medical practice. Even the partner with whom Olya had truly tender and trusting
relationship, it was not possible to persuade her to such an option.
But who knows, maybe she missed out on new sensations? Inna does not accept sex on the first date. She was raised by a strict mother, who inspired her that she would never find a husband like that: “He won’t respect you after this!” But nothing is certain because there are couples whose love story began when they woke up in the same bed one morning. Many sexual taboos can be considered as a product of sexual complexes, and the most common of them relate to the external side of the issue. It seems to you that you are as thick as a hippopotamus, your breasts are no longer the same, and cellulite has crept up unnoticed - and now there is a taboo on sex in bright light. But men also have complexes regarding their appearance. “If she wants to turn off the light, maybe she’s just uncomfortable not looking at me?” – Dmitry argues. You are afraid of appearing promiscuous, so you don’t agree to experiments in bed, you never act as a
seducer, and you can’t even be dragged into a sex shop on an excursion.
And he will think that you: - don’t like sex, - don’t want it. After all, sexual literacy is not synonymous with accessibility, just as an ideal
body does not guarantee liberation in bed.
Modern men know this. When placing a taboo on this or that sexual behavior, you must be clearly aware of the reasons why you are doing it. Is there any point in overcoming yourself? Complexes can ruin the strongest union. After all, few people know how to properly discuss their problems with a partner, and professional psychological assistance in the post-Soviet space is not yet very developed. Therefore, we are left face to face with the barriers that we ourselves have erected. But a lot depends on what taboos you are going to overcome. If we are talking about joining group sex or sadomasochism, barely restraining disgust, to please the one who is nearby, then it is better not to. It is easier
and safer to abandon your partner.
And if the problem is to get out of the medieval mode - “a lady does not move during sex, but shows signs of life,” then, of course, you need to learn to love yourself and your body, trust your partner, and have fun. Taboos in sex are not always bad. The firm principle of “not sleeping with strangers on the first date” will protect you from maniacs and other dubious personalities; reluctance to have anal sex will protect you from health problems.
Anti-cuffers won't call 911 in the middle of the night because they lost their keys. If you don’t allow nude photographs of yourself, then you won’t see your candid photos in unexpected places. It all depends on what sex taboos you use and how your partner reacts to it. The most important prohibition in sexual life is actions that can harm the physical and mental health of the participants. And first among them is unprotected sex. For some unknown reason, this moment is not strictly tabooed by people in modern society, despite the varied choice of contraceptives, extensive propaganda, and enormous risks (unplanned pregnancy, infections, AIDS). Why is this the last thing people think about? No sexy lingerie - no sex. There is no condom - just think, we have passion. There is an opinion: Sex taboos should work for you, not against you. So review your list. Author: Yulia Prokhorova
After a gray winter, it’s so nice to look at spring women. But we also want to be happy, not only with our reflection in the windows, but also with the sight of, if not stylish, then nicely dressed guys.
Rumors that it is enough for a man to be a little more beautiful than a monkey are greatly exaggerated and started by those who have not been touched by evolution. The version of origin from primates does not give us the right, even on weekends, to turn back time and run around with a bare bottom, catching insects in the hairline.
You boys often reproach us for our passion for pink and duck faces, but it's time to speak out on the topic of your don't, or rather, don't even think.
1. SOCKS AND SANDALS
Wearing socks with open shoes is still considered a matter of jurisdiction, no matter what Louis Vuitton whispers to you. Socks are generally unnecessary in summer, especially with shorts and cropped trousers. And if you really don’t like touching the insoles of your new loafers with your tender heels, buy short socks or special heels and make sure they are not visible.
Allowed: with Kaushan registration
2. JEANS
Pants that stay straight up due to the natural frontal convexity look disgusting - of course, if you are not a member of Timati's fan club. As well as jeans that show off your butt. We have at least thongs there, but in your case you have a view of puffy families or pilled boxers. Or a hollow of increased hairiness. Pants pulled to chest level are no less disgusting a sight - even if the brutal curves are effectively covered, one remembers the nerd from the first desk. Short pants will never allow us to take you seriously - unless it's well-tailored chinos, of course. And knee-length clothing, starting this spring, automatically goes to hell.
Allowed : for autism and/or sudden weight changes due to a personal financial crisis
3. CAPRI
There is no such word in a men's wardrobe! Shorts should not go below the knee! Leave the underpants and overshorts to the truckers and loaders, and give them your purse and mesh T-shirt.
Allowed: if you are Bilbo Baggins or any other hobbit
4. GLITTER
Please your sister with your clothes with rhinestones and - God forbid! - sequins. Metallic on the print is all right, but a scattering of jewelry on the chest or jeans is a hell of a fail. By the way, if you liked the item on all points, with the exception of Herr Swarovski’s contribution to it, try to get rid of the rhinestones - you can carefully check this in the store. As a rule, they are held on with cheap glue, and most often a regular nail will do the trick.
Allowed: at a Kirkorov concert
Elena Sle, stylist: “NO to replicas of expensive watches! Even very skillfully executed - still NO! Not to mention the rhinestones on the dial.”
5. V -NECKS
T-shirts of this type are often seen on hipsters and their sympathizers, whose weight category is usually up to 50 kg. Or jocks who are into sports nutrition and bench press.
Allowed: if you are gay/Ivan Dorn/starring in the Queen video “You don't fool me”
6. SHORT T-shirts
Ideal abs look great on the beach - you shouldn’t brag about your workout results in the bread line or at the BTI. Moreover, it can be so easy to mistake the Arnold poster on the wall for a mirror.
Allowed: for self-affirmation
7. JACKETS
Let's reveal the main secret: the tag on the sleeve must be torn off. Rolled up sleeves are convenient in some cases, but are only acceptable with light cotton jackets and blazers. The topic has been hackneyed for several years, it looks stupid and smacks of posturing, especially when there are only one of these “turned up” in the city. Let at least flash an interesting lining.
Acceptable: if you have a cool tattoo up to the elbow
8. BRANDS AND LOGOS
Store them carefully on the back side, or even better – in your memory! It’s been about twenty years since you should forget about flashy inscriptions. You see someone with huge letters ADIDAS (at best) all over his chest, and you immediately want to rhyme.
Allowed: to pass as one of your own in the central market or if the rhyme is about you
9. SLIPPERS
Nowadays you can even get married in flip-flops. But please put your foot all the way in there. Unless, of course, you initially buy shoes two sizes too small. The sight of a man who wears flip-flops on his toes and shuffles his heels on the asphalt turns docile girls into angry feminists. Well, and for socks - without clinking glasses.
Allowed: on a personal plot
10. RED MOCCASINS
Whoever you are, get out.
Allowed: at a rural disco or if you have already put on a T-shirt with rhinestones
11. GLASSES
Raybans are our everything, even if you immediately read the last row in the ophthalmologist’s office. You may not need diopters, but you can't do without glasses. Advice: it is better to imitate the presence of a brain with a book in your hand.
Allowed: if you still have ebooshite looks
12. WOMEN'S BAGS
Never - hear, never! – don’t carry our handbags. Especially if it’s a sparkling leather leather bag. And even if it is filled with bricks. Don't come near us at all if we have such a bomb in our hands. We ourselves knew what we were getting into, and we shouldn’t take responsibility for our failures.
Allowed: if a friend has a fracture of both arms
13. JEWELRY
In our area it is difficult to survive without large-caliber chains. In the morning, I’m tempted to put my hands into massive bracelets and show off my signet with stones in the yard. But remember - all this distracts attention from your inner world. Although, if necessary, it partially replaces it.
Allowed: if you are [understudy] Puff Daddy
14. HAIRSTYLE
Ask a good hairdresser and he will name at least five haircuts, three of which are perfect for you. And not the only one you saw in a magazine and then on a dozen local Teslas. There are rumors that Sevidov himself vomited from his haircut.
Allowed: if your name is Radion
15. NEGLIGENCE
A perfectly selected set, approved by the mirror, magazines and colleagues - a bit boring. Add negligence - this has long been a fashion trend, if not a separate style. But Dr. House only legalized unironed shirts, and trousers with two pairs of arrows had not yet appeared anywhere. If you can’t part with your favorite worn-out shoes, then let your jeans be intact. A T-shirt has also long had the right to be washed, faded, and even stick out from under the jacket. But let either the top or the bottom be moderately careless. Important: do not confuse it with sloppiness!
Allowed: if you overslept/slept with Helena Bonham Carter
16. DOGGY ARMMIT
No comments.
Allowed: if you are blonde
Remember: from a metrosexual to an effeminate clown is the same half step as from a hipster to a homeless person. And cattlestyle can generally be picked up by airborne droplets.
And generally speaking. You shouldn't try to be more beautiful than us. Be stronger, smarter, kinder... Yes, at least richer! But just remain men.
Encroached on the sacred: Tanya Babyjohnson
