Single women are the happiest
Having gone through countless difficulties, she was able to find the strength to rise above herself to become the happiest in the world.
“Loneliness is not a lack of options. It's a choice. A choice that is not based on following public opinion about marital status, but on happiness and the natural course of events that you determine for yourself." - Mandy Hale
Many of us are familiar with the type of girl who was constantly alone at school. We already started dating in high school, but she didn’t have a date, she devoted all her time to studying (sports, dancing).
It's not about her appearance at all. Everything is much simpler: she did as her heart told her.
Later she entered the university (institute, academy) and met her boyfriend there. But something didn't work out. They broke up. Then, perhaps, other attachments appeared. But they didn't last long either. This means that something was clearly going wrong.
Nobody dreams of being alone. And our girl is no exception. But fate forced her to become familiar with loneliness. She went through this difficult period. And, despite all the difficulties, the girl found the strength to become better in order to become truly happy.
You ask: how could a girl who had been alone for a long time become the happiest? There are 7 arguments. Here they are:
She enjoys her privacy.
It was very difficult for her to overcome breakups, but she did it. She doesn't need anyone to be happy. She is completely comfortable with her privacy. There used to be days when she cried at night. But now she loves it.
She is independent.
She is financially, socially and psychologically independent. She knows how to take care of herself, how to manage her expenses, pay her bills. If she faces any problem, she solves it on her own. She helps others, but she is able to help herself. She is strong. Independence gives her the courage to move forward in life.
She is confident.
Going to the salon or watching a movie - all this is done alone. And she doesn't need anyone to do cosmetic repairs or set up her computer. She can do a lot. And if he doesn’t know how, he learns with pleasure. Even when people are in a relationship, they cannot be around each other all the time. And she knows this very well. This kind of life unsettles some people. But not hers.
She is on her own, so she protects herself from banal dramas. And quite happy.
She knows how to achieve success.
This lady knows how to focus on her own goals. She had a lot of time to engage in personal growth. She could purposefully move up the career ladder and achieve real results. While her peers were playing around, she was working on herself and looking at the world like an adult. And the result will not keep you waiting!
She doesn't worry about love.
Love for her is just a component of life. And he is in no way worth losing his head. The girl will not worry about the fact that there is no one nearby with whom she can live until the end of her days. The girl is convinced that first you need to stand firmly on your feet, and love is, of course, great. But if it is not there, it is not fatal.
She is not afraid to die alone.
Marriage is not an end in itself for her. Perhaps, even on the contrary, she may be against him. Marriage does not guarantee personal happiness. You should not follow generally accepted stereotypes, which rarely live up to expectations.
It's good for her to be alone.
Anyone who managed to interest such a girl will be a source of inspiration for her. This man will help her go towards her goal, and she will not interfere with his desires. Freedom is the main principle in relationships for her.
Women like our heroine are strong and self-sufficient. And they, at the same time, can be the happiest on Earth. This is explained by their talent not to make themselves dependent on their partner and circumstances. They understand feelings as a source of inspiration.
Such girls are happy not because they enjoy the state of loneliness, but because they have a rich inner world. And this replaces a lot.
And if one of the men is lucky enough to win the heart of such a woman, then he will be happy next to her. Provided that he appreciates and takes care of her
Learn to be lonely
We were taught that being alone is bad. But that's not true. Every person must learn to be happy alone.
When you think about the word "friend" and all that it means, you may feel afraid. Fear of loneliness, fear of not having anyone around, fear of abandonment... It's a strange feeling when the world is actually full of people! But why does loneliness make us feel so bad? What pushes people to run away from loneliness? Today we want to find answers to these and many other questions.
The origin of the fear of loneliness
This unreasonable fear of loneliness arises in childhood during early upbringing. The society we live in reinforces and intensifies this constant fear of not having anyone around, of being betrayed at will. This fear leads to many disorders, such as emotional dependence. People who have this problem cannot be without a partner because they feel empty, lifeless and depressed. It's easy to forget that being alone isn't a problem, it's not even a negative thing. This is what we were led to believe, but it is a lie.
Have you ever noticed that what you were taught turns out to be something completely different in the end?
Same with loneliness. The truth is that there is no need to be afraid. Instead of thinking of loneliness as a terrible situation, you need to view it as an opportunity for personal development and greater self-awareness. Learn to be alone! The only person who will never let you down is yourself. When a partner leaves you, when a family member leaves, when someone turns their back on you... All of these situations leave you feeling lonely or abandoned. Frustration adds to the pain and makes you feel like you're doomed to be alone forever.
The truth, however, is that in this life you will encounter a thousand and one disappointments: your best friends may betray you, the person you chose to be by your side may suddenly change. Do you need to rebel against injustice? Is life so unfair?
Certainly. You perceive dishonesty as the fact that nothing in life is certain. You should learn to accept that other people can let you down at some point, that they can leave you and leave you. But perhaps you have not yet realized that there is someone who will never let you down because he values you above all others. He will always be there and always stay by your side. This person is yourself. Learn to be alone with your loneliness. One of the biggest problems people have is not knowing how to deal with loneliness.
What to do? How to erase the feeling of emptiness? We'd be lying if we told you it was easy, but we're confident that it really can be done! Loneliness can be your best friend, but it takes effort to know it better. We would like to share some tips to help you slowly get used to it. This does not mean that one should avoid the world just to experience loneliness. Just learn to love your loneliness when it comes.
Pay attention to your internal dialogue: if you constantly tell yourself that being alone is something bad, then it will be so. Ask yourself if this is really the case and try to change your perspective on the circumstances.
Can you argue with yourself?
Spend some time alone: Why not spend the weekend yourself? Why do you feel so bad when you go to a cafe by yourself? Learn to do what you think you should always do with your partner or friend. You have you! Spend some time alone.
Open yourself up to others: Have you ever thought that you yourself are cultivating a feeling of emptiness? Sometimes you may feel lonely because you are closed off to people around you or you refuse to meet someone. Enjoying solitude does not mean isolating yourself from the rest of the world. When you find balance, you will find true happiness.
Have you ever felt lonely? Have you struggled with this empty feeling? Although it is difficult, you can let go of emptiness! Open up, meet new people, try to be yourself. Loneliness can be your best friend if you truly learn to be alone.
Photo for article: depositphotos.com
“Is this how life turned out?” — interview with Krzysztof Poplawski
I know older people who are single and cope well with their old age - through reading, prayer or participating in various initiatives. Society is aging and, fortunately, there are more and more offers for seniors. I have met older people who like to be alone and do not suffer from loneliness.
Loneliness in the elderly also tests relationships. I know families where children live far away, in another city or even in another country, but at the same time the relationship between parents and children is close, cordial, mature, normal. It happens that people live in the same city or even in the same house, and nothing connects them. In this case there is more hostility than love.
Did Jesus experience loneliness?
Without a doubt. And He himself spoke about this. This aspect of his life is written about in the gospel: He went away to be alone to pray. Thus, it can be said that He needed solitude. He certainly experienced this state when he was faced with complete misunderstanding not only on the part of the priests and scribes, but also, which was much more painful for Him, on the part of his closest disciples, who often did not understand the meaning of his words, although He chose them and called for Him.
And the third moment, the most piercing, are the words of Jesus on the cross: “My God, My God! Why have you forsaken me? We believe that Jesus was a true man and a true God, which means that he, as a real person, had to drink the cup of loneliness to the dregs. This is a topic that is worth mentioning in the context of our conversation: the experience of loneliness is of great importance in our preparation for death, which everyone will have to face alone. Even if there are many people close to us around us.
That is, even if we live in a community - monastic or family - we should look for our loneliness?
Of course! When I was Master General of the Polish Province of the Order of Preachers, I had a place where I would go from time to time to be by myself. My brothers sometimes asked me – why do you go there? I answered - so as not to kill you. This is, of course, a joke, but sometimes we should stay at a distance from each other. And I am sure that in any relationship, including marital relationships, an element of loneliness is necessary. It is not necessary to leave; for some people it is enough to lock themselves in a room for a few hours and read a book or listen to music, or go for a walk.
Father, at the beginning of our conversation you spoke about taming loneliness. But taming an unchosen gift, which often becomes an overwhelming burden, requires tremendous maturity on our part. Not everyone can accept what they don’t want.
Domestication is a dynamic process that can last for years. The maturation process for loneliness. And we do not acquire this skill once and for all.
One can imagine that someone who has accepted and dealt with his loneliness suddenly meets another person with whom he begins to build a close, sincere relationship, thereby leaving his loneliness behind. But I can also imagine the opposite situation: someone who was living well on their own, but suddenly breaks down or gets into a toxic relationship, and despite their maturity, their life is going downhill.
After that period of living alone in China, did you come back a changed person?
Traps of a single woman: How to overcome your own independence and become happy in love
Being a single woman is very sad. The natural desire to meet love, get married, start a family does not always come true when and how a woman wants it. And then loneliness becomes that invisible enemy that you really want to defeat. Meanwhile, female and male loneliness are different from each other. To be a single man means to be free, independent, attractive to women. The freedom and independence of a single woman often goes hand in hand with the feeling of being lost, the desire to find love, your other half. If men for the most part enjoy loneliness, and freedom is the most important value for them, then women are very often afraid of their loneliness, want to get rid of it, finally meet a man and give him all their unspent love. They take care of themselves, undergo female confidence training, learn to control their body by doing yoga, dancing, swimming, etc. Why does it happen that, on the one hand, a woman is looking for a serious relationship, and on the other hand, tired of the constant search, she remains alone? What traps does she fall into that she cannot easily and freely escape from her “loner” status? I propose to understand these difficult issues. The first trap is inflated expectations: “I only need a prince on a white horse.” The one who falls into this trap most often has inflated expectations regarding the man who should become her companion. I want someone nearby who is smart, and attentive, and caring, and romantic, and economical at the same time. These are just a few points, but for the Man of Dreams there can be more than 100 of them. I really want the dream, the fairy tale to come true, to meet a prince who is perfect for me, to live happily ever after, etc. It would seem, what’s the catch here? Is it really natural to want to live with an indifferent, stupid, stingy man, and a lazy man to boot? Of course not. Simply falling into the trap of high expectations, we confuse illusions and reality. Most often, this manifests itself in the fact that a woman expects mutually exclusive or inappropriate qualities from the same person. A simple example: it’s rare that a man can simultaneously be an exemplary family man, responsible, economical, and a romantic hero, showing a sea of attention and tenderness to his beloved. Still, thriftiness and romance are quite different things. In any case, there will be more of something in a man - either he will sing serenades under the window, prepare a bath with rose petals, but sit without work and not know how to change the socket. Or you will feel like you are behind a stone wall, not thinking about everyday life and housekeeping, but your man will express love through his deeds - earning money, helping around the house, and all sorts of romantic surprises and armfuls of flowers for no reason will be a waste of money for him and stupidity. Therefore, in order not to spend your whole life looking for a prince, it is important to clearly understand for yourself what is most important to you, and what you are ready to close your eyes to. Which of the entire list of requirements is vital for you? It is advisable that there be no more than 5 of these points, otherwise you will again find yourself in illusions. The second trap is inflated self-esteem: “I deserve a better man, a man should match me, and even better if he is smarter, richer, wealthier than me, etc.” The second trap is close to the first, and it manifests itself in the fact that a woman extols her own merits to such an extent that men are simply afraid to approach such “both beautiful and smart.” Nowadays, only lazy people don’t talk about the fact that “you need to love yourself,” “in order for a woman to meet her love, she needs to believe in herself, love herself for who she is,” etc. In this case, self-love is taken to a certain absurdity: a woman realizes herself to the fullest in her profession, attends a lot of trainings and courses, and at the same time puts a lot of effort into maintaining her physical shape and appearance. She really becomes a cover girl - there’s nothing to complain about, but somehow you don’t want to be around... A man needs to be on horseback all the time, proving to a woman that he matches her impeccable appearance, or immediately admit that he is not ideal, not so ambitious , earns less and monitors his physical fitness from time to time. The third trap is the fear of loneliness: “I’m so afraid of being alone, and therefore I cling to any man..” Women fall into this trap, for whom the very existence of a relationship is more important than its quality. This is the case when the desire to get married is caused precisely by the fear of one’s own loneliness. Most often, this behavior is due to the fact that such women spent their childhood in constant overprotection and overcontrol of parents who sought to be with their daughter all the time, wanting to support, warn, and protect from their own mistakes. But in fact, when this girl grew up, she was faced with the fact that she simply did not know what she wanted, did not trust her own opinion and interest, it was much easier and safer for her to be led than to take the initiative in relationships. This trap is most dangerous because women, feeling anxious about their own loneliness and the fact that they cannot make decisions on their own, sometimes choose relationships in which there is more suffering than love. After all, if a woman lives by the principle “whatever you say, my love,” “I’m ready to do anything for you,” it’s very easy for a man to control her and use his power. The fourth trap is emphasized independence - “I don’t need anyone” or “I’m a cat that walks on its own...”. This female position is now very common - women have surpassed men in many areas, feeling if not equal to them, then even a little higher. In this model of behavior, a woman demonstrates her own independence, showing others how good it is for her to be alone, how cool it is to belong only to herself, do what you want, not answer to anyone, communicate freely with friends, spend money, etc. A whole bunch of bonuses that many married women secretly dream of. The need for freedom and independence is indeed very important for any person, regardless of gender. In this case, she takes a leading position, masking distrust of a man, fear of close relationships and at the same time a desperate desire to become a weak woman, to allow a man to take care of her, to provide a reliable rear. The fifth trap is a childish position in a relationship with a man: a woman is either capricious, demanding that it was only the way she wants, or she is offended, “pouts,” showing how badly her lover treats her. The most important component of a long-term relationship is the ability to communicate, negotiate, hear and listen to each other. It often happens that a woman seems to be confident in herself, ready for a relationship, marriage, family, but as a result it turns out that she either does not hear her partner, misunderstands his words and actions, reinterpreting them in her own way. All kinds of grievances, whims, manipulations and other feminine tricks, ultimatums, etc. belong precisely here - in a relationship with a man, a woman behaves either like a little girl, naively batting her eyes, or like a boss, a mother, wanting to subjugate a man and have power over him. There can be a lot of traps that single women fall into; I have given only the main ones as examples. At the same time, they can all be united by one common quality, the trap that women so cleverly fall into: the perception of their loneliness as an enemy that must be fought, as a personal shortcoming that must be gotten rid of as soon as possible, as a problem that must be decide. It’s scary to be alone: “if I’m alone, then no one needs me,” “I’ll never get married,” “I won’t have my own family,” “I’m unhappy,” etc. - these are just some of the thoughts that haunt a lonely woman. And men feel it. Or rather, they are given excessive responsibility. Of course, they are pleased to hear the words “I feel very good with you,” “I love you,” “I want to be with you.” On the other hand, a woman’s excessive demonstration of how bad she feels without her lover, how she wants him to pay all his attention to her, often signals emotional dependence, a woman’s inability to be an adult next to a man. A single woman both wants and fears strong affection. It is this contradiction that sometimes scares off men who are looking for a long-term relationship. How to get out of these traps?
- First of all, it is important to change your own attitude towards loneliness. As long as you fight him, you will remain alone. Think about why it is important for you to be alone now, why is this pause in your life now? Perhaps right now you need to get to know yourself more, to realize some forgotten dreams and interests.
- Find the perks you get from being a single woman. Try to answer the question: what do you allow yourself now that you couldn’t allow yourself if you were in a relationship? These may be everyday little things (“I spend less time on cooking and cleaning”, “I come home at what time I want”, “I communicate more with my friends”, etc.), but they are the ones that are very important to you now.
- Reconsider your expectations for men. It is not necessary to consider every man as a suitable or unsuitable candidate for the role of your chosen one. No matter how corny it sounds, men are people too! With your problems, achievements, joys in life.
- Take risks! Start meeting, flirting with men, showing a keen interest in the other person, and not scanning whether he meets your 150 points. Learn to be in different relationships, not just with the prospect of starting a family!
- Start enjoying your freedom and independence! If now you learn to live easily and confidently in your own territory, it will be much easier for you in relationships, at least it will help you respect the personal space of your loved one, and men really appreciate this. Women are more accustomed to perceive loneliness as weakness, personal failure and expect that with the advent of the Man of their Dreams, their lives will change dramatically, sparkle with bright colors and then they will become happy. What if you already have these paints? If loneliness is precisely that feminine power, that pause that will allow your femininity to reveal itself, your ability to give and receive love. Try to trust your freedom, and then meeting yourself will imperceptibly help you meet a man, not an ideal one, but a real one, and exactly yours, near and dear. Author: Dinara Tairova
If you are tired of suffering from loneliness and cannot get out of it for a long time, I invite you to my training: From Cinderella to the Queen: How to learn in 2 days to Change your Love Scenario and Get from a Man What You Want.” Join us! The best conditions are now available! https://womanway.quickpages.ru/zhenskiy-trening
