Why do men cheat?
Most often, betrayal is a natural result of alcohol abuse. The man drank and decided to prove that he is a real giant in bed. But his beloved wife was not nearby, so he had to use the first girl he came across for evidence. And it was not at all necessary that she was beautiful - in a state clouded by alcohol, the human brain is not able to think adequately.
There is a second reason - your man is simply bored in a relationship or marriage. It seems to him that life used to be more interesting and richer, but now both of you are caught up in everyday life. In search of forgotten sensations, a guy rushes into the arms of another girl and gets what he was looking for.
How can a woman improve her self-esteem after cheating?
Cheating on a loved one is not only the pain of betrayal and the bitterness of disappointment, but also a serious blow to self-esteem. And if you cannot cope with the problem of low self-esteem, then it will be very difficult to begin to live calmly and enter into a new relationship. So how to increase self-esteem after betrayal will be discussed in more detail later. If a woman has good self-esteem, then she enters into a relationship with the man who, in her opinion, really deserves to be with her. But if a woman’s self-esteem has fallen, then it will be considered a miracle if “at least someone” loves her, so “flawed.” No, it won't work that way!
In order to raise self-esteem again to its previous level, or even higher, you must first give yourself time to “digest” the situation with betrayal. This may take a couple of weeks, or it may take months, or even years. But as soon as you yourself desire changes, as soon as you realize that you want to feel confident again, take action.
Stop comparing yourself to your rival
It is bitter and offensive to realize that your loved one has cheated. Probably, the rival must be simply incredibly beautiful, smart, caring and God knows what else, since he decided to do this. If you think like that, you won't get far. Therefore, do not compare yourself with “that one”: you are no better or worse than your rival, you are just different from her, and this is the problem of your ex-lover that he could not first consummate the relationship with you, and then rush into the arms of another.
Stop blaming your appearance
After betrayal, self-esteem suffers most in relation to appearance: the figure seems not slim enough, and the face does not seem beautiful enough. To correct the situation, critically examine yourself: if there really are flaws in your appearance that can be corrected, make an effort to correct them, and if objectively everything is “OK” with your appearance, then use the old proven method and change your hairstyle, usual style or makeup - It really helps improve your self-esteem!
Stop blaming yourself for cheating on your loved one
There is an opinion that women are often themselves to blame for their partners’ betrayal: they say that they didn’t love them, didn’t caress them enough, and generally “cut down on them.” In fact, either partner can be guilty of treason, or both at once. If you feel that you really provoked your loved one to cheat, admit it and forgive yourself. But over and over again replaying in your head what would have happened if you had acted differently is pointless and unproductive.
Analyze your strengths and weaknesses
When self-esteem tends to zero, it’s time to remember what strengths you have. You can even write them down in a notebook. The list turned out to be not very impressive? Don't be shy to ask your friends and family for their opinions: you might even learn something new about yourself.
Start communicating with positive people
If there are people in your environment whose communication brings you a charge of positive emotions, in this situation you are literally obliged to meet such people more often. You need words of encouragement and the ability to look at things positively now more than ever.
Don't be afraid to flirt
Flirting is a very good way to raise self-esteem. Therefore, feel free to flirt with the men around you and accept compliments addressed to you with dignity. Remember that when men give compliments, they really want to please you and really think that you deserve these compliments. So don't look for any trick.
Don't be afraid to smile
A smile is a great tool for lifting your mood. As soon as you casually smile at a stranger and catch an answering smile, your mood immediately goes up. A little trick: if you are embarrassed to smile at adults (especially men), try giving a smile to small children - they almost always smile back!
How can a woman increase her self-esteem after her husband cheats?
Regardless of the reasons that pushed a man to cheat, his woman feels disgusting when she finds out about her lover’s infidelity. Many questions are spinning in my head. Why did he change? What did I do wrong? What did your opponent do better? Should we turn a blind eye to marital “left moves” or break up without regrets? You will find the answers in the article “Should I forgive my husband’s betrayal” on the official website of Pavel Rakov.
For now, I’ll say this: the woman your man slept with is not necessarily beautiful. Otherwise, guys would not “run to the left” from actresses and fashion models (and such cases are not uncommon). Therefore, do not convince yourself that you are ugly, this will only intensify your feelings and will not benefit your self-esteem.
Girls, especially for you, I have developed an action plan on how to increase self-esteem after betrayal. Women who have completed all the points will again feel a taste for life, and the unpleasant episode of adultery will simply be erased from their memory after some time. If you are ready for “rehabilitation”, then read on!
- Start taking care of yourself
After betrayal and - especially - divorce, many women “forget” about themselves. The once beautiful and spectacular girl turns into her own pale shadow. She doesn’t get enough sleep, eats little, doesn’t go out, cries all day and engages in self-criticism. It is not surprising that the depth of experience increases, and self-esteem drops to zero.
Psychologists say that the first step towards how a woman can raise her self-esteem after a divorce lies in taking care of her own body and soul. Normalize your sleep, start eating well, rest as soon as you feel tired. If cats are scratching your soul, then invite a close friend to visit, or better yet, find a psychologist who will listen to your problems and give the right advice.
- Indulge your own desires
Now is the time to start pampering yourself. Have you seen your dream dress? Buy it without wasting a minute! Would you like some pizza? Find your delivery phone number now! A friend invites you to the spa for discounted treatments? Go with her without hesitation!
- Communicate with those with whom you are “on the same path”
And at the same time, get rid of people who believe that only you are to blame for divorce or betrayal. The environment plays a huge role in the recovery process. Let there be people nearby who can support and listen, and not critics who consider you a failure, unable to keep a man close.
- Celebrate the good in yourself and develop these qualities
There is no girl who doesn’t have anything positive about her - after all, the man was in love with you, which means something attracted him. Write these qualities down on a piece of paper and start working intensively on them.
For example, you manage to give people such compliments that after communicating with you they feel warmth in their souls for a long time. Work on this feature of yours, hone your skills. And when you meet a new man, he will be blown away by your ability to speak pleasant, motivating words that inspire confidence.
- Find a hobby
This could be anything - from painting still lifes and Latin American dances to baking buns. The most important thing is the pleasure you get from doing what you love. By the way, for a single woman looking for how to increase her self-esteem, a hobby can be a turning point in life. Who knows, what if your new passion takes painting courses in the same studio as you?
- End previous relationships if you don't see a future for them
No matter how painful it may be to give up, if you decide to do this, then do not deviate from your own intentions. In the article “How to Let Your Ex Go,” I give detailed instructions that will help women forget an unfaithful husband or a once-adored boyfriend as easily as possible.
how to increase self-esteem after your husband cheats
WHY DO WOMEN CHEAT?
There are many reasons for female infidelity and they are different: inability to understand each other, inability to come to an agreement, unequal level of education, different views on raising children, lack of financial support.
Often, a wife’s betrayal is an escape from an unsatisfactory marital relationship that humiliates a woman and where her self-esteem is low. A woman lives by emotions. And the fact that a man is constantly rude to her can serve as the last straw and push her into the arms of another. It’s not for nothing that they say that women outside of marriage are not looking for sex, but for emotional support. But they are forced to pay for this emotional support with their bodies, because rarely do any men want to provide emotional support to a woman without taking her to bed.
There is an expression: “Female infidelity does not exist! There is either revenge for male infidelity, or new love.” From a psychological point of view, such an idea is completely justified. There is, of course, a large percentage of women who go “to the left” solely for the sake of entertainment and new experiences, but as statistics show, in most cases a woman who decides to betray is either very offended or in love.
"NO SEX, NO ORGASM"
As trivial as it may seem, the main place in the ranking of the reasons for female infidelity is occupied by ordinary sexual dissatisfaction. Here we should talk, for example, about the lack of orgasm with a legitimate man. Sexologists and psychologists say that if a woman has no desire for her man, this does not mean that she is frigid. The reason may be sexual incompatibility between the two partners. But family psychotherapists argue that this problem can be solved when people are ready for dialogue, mutual understanding and trust.
As a rule, a woman is simply afraid to tell a man that he is doing something wrong in bed. But if you hush up the problem, it will never be solved. A woman may accidentally meet a person with whom, even in the absence of an emotional connection, she will experience an orgasm. And then there will be no return from the path of adultery. Women are driven to adultery not only by dissatisfaction with the quality of sex, but also by its quantity. It often happens that the number of sexual acts in a family decreases precisely on the initiative of a man.
“WE’RE QUIT, DONE!”
Many women who cheated on their men admit that they did it when they found out about their betrayal, that is, the “to spite” principle played out. Some women do this in a fit of revenge, others quite deliberately, in order to again raise their self-esteem, which has been shaken by male infidelity.
"THIS IS LOVE!"
New love is a very common reason for female infidelity. A cold bed, an unloved and always dissatisfied husband often become the reason why a new lover appears on a woman’s horizon. However, many women, even having met their “one”, are afraid of changes, afraid of breaking off their previous relationships. As a result, they live a boring life with a person they don’t love, but actively go “to the left.”
“I WANT NEW!”
There are women who supposedly have enough of everything, they are happy with everything, but the craving for something new and unfamiliar does its job. This new person may be extremely unattractive and worse than their own, but they commit betrayal in order to feel a slight chill throughout the body and incredible adrenaline.
“I DON’T ENOUGH ATTENTION”
Even if a woman is quite happy with her sex life with her man, she may cheat on him due to lack of attention. In such cases, by attention, women understand all aspects of the manifestation of feelings: compliments, warm words, flowers, nice gifts, the ability to listen, console, advise... Representatives of the fair sex claim that over the years of marriage, the ability to show attention to them becomes incredibly dulled in men, and what they previously considered quite normal, for example, bringing flowers from work, may subsequently not happen for months, or even years.
What to do next?
Once the initial shock has been overcome, begin actively rebuilding your self-esteem. I would suggest using the following scheme:
- As soon as self-deprecating thoughts appear in your head, catch them...
- ... and ask yourself, what would another person do in such a situation?
Let me give you an example: you scold yourself for putting on disgusting makeup. “Well, who will like it? She put on makeup like a girl of low social responsibility! Men like this are only interested in one-night stands!” Have you tracked your thoughts? Great - now put another person in your own place and look at yourself through their eyes. “Yes, I wear bright makeup. But in general, expressive makeup is in fashion now, and all the magazines write about it.”
Read more about increasing self-esteem in the articles under the “Women’s Purpose” section. Or come to my training “Secrets of Women’s Happiness”, where we will work together on your confidence, make you a woman to whom men are drawn like a magnet.
Have you ever wondered how a woman can increase her self-esteem in front of the men around her? Especially after experiencing betrayal. Can you share your proven methods?
