The husband continues to communicate with his ex-lover (Psychologist's opinion)

If the reason is sexual craving and jealousy

One of the reasons may be passionate sex, which in the marital bed has become boring and monotonous.

It is a mistress with rich sexual experience that attracts a man. Having tried all possible positions in bed with a sophisticated lover, the husband becomes like a zombie, he is practically in her power.

And the house is full, and the children are a joy, and the wife is a wonderful housewife, but the desire for passionate and unbridled sex does not give the opportunity to be a good family man. Moreover, a married man turns into a real Othello:

• he becomes furious just at the thought that someone other than him can take possession of his passion’s body: the young lady is free and has every right to sleep with whomever she wants;
• he tries to keep all his sweetheart’s movements under control, because he understands how attractive she looks to the men around her;
• he smothers his mistress with jealousy and scares away possible candidates for her hand and heart, thereby heating up the atmosphere in his relationship with her.

If he had the opportunity, he would imprison his passion in a tower, and he would live well with his family. But there is no such possibility, so only total control can save him.

Can such a person just leave the object of desire alone? Undoubtedly, if she unexpectedly pacifies her temperament, she will stop taking such careful care of herself and begin to complain of a headache. In this case, he will no longer be attracted to her, since he faces such problems at home.

Which women never leave, and which mistresses are never abandoned

There are women who never leave. It will never occur to a husband to seek solace with his mistress if his wife is an exemplary keeper of the family hearth. adhere to the following rules in her relationship with her beloved man will never know the bitterness of betrayal

:

1. To be beautiful, first of all, for your husband. The mistake that many married ladies make is that they put on a makeover only before leaving the house, while most of the time spent with their spouse they wear an old robe and don’t think about makeup at all.
2. It’s always a pleasure to meet the “breadwinner” after a hard day at work. Feeding, showing attention, listening, giving advice and affection - this is what the faithful expect from their other halves.
3. Don't turn into a grumpy housewife with curlers on her head.
4. Do not break a man's will by subordinating him to your leadership.
5. Do not bother with excessive, unreasonable jealousy or suspicion.
6. Always express your opinion without losing yourself in what you love.
7. Giving your husband mind-blowing sex that will never be the same as the previous one.

These are the kinds of wives and mistresses they don’t leave

. A successful combination of a wise and well-groomed woman, a patient listener, a faithful friend and a passionate partner - a man will never look for a replacement for such a lady “on the side.”

A family is a union of like-minded people based on common interests, love, respect and mutual understanding. Many families at a certain point are faced with the fact that living together turns into a routine, where there is no place for love and reciprocity. Passion fades over time, and people seek thrills outside of home and family. Statistics show that 41% of women have cheated on their husbands at least once; the stronger sex is not far behind - 59% of men do not deny their status as lovers.

If you still have an affair on the side, but you realize the seriousness of the situation and want to break off such a relationship, then there are several effective psychological techniques to help you forget your lover. Source: Flickr (Neel_Shakilov )

If he is driven by selfishness

For the most part, men are polygamous creatures. Today, men are afraid of illegitimate children, but this does not stop them from having affairs on the side. But at the same time, representatives of the stronger sex believe that women pregnant by him should belong only to him. As a rule, such an owner makes the sweetheart completely depend on her. Eg:

• She is his subordinate at work. Afraid of being left without a livelihood and losing her beloved man, such a young lady agrees to all his conditions;
• the mistress is on his financial support. Is it bad to be a kept woman, not to work and at the same time not to deny yourself anything?
• For a lover, a man is the only chance to love and be loved.

As soon as any rival lays claim to the egoist’s property, he will immediately begin to control how his passion reacts. If she responds to the advances, she will immediately lose all the “goodies”.

Maybe you're wrong

Such phenomena as lipstick on the collar of a shirt and the smell of other women's perfume from a husband are most often found in TV series with a simple plot. Of course, this happens in real life, and this already confirms not only the fact of betrayal, but also the complete lack of respect for you on the part of your spouse. Most married men hide their relationship on the side until the last moment, but if this connection is not fleeting, an attentive wife will definitely notice that something has gone wrong. On the other hand, changes in behavior do not always indicate the appearance of a mistress.

If you constantly accuse a person of something he did not do, sooner or later he will get tired of it. Jealous wives, without knowing it, push their husbands into the arms of their mistress, and meanwhile men think like this: it’s not so offensive to endure nagging if it’s on point...

Unreasonable reasons for doubt:

Real reasons for concern

• Strange phone calls
  . My husband’s phone rings periodically, but he behaves awkwardly during the conversation, or even worse, he goes into another room with the phone, for a smoke break, etc. At the same time, the caller in his phone book is signed with a man’s name, that is, he does not arouse external suspicion ;
• Groundless jealousy on his part
  . In psychology there is such a thing as projection of feelings. The one who cheats himself usually does not have the best opinion of his woman. He looks for reasons for suspicion even where there is none and cannot be. It has already been proven that people who do not have the strictest rules are very prone to, because they judge others mainly by themselves;
• Unexpected displays of attention
  . Experienced psychologists claim that a cheating wife becomes more irritable because she decides to have a relationship with her lover most often when family life has long exhausted itself. For the same reason, the initiators of divorce in most cases are women. Things are different with men - most of them, having started relationships on the side, do not plan to divorce their wives. Have you heard the expression: “The thief’s cap is on fire”? The one who lies tries with all his might to convince his wife of the opposite, and therefore surrounds her with attention and becomes softer. Feeling guilty (if there is a conscience, of course), a person ignores nit-picking over trifles, makes excuses where there is no need for it, and tries to emphasize the strength of his feelings with various external manifestations. As a rule, a husband who constantly repeats how much he loves his wife is trying to convince either everyone around her or himself of this.

These signs apply to people who are prone to cheating, but they do not clarify the situation completely. The overall impression is made up of little things, and if the wife feels that something bad is happening, but does not see specific facts confirming the betrayal, you will not envy her.

If your mistress is an “alternate airfield”

It often happens that a married gentleman begins an affair on the side precisely at the moment when his marriage began to crack at the seams. He is not yet sure whether he wants a divorce, since he does not want to rush to part with his legal wife, but his feelings for his new lover are in full swing.

Of course he will have to choose. But it all depends on which of the two women wants to be with this man more:

• the wife suddenly changes her behavior. A disheveled hysterical woman will turn into a caring princess, forcing her husband to look at her with different eyes;
• the homewrecker will prove that she is better. At home there are constantly scandals, dirt, cold dinner, but with her it’s warm, cozy and dizzying sex.

Surprisingly, sometimes it happens that it is not the prodigal husband, but the rivals themselves who have to choose who he will stay with . He does not see this war for his heart until the very end.

how to understand that your husband has broken up with his mistress

Hello girls, I’ll say right away that I’m writing from the left account because I don’t want my friends to find out. The situation is this... I’ve been married for 4 years, we have a child, he’s 1.6. It’s difficult to explain everything, but I’ll try. It all started in our relationship quickly, he I was in the military, so we didn’t see each other often, we met a couple of times a week and just didn’t really do anything... then we decided to get married, we had a wedding, we were so happy, everything seemed to be fine... I liked to play games on the computer, which is why it was provided in the evenings partially to himself. He was not happy with this and told me that I tried to play less later, and he hung out at the agent. A year later we celebrate the anniversary and he leaves for another city, so I follow him, but before that I visited my relatives and went to rest We haven’t seen each other for 2 months. I come to see him, everything seems to be fine, we’re all fine, I brought up the topic of children, he says it’s early, well, I think okay, in 3 months I’m leaving to visit my relatives, I went to the gynecologist and she said, hop, they found something to treat and my husband too... I was so lost in thought, I didn’t understand, well, we got treatment. I come back, he brings up the topic of children, he says, come on...... 4 months pass, I’m pregnant, happy, he seems to be too..... the relationship is sometimes incomprehensible, conflicts... and then I return to my relatives to give birth there. He comes back later than he should... sometimes he didn’t get in touch, we didn’t communicate much, well, I thought I was busy with work... actually he comes back to me and then away we go, we don’t part with the phone constantly in it, then in general there is a feeling of emptiness and loneliness in the computer ... a child was born, there is no special help, I think, well, it will come with time... and then I began to notice something was wrong, a couple of times he went to see friends in that other city for 2 weeks...... when he arrived there was another... and then I had to look at the phone …………it’s cruel what I read there, but this is just the beginning, I started catching on little things, once there were condoms in my pocket after my arrival, and then one fine day they sent me a partial correspondence from my husband and mistress (sent by her husband hacked the account) told they say so and so and so... I’m shocked when I read it and don’t believe it, I think no, it can’t be... my husband comes, no, nothing was all a lie, I just met her once and that’s it... I don’t believe it, I say, swear, he swears, I ask. what is this then, he says I don’t know, maybe she still had correspondence with them.... (in the correspondence the name of whom she corresponded with was not indicated) in general, he said you want to save the family, delete everything and forget about it, otherwise, let’s go get a divorce, you don’t trust me... ..I cried, thought and cried again..I stayed, I can’t leave like that, no, there really was no truth, there was no betrayal……..I tried to forget to continue living. His attitude hasn’t changed, no kind of guilty look…..and then the other day they throw me personal correspondence between him and this girl with the agent on 97 pages!!!! Girls, I just didn’t read anything there and it turns out it all started when we got married and I was sitting on the computer, he met her there at an agent, and when he left for the first time he cheated on me with her and wrote that he wanted her even more than me... .that she is beautiful in everything...we had sex more than once and everything was romantic.....there was talk about falling in love. He is different with her.inattentive and all that and I never get a compliment......and all this lasted 3 years!!! and every time he left for that city, he slept with her!! There were also moments when I found a census with another girl where he wrote to her like it’s a pity that you and I never met. It’s hard for me to say now….. I don’t tell him I was talking about the last correspondence, I’m trying to understand that I want to leave or stay. It’s very difficult to forgive, every time her phrases of his statements pop up in my head, how can I imagine that he hugged her and kissed her... what should I do, tell him and bring it to light and leave or not talk and forget....write at least something I’m already tired of thinking...I don’t know what to do...it’s painfully offensive....why...now I have time to think and decide...now the relationship itself is incomprehensible, like at a distance, there is sex, but for me it’s sooo difficult ...I can imagine that the person was lying to me all this time and even wanted to introduce me to his friends (maybe he did) in general, I’m just crushed.

If your mistress is your second family

Even today among the stronger sex there are polygamists. For them, the stamp in the passport has no meaning, although in fact a second family exists . As a rule, the mistress knows about the presence of a legitimate family, since it is impossible to hide it. However, this does not stop her from giving birth to his children and waiting for him to come to visit her.

Of course, he will not leave any of the women , because he is a “decent” man. In this situation, we can say that the man has a conscience. But while loving one woman, he greatly offends another. Modern society will not understand if a man gathers his women under one roof, and his legal wife is unlikely to be happy with this state of affairs. Therefore, he can live for two families for a very long time. And while everyone is happy with everything, the man will not let his mistress go.

No. 3. Know how to be grateful

The ability to be grateful is a very valuable quality, which also works to increase male self-esteem. The stronger sex spends most of their life at work, providing for their family—a woman appreciates this. He wins her attention by bringing gifts, and she thanks him. When this scheme does not work, and there are only complaints (the gift is not the same, the money is not the same, he is at work all the time), the man begins to fade away. If he does not have childhood trauma in the form of the conviction that he must live with one woman all his life, he will leave.

To be grateful means to understand that a man is a separate person, he did not come into this world to meet anyone’s expectations, and everything good that he does is worthy of gratitude, since he does it solely for the sake of his woman’s happiness.

If he feels sorry for his mistress

Why doesn't a married lover let his mistress go? Amazingly, even among cheaters there are men who are not alien to pity. As a rule, they are quiet henpecked people, and their mistresses, unlike an authoritarian wife, are very quiet and flexible.

Their union is beneficial for both of them - he receives a safe haven from his beloved, and in return gives her love and affection. For him, the sweetheart is a little defenseless girl who will be lost without him. Next to her he feels like a real man. In addition, he feels pity for her and therefore does not want to leave her, because she will disappear without his help.

If he is proud of his mistress

Another reason why a husband cannot leave his mistress is the pride he feels from owning such a sexy beauty. Everyone around her admires her, and men follow her with lustful glances .

As a rule, this situation is common for wealthy men who generously shower their sweetheart with gifts, but at the same time keep their spouse on a short leash. Usually the wife knows that the other half is moving to the left, but she cannot do anything, since money plays a decisive role.

Summary

A man takes a mistress because:

• he misses sex and vivid erotic experiences with his wife;
• the relationship and marriage have cooled down emotionally;
• he tries to catch youth by the tail;
• he proves his status to his friends;
• he does not have very high moral values;
• his wife does not understand what her husband really needs.

Ask yourself questions:

• What prompted me to enter into a relationship as a mistress?
• What do I give and what do I gain by being in a relationship with a married man?
• Will I be comfortable continuing a relationship where I am the lover in the background? Or do I want more: family, home, children?

To end a relationship with a married man:

• If you have the courage, say directly that you are tired of this life and want more. Or end the relationship with a short word: “Sorry!”;
• give yourself a few days of loneliness and sadness to move to a new stage;
• love yourself: you deserve more than scheduled meetings and flowers as an apology;
• remove things that remind you of him from your home and phone;
• get angry! And use this energy to start a new phase;
• do not rush into a new romantic adventure;
• remember, any separation is painful. Don’t demand happiness and joy from yourself the very next day. Would you agree to a relationship with a married man?

Source: Natalia Almazova ,
Growth Phase

How long can a husband have a mistress?

As a rule, men continue to have affairs on the side until:

• he will not grow old;
• the children will not grow up, and the wife will stop tolerating the spree and will throw him out the door;
• the spouse will not learn to provide for herself and will not divorce;
• the wife will not find a lover and will not go to him;
• There will not be a homewrecker who will surpass his legal wife, so that a man will decide to legitimize his relationship with her.

Men are naturally designed in such a way that they do not want to lose their woman under any circumstances . Even if this is fraught with loss of reputation and financial well-being. This happens because the instinct of procreation is much stronger than the instinct of self-preservation. Therefore, having a long-term relationship with two young ladies at once, the husband ceases to behave like a man, but becomes simply a male who does not obey the voice of reason.

From this we can draw a simple conclusion: there is no point in waiting for a married man to voluntarily abandon a woman who herself does not want to abandon him.

Indeed, why should a homewrecker refuse a person who helps her financially, arranges hot passionate nights, helps her climb the career ladder, solves her material, domestic and everyday problems, increases her self-esteem by being with her, pays for rented housing, etc. d.?

My husband left for a young woman: the bitter truth

One day, after such thoughts, Olga could not stand it and called her ex. “Let’s talk frankly, I want to figure it out, understand.” The husband, oddly enough, agreed to meet.

They sat in a cafe under the September sun, Olga twisted an aster taken out of a vase and listened in amazement to her ex’s explanations. It turns out that her husband went to the young woman, because they understand him, and most importantly, accept him. Moreover, there is a “new level of communication”, in general, a different reality.

The situation became clearer. This means that an adult man, also driven by life, needed “free ears.” Plus a figure and wide eyes. “I understood perfectly well that at 37 I could not compete with a girl who was not yet 30,” Olga later told her friends. “But I can’t give up on myself just to help a man assert himself.”

But I suddenly realized that I don’t need to carry a constant feeling of guilt with me. I kept trying to guess: what did I do wrong, where did I make a mistake? But it wasn’t me who decided to destroy our couple. And if my husband gave in at some point, that’s his choice, not mine. My solution is to just live, accepting everything as it comes.”

You will learn what else could prompt a man to leave for another in the article “My husband left for his mistress: what to do” >>>