Men are quite fearless creatures. They are accustomed to cultivating strength, resistance to stressful situations and firmness. When a cry is heard about an approaching war, a man, without much hesitation, grabs a weapon and goes to the enemy; during a fire, he boldly rushes into a burning house to save a kitten, and tries to face any other disasters with courage.
But when a woman, with the most serious look, turns to her partner with the phrase: “We need to talk!”, an icy shiver runs through the man’s body. What does SHE want to talk about??? Suspicions, hysterics, did something happen or is something about to happen? Thoughts of despair flash sharply in a man’s head, and his heart, anticipating “not good,” begins to beat loudly and heavily: what will happen next?!
Women must understand that behind the steel armor of men there is a fragile, sensitive soul that requires a careful approach and gentle influence. When planning to encourage a man to have a serious (or not so serious) conversation, a person of the fairer sex must act very carefully.
Stop signal!i
When planning to talk to a sweetheart about everyday matters, a girl should choose the right time. And the place. It is quite unwise to start serious conversations when a man is out of sorts, very tired, irritated or hungry. The classic mistakes that young ladies make have the same scenario in which they try to talk to their spouse, and in return they receive a negative reaction. It is strictly forbidden to insist on a serious conversation when a man:
- came home from work tired, hungry, irritated after an argument with a boss or colleague;
- was dozing sweetly and was awakened by an persistent passion, who couldn’t wait until the morning to discuss “something important”;
- is visiting, in line at a store, at a cooperative;
- repairs furniture or plumbing, hammers nails;
- resting after a hard day in front of the TV.
A man who is not physically and mentally prepared for a serious or intimate conversation will behave too harshly and rudely. But if a woman had successfully chosen the time and mood of her husband, his answer would have been more thoughtful and calm.
Bad boy, bad!2
In any conversation, a woman needs to turn off the “strict mommy” function and prevent any judgmental notes in her sentences. Forget about all sorts of things: “you don’t change”, “you didn’t do that”, “you promised”, “until when, you...!”, “I’m tired of you...!” and so on like that. No one likes it when their behavior, essence, character and lifestyle are condemned and criticized.
In this case, a person begins to be offended, angry, and in every possible way demonstrates the popular saying: “the best defense is an attack!” Instead of the necessary analysis of his behavior, the guy will furiously attack the girl with retaliatory accusations and a serious conversation will suddenly turn into a terrible scandal.
To reach a man, a representative of the fairer sex must voice her thoughts and desires, emphasizing the positive aspects of her partner and expressing hopes for improvements in some of his character traits. This will sound much more pleasant and acceptable to him: “I would like it if you...”, “It would be very good if again...”, “The indifferent attitude towards the matter upsets me, but when you take an active part, I feel feel good and calm, knowing that you will solve everything in the best way.”
Wise women understand: men are like children, they need praise and gentle “nudging” to take active action.
How to talk to your loved one
There are married couples who can talk for hours while lying in the same bed. And there are those who prefer other, more familiar places for everyday conversations.
Sometimes it may seem that spouses are talking in different languages, since gradually all their conversations reach a dead end. But in fact, the ability to speak correctly to a representative of a different sex is a true art that is not very easy to learn.
Often women say that their spouses simply do not understand them. As soon as the wife says a few words, a scandal immediately arises. To avoid this, you need to pay attention to how and what the fairer sex says when communicating with her husband.
If a woman follows simple rules of dialogue when talking with her loved one, then an atmosphere of mutual understanding and love will be created in the family. A wife must remember that she is communicating with her partner, not with a subordinate. She should not address her husband by his last name, even if they are alone. Moreover, you don’t need to do this when there are strangers nearby.
There are girls who come up with affectionate nicknames for their chosen ones. Perhaps the spouse has nothing against such treatment, but this is permissible only in an intimate setting. It must be remembered that diminutive nicknames can have a negative impact on male pride. It is better to say “great hero”, “my lord”, “gentle prince”. But, as a rule, representatives of the stronger sex like best when they are told “darling” or “dear”.
A large number of women cannot formulate their thoughts correctly. But you need to remember that not all men understand lengthy hints.
A woman should not talk about her partner with disdain, even if there are good reasons for this. The fact is that offensive words never bring a positive result.
In no case should suggestions or requests be started with sarcasm, obvious criticism, or sarcastic jokes. Moreover, this does not need to be done when communicating with a person who is dear to your heart. And even more so, there is no need to use obscene expressions. The fact is that such speech will repel any sane person.
When communicating with her husband, a woman should show her love. She should ask how the day went, how the husband is feeling, what made him laugh or make him happy today.
Be healthy and happy!
Useful and relevant information
Fighting stance3
When the wife says: “Shall we talk?” and puts his hands on his hips, a feeling of irritation and danger flashes sharply in the man’s brain. Now something will begin! The right behavior during a conversation is part of success or failure. This is an important rule for women. For the dialogue to be successful, it is necessary to prepare for it as for an important interview. In front of her superiors, a woman will not behave cheekily, aggressively, defiantly...
And, a husband (or partner) is no less important, or rather a more significant figure in a girl’s life than some boss, and you should approach a conversation with him carefully and thoughtfully. A woman should sit next to him, touch him during a conversation, listen carefully to his answers, showing with all appearance a desire to understand the interlocutor, and not accuse him of something.
Follow the rules of good manners
No matter how bad your mood is, when a man calls, control yourself.
Don't take your bad mood out on him. It’s better to say you’re tired and ask them to call you back at another time, or promise to do it yourself when you feel better. Try to be alone during the conversation so that no one distracts you.
Show interest in your interlocutor
. If you don't know what to talk to him about, ask him how his day was, what's new, remember what he's been working on or thinking about lately, and ask how things are going. Don't forget about compliments.
Don’t be afraid to seem stupid and not understanding anything - guys are flattered when they feel smarter than women. If you don’t understand something, say so, ask for an explanation if you are really interested. Be specific and direct. If you speak in riddles, your interlocutor will become tired and irritated. In general, try not to use your phone as your main tool for building relationships.
From letters to Samprosvetbyulleten: “Communicating with a man on the phone is a nightmare for me. I meet men on a dating site, while we are chatting, everything goes fine until the first phone call. I am an inquisitive person, I know a lot and I have a lot to talk about. And, as a rule, my conversations with men are really interesting. But often, after a conversation, men write to me that I am a good person, but it is important for them that the woman’s voice is pleasant to them. Everyone tells me that I have a very pleasant voice in life, maybe the phone is distorting or am I too worried?” —
writes S.L.
“...I have a small marriage agency, and I would like to suggest you a topic for an article. Communication with men always raises many questions. Our men choose women based on profiles, and if the choice is mutual, they want to call right away. It happened that men suddenly lost interest in a girl after the first telephone conversation. We conducted classes on telephone etiquette, even rehearsing what to talk about with a man. But maybe we didn't take something into account. What mistakes do women make when talking on the phone that you need to pay attention to?” —
writes Elena.
Many women have no idea how the sound of a woman's voice can affect a man. I conduct various surveys among men. The topic of one of the surveys was communicating with a woman on the phone. I asked what is the most unpleasant thing for men in a telephone conversation with a woman, what can ruin a good impression of her. Most men put the sound of their voice, its volume, and tone in first place. Women, when discussing communication with men on the phone with me, focused on the content of the conversation.
When communicating with a man on the phone, women forget that not only words are important, but also the tone of voice, its intonation, and they make three common mistakes:
Mistake 1. Have you noticed that when you are nervous, you go to high notes and your voice sounds a little squeaky? This change in voice reveals your uncertainty and nervousness. At this moment, the interlocutor will probably feel uncomfortable with you. The same thing happens when you talk to a man on the phone and feel nervous. Perhaps you are engrossed in a conversation and do not notice that you have already reached high notes. But rest assured, the man has already noticed this. Try to control the tone of your voice, lower it a little, then your voice will sound more confident and attractive.
Mistake 2. Have you noticed that when you try to convince your interlocutor of something, you start speaking too quickly, swallowing your words? You completely seize the initiative of the conversation, not allowing your interlocutor to get a word in edgewise. Fast speech does not help create a warm, relaxing atmosphere between people, turning the dialogue into a monologue, and the man will feel “out of place” in a conversation with you. Slow down your speech. If you speak slowly and carefully enunciate your words, you will be more attractive and appear confident and attentive.
Mistake 3. Have you noticed that you start speaking louder when you’re excited? A loud voice makes the conversation less confidential and creates distance between the interlocutors. The man will involuntarily move the telephone receiver away from his ear, thereby seeming to move further away from you. When you speak more quietly, you create an atmosphere of intimacy and the man involuntarily presses his ear closer to the receiver, mentally following your voice.
When talking to a man on the phone, pay attention to these three common mistakes women make. Watch your intonation, create a trusting atmosphere and a feeling of intimacy, attract and seduce with your voice.
Good luck to you and see you soon on the pages of Samprosvetbyulleten!
To avoid awkward pauses during communication, it is important to choose the right topic, especially at first. Then, after the first words and phrases, the girl will easily determine whether the young man is suitable for her and will draw her own conclusions from the answers to the questions that interest her. Knowing the basics of male psychology will help you think through some details of the conversation in advance.
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The way partners communicate is important, since communication in the virtual and real worlds differs significantly.
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Don't come near me, I'm offended...4
You shouldn’t forcefully demand some urgent decision or answer from a man. Let him think about the situation, his behavior, the attitude of his other half to everything that is happening. After a “showdown” or another conversation, women remain in character for some time: they wear the mask of an “offended” person, address the man in an icy tone, sigh heavily or shed tears.
At the same time, the man gradually feels how a growing sense of guilt transforms him from an average static citizen into a monster who rudely and unfairly offends poor “Marusya.” As a result, the partner becomes angry both at himself and at the object of the demonstration of “abuse.” Such a scene does not end well.
Women need to remember: men are people too! Yes, they are wrong, not attentive, rude, make mistakes, but at the same time they skillfully correct the situation and their behavior if the mistakes are wisely and succinctly pointed out to them.
