I don’t know how to communicate with men, I don’t know what kind of person I am

We write first

It is not a rare occurrence when a girl cannot initiate a conversation with a man first, even on social networks for dating. In reality there is no difficulty in this. And it’s much better and more effective than waiting until the gentleman you like decides to start a conversation. You don’t need to think about how to communicate with a guy correctly, just start, take one step towards meeting him. It's better to do something than to regret that you had the opportunity but didn't do anything.

Let me give you the example of Japan, where girls are often the first to take the initiative in meeting the opposite sex. This has its own advantages, for example, according to statistics, partners who get together on the girl’s initiative are less likely to separate. Therefore, do not be afraid to start communication first.

What is the best thing to talk about with a man?

If a girl is educated, she knows how to get a man to talk. The most successful topics for the first conversation are:

Give him the opportunity to talk about himself and his achievements. At the same time, the woman should listen carefully and periodically scream enthusiastically.
The most neutral topic is film premieres or, for example, the tour of a famous rock band. By the way, this topic may end with the girl receiving an offer to keep the guy company and go to a movie or a concert together.
Discussion of favorite activities, musical preferences, sports. Even if a girl knows nothing at all about how her chosen one lives, she can honestly say about it, showing a thirst to know everything in the smallest detail. This will allow the gentleman to feel like a seasoned expert and senior mentor.
The favorite topic of intelligent men is politics. If a girl shows off her knowledge in this area, she will definitely win his heart.
In addition to politics, another inexhaustible topic of conversation is the discussion of new technology and the features of gadgets. Wise girls use this knowledge of guys to invite them to their place under the pretext that the laptop is not working well.
Mystical themes always attract many. Here a girl can show her knowledge in the field of astrology by finding out who her chosen one is by zodiac sign. You can create a romantic atmosphere: talk about the practicality and rationality of the Virgo and that a union, for example, with a Scorpio promises a long and happy family life.

Important! Light flirting is appropriate for any topic.

Reasons to start communication

Suppose you are determined to write to a young man, but you don’t know what exactly to tell him. You need to find a suitable reason for conversation.

It is worth paying attention to possible points of contact:

If you know a page on a social network, then study it. Maybe you have mutual friends, places of work, hobbies, and so on. This information will greatly simplify the search for topics to maintain a conversation.
Finding common interests. Talk about hobbies, what films you saw last in cinemas, how you like to spend time on weekends, what you prefer to listen to from music. If we haven’t found common interests, it’s okay, we’re looking for other points of convergence.
Ask for advice on a particular situation. In this way, show your interest in his opinion, which will be assessed from a positive position.

How to start a conversation with a guy you like? Following the advice of a psychologist will be quite enough, the main thing is to take the initiative and not be a coward.

Let's talk about how to start communicating with a guy on a dating site:

Guys are not girls, you can approach them with a banal “Hello! How are you?". Girls don’t write to guys that often, and this message won’t be perceived as trivial, and if he likes you in your avatar, then in 95% of cases the guy will answer you.
Showing sincerity and interest in communication: “How was your weekend, did you have a good rest?”, “Let’s chat, it’s a boring evening, can you help brighten it up?” It is unlikely that a young man will refuse communication.
Reason for communication. Ask for advice on watching an interesting movie: “Recommend something interesting from the fantasy series. I've watched so many films, I can't find anything interesting. Help me out." I understand that it is not entirely tactful to write to a stranger like this, but it is precisely through discouragement that a dialogue will start and interest will develop in the interlocutor.
Start a dialogue based on the guy’s post. Give a compliment or write some interesting comment. Perhaps he posted a photo from a vacation in another city. Ask his opinion about this city and where you can have a good time there.

Avoid embarrassment, communicate easily and not under pressure. If something is interesting, ask, use your imagination, use your own phrases when talking.

How to interest a man by correspondence: 7 rules for ideal correspondence

Topics for communication

It’s very easy to have a dialogue with a guy on the Internet, especially when he came into contact after you contacted him. If the guy immediately answered that he has a girlfriend, we leave him alone and look for another young man.

If he starts to carry on a conversation, he likes you. Heat up the conversation with an exciting topic.

Examples of interesting topics:

The guy has an interesting hobby. Let's say he's a cook or is into drifting. Ask him to share his impressions and how he decided to do this. Men like to talk about their hobbies and delight others with them.
Talk about vacation spots that he liked and would like to return to again. Let him tell you about his preferences during the holidays. He likes extreme sports or prefers easy walks in the parks. Ask about things that interest you. Does he like reading books, swimming, hiking, etc...
A banal, but quite addictive topic, discussion of films and events taking place in the city. Before you begin the discussion, find out if he has an interest in the film or event.

After reading the young man's stories, share information about yourself. The main thing is not to overdo it; guys don’t really like people who are too talkative either.

Keeping the conversation going

It’s easy to maintain a conversation with a man in real life. Choosing a meeting place is similarly simple - a beach, a park, a cafe, a regular walk around the city.

Conversation rules:

Don't be shy about talking to a guy you don't know first. You can start with the usual “Hello! I'm Masha! What's your name?". After you learn his name, use it more often when talking. A person puts his interlocutor at ease when pronouncing his name.
Actions must take place depending on the circumstances. You see that the sky is becoming cloudy, ask his opinion about possible rain. A seemingly trivial conversation about the weather can captivate your conversation for long hours of chatter.
A great option to interest a man is to ask for his help. Pretexts for help include: finding out the location of the cafe, assistance in choosing a product, and the like. Consider these prepositions as an impetus to continue the conversation. After helping, give thanks.
Guys love it when people give them compliments. Don't skimp on them. Rate his physical form, sense of humor, perfume, clothing style...
Don't drag out the dialogue into an awkward period of silence. It is better to leave in advance, citing important matters. Tell your guy that you enjoyed your time together. If he was also interested in you, he will ask for your phone number or a link to social networks; if he is a little “slow,” you can offer him this data yourself.

Is it possible to learn to conduct a dialogue?

The ability to carry on a conversation is an art that is easy to learn if you practice systematically. While in company, you can improve your ability to conduct dialogue if you try to maintain any conversation with any people. It is important to choose the right time and place for the conversation. To do this, just take a closer look at what a person is doing at the moment when you want to start a conversation. If he is carrying heavy bags, talking on the phone, most likely he will not want to be distracted.

You can develop communication skills by commenting on everything that happens around you. Daily communication with strangers about a variety of everyday trifles also helps: asking a passer-by how to get to the pet store, or asking where the nearest bus stop is. These actions will help you feel at ease.

Another rule of conversation is to have a positive attitude. Smiling people make you feel good, while whiners make you want to end the conversation as soon as possible.

Every time you prepare for a meeting, it is important to think through the issues that you want to discuss. It is recommended to master the technique of active listening, which includes paraphrasing the interlocutor’s words, asking clarifying questions, nodding, leaning towards the interlocutor, and maintaining eye contact. All this will help show interest in the topic.

A developed outlook and awareness of the latest events in the world will help you be an interesting conversationalist. It is better to avoid ambiguous topics, since a clash of opposing opinions can lead to conflict and quarrel.

Something to remember! A good conversationalist will always be able to find something in common between himself and his friend.

Advice from psychologists

To start a conversation, read the basic tips from psychologists on the topic “How to talk to a guy.” By following these tips, you will feel more confident and will win over your interlocutor.

Stop being afraid. Girls often have doubts when taking initiative. Suddenly the guy refuses to talk, which can greatly hurt his self-esteem. Now think about it, if a guy doesn't know you, you don't know him, and you tell him something, what effect will it have? Who will know about this? You have nothing to lose in this situation.
Smile. Nobody likes gloomy and sad faces. But a smile attracts attention very well. A guy can literally fall in love with your smile and will remember it for a long time, and thanks to this memory he will think about you.
Choosing the right time. Try to find out in advance whether this time for communication will be convenient for your interlocutor. If it works, then conducting a dialogue during this period is not the best idea. It’s better to wait and have a good chat after his work.
Honesty. You should not embellish yourself or your life in front of your interlocutor. Otherwise, the truth will be revealed, and then the opinion of you will change, not for the better. Unfortunately, girls, like men, are often inclined to cheat when communicating on the Internet. Subsequently, when meeting in real life, the lie is revealed and communication stops.

Although you have thought for a long time about how to talk to a guy, stick to naturalness. You don't need to make winning a guy your top priority. If you are right for each other, it will quickly become clear. If you have your own tips on how to start a conversation with a guy, share them in the comments.

I don’t know how to communicate with men, I don’t know what I’m like

Hello! My name is Margarita, I'm 19 years old.

When I was a child, my dad wasn’t there, he worked a lot, and he didn’t have time for me. He is a wonderful person, but such were the times. Mom is an authoritarian woman, she treated me strangely - she either loved me or pushed me away. She said that she teaches life, teaches her not to pay attention to criticism. She said it would be useful. She traded her career for family and greatly regretted it. Mom made caustic comments, morally humiliated me at home, and called me names. Not much, but it's a shame. There was a boy at school who fell in love with me and started real bullying. I remember that no one stood up for me then. Not parents, not teachers, not friends. Absolute loneliness. From that time it all began. Guys constantly mocked my figure - I quickly “stretched out”, was angular, clumsy. And there was no support at home either. For some reason, my mother dressed me like an adult and didn’t let me buy youth clothes. I started to feel self-conscious about my appearance. I didn’t know what I was like, because what I saw in the mirror was pleasantly different from what others told me. I forgave everything, but I developed complexes. I dealt with them with incredible efforts, I realized how funny they are. Now I have a lot of friends. I am open and cheerful again, like in childhood. Why am I talking about this? Because it seems to me that this is the source of my problems.

After the long-suffering high school - girls' gymnasium, dancing. Some women's groups, where envy was mixed with hypocrisy. There was no intimate life, neither was there a boyfriend - she constantly closed herself off at the very last moment. I understand with my mind that I am beautiful and bright, but my body lets me down. Now, as soon as relationships with guys move from superficial to more personal, I start to blush, my hands shake, and I sometimes even begin to repeat the gestures and facial expressions of the guy I’m communicating with. It seems to those around me that I have fallen in love, they begin to tease me, and the men themselves, often considering that I am very much in love, show “reciprocal” signs of attention, and I am embarrassed - after all, judging by this logic, I am in love with all the men I meet. I treat this with irony, but it interferes with life. And I would like to get rid of this.

I don’t know where friendship ends and where flirting begins. I don’t even know how to react to him—I get embarrassed and blush. And so, in life, I am lively, bright, ambitious, talented. But there are no relationships with men. This is so important to me now! Can you please tell me what to do? Why did this happen to me? Why am I starting to get so embarrassed? How to deal with this problem? What Books would you recommend? Unfortunately, I do not have the financial opportunity to see a psychologist personally.

Looking forward to your reply,

Margarita.

I'm not married, the problem is I don't know how to communicate with men