Do you think all males are capable of betrayal?
Why are men forced to have mistresses and how to understand their psychology?
Experts will help you understand these complex issues. A young man can cheat on his partner even if he loves her very much. We invite you to find out what causes betrayal.
At heart he remained a little boy
Very rarely, unfaithful husbands are tormented by remorse. They are absolutely satisfied with everything. One woman is for the soul, and the second is for the body. A partner who never grew up enjoys feeling like a daring male.
He has two or even more females. Here the point is not even that the young man is well off.
Even those who do not stand firmly on their own feet have mistresses. In this case, it's a matter of low self-esteem. A man who has a wife and loves her, but still takes a mistress, is psychologically weak.
He will never dare to leave his soulmate, because with her a man feels stability and self-confidence.
Such a person may be forty years old, but in his soul he has never grown. They also have mistresses in order to improve their opinion of themselves. An unfaithful spouse thinks that he is a real man and a male.
Why do they have mistresses and why should you not put pressure on a man? Psychoanalyst explains
2018-11-09 247 Views
The second woman appears for a reason. Most often, the reason for cheating is a wife who just can’t leave you alone and wants to take part in all your affairs and make decisions. Male psychoanalyst Anton Fateev told Men's Health about why it is important to assign roles and define the boundaries of behavior in bed from the very beginning.
Anton Fateev: male psychoanalyst. Member of the European Confederation of Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy (Vienna), member of the National Federation of Psychoanalysis (St. Petersburg), member of the Open Psychoanalytic Society (Moscow), member of the Professional Union of Psychologists and Psychotherapists.
The appearance of a mistress is logical if your wife is putting pressure on you.
At the same time, it doesn’t matter at all where the beloved shows her character: be it the decision on choosing a tie for the evening or her favorite sex position. She decides for you and doesn’t think at all about what you want! A man is a male, that’s how it is built, and even the most patient begins to feel strong tension from endless directives. How many times have women been told that a man needs to be left alone... And again they want to remake and accustom him.
Any pressure causes tension, it leads to a feeling of displeasure, which already affects primarily your sex life.
And if the latter collapses, then the full-fledged relationship is over. Perhaps there will be cohabitation for the sake of children (if any) or, at best, friendship. Sex is a measure, a universal indicator, and if a man does not relax in bed, then he looks for pleasure on the side. This is a formula that always works. And you don’t need to blame yourself for thinking about someone else. You've been suppressed.
Pressure on a man is not only an action that many call “brain blowing.” You don't have to nag to become an irritant. Your woman should not manipulate you , should not tell you when to have sex, how much and in what positions. Agree, it’s terrible when sex becomes a “marital duty” (and this is a cultural cliche), and even worse if you are denied, for example, oral sex, which you love so much. You can't get an orgasm, even though you've come (of course, many women don't understand this).
It is important to tell each other at the very beginning of the relationship about your sexual preferences, how you see your couple living together (including the distribution of responsibilities) and why you should not be pressured. Finally, give an outside example and tell us what terrible stories happen to once strong couples. Say that you love getting a woman and it’s up to you to decide how exactly you will do it. In return, you will not have any omissions, and sex will always be with a sparkle.
In addition, if you are planning to have children, it is especially important to talk to your loved one about your experiences in this regard, and, believe me, they will! You will lose most of your woman's attention, and the demands on you will increase. Talk to her about how you can cope with radical changes in your life. This is a period when you have to endure, and it is important for a woman to remain as desirable for you. Yes, there may not be traditional sex, but you can think about some variations, and so that your wife doesn’t get tired (a child takes a lot of energy), help her.
It’s a great man’s stupidity to not feel his boundaries , to agree everywhere and get involved in everyday life. You won’t notice how the woman you wanted 24/7 will turn into an irritant who doesn’t excite you at all.
Don’t let your girlfriend become a “mom” who will whine and reproach: “Go to work”, “Dress more decently”, “Take your clothes off the floor” and so on - she should ask about her mood, find out about problems and, if not I can help, just listen in a friendly way. Otherwise there will be no sex life.
Of course, there are special cases when men like dominant women. Here I will not talk about sexual perversions, but we can remember the so-called henpecked people. They, as a rule, realize their needs in something else. For example, playing golf. In the game you have a big stick - a putter - and you need to hit the hole (the analogy is clear). At the same time, the action is wonderful because the player has no competitors (one who will push his position). Many examples of such shifts can be found.
Such men walk around with their dissatisfaction like a suitcase that they can’t throw away.
An honest conversation and clearly defined boundaries will prevent anyone from trespassing on someone else's territory and will make life easier and happier. Think, maybe you still have time to bring back the fire. But if you are not sure that you want to understand, and you are tired of constant reproaches, then give it up! So you need another woman.
Stories of Butt Poses
Who is guilty
Naturally, this is not the woman’s fault. This is the fault of society, which imposes a certain role on her. As a result, a woman who gets married finds herself in a stalemate: on the one hand, she needs to meet the expectations of a man and society - to “settle down”, to become a good wife. Because the next step is a woman-mother who, having heard the phrase “on the kitchen table,” imagines rolling out dough, and not rough sex. On the other hand, the couple’s need for sex never goes away. Both men and women still want not only to sadly fulfill their marital duty, but also to excite and be aroused. But what if the role imposed from the outside does not imply sexual behavior? If the role of a wife implies the role of a sedate matron, with all these borscht, ficus trees and - in the future - babies?
Naturally, all this in no way relieves the guilt of a man who has already cheated on his partner. But what if this has not happened yet, but you feel that sooner or later it may happen?
What kind of man has several lovers?
It is unlikely that an insecure guy with a complex will earn the fame of a ladies' man. It will rather be a kind of darling of fate, not accustomed to refusal. Remember, in any class or group there is such a popular boy, whose attention all the girls try to attract. In the company, this guy is the most noticeable, accustomed to the attention of the opposite sex from an early age.
Of course, not all popular guys grow up to be alpha males, but all alpha males are popular guys who don't care much about girls having feelings for them.
Is it wise for a man to have a mistress?
Indeed, if you look at it this way, why do men need a mistress?
After all, having one while having a family is simply unprofitable for any member of the stronger sex. Both from a material and psychological point of view. In fact, this is nothing more than unnecessary cash costs and headaches. Why? Yes, because instead of calmly coming home, having dinner and crashing on his favorite sofa, the man, getting himself into trouble, goes to his mistress. And even if he spends excellent time with her, it is significantly different from the usual wiping of the sofa. All the same, then you have to come up with excuses in front of your wife, who is gradually losing both patience and trust in him. It’s also good if the wife is not very jealous and suspicious. And the mistress is understanding and patient. But it often happens the other way around! And then just hold on, unfaithful husband and lover who promises everything in the world! You will have to fight off both of them, and suffer significant losses in the process. So? So. Women’s attacks are generally very difficult to withstand, and even more so when they are directed from both sides. The situation is terrible. Each of the men who intend to acquire a mistress can assume its occurrence. And he assumes if he is not completely stupid. But at the same time he still gets into the trap. Well, why? Because of sexual desire? So for this it is better to enter into short-term, non-binding relationships. No one will reproach you for anything, no one will demand anything. He came, got what he wanted, and left. Without mutual obligations and eternal tension due to the fact that the wife finds out about it. And having a permanent woman not only for sex is more expensive for yourself. Sooner or later she intends to lay claim to complete possession of a man. And then all hell breaks loose. The end of the idyll.
In a word, it is unwise for a married member of the stronger sex to acquire a permanent mistress. If you really want to regularly meet with some woman, it is better to first divorce your wife. Logical? Still would. However, if there were logic in the relations between men and women, then, most likely, there would be no relationship. After all, in fact, throughout our entire existence side by side, we have basically only learned how to masterfully get on each other’s nerves. And if we are still uncontrollably striving for this, it means that there is no logic in gender relations. Nevertheless, we will try to find at least some rational explanation for why a man takes a mistress. At least out of a desire to understand. So that later, if this happens in our family, we can forgive. Or not to forgive.
How to make sure that your husband has taken a mistress
If you already have some suspicions about your hubby, do not rush to panic and despair. To be sure that your husband is unfaithful, read the following facts and, if most of them apply to you, then, unfortunately, the likelihood of infidelity is high:
- Appearance . If previously your spouse dressed anyhow, but now he suddenly began to take care of himself, take a shower often, shave every day, buy a lot of new things and diligently preen himself in the mirror before going to work, then this is the first alarm bell.
- Indifference . His coldness and aloofness manifests itself not only in bed. A man is not interested in your affairs, ignores your words, does not care about everyday problems, and generally behaves as if he is mentally in another place. And most likely this is another place - your rival’s house.
- Decreased sexual activity. Has your husband's daily desire changed to cold? Most likely, this is a sign that your husband has found an outlet for himself on the side. When a man satisfies his sexual needs outside the home, he no longer has any desire or strength left for his own wife. But sometimes it also happens that the cheater, on the contrary, begins to show remarkable activity in bed, tries different positions, invites you to have sex in new places, although this had never occurred to him before. Most likely, he picked up these things from another woman.
